I wake up to the rustle of crisp sheets and a strangely familiar pressure on my chest. You only get tucked in this hard at hospital.
It’s a sign of an “interesting” life when you wake up in hospital so regularly that you can guess where you are with your eyes closed.
When I open them, Mum and Lav are sitting by the bed and Dad’s in a chair in the corner – just like our last visit. But no one’s crying this time.
They look delighted to see I’m awake and grin at me – the mood is definitely less serious. A nurse comes in to adjust my drip and check my charts. I think I recognize her from last time.
Ugh, except this time it feels like I’m wearing a polo neck made of cement. I’m in a neck brace and it’s giving me an unfortunate double chin. I prop my jaw on the side, hoping that helps.
Lav gets to the point with characteristic gentleness.
“Now you’re not dead, do you want the good news or the bad news?”
My throat hurts, so I hold up one finger, choosing option one.
“You nearly killed the judges of BHT.”
I raise my eyebrows high.
“Well,” she shrugs, “they’re annoying; I think it’s a fine achievement.”
“The boys are OK,” says Dad. “You got the worst of it.”
I roll my eyes. Of course I did.
“Now get some rest,” says Mum, putting a cool hand on my forehead. I turn my head to one side, trying to get comfortable, basking in the glow of our amazing performance. All that hard work, the nerves and the disasters, it was all worth it! We’re TV stars.
I smile to myself, closing my eyes. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy. I’m a winner again – the Goldfish returns from the dead!
I have the unmistakable feeling I’m being watched. I open my eyes and Mum, Dad and Lav are all gathered tightly around my bed, looking down at me. Dad brushes my hair back from my face. Aaah, love my family.
I close my eyes again.
I open them again. Family still clustered around my bed.
OK, gang. It’s been emotional, but give a girl some space. How am I meant to have a nap while you’re all gazing at me like I’ve just been born? Although I suppose I should get used to this; famous people have to put up with it all the time.
Imagine how everyone at school is going to act around me now? Cammie’s gonna be gutted! Maybe Melia will finally get the guts to talk to me? Can’t promise I’ll be too keen. After all, I’ve got friends now: proper friends.
Mum interrupts the little victory parade in my head.
“Lou, you were wonderful out there. It was a beautiful routine, wasn’t it?” She turns to Dad and Lav.
“Amazing.” Lav nods. “You’re a choreographer!”
“Weirdest thing I’ve ever seen,” admits Dad. “Don’t know what goes on in that head of yours.”
“We’re all so proud of you.” Mum smooths my hair behind my ear. “But you didn’t get through to the next round.”
I blink at her.
I think I must’ve gone temporarily insane. Because, and you’ll laugh when I tell you, it’s so ridiculous, but it sounded like she just said—
“You didn’t go through. Debs’ team did,” adds Lav, clearly going for the “rip the plaster off quickly” approach.
“What?” I croak. My jaw slips off the side of the neck brace.
“Darling,” says Mum, “they couldn’t use the footage.”
“They think the damage to the stage, crew and audience might run to six figures,” Dad chips in.
“They might have to delay the next series because so many of the crew and judges are injured.” Lav brings up the rear of the Bad News conga.
“I see. Anything else?”
“I got a parking ticket,” Dad says. “Which I’m appealing, because the sign said…” He subsides at a look from Lav. “Nothing else, that’s all.”
“Try and get some sleep,” says Mum, and they all tiptoe out of the room to leave me “in peace”. AKA to stew in my rage.
I spend the next few days in hospital having X-rays to check I haven’t chipped my spine or anything fun like that. But thankfully I’m not the unluckiest person in the world, I’ve just got bruises.
After a day or so, Gabe hobbles in to see me with a sprained ankle and a plaster on his throat. He has a proud smile on his face and presents me with the sign from our dressing room: LOU BROWN AND THE AQUARIUM BOYS.
“Did they give you that?” I ask, delighted.
“Not exactly…”
I turn the sign over and see large chips of paint on the back where he wrestled it off the door.
I examine the sign extremely carefully, suddenly a bit shy. Gabe sits on my bed, but my bedsheets are tucked in so tightly that him doing that pulls me towards him until I’m lying on my side. We’re very close now, and when I look up his face is right next to mine. And all I can think is: Beau Michaels tongue worms, Beau Michaels tongue worms.
Lav! She’s psychologically scarred me before I’ve had a chance to do any kissing of my own! But I’m only cross for a second because Gabe moves his face closer to mine and suddenly I am doing kissing of my own. Gabe’s lips are soft and there is no darting tongue action at all. I feel smug. I’m clearly having better kissing than Lav was. I smell the sweet hair product from the aquarium and realize that was Gabe, not Roman.
We’re holding hands while we kiss but as he moves closer we break away, laughing. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to hug someone with a large cardboard sign between you, but it’s difficult, risky work. We break apart, ruefully rubbing our chins where the sign poked us.
“When you get out of hospital, would you like to do something?” he asks.
“Do? Like a new swimming team?” I suggest. Just in case he doesn’t mean a date; I don’t want to embarrass myself.
“No, like a date!” he exclaims, rolling his eyes.
He did mean do something like a date!
“Cool, sure, whatev,” I shrug. “I’m pretty chill about it, but if I have time, you know…”
Gabe gets up and props the sign on my windowsill where I can see it. “Go to sleep, you’re very annoying,” he says and kisses me on the cheek.
He leaves, but I don’t go to sleep, I just lie there looking at my sign.
After a while I get a stiff neck so I turn my head towards the door. There’s a little plastic bag sitting in the doorway like a visitor. I get up to investigate but Nurse Juliet notices and runs in, hissing, “Bedrest!” so I clamber back into bed. She hands me the bag, and when I root through it I find ten new pairs of pants. I did need new pants tbh, but not mysterious ones.
Hm. Either:
(1) I have a secret admirer who’s weird but helpful,
(2) I’ve had a visit from the Pants Fairy, or
(3) they’re magic and I’ve actually got a place at Hogwarts.
Gabe returns a few hours later with Pete (broken fingers), Roman (bruised ribs, cut legs) and Lav (absolutely fine). The boys aren’t on bed rest, so they’ve been more active than me and have been picking up all the news that we missed after we destroyed Britain’s Hidden Talent.
Pete is very excited. “So apparently, while there’s no chance we’ll make it on to the show because the studio cameras got water damage, loads of people filmed us on their phones and put the videos on YouTube, where the views have already overtaken our first video!”
Ro is adamant that this is way better than being on the show because we get all the fame but also a kind of underground edgy vibe.
“Good, I’m glad,” I say vaguely. “That’s exactly the sort of vibe I’ve always wanted.”
I’m distracted – Lav is sitting a little too close to Roman on my bed. I give her a narrow look.
Later, when the boys have gone, she pre-empts me: “But he’s so lovely!”
“I know!” I say. “That’s why you’d better be nice to him.”
“He was so worried about you, he wouldn’t get in the ambulance until he saw you were OK.”
That is very sweet. And I’m happy for the two of them. I wonder if Ro does the tongue worm thing? I smirk to myself. It’d be funny if Lav got the bad kisser in the family and I got the good one. Rude to brag, though.
Lav hops off the bed to leave. “Did you get the bag of pants I left you?” she asks.
The smirk droops on my face. “Uh. Yes, thank you,” I reply, smoothing my duvet and avoiding eye contact. “When did you leave it there, out of interest?”
Lav checks her watch. “I’m not sure. What time did you start snogging Gabe? I got here about a second before that.”
I stare at the duvet feeling the blood rush to my ears.
“Thank you for stopping by, Lavender.”
“Is he your boyfriend?”
“Please go, I’m very ill, I need my rest.”
“This is adorable. Gabe!!”
I put my head under the pillow until my ears cool down.