The Badge of Honor
“What’s this we hear about you and Deanna getting a divorce?”
It was his father’s question, but Jacob didn’t respond right away. This was not the way Jacob had planned to spend Monday evening after work. He had wanted to stop by Aliyah’s for a few minutes. But even before he decided to go to his parents’ house (as he told them he might when they’d called the day before, upset), he decided against the impromptu visit to his wife.
Though Jacob was trying hard to be patient for Aliyah’s sake, it was getting increasingly difficult to spend time with Aliyah while respecting the temporary celibacy they had agreed on. He knew that Aliyah was becoming as impatient as he was, but he valued their relationship too much to take advantage of her weakening resolve. And reducing their face-to-face visits would make it easier for them both. He sensed that Aliyah was ready to compromise, but he refused to allow himself the luxury of entertaining any changes to their plan until the legal divorce from Deanna was final. He wished there was some way to expedite the process and free himself from Deanna sooner, but he had no choice but to be patient. He had made the recklessly stupid decision to marry Deanna twelve years ago, and he had to accept the consequences of that decision.
“Is it true?” His father’s voice rose.
There was a time that his father’s demanding tone would have stirred something inside of Jacob. Regret, guilt, obligation, and perhaps even shame. But today it stirred nothing but slight irritation. And it wasn’t because he was upset with his father, but because he wanted to be somewhere else.
Years ago, Jacob would have been tongue-tied at being confronted with the topic of divorce, especially from his parents. But now, in his late thirties, Jacob saw through even his parents’ façade of unity and strength. Marriage was a badge of honor for them, Malcolm and Ruth, as it was for the entire Bivens family; and Malcolm didn’t want his eldest son to tatter that badge.
“Yes.” Jacob replied in a matter-of-fact tone, devoid of any emotion.
“Marriage is not something to be taken lightly, son.”
Jacob heard the offense and accusation in his father’s voice, and Jacob couldn’t tell what was more offensive to his father, the divorce or the fact that Jacob didn’t consult him first. But because it wasn’t a question, Jacob remained quiet, a loose fist beneath his chin as he leaned an elbow on the arm of the small couch that was situated at an angle to where his parents sat on the larger, wider sofa. He did not feel even the slightest inclination to respond. But in his mind, he marveled at how parents could remain so stuck in time as to imagine that their son, a grown man, was still a child. Did they really imagine that he had taken marriage lightly simply because they were unable to personally validate his struggles?
“Your father and I are just concerned about you,” Ruth interjected, her tone soft, but Jacob detected the offense in her tone too. She was hoping her gentle approach would convince him to open up and confide in them. “Please help us understand what happened.”
“I filed for a divorce,” Jacob said, “and I hope by this time next week, it’s final.”
Ruth drew in a deep breath and exhaled audibly, a clear sign that she was losing patience with her son. “Jacob, this is not a game,” she said, her voice tight in offense. “Marriage isn’t something you throw away when you get tired. It’s for life.”
“Not necessarily,” Jacob said.
“In God’s eyes,” Malcolm said authoritatively, “marriage is for life.” It was obvious that the mention of God was supposed to make Jacob feel guilty.
“I don’t believe marriage is a divine prison sentence,” Jacob said, careful to keep his tone level. “Marriage is a divine mercy, not a punishment.”
“Marriage is what you make it,” Ruth said, her tone conveying the offense she’d felt at Jacob’s statement. “If it feels like a punishment, it’s because you didn’t put in the work to experience the mercy.”
Jacob shook his head. “I don’t agree with that. There are people in abusive relationships, and it’s not their fault.”
“Don’t change the subject,” Malcolm said. “We’re not talking about abusive relationships. We’re talking about your relationship.”
“You and Deanna are a beautiful couple,” Ruth said as if chiding him.
“And that means we should stay together?” Jacob said, looking at his mother with a hurt expression on his face.
“Look, son,” Malcolm interjected, lifting his hand as if to request a truce. “All we want to do is understand what happened so we can help.”
“There’s nothing you can do,” Jacob said, his voice apologetic. “I’ve already made my decision. You don’t have to blame yourselves.”
“But this is unacceptable,” Ruth blurted. “No Bivens has ever gotten a divorce.”
So there it is, Jacob thought bitterly, the real reason they’re so hurt. He was almost relieved that it was out in the open. Now they could talk more honestly. “I hope to change that,” Jacob said, careful that there was no trace of sarcasm in his voice.
But his mother sucked in her breath as if he’d slapped her. “What?” Ruth said, indignant, and Malcolm patted his wife’s leg to calm her. “How could you say something like that?”
“Because it’s true,” Jacob said, speaking more confidently. “It’s not an honor that none of us are divorced. It’s a burden. I suspect there are others in a similar situation who don’t realize getting out is an option.”
“And what about the children?” his mother said, voice rising in an accusatory tone.
“What about them?” Jacob said, careful not to sound as defensive as he felt. He hated when people behaved as if they cared more about his sons than he did.
“What will happen to them, Jacob?” Ruth spoke as if he knew exactly what she was talking about. “They can’t just be tossed back and forth with no real home.”
“They have two parents, and that’s not going to change,” Jacob said.
“Have you read the statistics on children of divorce?” she challenged. “They’re significantly more likely to get a divorce themselves.”
“Yes, I have,” Jacob said. “And I have no problem with that.”
“How could you have no problem with being the cause of your children being more likely to break up their family?” she said in exasperation.
“Because I’ll never understand how in the name of happily-ever-after,” Jacob said, voice rising in conviction, “a family breakup could be worse than the emotional and psychological breakdown of another human being.”
The room grew quiet, and the weight of Jacob’s words hung in the room. He had no idea if his parents’ silence was due to the profundity of his statement or the depth of their shock and disagreement.
“Yes, maybe my decision will make divorce a more likely option for Younus and Thawab when they’re older,” Jacob added confidently. “But I’m happy to be an example to them so they’ll know when enough is enough.”
The look on his parents’ faces was difficult to read, but Jacob went on. “And that’s much more preferable,” he said, “than raising children who confuse being driven to mental illness with being patient in marriage.”
The silence in the room remained so long that Jacob was almost certain he’d offended his parents.
“No one wants what’s best for my sons more than I do,” Jacob said sincerely, his voice low out of respect for his parents’ heightened sensitivities. “That’s why I didn’t leave Deanna sooner.”
A troubled expression lingered on his parents’ faces, but he could tell they weren’t inclined to respond.
Jacob shook his head, eyes narrowed thoughtfully. “I know you want to understand what happened. But that’s not something I’m ready to share with you or anyone right now,” he said. “Yes, we’re getting a divorce, and it’s for a good reason.” He paused before adding, “But our privacy and dignity are more important than your understanding and agreement.”
***
Aliyah heard her mobile phone ringing just after she’d finished working with Ibrahim on his homeschool assignments. She walked out of his room and hurried down the hall to her own and quickly glanced at the caller ID before accepting the call and putting the phone to her ear.
A grin spread on her face as she said, “As-salaamu’alaikum.”
“Wa’alaiku-mus-salaam wa-rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh,” Jacob replied, happiness evident in his voice.
“Why the good mood?” Aliyah said, giggling as she closed her room door then walked over to her bed and sat on the edge.
“Because I get to hear your voice after an aggravating meeting with my parents,” his deep voice said through the phone.
Aliyah smirked. “Well, I’m glad there’s an upside to this.”
A second later she frowned and her tone became more serious. “But is everything okay with you and your parents?”
She heard Jacob let out a laugh. “No,” he said, humor in that sound, “but that’s nothing new. They just want to save me from the horrible fate of divorce.”
“Oh, that,” Aliyah said, smiling and rolling her eyes to the ceiling. “At least they’re not trying to save you from the horrible fate of Islam,” she said in grim humor.
“That’ll probably be our next meeting,” Jacob said.
“Really?” Aliyah said as if genuinely surprised. “I thought they’d given up trying to get you to change your religion.”
“Maybe they have…” Jacob said thoughtfully. “But I think it’s more of a temporary truce.”
“So how’d they find out about the divorce?” Aliyah asked.
“Apparently, Deanna paid them a surprise visit yesterday,” he said, exhaustion in his tone.
Aliyah frowned empathetically. “Oh no…”
“And she told them I’m the one who wants the divorce, but she’s trying to be the better person and reconcile.”
Aliyah rolled her eyes, unable to temper the aggravation she felt right then. “She’s still talking about reconciliation?”
“Still?” Jacob repeated, laughter in his voice. “She never wanted reconciliation,” he said. “She just wanted me sentenced to being her husband for life. Every time I suggested marriage counseling, she refused.”
“You told them that?” Aliyah asked curiously.
“No,” Jacob said with a sigh. “I didn’t tell them much of anything. But they kept pushing for details.”
“That’s understandable,” Aliyah said sincerely. “They have no idea what happened.”
“And they don’t need to,” Jacob said, irritation in his voice, but Aliyah could tell it wasn’t directed at her. “I told them our privacy and dignity are more important than their understanding and agreement.”
Aliyah nodded thoughtfully, reflecting on what Jacob had said. “I like that, mashaAllah,” she said. “I need to pen that in my journal or hang it on my wall.”
“Well, I’m glad somebody agrees,” Jacob said.
“Agrees?” Aliyah repeated, laughter in her voice. “Why would I disagree?” she said. “I wish I would’ve thought to say that to every nosey person who kept asking why Matt and I got a divorce.” She rolled her eyes. “It’s like people feel your divorce isn’t valid unless you tell them every single private detail of what happened, and they agree with you,” she said. “It’s like they have some ‘invalid until proven valid’ rule they operate off of.” She shook her head. “I swear, I can’t tell you how many times people lectured me about the importance of marriage, as if Matt and I tossed a coin for the decision.”
“Exactly,” Jacob said, relief in his tone. “That’s how I feel with my mother and father.”
Aliyah was quiet momentarily. “But it’s different with parents,” she said. “They usually do really care about what happened.”
“Not necessarily,” Jacob said. “Sometimes they’re more offended than concerned. They just don’t want anyone to ruin their family name.”
Aliyah thought of how proud her parents were to have been married for so long. “That’s true,” she said. “Having a long lasting marriage is definitely a bragging point in the Thomas home.” She paused thoughtfully. “That’s probably why my mother is so up in arms about Cassie and her husband.”
There was extended silence.
“Have you heard any more from them?” Jacob asked.
“No,” Aliyah said with a sigh. “But I don’t expect to. Cassie and I aren’t really close, and I doubt my mother will ever speak to me again.” She grunted. “Like she didn’t for ten years.”
“I meant from Benjamin and Valerie?”
Aliyah frowned. “No,” she said. “But they don’t talk a lot about other people’s lives unless there’s a reason.”
“Well, I gave Joseph my phone number in case he had any questions about Islam or anything.”
“That’s good mashaAllah,” Aliyah said, but she didn’t feel optimistic. Her mother had a way of making sure she got her way, by any means necessary. And with Joseph being a project manager in one of her organizations, there was no end to the manipulation she’d likely subject her son-in-law to.
“I hope he calls,” Jacob said sincerely. “If not me, then Benjamin at least.”
Aliyah bit her lower lip. “Just make du’aa,” she said finally. “Between Cassie and my mother, he’d have to be pretty committed to still be interested in becoming Muslim.”
“Is there any other way to be when it comes to your soul?” Jacob asked rhetorically. “I mean, God doesn’t disappear just because people don’t want you to submit to Him.”
“They probably think they already are submitting to Him,” Aliyah offered. “That’s how Shaytaan works,” she said. “He makes you believe you’re on the right path when you’re not.”
“That’s true,” Jacob conceded. “Satan is certainly good at his job.”
“Yes he is,” Aliyah agreed reflectively.
“It’s just difficult to comprehend how someone wouldn’t become Muslim after they heard about Islam,” Jacob said. “It’s one thing if you’ve rationalized yourself out of ever learning about it in the first place, like many people do. But after you know?” He let out a low whistle. “That’s not something I want to face Allah with on the Day of Judgment.”
“They’re the same thing though,” Aliyah said. “All ignorance isn’t excusable in front of Allah. Rationalizing yourself out of learning about Islam is pretty much the same as knowing it’s true and rejecting it.”
“You think so?” Jacob asked, his voice skeptical.
“Yes, absolutely,” Aliyah said. “That’s like skipping class then asking the teacher to excuse you for not knowing about an upcoming exam. But excusable ignorance is not knowing there’s a class to attend in the first place.”
“Hmm…” Jacob said, as if considering the perspective for the first time.
“There are even hadiths about people answering the last question in the grave by saying that they just said about Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu’alayhi wa sallam, what they heard everybody else saying.”
“That’s true,” Jacob said, as if recalling a hadith just then. “SubhaanAllah.”
“So ignorance isn’t always an excuse,” she said.
Jacob was quiet for some time, and Aliyah sensed that he was reflecting on what she’d said. “That makes me feel a bit better about the divorce,” Jacob said finally.
Aliyah drew her eyebrows together in confusion. “About the divorce?”
“Sometimes I feel bad,” Jacob said, “because I know Deanna never really knew me, you know?”
Aliyah didn’t know, but she was listening.
“It’s like I was her caretaker more than her husband.” His tone suggested that he was lost in self-reflection, speaking more for his own benefit than Aliyah’s. “I tried to let her get to know me,” he said. “But she always shut me down. She never wanted to talk about anything that made her upset.” He huffed. “Unless it was about someone making her upset. I felt like there was this wall constantly between us, and every time I tried to climb over it, she punished me.”
“SubhaanAllah…”
“I know all of it isn’t her fault.”
The tinge of sadness in Jacob’s tone made Aliyah curious about all he’d gone through. But she didn’t pry. She understood that some of the more intimate pain of marriage remained sacred even after the bond of marriage was broken. What’s between husband and wife stays between husband and wife, her parents would often say. And after her divorce with Matt, Aliyah mentally added, Even if they’re no longer husband and wife.
“But she’s not the first person to go through severe trials,” Jacob said, the self-reflective tone still in his voice. “And she won’t be the last. And no matter what we go through, we can’t punish other people for it,” he said. “And we can’t always say we didn’t know, thinking that gives us a pass. In a marriage, it’s your responsibility to get to know the person you’re married to, especially if they’re doing all they can to introduce themselves to you.”
Aliyah frowned thoughtfully. “I think some people are just incompatible.”
Jacob let out a sigh. “Yes, that’s true,” he said tentatively. “But more people are just impossible. There’s a difference.”
***
“Marriage counseling?” Jacob repeated incredulously. It was Tuesday morning as he shut the door to his college office to increase privacy, speaking into the Bluetooth earpiece of his phone.
“Her lawyer says she’ll agree to everything if you agree to go to couple’s counseling.”
“Before she signs for the divorce?”
“They didn’t specify,” Jacob’s attorney said. “So I suggest agreeing to it, but only after the divorce, perhaps for co-parenting purposes.”
Jacob gritted his teeth. This was a bad sign. Deanna was stalling, and he knew what this meant. She was testing the waters to see if they still had a chance. But the Islamic divorce had already gone through, and to Jacob, this legal paperwork was just the final aggravating red tape to free him completely.
He drew in a deep breath and exhaled to calm himself. Then he walked over to his desk and picked up the phone and tapped the icon for the du’aa app. He opened up the Istikhaarah prayer tab and read from it, quickly moving his lips to recite the supplication. He hated rushing through this prayer, especially without praying two units of voluntary prayer first, but he was on a tight schedule today, and this was the only time he had a moment free to speak to his lawyer.
“Fine,” he said as if it took the last bit of patience from him. “But specify that it’s after the divorce, for co-parenting purposes.” He sighed. “Then please let’s set up a time for us to sign and counter sign the final divorce papers.”
“You got it.”
***
“I don’t want to sign it,” Deanna said, folding her arms defiantly as she stood looking out the window of the office of Attorney Schmidt’s office Tuesday afternoon, her back to him. She heard her attorney sigh in impatience, but she ignored him. “I don’t want a divorce. How can we stop him from divorcing me?”
She turned to face Bryan then, her eyes filling with tears, but she refused to give into weakness. “Make him stay married to me.”
“I can’t do that,” Bryan said. “All I can offer is the best divorce deal possible. But I have to be honest with you and say, your case doesn’t look good on paper. He put tens of thousands of dollars into your business. He personally endorsed and promoted your books. He participated in your marriage workshops and television interviews. Then there are the cases of assault—”
“That was dropped,” Deanna said irritably.
“No,” the attorney correct. “That was with your mother only. You have two restraining orders on public record, and one from—”
“But not from Jacob,” Deanna said.
“—Jacob’s place of work,” the attorney finished, his voice firm. “No, it’s not as strong as from Jacob himself, but it doesn’t look good in court. Jacob changed the keys to his office, and during that time, you weren’t living at the house. And if he also changed the locks during the time you were gone, then that’s enough evidence to at least argue that you were a physical threat to him and the children.”
“What?”
“You also worked on your business fulltime,” Bryan continued, boredom in his voice. “And according to the uncontested divorce documents, you were less present with the children than Jacob was because of your numerous interviews, workshops, and traveling for speaking engagements.”
Deanna huffed, lifting her nose in annoyance.
“And Jacob also mentioned in the documents that at least one of your sons personally requested not to live with you when he found out that there was a chance for divorce.”
Deanna clenched her jaw, but she didn’t respond.
“I’m fully willing to argue for a better deal,” her attorney offered. “But if saving money is still a concern of yours, then I feel obligated to let you know you don’t have a strong case here. Even some of the videos of your interviews suggest that you have an uncontrollable temper that you’re barely keeping at bay. And I can’t say I disagree with your husband regarding the possibility of you suffering from an undiagnosed personality disorder.”
“I. Am. Not. Crazy,” Deanna said through gritted teeth.
“I didn’t say you were,” Bryan said. “I’m just telling you how all this will look to a judge. It’s definitely possible to argue your case to delay the divorce, but—”
“I didn’t say delay it,” Deanna interjected in annoyance. “I said cancel it.”
“—I don’t advise it,” he said. “If your husband is agreeing to leave all of your assets untouched, I think that’s a pretty good deal, considering his financial contributions to both the family and your business projects,” he said. “But we can push for alimony if you think—”
“I don’t want his money,” Deanna said, putting up a hand to stop Bryan mid-sentence. “I want Jacob.”
***
Deanna felt the screaming in her throat before she even reached the exit of the office building. She clamped down her teeth and breathed heavily, hurrying her steps to the glass exit doors and pushing a door open before anyone could ask what was wrong. The cold October air slapped her face, and she opened her mouth wide to breathe in the fresh air, her breaths audible and deliberate, as if she were suffering an asthma attack. Miraculously, that seemed to stifle the screams, and she broke into a slow jog to her car, continuing the deep breaths with her mouth wide open.
She pointed the keychain remote to her car then yanked open the door and let her body collapse into the front seat, still breathing audibly. But as soon as she shut the car door, a shrilling scream escaped her throat. She fumbled with her keys before putting the correct one into the ignition and starting the car. Engine idling, she quickly stabbed at the controls to the radio and held down the button for the volume until the fuzzy music was almost as loud as her screams.
Deanna had no idea how long she sat in that parking space screaming like a maniac, desperately sucking in her breath after each one. But tears were streaming down her face like rivers by the time she glanced behind her and put the car in reverse. As she backed out of the space, her heart was pounding erratically, her screaming now repetitive moans.
Just give him the f—ing divorce, an angry voice said in her head. Then make him regret it.
***
“But we don’t have to wait for the legal divorce if you don’t want to,” Aliyah said, her soft hands squeezing his as she looked up at him Tuesday evening from where she stood in front of him in the foyer of her apartment.
Jacob looked away from her. He couldn’t stand the innocent kindness he saw in her eyes. It was probably a bad idea for him to have come. Though Larry said it was no problem for him to hang out with Younus and Thawab at Jacob’s house, Jacob knew that being in Aliyah’s presence was too difficult for him. But he needed her comfort right then, and hearing her voice on the phone was not enough.
“But I do want to wait,” Jacob said, aggravated with himself. “I want everything to be right for you. You don’t deserve to be dragged into this. This is my life, and you didn’t choose it.”
Aliyah shook her head then placed her hands on the short hair of his cheeks. “This is our life,” she said, holding Jacob’s gaze. “And I did choose it.”
“That’s all the more reason to make sure everything is perfect for you,” Jacob said. “I just wish there was some way we could just—” He huffed and pursed his lips, too upset to even finish his thought.
“SubhaanAllah,” he said seconds later, a trace of aggravation still in his voice. “This really makes me appreciate the wisdom of Allah.
“I know…” Aliyah said sympathetically, her soft hands still on the hair of his closely-cropped beard.
“Divorce shouldn’t be a fight.” Jacob grunted. “I did everything I could to just be free of her. What else does she want?”
“Deanna isn’t a rational person,” Aliyah said. “You can never know what’s going through her mind, so it’s not worth trying to figure it out.”
***
Apologize to Aliyah. Standing and hovering over the desk in her room, Deanna angrily picked up a pen and scribbled out Aliyah’s name then ripped the page from the notebook, crumpled the paper in her fist then threw it across the room.
“I’m not apologizing to anyone!” Deanna yelled. She then let the chair receive her weight and folded her arms defiantly.
YOU CAN BE A BETTER PERSON!
Annoyed, she reached for the book and turned it over, slamming the face of it on her desk so she wouldn’t have to read the cover.
Then pray…
At the reminder that she hadn’t offered a single obligatory prayer that day, Deanna’s shoulders slumped in exhaustion. What was the point? It wasn’t like Allah was going to give Jacob back to her if she suddenly became a good Muslim.
I want to be a better person. It was more an aching longing from somewhere deep in her heart than an annoying voice in her head. Deanna felt a whimper crawl in her throat as she realized that she genuinely did want to be better. She just didn’t know where to begin. She had no idea what was even wrong with her. Exhausted from the mere thought of making so many changes, she stood and dragged herself to the bathroom for wudhoo’.
***
Jacob’s legs folded beneath him after he tore the contents from the FedEx package Saturday morning and saw Deanna’s signature on the revised divorce papers. He had already signed the revision himself, so her signature made the divorce final.
Initially his lawyer had thought that he and Deanna would have to meet in person for the signature and counter signature because Deanna kept going back and forth. And Jacob had been prepared to do that if that was the price of his freedom. But Tuesday he had begun to lose hope after his lawyer had told him that Deanna wanted to make marriage counseling a condition for the divorce. He hadn’t gotten a full night’s sleep since then, and he was fighting a migraine each day at work due to stress. But despite the despair threatening to tear him apart, he prayed to Allah each night in Qiyaam al-Layl, begging Allah to forgive him and to free him from Deanna.
Hunched over on his knees, Jacob held onto the side of the couch with one hand as he tried to catch his breath, still grasping the stack of divorce papers with his other hand. Tears stung his eyes, and he immediately let go of the papers and fell into sujood, his head resting on the carpeted floor in gratefulness to Allah. His shoulders shook, and his voice came out as a moaning whine as he muttered prayers to Allah.
When he sat up and leaned his back against the bottom of the couch, his face was still moist with tears and his breaths were still audible. But he felt a smile of relief forming on his face. Elated that Allah had answered his prayers, Jacob made the firm intention to give money in charity. As the reality of what had just happened settled over him, he felt life come back to his limbs, and he pushed himself to a standing position so he could call Aliyah.
“Alhamdulillah!” Aliyah exclaimed as soon as he told her.
“I know,” Jacob said, unable to keep from grinning. “It’s still hard to believe.”
“This is really good news, mashaAllah,” Aliyah said, and he could hear the smile in her voice.
“I know…” he said again because he didn’t know what else to say.
“I have good news too,” Aliyah said, excitement in her voice.
“What?” Jacob said, smiling curiously.
“I restart my PhD program in January insha’Allah.”
“So they sent you the acceptance letter?”
“Yes.”
“May Allah bless it for you.” He chuckled. “So I guess this means you’re keeping your job at the college, huh?”
“Definitely insha’Allah,” she said, excitement in her voice. “At least until I have my doctorate degree in hand.”
“I’m just happy you’re not so stressed about it anymore.”
“I am too,” Aliyah said sincerely. “I guess this made me realize how much I actually like my job,” she said. “I don’t think I could just give up on my students like that.”
An extended silence followed, as neither knew what to say.
“Soooo,” Aliyah said, slight teasing in her voice as she stretched out the word, “what now?”
Jacob creased his forehead, a curious smile on his face. “What do you mean, what now?”
“You know…” Aliyah said, shyness in her tone. “With us.”
Jacob smiled wide. “Well, the ball’s in your court on that one,” he said. “I’m still willing to wait your required year.”
He heard Aliyah sigh thoughtfully. “I don’t know if I want to anymore,” she said sincerely. “I realize now that I was just afraid of the unknown, you know?”
“I understand,” Jacob said. “But give it some thought, okay?”
Aliyah coughed laughter. “I think I’ve given it enough thought,” she said, conviction in her tone. “I think we’ve waited long enough. Any longer and I think I’ll just get frustrated.”
“As long as you’re sure…” Jacob said uncertainly.
“I’m sure.”
“Then let’s take a vacation somewhere.”
Aliyah sighed empathetically. “You don’t have to go through all of that, Jacob, really. To me, it’s enough of a vacation to know that we’re free from Deanna.”
“I know,” he said tentatively, “but I’ve given this a lot of thought myself, and I don’t want you to be burdened with living in Deanna’s old house. I want us to start anew.”
“You plan to sell the house?” Aliyah asked, surprise in her tone.
“Yes, insha’Allah,” Jacob said. “I’m already looking at some other properties.”
“Well, my lease isn’t up until February,” Aliyah said, “so I’m fine living at my apartment until then.”
“Then we can plan a honeymoon in the meantime,” he said.
The sound of Aliyah giggling made him smile.
“Don’t worry,” he said. “I’ll pick something simple. I know you don’t want anything extravagant.”
“Thank you,” she said, gratefulness in her voice.
“And of course Larry is fine watching the boys for us.”
“You already asked him?” Aliyah sounded surprised.
“Not for this specifically, but he told me he’s willing to if we ever want to get away for the weekend or something.”
“MashaAllah, may Allah bless him.”
“Ameen,” Jacob said sincerely. “I’m really blessed to call him family.”
Aliyah didn’t immediately respond, and Jacob sensed that Aliyah was thinking about her own family. “I wish I knew how that felt…” Aliyah said, her voice sad and reflective. “I feel like an orphan.”
Jacob grew sad for Aliyah. “I’ll do what I can to make you happy, bi’idhnillah,” he said and meaning it. “I can’t imagine how it feels to be going through that.”
“Allah tests everyone in different ways,” she said, her voice a sigh. “But alhamdulillah.” She sounded slightly more cheerful. “I do have you.”
“And I you, alhamdulillah,” Jacob said with a smile, his heart filling with so much happiness that he wished he could hug her through the phone.