Evidence and
Spirit Messages
When mediums connect with the spirit people in a public demonstration, a private sitting, or a circle, they need to establish a body of precise and unique information called “evidence” so the sitter can recognize the spirit communicator. Establishing a body of evidence is a little like detective work. You have to be observant of what the spirit people share with you and be able to pass this information on to the sitter. You also need to establish a mental dialogue with your spirit communicator so as to ask him or her for pertinent details.
It is best to have a list of required evidence in your mind that you ask for every time so your spirit guides know what you expect. This helps them brief potential spirit communicators in advance of your reading or mediumship demonstration. It also helps them to screen out spirit people who might not be willing to bring solid evidence. This process provides your work with structure and helps you quickly establish the identity of the sitter’s spirit loved one. A basic structure of required evidence is outlined below.
The initial tier is composed of basic information that establishes the “skeleton outline” of the spirit person; this information is the foundation that makes it clear to the sitter who is communicating. As a beginning medium, I would not expect you to be able to perceive all of the information listed below. However, as you become more proficient and adept at receiving information from the spirit world, you should strive to include at least four or five items from each tier of evidence for every spirit person you connect with:
After you have established the first tier of information, the second tier establishes the spirit communicator as the distinctive, unique, quirky, and colorful individual that he or she was during physical life. It is the kind of amazing evidence that you could not possibly know unless you are indeed in contact with the sitter’s spirit loved one. The more details you can describe, the more comfort and healing the sitter will feel. The second tier includes the following items:
Although it might seem obvious why these pieces of evidence are useful as the foundation of the spirit conversation, let me expand on some of the subtleties to watch for when in dialogue with a spirit person. Also, for the clearest transmission of information, it is best not to ask the sitter for detail in the way of response or confirmation as the information is presented. All the medium needs to know is whether the information is understood or if more questioning of the spirit visitor on a certain topic is needed; otherwise, the medium’s mind might become distracted with the sitter’s explanations and the reading loses its authenticity.
Relationship to the Sitter
This is a key piece of evidence and refers to mother, father, husband, wife, brother, sister, son, daughter, grandmother, grandfather, uncle, aunt, cousin, in-law, friend, neighbor, godmother, godfather, colleague, etc.
It is important that you correctly identify the relationship of the spirit communicator to the sitter. If you misidentify the relationship, the subsequent evidence that is connected with your spirit communicator won’t fit the sitter’s relative. Sitters are often very literal-minded, so if you say “father” when it’s instead their Uncle Bob who is coming through, they will probably just shake their heads, because they won’t even be thinking about Uncle Bob. Few sitters have the presence of mind to recognize your mistake at the time of the reading.
Unless you are clairaudient and the spirit people tell you how they are related, the relationship can be difficult to determine. One of my students knows how people are related when she sees an image of her own family members. If she sees her grandmother, she knows the spirit communicator is the sitter’s grandmother. If she sees her sister, she knows she’s talking to the sitter’s sister. Another student has done a lot of research on family genealogy. When he gives mediumship demonstrations, the spirit people show him their positions on the family tree.
If you are clairsentient, you have to see how the relationship feels to you: Does the spirit communicator feel like a father? Or does he feel like a brother? Does he feel like an uncle? If you are clairsentient, you might experience extra challenges in trying to figure out how the spirit people are connected with your sitter. But don’t give up. Focus on the feelings between the spirit person and the sitter. Do you sense there was love between them? Does it feel like the love between family members or like romantic love?
Occasionally when you are out and about or at a gathering, tune in to the people around you. See if you can determine their relationship to one another. Feel the energy between fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, and whatever relationships present themselves. In actual readings, nailing this aspect might take a while, but if you are determined to establish the relationship to the sitter every time, eventually you will reach your goal.
Age at Death
Unless the spirit people are very specific and you are absolutely sure you are correct, it can be better to give an age range than a specific number. If you say Grandpa died at age eighty-four when in fact he was eighty-six, your sitter might say that you are wrong. If you say that he appears to have passed in his mid-eighties, the sitter will say you are correct.
Be aware that the spirit people can show themselves as they looked when they were young and in good health. Therefore, you cannot conclude that they died young based on their appearance. It is best to just ask, “How old were you when you died?”
Cause of Death
Of course, the cause of death can include a myriad of examples. Some common ones I have encountered are cancer, smoking-related illnesses, pneumonia, appendicitis, heart attack, stroke, accidents, suicide, and murder. Keep in mind that symptoms that are presented to you might feel similar among illnesses or events involving certain parts of the body.
If you are clairaudient, the spirit people might tell you what they died from. If you are clairvoyant, you might be able to see exactly what happened. If you are clairsentient, you might feel the cause of death in your body. For example, with cancer, you might sense a painful wasting away, or you might smell the chemotherapy drugs. A heart attack might feel like a sudden explosion in your chest. If someone died from a shooting, you might have the sensation of a bullet passing through you.
If you don’t receive any information about the cause of death, it was probably very sudden. In many of these cases, the spirit people don’t remember what happened, because they were gone instantly. Occasionally, you will connect with spirit people who took their own lives. Suicides are often reticent about the cause of their deaths.
Circumstances Surrounding His or Her Passing
This refers to events that took place around the time a person died, and might be very important to the sitter. This can include events in the weeks or hours before death. This information can include events that precipitated the death, medical procedures, their last conscious memories, and events that took place when the dying person was in a coma, such as last rites.
Physical Characteristics
This refers to the spirit communicator’s appearance, such as height, weight, body build, hairstyle, and overall attractiveness. Pay attention to visible physical ailments suggested by hearing aids, glasses, crutches, a wheelchair, a cane, and the like.
Please note that physical appearance in and of itself is often not enough evidence to convince your sitter that you are really connecting with a deceased loved one. Physical appearance can be very generic, as in the case of a grandmother with gray hair, cut in an older woman’s style, or wearing an apron and baking a cake. Most people had grandmothers or great-grandmothers who fit that general description. You might not be able to help giving a generic description, but you should then strive for more information so that this particular grandmother becomes the unique and distinct person that the sitter remembers.
Even if you don’t consider yourself clairsentient, you should always pay attention to how your body feels when you connect with a spirit person. Do you feel your body contract or expand as you as try to determine whether the person was tall or short, heavy or slender? Do you suddenly have the sense there was something wrong with the person’s vision? Do you feel the pressure of a hearing aid in your ears? Do you have a sense of the body being stooped or a hand holding on to a cane? Or do you perhaps feel a leaden heaviness suggesting that the person suffered from paralysis?
Names
It is wonderful if the spirit people give you their names, but it is important to realize that names in and of themselves are not evidential. Even if your sitter were in tears when you correctly came up with the name “Roger,” you would still need to bring forth other identifying information. It is not enough to say, “Mary is here,” or even, “Mary, Helen, and Abby are here.” A name is just a start, and that’s all it is.
Also, keep in mind that names are not necessarily the names of the spirit communicator. A name can be a first name, middle name, last name, or the name of a street, location, or building. Oftentimes spirit communicators provide a connecting name, such as the name of other people who were significant to them. It is also possible that a spirit person is concerned about a person on earth by that name. Also, please be aware that you might not hear names, but you could suddenly find yourself thinking of your Aunt Mary or your friend Jimmy when a spirit person wants to convey the name Mary or Jimmy.
If you are clairaudient, please realize you might hear a name incorrectly. For example, you might hear “Ellen” instead of “Helen,” “Shawn” instead of “Shonda,” “Dolly” instead of “Doris,” “Ann” instead of “Andrew,” and “Monica” instead of “Veronica.” If your sitter doesn’t recognize the name, you will have to admit that you might not be hearing the name clearly. Ask if the sitter would recognize a name that sounds very similar to one you mentioned.
The best way to increase your ability to receive the spirit people’s names is by paying attention to names in the physical world. If you are one of these people who can’t be bothered remembering the names of the people you are introduced to, in all likelihood you won’t be able to receive names from the spirit world. To change this limitation, set your intention that from now on you are going to remember the names of the people you meet. When you start to place importance on knowing the names of the people in your daily life, then you’ll receive more names from the spirit world.
Occupation
Ask the spirit people what they did for a living. Did they wear a uniform at work? If so, what does the uniform say about their occupation? If they didn’t wear a uniform, ask them to show you a picture of their work environment. If you are clairvoyant, you might be able to see what they were doing or perhaps perceive a symbol to help you figure it out.
If you are able to smell the scents from the spirit world, you might be able to smell what they did. For example, offices have a unique odor, as do schools, libraries, hospitals, and laboratories. A car repair shop has its own unique blend of smells that is very identifiable. Someone who did a lot of hard physical labor might smell sweaty. From now on, train yourself to pay attention to smell when you meet people and when you enter buildings, offices, and stores. The more locations you can recognize, the more examples the spirit people have to choose from.
Address
This is something many people do not think to ask, but do request the spirit people give you the addresses where they used to live. Some mediums, like the late British medium Estelle Roberts, are very gifted in receiving exact locations. It is rare to receive that kind of detailed information, but still worthwhile to ask for it. Please note that addresses can be given symbolically. If someone lived on Oak Street, for example, you might see an oak tree or an acorn. If someone lived on Castle Drive, you might receive the idea of a medieval castle. Someone who lived in Washington, DC, could show you a US dollar bill.
Admittedly, it is not easy to receive an exact address. If you keep asking for it, though, you will become good at it! At the very least, however, with practice, you should be able to determine whether spirit people lived in a house or apartment, in the city or country, and the general geographic area.
Personality
Personality refers to the outward expression and overall disposition of a person. This includes traits such as introversion, extroversion, optimism, pessimism, sense of humor, kind-heartedness, level of patience, generosity, temperament, ambition, and so forth. It is usually a lot easier to receive information about the person’s personality than it is to receive information about character.
Character
Character includes whether the spirit person was reliable, honest, loyal to their spouses, and ethical, among other aspects. A lot of spirit people have no problem owning up to their character flaws.
Hobbies, Interests, and Habits
The spirit people fondly remember their favorite pastimes. This is the time in a reading when the sitter gets really animated. The spirit people love to show whether they were artistic and good with color, paints, quilting, needlework, knitting, crocheting, woodworking, drafting, or making repairs. They also often indicate whether they enjoyed playing cards or games, loved sports, enjoyed hunting or kayaking, or drank alcohol. These kinds of details are often the ones the sitter relates to best, because these activities are often shared, or commonly discussed or recognized in familial settings.
Foods They Liked to Eat
Eating is one of the great pleasures of life, and the spirit people fondly remember favorite foods. Those who were intimately connected to food might have deep and enduring reputations with loved ones regarding this activity. For example, Aunt Nettie might have been famous for her upside-down cake, so it’s likely she might mention it. The spirit people often bring me information about the foods they loved to eat or make, so it’s always worth asking!
Special Possessions
These can include jewelry or sports equipment, or collections, such as stamps, photos, or paintings. If Dad had a special coin collection that he was proud of, he could bring that collection into the reading as a piece of evidence. The spirit people use objects and special possessions as means of identifying themselves. The big gaudy ring with a tiger’s eye in it could have belonged to a sitter’s favorite grandmother. Grandmother, who is now in spirit, shows you the ring so there is no doubt you are communicating with her and not with the sitter’s other grandmother.
Characteristics that Made
the Spirit Communicator Unique
No two people are the same, and you will find that the spirit people become quite lively when you ask about their idiosyncrasies or special qualities. They might show you they’ve immigrated from another country and they came by sea. They could demonstrate they loved dancing and participated in dance competitions. Or they might indicate they used to host the family Thanksgiving dinner and each year would bring in three six-foot tables to hold the bounty. One spirit person in a reading once appeared standing next to a deceased celebrity. When I mentioned this to my client, she confirmed that her spirit loved one indeed had a close connection to the celebrity. Another spirit person might let you know that she had a beautiful voice and used to sing in her church’s choir. Others might indicate they had a wicked sense of humor and they used to play pranks on people.
Special Memories and Stories
Life is full of unique moments, special events, funny stories, and hilarious interactions the sitter would be able to verify, even if he or she was not involved directly. Perhaps Uncle Jack got thrown from a horse and broke all of his ribs. Maybe there’s a funny family story about how little Johnny brought the sprinkler into the house when he was supposed to take a nap. And how about Uncle Pete, the priest who was notorious for cheating in card games? This is the sort of information that really makes a reading come to life and lets the sitter know their loved ones are still themselves.
Shared Memories with the Sitter
Shared memories are recollections of special times that both the spirit communicator and the sitter experienced during the spirit person’s lifetime. For example, a deceased husband might talk about his first date with his wife; or a deceased daughter might remember the time the family cat got lost for week; or a wife in the spirit world might come through for her husband with memories of the time when both of them were Peace Corps volunteers in Nigeria and got caught in a market riot.
Realize, though, that just as two people in the physical realm sometimes have completely different recollections of events, the spirit person’s recollection can vary from the sitter’s. People can be so nervous when they come for a reading they cannot think straight. Sometimes people don’t remember things until days after the reading. If this happens to you, then just encourage your recipient to remember you said it and reassure them that in all likelihood the memories will come back to them.
If the sitter cannot at all accept the memories the spirit person brings, there might have been a switch in spirit communicators and the memory could belong to a different person. In this case you might have to ask your recipient if the memory could belong to another spirit person.
Family and Friends in Spirit Who
Are with Them on the Other Side
Sitters often worry their loved ones are lonely on the spirit side of life, and they are greatly comforted if you can bring evidence they are in the company of loved ones who have also passed on.
Pets in the Spirit World
Our animal companions give us unconditional love and enrich our life immensely. A lot of people love their pets as much as they love their dearest family members and friends. When I give readings, the spirit people often show me the pets they have had during their lifetimes. Often my sitter’s deceased pets will come into the reading to let the sitter know they are fine. People receive great comfort knowing their beloved pets are still alive in the spirit world, so get in the habit of asking the spirit people to show you the pets that are with them.
The Importance of the Message
Once you have thoroughly established the identity of the spirit person by giving an abundance of pertinent evidential information, you should ask about their reason for coming into the reading. Some might just want to say hello; others might be masters of ceremony, bringing in the sitter’s spirit loved ones. Most of the time, though, the spirit person has a specific message to relay to the sitter. The message is the reason all of the initial evidence is needed so the sitter is confident of who is communicating. However, the message also often provides yet another level of evidence of identity. One could say the message could just be the cherry on top of the identity cake.
The message could involve almost anything, but I have seen several common subject areas, including:
Wanting to Express Something They
Didn’t Get to Say to Before Death
A spirit person often wants to express gratitude for assistance received as he or she was dying. Perhaps a loved one sat by his or her bedside for weeks on end. Or maybe the sitter created recordings of the dying person’s favorite music and brought it to the hospital. One of my clients read The Tibetan Book of the Dead to his mother as she was dying, and he was deeply moved when his mother came to thank him for this important help.
This category of expression might also include important information that simply was not said before death, for one reason or another. Perhaps the spirit person was hesitant to reveal certain information in life, or didn’t realize how worried a loved one would be about something. And sometimes the information is simply practical. I know of one sculptor who returned in spirit to tell an art foundry owner the details of how to finish the patina on a new sculpture project that was in process when he suddenly died.
Validation of End-of-Life Decisions
Modern medicine is able to keep the body alive long after the spirit has gone. As a result, families often have to wrestle with a decision to prolong or discontinue life support. It can be very healing for the sitter to hear their deceased loved one approved of discontinuing life support.
Desire to Make Amends
Life on earth is tough, and none of us gets through life without stepping on other people’s toes. On occasion, the spirit people come through to apologize to the sitter for actions taken during their lifetimes. Some people were physically and emotionally abusive and want to ask for forgiveness. Other people were emotionally remote and never said, “I love you.” The sitter might desperately need to hear these words.
A New Perspective on an Old Situation
New arrivals in the spirit world undergo a life review, where they get to reexperience their interactions with others. During this process, the deceased get to see how their words, actions, and attitudes impacted others. As a result, they are often willing to let go of long-held opinions and attitudes, and they are eager to share their changes of heart with sitters. I’ve even seen spirit people who regretted having cut a loved one out of their will and in the reading urged the sitters to do what’s right and not what the legal papers say.
Validation of Attempts at Spirit Contact
When people die, they often go to great lengths to let their loved ones know they are still alive. For example, after my father died, my parents’ wedding photograph suddenly flew out of a book that had been sitting on a shelf. My mother had kept the wedding photos in an album, so she couldn’t figure out how the photo could have even gotten into the book in the first place.
After my grandfather died, during a period of three or four weeks every night—around the time he used to get up for a midnight snack—all the lights would come on in my grandmother’s home, and that was in the days before people had timers for their lights. Likewise, after a friend’s mother died, a blue heron started to show up in her backyard at the time when she and her mother normally would have spoken on the telephone. This went on for many months, and ceased only after my friend had made it through the worst phase of her bereavement.
The spirit people are able to manipulate radios, televisions, and computers so that these devices start up out of the blue to play their favorite songs or shows, or to display favorite digital photographs of them.
Validation of Dream Visits
The spirit people are able to visit their loved ones while they dream. These visits are real. They are not just an organizing activity of the brain. I believe the main reason for the dream visit is that it is the only time when the bereaved person is finally relaxed enough to be able to perceive the presence of the deceased.
One of the hallmarks of a dream visit is that the dreamer becomes aware of the fact the visitor can communicate even though his or her lips are not moving. Another characteristic of a dream visit is that the spirit visitor often makes it a point to show up in the dreams of several family members within just a few days of the initial visit.
After my father died, one night he visited me in a dream. One of the things that stood out in that visit is that my father wore a tank-top style T-shirt. In life my father was always dressed to the nines and preferred to wear business attire, so the fact that he wore such a shirt was remarkable. Several days later, I called my mother and told her about the dream visit, especially remarking upon the fact that Dad wore the T-shirt. My mother fell silent. Then she told me that days earlier, my father had visited one of my brothers in his dream wearing a tank-top style T-shirt. We never knew the meaning of this unusual style of dress, but I assume that he presented this unusual detail that was so uncharacteristic of him to make us realize he was still with us in spirit and that we weren’t dreaming.
Emotional Support for the
Sitter During Life Crisis or Difficulty
Occasionally, people will visit a medium during times of emotional difficulty. In such situations, the spirit communicator might offer valuable insight, comfort, or words of encouragement. Our spirit loved ones are able to arrange lucky breaks for us, bring special opportunities to our attention, and arrange circumstances so we meet the right people or information at the right time.
Guidance on Upcoming Events in the Sitter’s Life
The spirit people have a more expanded view than ours of what is going on in our lives. They can give us a heads-up on opportunities and challenges coming our way. For example, a client’s father came through in a reading to remind him that he needed to play hardball in negotiating the salary for a position my client had just applied for. However, weeks later during the salary negotiation, my client was so awed by the fact that he had actually landed such a coveted position that he forgot to negotiate and instead accepted the proposed salary. Several months later he found out that other employees with similar skills and a similar work history were earning tens of thousands of dollars more than he was! When he contacted me for another appointment, he suddenly remembered that his father had urged him to negotiate.
Expanding Your List of Required Evidence
The list of evidence presented in this chapter is only a starting point. As your ability to connect with the spirits matures, you will discover that you, too, will have a knack for receiving certain types of specialized evidence. For example, I know a medium who has a knack for receiving highly evidential details about conversations that occurred at the deceased person’s memorial service. Another medium I know is a painter. She has a knack for seeing the paintings and art objects that a spirit person possessed during his or her lifetime on earth. So, feel free to expand on the list above and never hesitate to ask for the kind of information that seems to come easily to you.