Alex woke to the loud beating of her heart. She jerked up quickly and agony spread like wildfire up her left side. Lying back down, she took a deep breath. As the pain began to dissipate, Alex turned her head and saw an IV running into her arm. She closed her eyes and tried to relax.
The next time she woke to see shoes. She turned her neck and looked up into Xian’s beaten face. She tried to speak, but couldn’t. Xian took a glass and held the straw to her mouth. The cool water flowed down her parched throat and she sighed.
“What happened?” Her voice sounded husky.
“One of Banovic’s mercenaries shot you.”
Alex closed her eyes. “Oh.”
“Are you in pain? I’ll call the nurse.” His voice was filled with concern. Xian would never forget the sight of Alex bleeding in Rafé’s arms. If he hadn’t known that he loved her before that moment, the sight of her unconscious would have brought the truth home to him.
Alex opened her eyes, “No, I’m fine. Just a little tired. How’s Chou?” she asked after a brief pause.
“Worried about you. He wouldn’t leave the hospital until the doctor assured him you would be okay.”
“What happened?”
Xian shook his head. “We got lucky. We arrived at the hideout just as they were making preparations to move locations. Miguel disabled their vehicles and Khan took out the mercenaries while I went in through the back of the house. They had Chou locked in a room upstairs.”
“Did they hurt him?”
He grinned. “Not a scratch.”
“Thank God.” Relief seemed to pour down her spine. When she attempted to sit up, a jab of pain stopped her. “How long have I been here?”
“Two days.”
She started. “What about Banovic?”
Xian took a seat in the chair next to the hospital bed. “He’s on his way to Geneva to be locked away for a long time.”
“Good.” Alex gazed up at Xian. Even with his black eye, she had never seen anyone more wonderful.
“Xian, what happened to your eye?”
“Let’s just say Khan and I came to an understanding.”
She narrowed her eyes and had just opened her mouth to ask another question when a woman came into the room. She was short with brown, gray-streaked curly hair and wire-rimmed glasses. “I’m Dr. Wallace, Ms. Thompson. I’m glad you’ve decided to join us.”
“I am too.”
The doctor smiled as she walked over to the hospital bed. “We’ve really not had this much excitement here at the hospital in a long time.”
“Excitement?” Alex echoed as the doctor began checking her over.
“Yes, your fiancé, along with what seemed like the entire FBI force, brought you in.”
“Fiancé?” Alex asked.
She watched as the doctor smiled at Xian. “The agents had to hold him back from running into the OR. He’s been by your side since you got out of surgery.” The doctor finally noticed the confused look on Alex’s face.
“We haven’t been engaged long, Dr. Wallace. I think Alex is still getting used to it,” Xian smoothly interjected.
Alex turned to stare at Xian, then returned her attention to the doctor. The woman clicked on a penlight and shined it into Alex’s eyes.
“Just follow the light.”
“Do I have a concussion?” she asked.
“A mild one,” she replied. “Your uncle mentioned that your head hit a rock after you were shot.”
Rafé. “Is my uncle here?” Alex asked. She wanted to make sure he was all right.
Xian answered, “He had to run to the airport. He’ll be back soon.”
“Take a deep breath for me.” The doctor’s voice was mater-of-fact. She placed the stethoscope to Alex’s chest. When finished, she made some notes on her pad.
“Is everything okay, Doctor?”
“Everything’s good. You are a very lucky woman, Ms. Thompson. The bullet missed major arteries and made a clean exit. However, because you suffered a head trauma, we’re just going to keep you another couple of days for observation. I’ll come back to see you before I go off shift.”
“Thank you.”
Silence descended over the room as the door closed behind the doctor. Alex turned to look at Xian. His eyes were shadowed. She could tell that he hadn’t slept much.
“You didn’t ask,” she commented after a moment, trying to lighten the mood.
“It was the only way they would let me in to see you,” he replied.
Alex turned away, hoping that he didn’t see the look of disappointment that had crossed her face. Maybe she had imagined the words.
I love you Alex. Don’t die on me, damn it. You promised. You promised me.
Just as she turned back towards Xian, the door opened and two men wearing dark navy suits entered the room.
“Glad to see you’re awake, Ms. Thompson. You’ve given us quite a scare,” said the thin gentleman.
“Sorry,” Alex responded sarcastically.
“You do know that that stunt at the hotel could have cost you your life. Why in the world would you run away from my agents?”
“I make it a practice not to get caught up in CIA/FBI political bullshit,” she replied angrily.
His face reddened.
“That was a mistake on our part. The agents responsible are being reprimanded,” he replied shakily.
Feeling the pain grow behind her skull, Alex got to the point. “What do you want, Agent Ramsey?”
He didn’t look happy at her tone of voice. “We want you, Ms. Thompson. I looked at your records. I think you’d be a great addition to our team.”
Alex stared at them incredulously. Just like that. Join the team; sign away your life.
“The FBI must be truly desperate to be recruiting a woman still in her hospital bed.” Xian’s tone was deliberately disparaging. It was all he could do not to get up and deck the bastard.
The man’s face reddened again. Then the federal agent walked to Alex’s hospital bed and placed his business card on the bedside table.
“Please give me a call after you’ve recovered. We’ll talk.”
Alex nodded her head. As soon as the door closed behind the agents, it swung open again. This time she saw the familiar faces of Rafé and her roommate Karen. Karen’s arms were filled with flowers. Alex’s eyes widened as she stared at Rafé’s arm wrapped comfortably around her roommate’s waist.
“Did I miss something while I was unconscious?” she questioned.
An answering smile appeared on his face. “No, Niña, we waited for you to wake up.”
“Will someone please tell me what’s going on here?” she asked, exasperated.
Karen answered, “Rafé and I are getting engaged, Alex.”
All the pieces seemed to fall into place. She looked from one to the other and studied the glow on her roommate’s face.
“I think she’s in shock,” Xian chuckled.
“This is the first time I’ve seen you speechless, Alex,” replied Rafé.
Alex opened her mouth and closed it.
“Congratulations.” Her words came out as a mere whisper. She tried to smile and found her eyes closing. She felt so tired. And for all her happiness at their love, she felt empty.
She opened her eyes as she felt a light kiss on her cheek.
“Get some sleep, girlfriend.”
She nodded weakly and closed her eyes once more. The last thing she heard was Rafé’s voice. “Take care of her.”
* * *
She was sitting on the bed staring at the business card left behind by Agent Ramsey when Xian entered the room. They stared at one another in silence. Alex stood up and felt pain start on her side. Watching Xian stare pointedly at the card, she flushed and quickly put it in her pocket.
“Hi.” She managed a weak smile.
“Dr. Wallace called to tell me that you insisted on checking yourself out tonight.”
Alex frowned, “She shouldn’t have called you.”
“Where were you planning on going, Alex?”
“Home.” She wanted to get out the hospital so bad it made her teeth ache. She’d had a stream of visitors every hour on the hour. The smell of flowers permeated the air. Even Brian’s brother Tony had flown in from New York after learning about the shooting.
“How were you going to get there?”
She frowned, confused by his line of questioning. “I was going to take a cab.”
Feeling weak, she sat down on the bed and stared up at Xian.
“You can’t be alone, Alex.”
“I won’t be, Xian.”
She watched as he took a step forward and then seemed to stop himself. “Karen is with Rafé in Argentina, Alex.”
She shrugged. “I know. I’ll have Shadow.”
His lips curled. “The cat’s at my house.”
“I don’t want a nursemaid, Xian,” she snapped.
She heard his sigh of impatience and despite herself cringed at being its cause. Angrily she lashed out, “Look, I’m glad Chou is out of danger and I’ll never be able to forgive myself for getting the both of you involved in this mess.” She took a deep breath and tried to look at anything but his face. “Thank you for your concern, but it’s time you got back to your life and I returned to mine.”
She watched as he turned and left. For the first time she felt miserable and alone. She closed her eyes and willed herself to stand. I can do this. Alex, old girl, you’ve been in worse situations. But she had never been in a hospital. She hated hospitals. She had to get out of here. Memories of her father’s death began creeping into her conscious.
She had just reached down to lift up her bag when the door swung open again. She looked up, expecting to see the doctor. Alex felt her breath catch as she saw Xian standing behind a wheelchair.
She frowned, “I am not getting in that chair.”
“It’s the only way you’re getting out of here,” he grinned.
“I don’t need you,” she protested.
“Yes, you do. Whether you like it or not. The only reason the hospital is willing to let you go is because you’re coming home with me.”
Alex recognized the tone of his voice. It matched his expression: determined. She wanted to tell him no deal, but he was her only ticket out. Instead, she shrugged her shoulders and sat down in the chair. She didn’t speak as he wheeled her out of the hospital. Then he gathered her into his arms and gently placed her in the car. Alex closed her eyes to pretend sleep.
* * *
Alex woke as soon as the car pulled into the garage. Sitting up straight, she inhaled sharply as pain shot through her side. She blinked and turned, unexpectedly looking up into Xian’s eyes. She wanted to smile but her mouth opened in a yawn. She let out a startled yelp as he picked her up, but her arms automatically wound themselves around his neck as he carried her towards the open door.
“Xian,” she protested. “I can walk.”
He didn’t seem to listen. Alex found herself lying on the bed in the guest room she had occupied a week before. She began to sit up but his hand on her stomach prevented her from moving.
“Don’t move, Alex.”
She immediately bristled at the tone of his voice, but she felt a stab of pain from her wound. It must have shown in her face because Xian muttered a slight curse and left the room. Alex laid her head back and closed her eyes, trying to ignore the burning at her side.
“Take this,” Xian’s voice echoed in her head. She felt the bed move as he sat down. Alex turned her head and glanced down at the two white round pills in his hand. Codeine.
“No, thank you,” she managed through gritted teeth.
Xian shook his head, frustrated. Would she fight him on everything? He had never met a more stubborn person.
“Alex,” he said gently, “I know you’re in pain. You need to rest so your body can regain its strength.”
His voice was low and mesmerizing. Alex was reaching for the pills before she realized what she was doing.
“Xian.” She hated admitting her weakness and couldn’t get the words out of her throat, the words about her fears, the dreams, and the terror of being alone in the darkness.
Xian felt her struggle and he helped her sit up. He held her gaze. “I won’t leave you.”
Alex lowered her eyes, hiding the tears of relief that threatened to spill. She took the pills and slowly washed the acrid taste out of her mouth with the water he gave her. She let Xian lower her back down into the bed. She closed her eyes, trying to will the pain away. She needed something, anything to distract her.
“Tell me a story,” she asked. Alex meant for her voice to come out strong, but instead it trembled.
She felt Xian settle onto the bed. When she felt the sensation of the rough wetness sliding over the back of her hand, she turned and saw Shadow curled by her side. She let her fingers glide through his soft fur and was rewarded by a low grumbling in his throat.
Then she saw Chou standing at the foot of the bed in his sleepers. His eyes showed fear he was bravely trying to hide. Alex felt her heart melt. Raising her hand, she motioned for him to come and join her on the bed. She saw his attention turn to his father, seeking permission.
She spoke before Xian could answer. “It’s okay, Chou. Why don’t you join me? Your father was just about to tell me a bedtime story.”
Chou cautiously climbed into the bed and under the light quilt. Alex stared at Xian who had moved to sit in the chair positioned next to the bed.
Xian sat still, his mind seeking for a story. Then he settled upon an old Chinese legend.
A half an hour later, Xian ended his story and stood looking down on the three sleeping occupants on the bed. Shadow lay curled up at the foot of the bed. Xian found that he could not keep his eyes from watching the gentle rise and fall of Alex’s chest. And then he looked at his son lying at her side. Chou had one arm curled around his teddy bear and the other hidden underneath the pillow. Xian bent over, placing a light kiss on Alex’s brow before quietly leaving the room.
* * *
Alex’s days seemed to settle into a pattern after arriving in the Liu household. Xian had gone back to her house and brought her clothes. She was never alone. Mrs. Lee had adopted her. Alex spent afternoons at the kitchen table learning how to play Mahjong and Go.
When Chou arrived home, he would drag her into the den to play games or help him with his homework. Then there were the nights. After Mrs. Lee left and Chou ran off to bed, she would sit at the table with Xian. They talked about everything and nothing. Not once had he tried to kiss her since bringing her home from the hospital. One night she was pulled out of her reverie by the sound of her name.
“Alex?”
“Hmm.”
“Are you tired? Do you want me to help you upstairs?” Xian had noticed her staring blankly at her coffee
Alex turned her attention to Xian. “No, I was just thinking.”
“About what?”
About the way your lips touch mine, the feel of your fingertips running over my body, the warmth of your smile. Alex shook her head to clear her mind of wayward thoughts.
“I was wondering about what I’m going to do with myself. I can’t go back to teaching.” She played with the spoon.
“You are not to blame for what occurred.”
Alex curled her fingers around the cup of coffee and closed her eyes. She shook her head. “That doesn’t matter. I endangered the lives of my students. No matter that the press thinks I’m some kind of hero. I almost got Chou killed. I can’t take the risk of that ever happening again.”
“You could take up teaching judo fulltime. With the money Brian left you, you could start your own school,” he suggested.
She had tried not to think about the money. She still didn’t know what to do with it. The day she had opened the envelope containing a cashier’s check from Brian was something she still shied away from.
“Maybe. Maybe I’ll go back in.” Most of her former DELTA group had gone their own ways. Few officers stayed around for more than two or three tours with the Special Forces group. Those who did, like Rafé, were extremely dedicated to their units, and the idea that the worldwide terrorist threat and its network of supporters and killers should be met head-on and eliminated. Alex had been one of those people for a while. Saving the world, one kill at a time. She watched Xian’s lips turn into a frown. “What do you mean?”
Alex laughed bitterly. “I’ll go back to fighting, maybe join the CIA. I’ll make the world safe for democracy.” She uttered those words when everything in her wanted to stay in this place, in his life, cradled in this man’s arms. She stood abruptly and began to walk away.
Xian watched her stand and eased his grip on the coffee cup. He had to get control. He had tried to be patient, gentle. He wanted to give Alex space but every moment he felt her pulling further and further away. He stood quickly and reached out to grab her arm. He turned her around and held her arms lightly, conscious of her wounded side.
He felt her push at his chest. “That’s right, push me away,” he baited. “Hide from your fears by running back to your old life of violence and war. You and I both know what’s really bothering you.”
“Really? And what’s that?” she demanded.
“You can’t take the thought of someone loving you. The idea of allowing people a place in your heart scares you to death. You can’t face life. Well, I’m alive and I’m here. And I won’t let you do this to yourself. I won’t let you do this to my son or me. You are needed here.”
Alex twisted in his grasp. His every word cut like a knife. The truth of his accusations made her bleed. She jerked away from him and used anger to cover her pain. “You’re wrong.”
She turned to walk out of the kitchen, but Xian was faster. She found her path blocked. She tried to move past him but found herself pulled against his chest. Alex heard her breath come out in short gasps.
The intense feeling running through him shocked Xian. “No more running, Alex. This is real. You and me. No more ghosts. You might be able to hide from my words, but you cannot run from this.”
He reached out with his left hand and gripped her hair and pulled. He placed his other hand on the small of her back and lowered his lips to hers. His kiss lacked any hint of tenderness; his lips demanded and took. He felt her body relax and sway towards his own. He fought to control his triumph as her body betrayed her by naturally responding to his.
The magic started in her stomach. Heat began to spiral throughout the lower part of her body. She opened her mouth to Xian’s onslaught and began kissing him back, challenging his tongue for dominance. Her fingers found their way under his shirt. She loved the smooth hardness of his chest.
Xian pulled back and taking her hand in his, guided Alex upstairs. She went willingly into Xian’s bedroom. She had never been in his room before and smelled the faint scent of incense and musk. She shivered and her nipples hardened underneath his gaze. Her breath caught in her throat as she watched him slowly take off his shirt.
The rain was pouring outside and Alex could hear it pounding against the roof. It matched the storm that was brewing in her heart. Alex let go of Xian’s hands and slipped off her sandals.
Xian reached out and hesitated before embracing her. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
Alex found her arms trapped against his chest. She smiled and felt a wave of tenderness wash over her at the concern she saw in his eyes. “You won’t.”
She stood still by the bed and leaned into Xian’s arms. As his hands curled around her waist, she pressed her body against his, feeling the evidence of his desire against her jeans.
“I’m in love with you.” He said the words so quietly she barely heard them over the beating of her heart. Pretending not to hear, Alex began placing gentle kisses along his chest and felt shudders pass through him.
She shed her clothes, all the while looking into Xian’s eyes, enjoying the heated desire she saw there. Then she stepped forward and her hands found him. As he kissed her, she ran her fingers over his maleness, enjoying the way her touch affected him. She lifted her head and found her mouth imprisoned by his lips. His tongue was hot, demanding, and hungry. Slowly unbuttoning his pants, she pushed them towards the floor.
Pulling her head back, she eyed Xian mischievously, then moved into his body and swept her foot under his left leg, sending them both tumbling into the bed. She felt a slight twinge of pain from her wound, but she pushed it away and positioned herself over him.
She looked down into Xian’s face and found herself captured by its handsomeness. Alex stared at his high cheekbones, strong chin, and midnight eyes. Her lips curled into a soft smile as she studied him. When she bent down, her hair shielded them from the outside world. Then she kissed him, putting all her need and passion into the kiss. When she released him, they both gasped for air.
Her lips began to make their way across his chest. The sound of his shallow breathing filled her with a heady sense of power. She licked his nipple and then blew out a soft cooling breath. She was rewarded with a soft moan. She had made up her mind. If this were to be her last night in paradise, she would give Xian some measure of the happiness he had given to her.
Bending forward, Alex pressed against Xian’s arousal and slowly licked and kissed her way downward. She could feel his hands, his fingers in her hair, clenching, releasing. She found his maleness and marveled at its warm and hard softness. Giving into temptation, she tasted him. Pushed by her own growing need and the sound of his moans, she took him slowly, gently, into her mouth.
Xian’s world exploded in a myriad of colors. Her warm lips caressing him softly, lovingly, were sending him to the brink. Just when he could take no more, he felt her take him into her mouth. The sensation was almost too much. As wave after wave of pleasure washed over him, he reached down and pulled her up for a kiss. He knew he was about to lose control. As he felt her shift to take him into her, Xian rolled, placing Alex under him.
Before she knew what was happening, she found herself pinned under Xian’s body. Alex felt her body scream with unfulfilled need. She opened her mouth to protest only to find her lips captured by his. Unable to control herself, Alex’s nails scratched at his back. She seemed lost in a whirlpool of passion and heat.
She arched her hips, moaning his name, urging him to slide inside her heat. But he would not enter. Instead, Alex felt his hands and lips everywhere, driving her wild. She burned when he pushed into her tight wetness, almost crying at the sensation of completeness.
She met him measure for measure as he moved in and out of her body, caught his rhythm and matched it, driving him deeper and increasing the tempo. When her body clenched around him tight, warm, wet, he let go. He gave himself up to the feeling and sank himself fully inside her warm tightness once more before letting go.
When the end came, it crashed over them both in a wave of pure pleasure. Alex felt the wetness of tears escape her eyes and Xian’s lips follow their trail.
“Are you all right, sweetheart?”
Alex opened her eyes and smiled up into his concerned face. She kissed him gently. “I’ve never felt so right in my life,” she whispered.
Xian held her tightly as he rolled over on his side, still buried inside her warmth. Holding her tenderly, he watched as her shallow breathing slowed and as her heavy eyes closed in sleep.
He gently swept her hair from her face and placed a kiss on her brow. Lying there, with Alex curled in his arms, his body joined with hers, he experienced a deep sense of peacefulness that he’d never thought he’d have again.
“She won’t stay with you.” Khan’s boast echoed in his mind. Gently caressing the contours of Alex’s hip, Xian drifted to sleep, wondering how he would find the strength to let her go.
* * *
Alex woke just before dawn still locked in Xian’s embrace. She didn’t want to leave him. In the predawn darkness, tears clogged in her throat as she studied the relaxed face of the man’s whose arms lay curled around her.
She let her mind explore the way he made her feel. Not like a solider, teacher, child. He made her feel like a woman who had found the most precious treasure of all: a soul mate with gentleness, patience, and strength. She felt her body tingle with memory of the way he’d made love to her the night before. She felt again his lips on her breasts, his gentle fingers caressing her skin, his tongue in her mouth and his hardness in her body.
Alex slowly moved out of Xian’s arms. She stilled when she heard his sigh and stood at the foot of the bed looking down at Xian, feeling tears pool at the back of her eyes. God, she was so tired of having to say good-bye to those she loved. The ghosts of those who’d left her flashed before her eyes. Uncurling her fingers, Alex quietly gathered her scattered clothing before turning to leave.
She paused in the doorway. “I love you,” she whispered, her voice low with regret. “I will always love you. I just don’t know how to live with it.” With clothes in hand, she walked out of the room.
* * *
Xian woke to an empty space next to his pillow. He inhaled deeply and the still lingering scent of jasmine let him know that last night had been no dream. The silence of the house confirmed his first thought. She had left him again. He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed and closed his eyes. Soon his son would wake up and he would have to explain Alex’s absence. Anger stirred in the depths of his heart. She left’d them both without bothering to say good-bye.
He wanted to find her and wring her neck, but the memory of the guilt he’d seen in her eyes the previous night stayed him.
“Dad, Ms. Thompson’s gone.”
His heart stopped at Chou’s raised voice. Xian stood and barely managed to pull on his boxers before his son entered the bedroom. “Calm down.”
“No, Dad. The bad men might have gotten her.”
“It’s okay. Alex went home.”
“She didn’t say good-bye.”
“She didn’t want to wake you.”
“Oh.” Chou plopped down on the bed. “Will she be back?” he asked hopefully.
Xian shook his head. “I don’t know.”
“I want her to come back, Dad. I thought you liked her.”
“I do,” he admitted. Alex had somehow captured his heart.
“Then bring her back.”
He looked down into his son’s eyes and hesitated before answering, knowing that Chou wanted Alex back as much as he did.
“I’ll bring her home,” Xian promised as determination began to gain a foothold in his heart. He knew the happiness Alex could bring to their lives and he wanted it back again. No matter what happened, he would try and somehow, some way, Alex would be in his arms again.