Alex shut his eyes and screamed. Something loud popped in his head, and the dull thump of a heavy object hitting the ground followed. Slowly, he opened one eye and then the next. Phorcys stood nearby and brushed bits of goop off one of his claws.
“You winced like a coward,” The Old Man said, “especially for someone who has already tasted death.”
“What did you do?” Alex asked, perplexed.
Phorcys motioned at the ground. “See for yourself.”
Alex jumped. At The Old Man’s feet was a body, twisted and covered in blood. When the initial shock wore off, Alex remained confused. He hadn’t seen anyone else in ages and certainly not someone sporting the same polo shirt as he wore. “Who did you kill?”
“Look closer.”
Alex did. “He looks sort of like me. Though not as good looking.”
“It is you.”
Alex laughed. “No.”
“Yes.”
Alex’s inspection took on a surreal quality. Finally, Alex’s spirit decided that Alex’s body was indeed lying on the ground. “You killed me?”
“You seem upset.”
“Of course I’m upset! Why shouldn’t I be?”
Phorcys pressed his lips together and grunted. “Man your helm and get your bearings. Would you cower in the hull of your ship as the storm approaches? Would you let it be tossed by the sea without trying to steer your own course? For my daughter’s sake, I hope you would not.”
Alex stared at his body and slapped himself in the face several times. “Okay, okay, okay, okay,” he said. “This isn’t too bad. I can work with this. Not quite what I expected being dead would be like. Maybe I just need a drink.”
“You drink?”
“Never have,” Alex admitted. “But if there’s ever a time to start, I think this would be it.”
“Many a captain has taken a fancy to rum,” The Old Man said as he put his arm around Alex’s shoulder and led him away. “Euryale, however, has only wine. But she is a gracious hostess. I’m certain she’ll offer you some.”
“At this point, any alcohol I think would be fine.”
Phorcys nodded. “One last thing, you’re not quite dead, yet.”
“Right, so I’ve been told.”
* * *
Home. That’s what Euryale called it. But to Athena it was a tiny island stuck on the western edge of the world and was nothing more than a large, useless rock jutting out over the sea. It was not only useless, but also barren and worthless. In short, it was the perfect place for Athena to have banished a blasphemous trio of sisters.
Athena picked her way along a rocky foot path and headed for the island’s sole cave where Euryale dwelled. She paused at the top of the cliff and admired the ocean view. The evening sun dipped into the horizon, silhouetting a half dozen mismatched sailing ships that had anchored in the bay. Beneath their tattered sails and barnacled keels, Athena could make out the shadows of a larger fleet, a fleet that had made its final home on the sea floor. How and why the mortals kept coming was beyond her.
Athena took a deep breath and sighed. The sooner she finished her visit, the sooner she could get back to her pursuits, and with some luck, Alex would have a good start on his task. As she started to walk again, Athena made a note that Phorcys didn’t appreciate whales in the family.
* * *
“Athena!” Alex shouted as she entered the cave. He jumped to his feet, scampered past a dozen stone statues and threw his arms around the goddess. “I’m so glad you could make it!”
With a puzzled look, Athena gently removed his arms. “Alex?”
“Sorry,” Alex said, blushing. “Really, sorry.” He stepped backward and ended up stumbling as he fought for balance. “It’s only that I thought you might not come, being mad at me and all.”
Athena ignored Alex for the moment and turned to Euryale. “What did you do to him?”
The gorgon, wearing a bright green peplos with bronze clasps, sat next to the fire pit. A smile graced her gentle feminine face while a delicate hand twirled one of the many serpents that adorned her head. “He’s had some drinks,” Euryale explained. “Care to join us? Or are you looking to donate more to an aquarium?”
The goddess’s eyes narrowed. “Bite your tongue or you shall see how creative I can be.”
“Let bygones be bygones, I say.” Alex said. He grabbed a chalice from the ground and hoisted it into the air. “Let’s toast to my friend, Athena, Goddess of Wisdom and stuff!”
“You’re drunk.” Athena seized the chalice and cast it aside, spilling what little wine was left onto the rocky ground.
“What’s wrong with a couple drinks?”
“Seven drinks, Alex,” Euryale corrected.
“Two, seven. Same thing.” Alex flopped down and started eating a fig from a nearby basket. “And I’m not drunk. But I could use a stick of beef jerky, if you had one.”
Athena’s lips flattened. “Are you looking to argue with me again?”
“You’re really being a stick in the mud,” Alex said. “Hey Athena, you know what’s really weird though?”
“At this point, I can’t imagine what’s going through your mind.”
“I’m not dead, yet. But I’m drunk.”
Euryale reclined on one elbow. “He’s been trying to figure that one out for an hour.”
“Seriously, drunk,” he said. “How weird is that? No body, but I’m drunk. I’m only ghost. That’s all that’s left of me. Maybe that’s why they call it spirits?”
“Mortals,” Athena said, shaking her head. She leaned against the cavern wall and massaged her scalp. “You’re giving me a headache.”
“So what if I’m drunk?” Alex asked, his voice sharpening. “What’s the big deal? No responsibility. No having to listen to inner critics. No worrying about this and that or what could have been. It’s pretty nice actually.”
“I can’t abide drunks,” she answered. She began to enumerate on her fingers as she continued. “They’re boorish, mindless, and do nothing to further society. They say things that get them in trouble and don’t do what they should. Case and point, you.”
Alex took to his feet in the most ungainly of ways and brushed off the dirt that clung to him. “Nothing for society? I’ll have you know, I’m quite the pianist. I slew the Totentaz! With less than a year’s practice I might add!”
“Which matters little to me,” Athena shot back. “What does matter to me is you finding Euryale a suitor, which you obviously haven’t even begun to start working on.”
“Psh!” Alex, smiling bright and eyes half closed, walked behind the gorgon. “We’ve been chatting, getting to know one another—you know, the stuff you have to do to make a relationship. Can’t really find her someone if I don’t know her myself, can I?”
Athena gave the tiniest of approving nods. “What do you know about her?”
“I know enough that I’ll have this angel a date in no time.”
“Angel?” Athena echoed.
“Have you ever seen anyone near as beautiful?” he slurred, kissing Euryale on the cheek. Alex pulled back, face red with embarrassment. “Sorry about that.”
“Don’t apologize,” Euryale said softly.
A tingle ran through Alex’s body and he felt his pulse quicken. “Okay, well, I’ll admit that the snakes freaked me out at first,” he said, running his hand through Euryale’s reptilian hair before jerking it away when a red viper took a nip at it. “And yes, it’s annoying when they bite. But once you get past that, she’s perfect.”
Euryale blushed.
Athena’s mouth hung open.
“She’s not just a pretty face either,” Alex went on, finding himself swept up in the moment. “She’s got great taste in wine. She’s got her own place. Her dad is affluent and part of the who’s who of the universe. And…and…” His monologue trailed off while he attempted to recall the list he’d made previously. “Oh, yes! She’s the most fantastic of artists.”
“Oh, she is, is she?” Athena asked with a bemused smile.
“Yes, she is,” Alex replied. He stumbled over to a pair of life-sized statues and hung his arms around the neck of the one on the right. “Look at this guy,” he said. “I’ve never seen such fine detail in a carving, have you? I’d swear this guy was alive. His face is so full of emotion that it’s downright scary.”
“You think she carved those?”
“I never said I was a sculptor,” Euryale cut in. “I merely said they were my creation.”
Alex looked at the two of them with ambivalence. He couldn’t care less the exact method of working with the medium. “Does it matter? She’s obviously a master at her craft—the markings of a true genius. The point, however, remains. I’ll have no trouble finding her someone. Might not be one that is classy, as I can’t see any of my friends wanting to live in a dumpy cave, but it will be someone nonetheless. A nice someone. A someone that she can bring home to her dad. I bet I can do it in half a week.”
“I happen to like my cave, thank you,” Euryale said, scowling.
“I’m sorry,” Alex said. “It’s a nice cave, as far as holes in the ground go. But if I were you, I’d think about hiring someone to spruce the place up. Maybe we should put that on our to-do list. Something that says you’re a successful artist, not a starving one. You know, one you’d bring home to mother.”
“Would you bring her home to mother?” Athena asked.
“Well, no,” Alex stammered, unprepared for the question. “But only because that would be a little hard at the moment, don’t you think?”
“Point taken,” Athena said. “I’ll tell you what, if you find her someone in three and a half days, I’ll forget your behavior tonight. I’ll even get you something special if you do.”
Euryale stood and came to Alex’s side. She ran one hand along the small of his back and rested her head on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, Athena. I think he’ll do. I think he’ll do nicely. I’ll let you know soon if it works out.”
Alex smiled. “See? She’s got faith in me.”
“Oh, that she does, Alex,” Athena said with a laugh. “She has more faith in you than you realize.”
Alex shrugged, not quite understanding what she meant, or why he felt a tiny pinch on his right butt cheek. But whatever. He was happy that the matter would soon be settled, and he hoped that if things went well, he might be rewarded with more than a canine companion to join him in the afterlife.