Kasia returned Grace’s call as soon as she finished her shift; she had always been able to sense bad news. Grace was worried, despite her words of reassurance. Kasia could tell; Evie had frightened her.
‘I’ll come straight away. You can go home to Delilah then and I will stay with her until someone comes to take over.’
‘She may not want us here.’ Grace was telling the truth. What did they know of Evie Considine or she of them?
‘She may not,’ Kasia conceded. ‘But maybe, when there is no one else, she might be glad of us. It is the right thing to do; it is what Paul would want.’
Kasia liked Grace. There were no questions although Kasia knew that surely one question must burn between the women. Grace reached out with the hand of kindness, even when she herself had lost so much. Kasia would sit with Evie Considine for Grace, not even for Paul anymore.
To say that Evie Considine was not the woman she had been at the funeral was at the very least an understatement. Here, without make-up and her hair in disarray, she certainly looked a lot older for one thing. Paul never really spoke about Evie. She assumed that he fell in love with each of his wives at different times in his life, and loved each of them in different ways. Looking at Evie Considine propped up silently on a mound of pillows, she looked old, fragile, and spent. It was almost two days since she’d been admitted.
‘She’s too old to be at this carry on,’ one of the matrons said and Kasia thought she wasn’t the only one who was too old to be here. ‘Rich women; more money than sense, if you ask me,’ but the words were said under her breath so the only one to catch them was Kasia.
Grace’s voice was low. ‘I’ve spoken to the doctors.’ She leaned in close over Evie who was drifting in and out of sleep now, catching fragments of their conversation, but too tired to keep up for very long. ‘They won’t let her go home because she lives alone; they’re talking about some kind of psychiatric facility. They want to send her somewhere private, to get her sorted.’
‘I can hear you,’ Evie whispered from beneath the various tubes and monitors that surrounded her. Her voice was cracked and ragged. ‘They can’t keep me here, it’s… not right.’
Grace glanced at Kasia; Evie might have no other choice.
‘Things will look different tomorrow, after a good night’s rest,’ Kasia said, keeping her voice light. Poor Evie. Kasia was glad to be here in some ways, she said so to Grace. She couldn’t relax in the flat now, not knowing that Vasile could turn up at any moment.
By ten o’clock, Kasia was glad when Grace popped her head around the door. ‘You didn’t need to come back; I would have been fine.’ But it was nice to see her, even just to say hello.
‘This is too much for you, sitting in one place. I wouldn’t have been able to when I was expecting Delilah,’ Grace confided when she arrived back in the little room. Evie was sleeping; now and again, her eyes would flutter open, a desolate and lost look hurtling across her face. She would sigh occasionally and sink back into her restless sleep. ‘Jigsaw puzzles? Sudoku?’
‘It’s not that bad really,’ Kasia fibbed. With that, a familiar sound intruded the room. A text from Vasile.
Where are you? I am coming back to the flat.
Simple as that. Kasia’s heart sank.
‘What’s up?’ Grace knew instinctively something was wrong.
‘It’s Vasile…’ Even saying his name filled Kasia with terror. ‘He’s coming back to the flat.’
‘When?’
‘He doesn’t say.’ Unexpectedly, boredom seemed to be a luxury. ‘He could be there already.’ Panic crawled across her skin as if it owned her all along. She took a deep breath, tried to steady herself. ‘I don’t want him to have anything to do with the baby.’
‘You don’t have to have him involved,’ Grace said but there was a question in her voice.
‘You must understand, he’s not a bad person, it’s just…’
‘Look, we’re all a product of what we’ve lived through. I’m not one to judge anyone.’ She smiled. ‘So, you were going to run away? Take the baby and run?’
‘I don’t really have a plan figured. He met this other girl before I had to do anything. This baby, we are family already. Vasile, he is… well, I could never be happy with him and he is not the kind of man I want anywhere near my child.’ Grace nodded as if she understood.
‘Okay, so what do you want to do?’
‘I want to disappear, but I can’t do that, can I?’
‘He doesn’t know where you are, does he?’
‘No, he will think I am at work at this hour.’ Then something occurred to Kasia. ‘I changed the locks on the apartment. Oh God, he will go mad.’
‘Okay. Okay.’ Grace walked the length of the little room over and back. ‘Okay.’ She smiled at Kasia. ‘I have an idea. I’m not sure what you’re going to make of it, but here goes.’
‘I’m listening and – how do you say it – opened for all your suggestions?’ Knowing that she had Grace Kennedy on her side, she felt she had help at her back.
‘Okay. You need to text him. Tell him the locks were changed; make something up if you have to. You lost your keys, or the landlord changed them, something to do with insurance – anything. Tonight, you have to work a night shift, but you’ll get back in the morning and let him in then. You’re not in the café; you’re doing a bit of agency work, maybe outside the city somewhere?’ She was nodding to herself, still thinking, still pacing. ‘That gives us time to clear out anything you want from the flat.’
‘What?’ Kasia felt the word drop from her lips. There was something surreal about watching Grace Kennedy, such a tiny woman, taking care of everything for her.
‘Well, you said you wanted to disappear?’
‘Yes, but…’ Kasia shook her head slightly.
‘Look, we’ll leave a note for him. Say you have moved on. He’s welcome to the place. I’ll take out as much of your stuff as I can. I can store it for you at the studio.’ She reached out her hand towards Evie, tucked the blanket snugly beneath her chin. It was tapered and soft and the white gold jewellery that adorned her fingers glinted playfully in the light. ‘I’m thinking you might save each other.’
Kasia feared it made little difference where she went or what she said to Vasile. Maybe Grace was right; with time, things could turn out better. At least she could be helping Evie – there was that – and it would give her time to think about her future and what was best for her and the baby. While she tapped in the text, Grace called Annalise Connolly.
‘There isn’t a choice, Annalise. This is what Paul would have wanted you to do.’ She listened to the voice on the other end of the phone. Kasia thought she wouldn’t talk Annalise Connolly around easily, but before long there seemed to be agreement. ‘Great. You can bring the jeep; we can fold down the seats to bring lots of stuff in it?’ She wasn’t asking, not really. Grace winked at Kasia. ‘So. What do you need from the flat?’ There wasn’t much: a few bits of clothes, some money she kept in a jar in the bathroom and a photograph of herself and Maria, taken at a party in Bucharest before anyone had mentioned cancer. The photograph was the only thing that meant anything to her.
There was no return call from Vasile. She assumed from the silence that he’d swallowed her text, or maybe his heart was broken by his new love. She didn’t really care, so long as Grace Kennedy and Annalise Connolly got in and out of the flat safely. Once they did that, she would contact Vasile and explain where the key was and that she had moved on.
*
‘So, you are happy to stay with her?’ the doctor spoke in hushed tones, as though Evie might not hear.
‘Yes, we will take care of each other. That is how it will be.’ Kasia peered down at Evie. She’d taken it well, the fact that Kasia was going to move in with her, an uninvited guest foisted on her, if not to spy, then certainly to keep her within her sights.
‘Kasia said she will stay for as long as she is needed.’ It would be six months anyway to get Evie up and running and by then the baby would be almost ready to arrive. Kasia couldn’t see that far ahead. All she could think of was keeping clear of Vasile.
‘And the psychiatric team are happy with this arrangement?’ The consultant turned to check with the matron who stood to his left.
‘Yes, they have spoken with Mrs Starr at length; they feel with some support she is better off at home.’ The matron smiled at Evie. They were a similar vintage; both knew the value of home.
‘Well, that’s settled.’ With the flick of a pen, the consultant sealed both their lots, for better or worse.
Kasia and Evie; two strangers assigned to look out for each other. Evie, as rich as she seemed to be, had nothing. Kasia, who had not two cents to spare, had a life growing inside her that would be her family. She had, within herself, all that she needed to be happy. ‘We will be fine.’
‘Thank you for this. You have no idea what it’ll mean to get home.’ Kasia smiled; if she could bring even some small measure of happiness to Evie Considine, it would make Paul very pleased; she owed him that much.
‘You are helping me too, you must not forget that. You are keeping me safe from Vasile,’ Kasia said.
‘I’m glad. Paul would want you to take care of yourself and the baby.’ Evie’s words were genuine, even if her eyes had lost their vitality.
‘He would want you to be well also,’ murmured Kasia. A large tear made its way down Evie Considine’s cheek. ‘You can’t do this again; you have to find something to live for without him.’
‘You are very wise.’
‘He loved you very much. He would not want this for you.’ Kasia considered the old woman whose eyes, dark blue, were deep as Lake Bucura, but empty, waiting for something to build a little faith in.
‘I thought he did.’ A shuddering breath passed through her. ‘I just wanted to be with him. It’s what I’ve always wanted, if I’m honest.’
‘This time,’ Grace cleared her throat, ‘this time, Evie, I think we all have to let him go.’ A small tear faltered on the edge of her perfect lashes. ‘Kasia is right. He wouldn’t want this for you.’
‘It’s just so hard.’ Evie Considine pulled a couple of tissues from a box beside her, wiping her eyes fiercely. ‘My mother used to say we shouldn’t cry for the dead until they are at least a week buried, otherwise you just hold them to this world when they are happier to be on their way.’
‘We have a similar saying in Romania. It’s about freeing the spirit.’
Grace moved between the two women, ‘We gave him a good send-off and maybe it’s time to let him go.’
‘We find some way of getting on with life?’ Kasia said.
‘That sounds like an idea,’ Evie Considine said, and Kasia detected something a little closer to courage than to despair.
*
If Annalise Connolly wasn’t exactly friendly, neither was she unhelpful. She carried the two carrier bags for Kasia without complaining, while Grace linked Evie steadily. They all piled into one of the most pimped-up-looking Range Rovers Kasia had ever seen. She wouldn’t want to guess how much it cost to buy, but there again money couldn’t always buy happiness or taste. This thing was similar to a gleaming white Sherman tank, with blacked-out windows, go-faster lines along the doors and an array of extra headlamps perched up front that wouldn’t look out of place on safari in Kenya. The interior had that lovely new car smell; it was a cream Pavlova of leather, wool carpet and blonde wood panelling. From the rear-view mirror, Annalise had hung a dreamcatcher with pictures of her sons at the centre. Evie needed help into the front seat, while Kasia and Grace slid as elegantly as possible into the back.
‘Thank you, dear, for collecting us,’ Evie said and Kasia believed that, just for a moment, Annalise’s heart softened at the sight of her.
‘No probs,’ Annalise said. Her posh nasal twang was more noticeable to Kasia’s ears than the other women’s accents. She was the kind of girl who would have crossed the road to avoid all of them given half a chance. From the outside, it seemed as if Annalise had everything a girl could want. She was a natural beauty, if a little heavy-handed with the make-up and her hair was over- peroxided. But she had lovely delicate features, a body most girls would kill for and the kind of graceful movement that spoke of hours of ballet in earlier years and either yoga or Pilates now. She had two healthy boys, a home to call her own and no shortage of cash, if the car was anything to go by. At the funeral, it was plain to see, she also had parents who doted on her. Yes, to Kasia, it seemed Annalise had it all sorted. And she must have had some charm for Paul; Kasia could not imagine him hooking up with somebody devoid of personality.
Early on, when she first met him, Kasia guessed that Paul admired her vulnerability. Whatever had brought them together, Kasia could see nothing fragile about any of these women. In their own way, each of them was stronger than Paul, even if they didn’t see it for themselves.
She contacted work on their way to Evie’s house. For now, she would change around her shifts. Maybe she would ask if she could transfer to another location. The catering company operated all over the city. She could try her luck elsewhere if that failed. She explained she had to rest for a few days, so she would contact them when she was back on her feet. She was staying with a friend for a while. At least if Vasile checked, she would seem to have disappeared.
Once Annalise drove onto the open road, Kasia relaxed.
‘Good to get out of there,’ Grace murmured.
‘It is good,’ she agreed. ‘It is good to be surrounded by nice people also. I appreciate what you’ve done for me; if I can do anything for you…’
‘Kasia, you’ve done more than you know for me already.’ She smiled. Grace Kennedy was a good person and Kasia could see why Paul had loved her. What she could not understand was why he’d left her, especially for Annalise!
Soon they were on the coast road, ploughing along past the various suburbs on the way out to Howth. In the distance, she could see Ireland’s Eye. Since she came to Dublin, she got into the habit of taking the train to one of the many beaches and promenades outside the city each week. Most Sundays she strolled one of the many Dublin beaches. She watched the waves and gulls and dreamed about how life might turn out with a little luck. Sometimes she would stop off and buy a cup of tea, drink it on one of the park benches that lined the promenades in Bray or Howth or Clontarf or Dun Laoghaire. The lack of a seaside in her own childhood made her value it even more. She dreamed of living by the sea some day. One day.
In Howth, they moved away from the sea to get to Evie’s house: Carlinville. The road climbed higher, so it felt as if they would arrive on the top of the famous hill of Howth, then abruptly the Range Rover pulled left in front of a high wall. Far below, beyond the rooftops, the sea glittered, its silvery scales catching Kasia’s eyes and making her blink with the intensity. Somehow, today everything seemed much sharper than before. Perhaps it was because she knew this would soon become familiar to her, where before she thought she’d never see the place again.
‘Come on.’ Grace pulled the bags from the seat between them. ‘Let’s get you both settled.’ She stood at the door, holding it steady while Annalise gave Evie an arm for support. Kasia breathed in the clean scent of cut grass and the sea breeze that lapped up the hill towards them.
‘It’s beautiful. I thought so the first time I came here, but I don’t think I was brave enough to say it,’ she said to Evie, who was glancing around at the place as though she’d been away for a long time. ‘I never dreamed I’d get to stay somewhere like this.’
‘I’ve never been anywhere else,’ Evie said a little sadly, as though her life was the emptier for having stayed in the same place for all these years. ‘I grew up here. Grew old here too.’
Kasia smiled. ‘Ah, Evie, you are not old yet.’
‘You’re very kind, Kasia.’ She paused and squinted up at the sky, blue with patchy white clouds meandering by in no particular hurry. ‘Would you like to see the garden?’
They walked through a wooden door, which led to a large garden filled with old-fashioned shrubs and flowers and grass that needed cutting. Carlinville really was the most magical, perfect home – the kind of house people wrote stories about: Children’s stories, where you could taste the hot chocolate and excitement of adventures to be fashioned equally out of long hot summer days or wintry nights with howling winds. Kasia made her way up the winding, unevenly paved path until she stood before the faded red kitchen door. And without warning, after all the years of being lost, Kasia felt a warm familiar feeling envelope her. She’d made it home.
*
Kasia spotted the sports car in the garage one evening when she went in search of oil to take some of the creaks out of the old house. From the moment she laid eyes on it, she knew it held the magic to pull Evie out of herself. A few days later, she dragged Annalise through rain that was too close to sleet for Kasia’s liking. She let them into the garage, as though she was opening a precious vault, and she pulled the heavy waxy cover off the MG Midget.
‘They must have been the most glamorous couple around,’ Kasia sighed. ‘I mean, she’s still beautiful, for her age.’ Annalise ran a finger along the cold lines of the bonnet. ‘But when you see photographs of her, she was like a movie star. I think it’d be good for her.’ She grinned at Annalise.
‘What would be good for her?’
‘To get old Mildred on the road again.’ She pointed towards the car. ‘That’s what I’m calling her. Mildred the Midget. It suits, don’t you think?’
‘Can she drive?’ Annalise sounded surprised, but she wasn’t reluctant. The car was a beauty and Kasia had figured correctly that Annalise shared her father’s love of cars.
‘She did once.’ Kasia stood back a little from the car. It was gorgeous, its body a faded buttery white, with a maroon soft top. Inside, the leather had a waxy sheen. The chromes were still shiny and silver and even the walnut dash felt icy smooth as though recently polished. The door was light to the touch and opened without as much as a creak. ‘She needs this. It will pull her out of her sadness.’
‘Does it even go anymore?’
Kasia tinkled the keys beside her. She had found them in a drawer that Evie rarely opened now.
‘No time like the present to find out.’ Kasia hopped into the passenger’s seat. Annalise turned the keys. They waited while the engine lights flickered, once, twice and then came to life with a gentle hum, like an old cat woken from a long sleep.
‘It really is a lovely car.’ Annalise reached out to touch the dash. The finish was exquisite. ‘It feels like new.’ She was drawn in by the nostalgia of the car; Kasia thought it might work its magic on her too. When you sat in it, it was as though you had been introduced to a Paul Starr who had lived a different life to the one either of them had seen him live. Of course, if Paul had lived a different life, so had Evie – for a while, she’d been a different person. Perhaps she had been a happier person. ‘Of course you’re right; she needs something more.’
‘She’s getting there, having company here; it is suiting her, no?’
‘Oh, yes, very much, it’s suiting her. You’ve done her the world of good, but…’
‘Yes?’
‘Well, you’re going to leave, aren’t you?’
‘I…’
‘Of course you are; you’ll find your own place. Perhaps there is a man?’
‘No,’ Kasia started to laugh. Kasia had enough to contend with in keeping out of Vasile’s way; the last thing she wanted was another complication.
‘No?’ Annalise turned her attention to the various sticks and controls before her. ‘Anyway, as I say, you’ll have your baby; you’ll move on and then Evie will find herself back where she was before you came to stay here.’
‘She lived on her own for a long time. She might be happy to get her house back to herself again.’ But Kasia didn’t want to leave. She was happy here, but of course, it would come to an end as all things did and she didn’t want to outstay her welcome.
‘Yes, she lived on her own, but she wasn’t happy.’
‘True.’ Kasia thought about that every day. How sad must Evie have been to try to take her own life? The very idea of someone like Evie even thinking of committing suicide seemed horribly wrong to Kasia. Would taking this car out help her or would it set her back? It might remind her of happy times that may never come her way again. It might remind her of all she had lost. It might just give her an easier way to end it all. Kasia began to wonder if it was such a good idea after all.
‘Look, let’s bring it out for a little spin, just to see if it’s in good mechanical order. Then we can think about how to get her behind the wheel.’
‘But, don’t we need insurance?’ Kasia asked. Annalise was already rolling up the old garage door.
‘Trust me,’ she said and winked. Kasia closed her eyes for a moment as the car backed slowly out of the garage; the rain was still sheeting down.
The runabout only took five minutes, but it felt like a lifetime. Kasia knew it was the stress of maybe being caught in a stolen car.
‘Test-driving, that’s all we were doing.’ Annalise parked the car expertly and pulled the tarpaulin over it again.
‘You know your way around cars,’ Kasia watched Annalise automatically clip in the corners.
‘My father has a garage, remember? I grew up parking cars on the forecourt. Anyway, we’re hardly likely to steal it, are we?’ Annalise pulled the lock across on the garage door before they dashed back towards the house.
‘No. I didn’t mean that; sometimes it is the way I say things. You understand, though?’ Kasia panted. ‘You enjoy bending the rules, I think.’
‘I enjoy getting one over on people.’ They were standing in the small kitchen. Annalise filled the kettle and switched it on. ‘So how are we going to get Evie into that car?’