I woke up Wednesday morning in a soft jersey t-shirt that clearly wasn’t my size and in a bed that was much bigger than mine. My head was pounding and as my eyes adjusted, I realized I was back in Hudson’s hotel suite.
The sound of the shower running and the mugginess of the steam that escaped from the bathroom filled the silent air around me. The room was still dark, and the clock on the nightstand read five in the morning.
“Shit,” I said out loud as I rubbed my temples.
The last thing I remembered was running into Hudson outside of the diner then going back to his hotel room. I must have drank too much with him, which was a shame, because I couldn’t remember a damn thing about the night before.
I heard the shower shut off and within minutes, Hudson emerged with a white hotel towel wrapped around his narrow waist. His upper body was a pure work of art, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of him as he rifled through his suitcase and pulled out some clothes.
He slipped on his usual jeans and t-shirt combination and slipped over to my side of the bed where he took a seat.
“Morning,” he said as he leaned down and kissed my forehead. “You must’ve been tired last night. One drink and you were out cold.”
I smiled, trying not to blast him with my dragon breath. I took relief in knowing that we hadn’t slept together, and I hadn’t missed out on any fabulous memories of that after all.
“I have an early call time today,” he said. “I’m leaving town tomorrow. Going home. I really want to see you again.”
I smiled again. I wanted to see him too.
“Can you come over again tonight?” he asked.
I nodded. If Hudson Smith wanted to spend one more night with me, who was I to tell him no? Things with Luke had already taken a turn for the worst, and I was pretty sure we were approaching unsalvageable territory. I had nothing to lose at this point.
“Great,” he said as he flashed his megawatt smile. “Come over around eight.”
I pulled the covers back up and settled down deep into the soft pillows. I shut my eyes and tried to get a few more hours of sleep. It was way too early for me to even function.
***
I drove back to my apartment a few hours later, opting to shower in my own bathroom. I didn’t feel like throwing on my greasy, diner clothes from the night before, as much as I really wanted to shower in Hudson’s shower once again.
I threw off my dirty clothes and climbed into my shower. As the water trickled down my back, I squeezed my eyes tight and thought about the things Hudson had said. I couldn’t tell if he was just really good with words or if I was being foolish and naïve, but everything he said made perfect sense to me.
I thought about how angry Luke was. There was nothing I could say or do to reverse the damage that had already been done. If our friendship wasn’t strong enough for him to forgive me, then what business did I have wasting my life trying to make it up to him?
I still loved Luke though. He was like a comfortable pair of jeans, the kind you keep forever because they fit you just perfectly and they just don’t make that style anymore. Even if they rip, you still love the hell out of them. You wear them until they fall apart. And then you mend them and wear them some more. That was Luke for me. But if I wasn’t his comfy, old pair of jeans, there was nothing I could do about that.
I rinsed the conditioner from my hair and the soap from my body and stepped out, wrapping my hair in a towel and tossing a thick, fluffy pink robe around my body. I patted on a bit of moisturizer, brushed my teeth, and headed out of the steamy bathroom.
As I crossed the living room and headed towards my bedroom, I about fainted when I saw Luke sitting on my sofa.
“Luke!” I gasped. “Oh, my God. You scared the hell out of me.”
I laughed, but I was still startled. I was just relieved it was him and not some crazy, random stalker guy.
I pulled my robe tight. “What are you doing here? You didn’t call or anything.”
I knew Luke had a key to my place, I’d given it to him years ago in case I ever misplaced mine, but it was rare for him to just stop by unannounced.
Luke couldn’t even look at me. He just sat there, hunched forward, with his hands folded together in front of him.
“I’ve been thinking a lot,” he said. “I keep thinking about you and him. What he did to you. What you did with him.”
“Luke,” I said. “Don’t...”
“I don’t know how I can get over it, Brynn,” he said. He looked up at me with tears in his eyes. In seven years of being with Luke, I’d only ever seen him cry once when his grandma passed away while we were still in high school.
“So you’re sure you can’t forgive me?” I asked.
“It just changes things,” he said.
“It doesn’t have to,” I said.
I shuffled over and took a seat next to him. I didn’t know if he wanted me to sit by him or not, but I didn’t care.
The truth was, I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t have a legitimate reason for sleeping with Hudson other than the fact that he was who he was and I allowed him to seduce me.
“I can’t change what I did,” I said. “I can’t expect you to forget it either. I just don’t know why you care so much.”
He turned towards me again, and I fully expected him to finally confess that he had feelings for me and that that was why it hurt him so bad. He said nothing.
“What I have with Hudson, that’s nothing,” I said. “Just a fling.”
“What you have with Hudson,” he repeated me verbatim. “What’s that mean?”
“Huh?” I tried to play dumb, but I knew I’d backed myself into a corner.
“I thought you just hooked up with him once,” he said. “Is it turning into a thing now?”
“I don’t know what it is,” I said.
“Did you see him again?” Luke asked. I could hear his heavy breathing kicking in. He was getting upset again.
“Last night,” I said. “But nothing happened.”
“Brynn,” Luke groaned. He stood up and stuck his hands in his pockets. “How can you sit here and tell me it meant nothing when you are still taking to that guy and hanging out with him?”
He had a point, and I wished more than anything that I had a good answer for him. Things were complicated, and I knew that. I didn’t have valid excuses for anything anymore.
Luke took a few steps towards the door.
“Wait,” I said. “So you’re leaving? Just like that?”
He spun around and put his hands out as if he couldn’t make it any more obvious.
“So that’s it?” I asked. “Why’d you even come here tonight?”
His shoulders drooped as he looked me square in the eyes.
“I don’t know,” he said. I’d never seen him look so defeated before.
In that moment, I had two choices: I could either continue our argument that was clearly going around in circles and getting us nowhere or I could just let him go. If he wasn’t man enough to fight for me and finally admit he loved me too, then I knew I needed to move on and explore other options.
“Goodbye, Luke,” I said.
He seemed a little shocked that I didn’t say anything beyond that, but within seconds he’d left my apartment and slammed the door. A picture frame containing a picture of us from our high school homecoming coronation fell off the wall and the glass shattered on the wood floor in his place.