Chapter Twenty-One

 

The next day she got up and got dressed, fixed breakfast as usual and they talked at the table like any normal day.

"Your kind of dressed up, what's the occasion?" Wes asked.

"Going to the bank today."

"Are you going to be able to pay the mortgage?" Wes asked.

"Yes, for another year."

"That's great."

"I couldn't have done it without you, Wes." She said, not looking at him.

"I'm going with you into town and see if I can find someone who wants to work here." Wes told her.

"Oh, well, okay. That would be nice. Come planting time I'll need some help if I don't sell the place."

Wes stared at her hard, his heart pounding like a drum. He didn't want her selling the place, but then, she had every right to, if that was what she wanted to do.

"Do you want to sell?" He asked her, coming toward her now.

"No, of course not. But I'll need a good worker, one that can help me keep this place going." She insisted.

"Then I'll get busy trying to find you some help."

"Alright," she agreed.

On the way into town, Wes rode with her, she was too tense to talk, her throat was still too full of tears. She didn't know how she'd be able to talk to the bank manager and not cry. But she was grown and on her own now and had to take care of things.

"Want me to go in with you?" He asked.

"No, I'll be fine." She said softly.

"Okay, I'm gonna see if I can find someone."

"Alright."

She took care of the mortgage payment first then withdrew money enough to pay Wes for his help.

"You did good this year, Kate." The bank President told her. "I hope you can continue to do so. Is your hired man staying on for the planting season?"

"No, he's going to try to find me some help, as he's leaving soon."

"Sorry to hear that. Well, there are a few men in town that could sure use a job. Here's a couple of names to check out."

"Thank you, Mr. Mueller." She said swallowing the lump in her throat.

"You take care, now." He smiled at her.

Wes wasn't back by the time she finished so she went to a dress shop and looked about. She kept an eye out for Wes as she looked at the pretty dresses.

Maybe she'd buy a dress to wear for the day Wes left. Maybe if she looked at this as a positive step, she'd feel better about him leaving.

Trouble was, she gave him ample time to tell her how he felt, and he hadn't said much about it. She'd been a fool, as she knew this day would come. How could she have been so dense.

Wes had done more than his fair share of the work. He'd killed the cat, and he'd got her crops in and found buyers for them. He delivered it all. She couldn't expect more than that.

Still, all they shared, and after all this time, he was nothing more than a friend. She wished she'd never kissed him now. Because that told her so much about him. If she hadn't gotten so emotionally involved with him, she wouldn’t be feeling this way.

Now she began to realize what he meant when he had told her about his true love. When she died, he gave up living.

Still, that had been years ago, and hadn't he found anything worth living for since?

Perhaps if she'd loved Jim, she'd have felt the same way when he died.

She wasn't making much sense.

The lady in the dress shop kept asking her if she could help her find something, but she wasn't interested in pretty dresses. Wes obviously didn't see her as anything, but a friend and she couldn't change that.

She'd never had a friend like him. Never shared so much of herself with anyone before. Why did she have to pick him to share with? She knew he wouldn't stay.

She spotted him walking down the boardwalk and went out to meet him.

"Well, I'm through, are you?"

"Yeah, I didn't get very far."

"The bank manager gave me a couple of names. You want to go check them out really quick?"

"Sure, why not." He encouraged. Something sounded so flat in his voice, as there was no excitement there. She missed the way he got excited about things. But today, he was simply indulging her.

"We don't have to, if you don't want to." She told him.

"One of them is right here in town. Come on, we'll see." He told her taking her elbow and directing her in the general direction.

But the man wasn't home and when he peaked in the bar, he stopped to ask for the man's name. The bartender pointed him to a man sitting alone at a table, with a half empty bottle of whiskey.

Wes walked away from that one.

Kate wanted to know why he didn't go talk to him.

"Kate, he's a drunk. You don't need that kind of trouble."

"I suppose," she said dejectedly.

"Look, I'll hang around for a while and see if I can find anyone to help."

"I don't want to impose on your time."

"A week and then I'm gone." He told her.

"A week," she sighed heavily. "Alright."

They went home, but they were both very quiet.

When she went inside, she began preparing the evening meal. Dickens was oiling his gun and he watched her fling things around in the kitchen.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

"No, nothing. Just trying to decide what to cook." She told him.

He didn't believe that. "Did you see the banker?"

"I did, and I've got Wes' money for him. I guess I should go give it to him." She told him.

"I can do it, if you want me to."

"No, I need to thank him for all he's done for me." Kate said, chewing on her lower lip.

Wes was oiling his gun when she went into the barn. She hadn't gone to his little room before since he came. She didn't want to intrude, but she knocked on the door.

"Come in, it's open." He hollered.

He was washing up at the washbowl and he had his shirt off. It was the first time she'd ever seen him shirtless and it startled her a bit.

"Uh…um… I came to pay you. I forgot." She dug the money out of her dress pocket and handed it to him.

"Sure you can afford to pay me?" he asked with a slight smile as he turned toward her.

She couldn't speak, she was looking at him and flustered.

"Yes, of course. I came to thank you for all you've done for me and the place here." She said wishing she could be more sophisticated about this, but she couldn't.

He stared at the money and reached for his shirt. Then when he still didn’t take it, she came closer. Any time you are nearby and want to make a little extra money, stop off and see us."

"So is Dickens moving in?"

"Yeah, and it's a good thing." She turned away as the site of him made her uneasy. The only man she'd ever seen without his shirt on was Jim. And Jim was very lean and not muscled at all. Wes on the other hand, had a very trim waist, but his chest and shoulders flared, into a very well-built man.

"Here," she offered once more as he buttoned his shirt and gave her his full attention. "I better get back. I need to fix supper."

"Kate," he called to her before she reached the door. "I'm sorry I have to leave. But I've really got some things I need to take care of."

"Of course you do, I understand. I knew you'd be leaving soon. I'm just glad you stayed long enough to help me get the crops in. I paid the mortgage for another year, so I've got some time to decide what I'm going to do. If I don't get decent help, I may have to consider selling out, but it is my last option."

"How long you think you can hold out, selling, that is?" He asked coming closer.

She dropped her gaze to the floor. "Well, if I can find someone to plow the field and help me get the crops in, I guess I can stay but if I don't. I'll have to consider selling."

He took her by the arms to turn her around to look at her. "I'm going to try to be back by spring."

"You're coming back?" she asked, shocked by the news.

"If my plan works out, you won't have to sell, Kate, unless you want to." He told her.

"What plan?" she asked.

"I don't want to say anything to get your hopes up, but if it does, I'll be back. By mid-April." He told her.

"You don't owe me anything, Wes. You did your job, and I'm thankful."

"I wish I could tell you what I've got in mind, but it's too soon." He stared into her face.

"Well, if you can fine, you have a job here, if you want it, and if you can't, I'll understand." She said her hand on the door to leave.

"Dammit Kate, there's so many things I want to say to you, but I can't yet!"

"I better go now, and supper will be ready soon." She said and ran out the door.

She didn't know what he was talking about. And the fact that he couldn’t confide in her told her enough.

Wes was a good friend, and a great hired hand, but that was all he was. All he could be.

So why were tears running down her cheeks. Why did it hurt so much that he was leaving? She'd expected him to all along.

She fixed chicken fried steaks, with mashed potatoes and gravy. She had corn on the cob, and fresh canned green beans and biscuits.

"Well this is a great meal, Kate." Dickens commented when it got too quiet.

"Yeah, it's great." Wes added.

"Thought we should have a good meal to celebrate." She told them.

"Celebrate what?"

"Paying the mortgage and getting the crops in and killing the cat!" she said her voice veering slightly from the normal.

"I bought some wine, I thought that would be nice." She told them.

"Kate, I got something to tell you, both of you." Dickens told her as she opened the wine and poured them all a glass of a fine red wine.

"I'm listening," she said as she sat down once more.

"I'm selling my place Kate, since I'm moving in here and since I am going to be living here, I'll pay the next years rent, so you won't have to worry about the crops unless you do find someone to work it for you."

"Oh, I can't let you do that."

"Of course you can. I'll be living here and using things and eating your food. I need to pay my own way, Kate." Dickens told her.

Wes stared at the two of them. "Well, that would solve a lot of your problems, Kate. It would give you time to find some help and you'd be helping each other."

"I hadn't planned on charging you to live here, Dickens. I love to have you stay. I need the company." She smiled.

"Well, company or not, I pay my own way girl. So it's settled. Now we can really celebrate." He smiled at her.

She leaned and kissed the top of his bald head. "We'll talk about this later." She insisted.

"No we won't. I won't stay if I can't pay my own way." He told her.

"Alright, you can pay it then." She finally gave in.

Wes smiled. "That makes me feel a lot better."

Dickens saw how reluctant she was, and he reached for her hand. "This way, I'll feel it's my home too, Kate."

She finally quit fiddling with the wine bottle and set it on the table. "I guess you are right. I got too much pride."

"Let it go Kate. If you aren't worrying and upset all the time, it'll be a lot more pleasant around here."

She snickered. "Well, I guess that's true."

"Good, now that's settled I feel better already." Dickens chuckled.

They sipped their wine and it seemed to relax them as the conversation picked up.

That evening they all three sat on the porch for a while. Lucky and Moby seemed to have made friends. But Dickens didn't dally much he went to bed early leaving her and Wes alone.

"I hope your plans work out Wes." She said softly.

"Me too. It's the first big ambition I've had in a long time. I want you to know, you've helped me a lot too Kate."

"Me? How?" she asked a bit surprised by his statement.

He snorted a bit, then looked at her. "I've been nursing this, 'Everyone's gonna die on me' routine for too long. I forgot I was still alive. You reminded me."

"I did? I don't know how." She chuckled.

"Sure you do. You kissed me."

She nearly fell off the steps when he said that. "I wasn't trying to change you Wes. I was just trying to prove a point at the time."

"I know that. But it sure woke me up."

"It did?"

"I guess if you hadn't been such a good kisser, I might have ignored it. But damn, honey, you sure know how."

"I do?"

"You do." He sighed.

"Don't let it go to your head. I don’t' want to come back to find you working in a saloon or something." He told her.

"I wasn't serious about that. I mean, unless I had to, of course." She chuckled.

"Good to see you smiling again." He said softly. "But Kate there is one thing I want before I go."

"Oh?" she looked puzzled again. "What's that."

"You might not want to do it."

"You want me to do something for you?"

"Oh yeah. I sure do."

"What?" she asked.

"I want you to kiss me like there's no tomorrow." He said softly coming closer now. "I want you to not think about Jim, or Frank Campbell, or Dickens, or even Moby, just me. I want you to kiss me like you mean it!" he told her.

"Tell me why?" she said softer.

"Because a man can carry a kiss like that forever and be happy. Whether he's a success or failure. Whether he's rich or poor. And I want you to know, I've been dying to kiss you like that for days now." He said coming to stand in front of her. "I'm leaving early in the morning. I wouldn't go so soon, but Dickens offering to pay you made it easier to go. I don't want any goodbyes, but I need this kiss."

"I'm gonna miss you Wes."

"I know that, And I'll miss you too, honey. More than you'll know. Now prove it to me. Kiss me."

"Then why leave?"

"I have to, now shut up and kiss me, Kate!" he said bringing her into his arms.

"Oh Wes," she cried, and she tiptoed and wound her arms around his neck and touched her lips to his once more. It was like fire and ice meeting. A slow melting of the mind and heart. His lips swept her into a void she got lost in. Only he mattered, only them being together like this mattered. The way his lips caressed hers over and over until she was squirming to be closer. She wanted to climb him, tare his clothes off him and make love to him, she wanted him so badly. And yet the pure torture of his abrasive shadow on his cheek, made her open her mouth as his tongue slid inside to waltz with hers. She'd never known a man could be so gentle with her, and yet set her on fire. The smells of a man that worked hard in the noonday sun. She wasn't breathing, she was somewhere dancing on a cloud as he made love to her lips over and over leaving her breathless and wanting more. How could a man kiss her and make her feel as though he'd taken her? And the thought of him taking her, made her respond all the more amorously. As he slowly pulled away, he smiled into her shining eyes.

He moved away, but the smile lingered, "Don't let any man change you, nor make you a lady. You’re a woman, a damned fine woman, and don't let anyone put you down. Don't get married while I'm gone…"

"I'll always remember you Wes, always."

"I hope so, honey, because I won't forget this moment, ever!" He told her as she backed away. "Sometimes a kiss can be better than making love."

She stared, her lips still warm from his touching, "Yes," she murmured. "It can."

He smiled sexily at her and she felt her heart race from his smile.

As he disappeared into the barn, she whispered, "I love you Wes Dolan."

He didn't hear her, but that was okay. He'd made her feel like a real woman tonight and she'd never forget that, nor him.

She touched her lips, they were raw, but that didn't matter. Wes Dolan had kissed her tonight and made her feel like the woman she had always wanted to be. He'd made love to her with his lips and she knew she'd given him her heart tonight. She couldn't imagine anything feeling better than that kiss.

She went to bed and dreamed of him. She wouldn't think of his leaving. She wouldn't be disheartened. She'd wait for him to return in April. It was a hope that he lit inside her, a promise, a drifter's promise. And she'd hold it dear to her heart.

Perhaps she was being too childish and dreamy, but that was alright too. He'd made her feel like a woman for the first time in her life and she'd never forget him for that. He'd showed her a softer side of a man. And she needed to see that side of a man, to know it was real. And he'd given her a small piece of hope for the future.

All she could think about was April, and what it might feel like if he did come back!