IT IS HARD to say whether the standard of college football in America was higher or lower than what I had known in the FA Women’s Premier League, mainly because my college team wasn’t really very good at that time. I don’t know if I should say that, but it’s the truth. What was pleasing was the way in which the sport was accepted in the States. That was much better than what I was used to in England, and I felt much more appreciated as a result.
Under Betty Ann Kempf, Seton Hall Pirates qualified to play in the Big East conference with a best-ever 14–5 win–loss record. We were up against teams such as Boston College, Connecticut, Notre Dame, Pittsburgh and Rutgers, one of the colleges I had turned down. I went straight into the starting line-up for the Pirates once all the administration concerning my registration had been completed. I suddenly felt alive again.
Things could not have started better for me once I’d got that team shirt on my back. I scored nine goals in my first five games along with two assists. I was voted the Star-Ledger Woman Athlete of the Week – and that was the first of many accolades I was to receive at Seton Hall.
I really enjoyed my football there. I remember us beating Notre Dame, of Indiana. They were always ranked in the top five, maybe even top two, in college football. They were unbeaten in thirty-seven matches. And we beat them. It was the first time the Pirates had ever beaten them. It was glorious. I scored the first goal and set up the second in a 3–2 victory after overtime, as the Americans call extra-time. That is a big memory for me because it was such a big game for us. It was like our World Cup final. We beat a team that we weren’t supposed to beat and that earned us a little bit of recognition – but not as much as I thought we deserved. We were elevated to seventeenth in the national standings. It was the first time the college had ever been placed in the top twenty.
This result gave us such a boost. It made us realize that we were not too far behind the top teams. It thrilled everybody to know that we could play with the best, compete with the best and beat the best.
As I have mentioned, the college had never been all that good when it came to women’s football. When I signed for them I remember there was a lot of talk about me scoring all these goals and changing the fortunes of the team. So it was a good feeling actually to deliver in a high-profile game like that. It was in fact a fine opening season for me. I became the first athlete in any sport in the conference to be voted Player of the Year and Newcomer of the Year in the same campaign, so that was quite an achievement.
This led to my picture being used in the local newspaper. Inevitably, I started to get noticed around the place a lot more. Our crowds were on the up too. Suddenly the recognition came my way. It was a completely new experience for me. I had not had anything like it in England.
I was surprised at how much of a standout player I was in my first season at Seton Hall. But, to be honest, I was much better than the other players in my team. That will sound big-headed, but I had natural ability, and that was what allowed me to stand out. The college game was based on athleticism – run, run, run. There wasn’t much of a focus on skill and technique, and of course my game was based on skill and technique. So I was always going to shine compared to a lot of my team-mates due simply to that; I was just able to offer more than them on the pitch. I got a lot of attention in the press as a result, probably because I was ‘easy on the eye’ – or should I say ‘easy on the ball’.
I was scoring goals pretty much for fun. I wanted to take that first year in the USA by storm and I really tried to do as well as I could and score as many goals as I could. I managed to do that and it was enjoyable because I was doing it in a different environment, playing against different players in a different country.
But I had to vary my game slightly as time went on. My natural style was to run at players and take them on, but soon I was being marked so tightly that that became almost impossible. Some teams put three players on me.
I adapted well, and in the following two seasons I was the leading goalscorer in the Big East conference and all of the NCAA, scoring twenty-five and twenty-two goals respectively. I was named Big East Offensive Player of the Year in both those seasons and NCAA Rookie of the Year in my first season. I was NCAA Offensive Player of the Year in my third season there too. I scored six hat-tricks in that time. My goal-per-game ratio was 1.77. And with me scoring goals, Seton Hall’s results got better and the team was regularly placed much higher up the table. So the Pirates finally started to gain some recognition at long last.
But I never felt that it was a one-woman team. I may have been the player that stood out in the side but we had talent elsewhere, goalkeeper Stacey Nagle and midfielder Courtney Wood in particular. Amy McKee and Michelle Canning were good players as well.
Under Betty Ann’s guidance, we made two appearances in the Big East play-off semi-finals, which was a great achievement given where we had come from. Betty Ann was named New Jersey Coach of the Year, which was well deserved. She played an important part in my career. She decided to build her team around me, and that was a big thing to do. It was an honour for me to repay her faith in my ability in the way that I did.
One match that remains vivid in my memory from my Seton Hall days was a game against Pittsburgh, which was televised. We won 4–1 and I got all four goals. I was recognized as the best player in the team and as a result I got a lot of attention from the sports media. I didn’t particularly like that, I have to say – reporters wanting to speak to me after matches and all that. Furthermore, the Seton Hall Pirates number 6 shirt was retired after I left university. It all happened in quite a short amount of time as well, and I wasn’t really ready for it yet. I didn’t know how to deal with the media. They had to set up media training sessions for me because there were so many requests coming in to speak to me. I was advised on how to answer questions and how to stand upright but I could have done without all that. I longed to be left alone to play football.
But, looking back, having your number retired is quite an honour. I now recognize the importance of that. I was the first female footballer to have her number retired. So that was pretty cool. It is still a really big deal in the US because only two other women in the history of Seton Hall have had their numbers retired and I am the first one not to play basketball. So to be classified in that small group is one of my proudest accomplishments. In other words, I get it now. I am part of an elite group. My number 6 banner, which says ‘Kelly Smith – Soccer’, hangs in the basketball arena at the university and will be there for ever.
Sometimes when I go back there and walk around the place I just think of all the good memories and lap them all up. Seeing my banner up there is massive. I think the more time passes, the more grateful I am for it. It was a good period in my life all in all, despite all the harrowing stuff I had to go through at the start – not being able to play football, and feeling homesick. Plus, of course, the drinking habit took hold then. I had no idea how serious a problem it would become in my life.
The funny thing is, the number 6 is not special to me in any other way. It wasn’t a number I particularly wanted to wear at Seton Hall, it was the only low number that was available when I joined the team. It had no significance at all. It became significant, of course, but I hated the focus being on me when I didn’t have a ball at my feet. I didn’t feel comfortable with it at all. It didn’t feel me. The person I was out on the football field was not the person I was off the football field. I was so confident on the field but I was the reverse of that off it.
The night I was named Offensive Player of the Year at the Big East awards dinner was horrible in that respect. The Defensive Player of the Year award was up just before mine, and when Kate Markgraf, who played for Notre Dame and the USA, got up and gave her acceptance speech, it dawned on me that the same thing would be expected of me. I shrivelled in my seat as I listened to Kate give her speech. I began to sweat. I felt physically sick at what would now be expected of me by this big room of people gathered here to celebrate these awards.
So I scarpered. I left the table and went and hid in the bathroom. I wasn’t there to pick up my award. They had to get on and do it without me. When my name was called out, I was suddenly nowhere to be found. Betty Ann didn’t know where I was – nobody did. Betty Ann had to go up and accept the award for me.
One of our players later found me. I was still hiding in the toilets, just sitting on the loo. I just couldn’t physically go up there and say something in front of all those people. It was such a fear of mine to be in a room full of people like that and for them to be listening to what I said. I knew I would never be able to put a sentence together so I took the only way out and ran away.
Betty Ann came in and found me there, crying. I felt so inadequate because I knew I couldn’t do what was expected of me at an occasion such as this. It is a story that the two of us laugh about now because it wouldn’t happen to me today, but I was so fearful of public speaking back then and having to be the centre of attention. I was a fish out of water at moments like that, and I would do anything I could to get out of those situations – even on my big night.