MY RETURN TO match fitness had to be a patient one. Obviously my rehabilitation from alcoholism took time, as did my recovery from the catalogue of injuries I had suffered out in the States. By the end of the 2004/05 season I was finally getting back into my stride. My first appearance for Arsenal Ladies since the early summer of 1997 was as a substitute against Milton Keynes Dons at Borehamwood in April, when I came on for the last twenty-five minutes. Three weeks later I scored a forty-yard goal against Charlton Ladies that secured us the Women’s Premier League title. It was my second league title with the Gunners in just two seasons there – and they were eight years apart!
My return to the England side after a year away took place on 6 May, against Norway in a friendly at Barnsley. But the big highlight came three weeks later against the Czech Republic in another friendly, at the Bescot Stadium in Walsall, when I scored from a similar distance to the strike I had hit for Arsenal against Charlton.
Ten days after that, in early June, Women’s Euro 2005 kicked off.
The fight to get fit for the Euros, being held in England for the first time, was a really hard one for me. I had regular meetings and telephone conversations with England coach Hope Powell in the build-up to the tournament. Everybody was working so hard to get fit and to be selected in the final twenty. There was a buzz about the place throughout the 2004/05 campaign that I sensed as soon as I got home from the US.
Some young players were staking strong claims. Karen Carney was just seventeen years old but in great form. She’d been included in the squad for England’s trip to the Algarve Cup in March along with over twenty others. I was not fit enough to go. (In fact I have never played in the Algarve Cup. England only went once.) All the eight nations that were to play in the Euros – England, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Italy, Norway and Sweden – were there, but, due to not playing in the preceding competition and a lower world ranking than other teams, England did not play any of them. Our games were against Northern Ireland, Portugal, Mexico and China instead. We won the first three comfortably but lost to China 5–3 in a penalty shoot-out. I think the mood was good out there, and it continued through those friendly wins in Barnsley and Walsall.
My relief at returning to the team and scoring a goal, let alone a great lob from forty yards out, was immense, and the emotion was intense. I ran over to Hope on the bench and hugged her. The tears came so freely to me. Yet again I had found a way back from oblivion. And this particular journey over the past eighteen months had been the hardest I’d ever taken. I cried due to the pure elation of it all, really. It was a spectacular goal of course, in terms of the distance involved, but the tears came when I saw Hope. I just wanted to say thank you.
She had been a massive support for me. If it hadn’t been for her my football career would probably have ended in 2004, because if she hadn’t got me the help I needed at that time I could easily have spiralled out of control. I may not even be here today without Hope. That’s how bad things had got. But she stuck by me. She knew I needed to get help and she knew I needed proper treatment. She couldn’t do it herself, but she was there for me as a friend. She really cared about me as a person. Getting me right mentally mattered to her.
I remember Hope saying to me, ‘I don’t care if you never play football again, I just want you to get yourself back.’ I had lost myself. There is no other way of putting it. Hope helped me back into a good space and into a better frame of mind. She helped me get back to the stage where I wanted to play football again. But, as with Vic Akers, there was no pressure from her. ‘See how you go,’ she would say to me. It was like, ‘forget about the football and get yourself right’. And that was the right method to use. It was so beneficial to me that she was caring and understanding in this way. And I will never ever forget that.
I broke down in tears again during an interview with the BBC prior to Euro 2005 when I talked about this. I still get very emotional about it today. Hope was my saviour, really.
Euro 2005 was always touch and go for me. Just before the final squad was announced in late May I had to go for a scan on my left foot because I was still in a lot of pain, mainly because I’d started to play again. I had been suffering from a navicular stress fracture and I experienced a lot of discomfort during those Arsenal games and England friendlies. I was passed fit, took my place in the final twenty, and was given squad number 12. But I wasn’t yet match fit so whether or not I would get to play any part in the tournament I didn’t know. Still, I was in the squad, and that felt really good.
The 2005 Women’s European Championship was amazing for women’s football in England. It was very successful in terms of crowds and television viewing figures and it played a massive part in the growth of the sport in our country. The players felt it from the off. In the lead-up to the tournament we were doing interviews for national newspapers, magazines, television and radio, sometimes making pull-outs and back pages. It seemed the whole nation was getting behind us. It was what I had dreamed about for so long – what, if I am honest, I’d wondered for a long time if I would ever see in my own country. America, yes; England, I wasn’t too sure. But Euro 2005 changed all that. It proved that fans wanted to go along and support their national women’s team and enjoy the game. Supporters were turning up at grounds in England shirts, their faces painted with the St George cross. Some of them proudly came to matches with our names on their backs. The red and white flags were everywhere. The atmosphere heading to the grounds on the coaches was terrific, and the atmosphere inside the stadiums was something I thought I would never experience.
The tournament was held in the north-west, at the City of Manchester Stadium, home of Manchester City; Ewood Park, home of Blackburn Rovers; Deepdale, home of Preston North End; Bloomfield Road, home of Blackpool; and at the Halliwell Jones Stadium, home of Warrington Wolves rugby league team. We were drawn in Group A with Denmark, Finland and Sweden. Germany, the Women’s World Cup holders, the European champions and the tournament favourites, were drawn in Group B with France, Italy and Norway. The top two from each group qualified for the semi-finals. On paper, Germany and Norway were expected to qualify from Group B and Sweden were fancied to go through from our group – all three teams were ranked in the top five in the world – but the other semi-final spot was thought to be wide open.
We kicked off our campaign against Finland on a balmy Sunday evening at the awesome City of Manchester Stadium. It was a match we really had to win if we had any realistic hope of progressing, for the Finns were considered to be the minnows of the competition with the lowest world ranking of all the teams involved. I was told ahead of the game that I was going to start.
Walking into the changing rooms at Manchester City was like moving into another world for us. There was just so much room. It was the biggest changing room I had ever been in in my life. There was so much space to put all your stuff and everything. It felt like the team-mate next to you was far away.
To be playing the opening game in such a stadium was amazing for all of us. For so many people to turn up was even better. A crowd of 29,092 was out there waiting to watch us. We were overwhelmed. It was a record attendance for an England women’s international and for the Women’s European Championship. A further 2.5 million people were watching live on BBC Two. I’d never imagined that so many people would turn out to watch a game of women’s football in our country. When we walked out, it was just buzzing out there. I could clearly see the face paints on the kids in the stands; I could see loads of England flags and England shirts too. The fact that people were wearing such things and wanting to wear such things for us was a real ‘wow’ factor. It was like, ‘Our time has come!’
They were all fantastic that night. You knew that they were there for you, and that was a tremendous boost. There weren’t too many Finnish fans around. It was red and white all over.
I played for forty-five minutes – I just wasn’t fully match fit due to the stress fracture in my foot. I got frustrated with myself from time to time, because I wasn’t able to do things I knew I could have done had I been 100 per cent, but I felt that I did all right. We took a 2–0 lead in that first half through a Sanna Valkonen own goal and Amanda Barr. I had a long-distance strike that hit the bar and bounced out and Amanda was on hand with a quick reaction to score from the rebound.
But Finland came back strongly in the second half and Anna-Kaisa Rantanen got them a goal back. They drew level with just a few minutes remaining. Laura Kalmari was their danger player and she got the equalizer. They also hit the bar and the post and, to be fair, they were on top for most of the half.
Amazingly, in the finale of all finales, Kaz Carney made her name with a brilliant winning goal for us in injury-time. It was such a dramatic and fantastic finish and it kicked off the tournament in style. Everybody seemed to be talking about it the next day. We were all over the papers, and Kaz, who was still at school at the time, was doing interviews left, right and centre with media from home and abroad. I was so pleased for her, and I was so happy to see that all this was happening in England.
As a squad, we had a real feeling of togetherness during that tournament. England had been the first to qualify, after being named hosts back in 2002, so it had been in our sights for three years. The team was developing nicely with players such as Faye White, our captain, Katie Chapman, Fara Williams, Rachel Yankey and myself. And then we had a number of younger players coming through, Kaz being one of them.
The one thing we didn’t really have as a team was international tournament experience. Added to that, we hadn’t had to go through a qualification process to play in this competition. We were there as hosts. We hadn’t actually played competitive football at international level for over two and a half years when we walked out on to the pitch against Finland. I hadn’t played a competitive match for England for over three years, since the March 2002 Women’s World Cup qualifier against Holland in The Hague.
With one win and three points under our belts, we went to Ewood Park knowing that another victory, over Denmark, would put us into the semi-finals. Before another big crowd, Fara gave us a first-half lead from the penalty spot after Yanks had been brought down by Mariann Knudsen. We were just ten minutes away from the last four when, cruelly, Denmark grabbed the first of two goals to beat us. Merete Pedersen’s free-kick was a great strike, and two minutes from time, Cathrine Paaske Sørensen headed home past Jo Fletcher from Johanna Rasmussen’s cross. The pressure had been mounting the longer the match went on. I’d come off at half-time again and watched it all unfold from the bench. It was heartbreaking not to be able to do anything to help.
We were down but not out. We got a little bit of luck later that evening when Finland drew with Sweden, which meant we were still placed in the top two in the group. But we had to now go out and get a result against Sweden. We knew that a win would definitely put us through while a draw might do. We also knew that a defeat would put us out – and Sweden, one of the strongest outfits in Europe, had to win the match to go through.
In the end, a draw would have been enough for us because Finland went on to beat Denmark in Blackpool. But we lost to an early goal from Anna Sjöström, so that didn’t matter a jot. Rachel Brown, another player returning from injury problems, came into the team in goal and was beaten in the first few minutes by a flick-on from a corner. We felt that she had been fouled. As far as we were concerned she was pushed into the goal by the goalscorer.
Sweden’s experience counted for a lot, and that one goal was enough to send them through at our expense. We never recovered from that third-minute setback. This time I played for the whole ninety minutes. But we couldn’t get into our rhythm. The best chance I can remember was when I touched on a Yanks cross for Kaz, but the Swedish goalkeeper, Hedvig Lindahl, pushed the shot wide. It was a frustrating match to play in, particularly as I still wasn’t fully match fit. But I couldn’t beat myself up about that. I’d done my best in the circumstances.
I think we were too naive in this match. We were too naive regarding their goal, that’s for sure. Because of our inexperience, we just allowed the play to happen and didn’t even think to complain about it. We didn’t appeal to the referee or anything like that. The Swedes obviously had experience of doing that sort of stuff and getting away with it – getting their own way in the penalty box, I mean. We didn’t play the game like that. We didn’t come close.
Sweden were ranked third in the world at the time and were World Cup runners-up two years before. Some of their star players, like Hanna Ljungberg, were brilliant. A goalless or 1–1 draw would have put us into the semi-finals. As it was, we finished bottom of the group. That’s how tight it was.
There was an incident in that Sweden game that I still remember well today. A lot of us still laugh about it in fact. At one of our corners there was an opponent marking me at the top of the box. Just before the corner was taken, as we were jostling around, she firmly stepped on my foot – the one where I had my stress fracture. I felt that she’d done that on purpose because it was well documented at the time. And she got me right where the pain was. I turned round and pulled at one of her hair bunches. She squealed. One of our players – I can’t remember who it was – said, ‘You can’t do that, Kelly,’ and this girl was screaming her head off, trying to draw the referee’s attention. Nothing was done about it and I stood there in shock for a little while because I couldn’t believe I had actually responded like that. I mean, I had literally yanked some girl’s hair! It just shows you what can happen in the heat of the moment. It was quite a physical game, that one.
We were gutted. It was an opportunity spurned. We certainly felt that way, and a lot of press people said that too. We had these big crowds behind us and a semi-final spot – and who knows what afterwards – had been there for the taking. The country had taken to us and to the game as a whole, so it was very disappointing not to repay that with a good run.
Looking back, as I have said, I think we were pretty naive during that group stage. That is the best word I can find to describe it. This was the first international championship pretty much any of us had played in, and maybe that showed. The stakes were high too, of course, because there was so much interest in us. Yes, I think there was a lot of naivety and inexperience on everyone’s part. I just don’t think we were ready for it. Because we were hosts, the buildup was too long as well. And then all of a sudden it was ‘Bang, off you go!’ Almost before we knew it we were right into it and off and running.
It’s obvious, but it’s true: you need to play in international football tournaments to experience international tournament football, to get the knowledge you need to succeed. Once we had that learning experience under our belts, it was a different story. England have progressed a lot since 2005 and fared much better in tournaments as a result. We learned an awful lot that summer, and we moved forward.
But it’s still a shame that it happened like that for us on home soil, and we did feel that we’d let our fans down a bit. It had genuinely felt like something good was just getting going, and then it was cut off and finished.
Germany won the championship again, beating Norway 3–1 in another well-attended match, held at Ewood Park. I was a guest for the BBC at the final, alongside Sue Smith and Gavin Peacock, but I wished I could have been out there playing in it. It was the same ground where we’d got knocked out by Sweden too.
Our participation in the finals only lasted for six days. That wasn’t what we’d wanted and it wasn’t what the people deserved, really. They had been superb again – 25,694 watched the match against Sweden. Our three matches were watched by an aggregate of 69,481 fans. On average, that is over 23,000 for each match. Our group games were also watched by a television audience of 8.2 million viewers in total, with a peak of 3.6 million watching the final stages of the Sweden match – an audience share of over 20 per cent on a Saturday evening. Overall attendances at Euro 2005 were healthy: 118,403 spectators at fifteen matches.
We had made a name for ourselves. But we were still a young team and, as I said, inexperienced in international football. I was twenty-six, Faye was twenty-seven and Yanks was twenty-five. Along with Mary Phillip, who was twenty-eight, we were the senior players. Katie was still only twenty-two, Fara was just twenty-one, Alex Scott was twenty, Eniola Aluko was eighteen and Kaz was seventeen. We certainly had a youthful look about us. Players such as Gill Coultard, Marieanne Spacey and Karen Walker – huge players for England with huge amounts of experience – had all gone.
But, here’s the important factor to mention in this respect: the England team that played in that Women’s Euro 2005 was largely the same team that played in the 2011 Women’s World Cup. We had a consistent line-up for a good part of a decade, from one to eleven. Euro 2005 was our first real public outing in a sense, definitely to a much wider audience.
We are now so familiar with each other’s play and have much more of an understanding. Back then it was a case of us wanting so much to do so well and working hard to get the results but coming up short. As a group, we had very few caps at that time. That is no longer the case. Half of us are now above or near to the one hundred mark.
But we needed to do well in this tournament to help keep the profile of the game on the up. If we made a real impact, it could one day lead to international success and a professional women’s league. That’s what all of us felt at the time: we knew that we had to do well. And we didn’t do so well. Well, we did OK, I suppose. The Finland match was a great occasion, but we didn’t build on that and therefore we didn’t make the most of the opportunity that was presented to us.
I’d felt a big responsibility on my shoulders to try and move the game forward and get it into the public domain more. It wasn’t sink or swim, but it was a golden opportunity. So it was frustrating for me to have to be fighting to get fit when the tournament was happening all around me. And it was heartbreaking to go out so early, for all the usual reasons.
Hope was great about it all. I remember her telling us that 2009 would be our year. That was her vision. I think she knew then that the core of youngsters in front of her would be the heart of the England team for years going forward. She knew that with more tournament experience and more caps under our belts we would grow, both as individuals and as a unit.
Having said all that, Euro 2005 was deemed to be a great success for England and the Football Association. The figures at the time indicated that over two million girls were now taking part in some form of football activity in our country. UEFA president Lennart Johansson said that taking the tournament to England had been the right decision, which was good to hear. And the whole England squad was invited down to a reception at the House of Commons, which was a special occasion for us all.
I think the tournament started something in our country that exists to this day. There’s now a general public awareness that in every year ending in an odd number there is an international women’s football tournament, just like in every year ending in an even number there is an international men’s football tournament. English people love to get behind their national teams, especially in football; happily, that now extends to us. That all began in 2005, in my opinion.