15
‘Milk and sugar?’
As Jim pushes the plunger of the cafetière down and Natalie pushes her cup silently across the table towards him, Jim suddenly realizes that he has forgotten to put out either. At home, Michele and he drink black coffee.
‘No, thank you.’
Natalie lifts her cup, blows on the steaming liquid and takes a small sip. She has tied her hair back in a ponytail and is wearing glasses that make her look more serious than she did last night. He can imagine her as a doctor now.
‘I hope you didn’t misunderstand me last night,’ she says hesitantly as she lowers her cup again. Her eyes are fixed on a spot on the table. ‘This doesn’t usually happen to me.’
Again, Jim’s stomach slightly turns. He swallows and hopes that he doesn’t need to rush to the bathroom. For a moment he closes his eyes.
‘I am sorry,’ he says.
‘For what?’ She now looks up and straight into his eyes.
‘For last night.’
A smile hovers around her lips. ‘You behaved impeccably.’
He averts his eyes and lifts the cup to his mouth to disguise his confusion. He is making a fool of himself.
‘So what happened last night?’ He looks back across the table at her.
‘We kissed.’ She pauses, then says, ‘I wanted you. And you wanted me. But then you stopped and told me that you are married.’
A buzzing fly has appeared in the kitchen. It knocks against the closed window. A silence follows, but only for a few seconds before the buzzing starts again.
‘And then?’
Jim wishes he could remember. But his last memory is of being on the sofa kissing her. She is beautiful. Now with a slight hangover and no make-up, even more so, because it is a less self-conscious beauty.
For a brief moment she holds his gaze.
‘You went to the bathroom. But before that you insisted I should take the bed in the spare room.’
She stands up and opens the window. The fly immediately finds its way out and disappears. She turns towards him with a smile.
‘You stayed in the bathroom for quite a while. I sat on the bed in the spare room waiting for the bathroom to become available. Eventually I got worried and knocked on the door. But no reply. Not a sound. So I opened the door and there you were, sitting on the floor with your back against the bathtub, fast asleep.’
Jim senses the heat rising from his stomach into his face. But seeing her cheeky smile, he laughs.
‘I can handle a couple of beers happily, but anything more . . . I am truly embarrassed.’
‘It was rather cute seeing this big man fast asleep on the floor. I had to help you up, then covered you with a blanket on the sofa.’ She shuts the window.
‘I enjoyed yesterday evening. If you weren’t married . . .’
‘I can smell coffee.’ Gus has suddenly appeared in the doorway.
Jim glances at Natalie briefly, then turns his attention to his friend.
‘Good morning.’
Gus has thrown on a pair of trackies and an old T-shirt. Jim pushes back his chair.
‘I need to go, but I’ll put on some more coffee.’
Gus disappears into the bathroom. Natalie’s chair scrapes along the linoleum behind Jim. He turns around. She comes towards him. Then stops. He reaches out for her and pulls her close. Her cheek rests against his shoulder, her face turned away. He feels her breathing, her heart beat. She moves, he loosens his grip. Quietly, she closes the door of the spare room behind her. Her smell lingers on his body.
The bright sun hits him squarely in the face. The Heath is heaving with joggers and children and dogs and young parents. He walks quickly, with his hands in his trouser pockets and his gaze low, hoping not to meet anyone he knows. He tries to remember the conversation from last night. But again he can’t summon up much except lots of laughter and enjoying himself, but feeling out of place and an odd sensation of missing Michele, but not the Michele he had left in anger at home. He falls into a light trot and fills his lungs with air. His head begins to clear. His body feels strong. Michele and he should do something together. Get away from the house. Perhaps even away from London. They could drive up to Norfolk and walk along the beach, book into a B&B.