17

 

Teddy stared in the bathroom mirror. Dark circles surrounded her eyes. Nightmares from the popping sound of gunfire the previous day threw her awake several times during the night. She raised her hand in front of her nose. The trembling spoke volumes. No matter how many times she denied it, she was scared. So much for being tough and courageous. At least she was still willing to testify. First sign of gunfire, and Sloan dumped her again.

When she walked out she found Raven seated at the dining room table, tapping her long red nails on her computer.

“Would you like some breakfast?” Teddy pulled out a carton of eggs.

“Sounds good. I’ll make the toast.” Raven stood and grabbed the loaf of wheat bread from a nearby basket. “Sloan will be here in a few minutes. He’ll probably be hungry, too.”

“I thought he decided to remove himself from the case,” Teddy said. “The bullets were a bit close.”

“He’s caught some trouble for not calling for backup when he first suspected something.” Raven pushed the button down on the toaster. “Apparently while he waited for you, he saw the car move slowly into the lot. The dark tinted windows made it hard for him to see in when it first arrived but he had a feeling about it. As it got closer, he could tell the shooter wore some sort of mask. By then you were walking out, and he focused on that. Marge was ticked he didn’t call it in.”

“Why didn’t he?” Teddy regretted doubting Sloan’s courage. She recalled how he protected her in the condo from the intruder. Thinking he would slink out on her now was ridiculous.

“He told me he’s having a problem trusting his gut.”

“Because of me?” Teddy whispered.

“Could be.” Raven paused before grabbing the warm toast and placing it on a small plate. “I know he cares for you. He’s not sure how far he wants to jump in. I gave him a hard time about it, telling him not to make a play if he’s not willing to be here for you no matter what happens. I believe he’s trying to decide what he can handle.”

Teddy didn’t care what he could handle. The fact he had to think about it stung. Teddy opened the fridge and gazed inside. The cool air brought her back to reality. She was lying to herself. She did care. There were times she liked him being near; other times she wanted him gone. Her emotions, when it came to the Sloan department, definitely enjoyed his closeness. If she could get her brain and her heart to come to some sort of agreement, it would certainly help her mood swings. Raven’s voice interrupted her thoughts.

“What?” she said.

“Should I check to see if Linda’s going to join us?”

“I heard the shower running, so she should be down any minute.”

“You did some pacing last night. An ambush is a rough thing to go through,” Raven said. “I know when I first had a guy shoot at me; I had trouble sleeping for a long time.”

“I’m sorry I kept you awake. It’s not exactly like on TV, is it? The shots are louder then you imagine.” Teddy cracked the eggs into a bowl. “Having this other stuff to deal with doesn’t help.”

“Anytime you need to talk, just let me know. I’ve got a good pair of ears.” Raven pulled on her earlobe.

“No offense, but you couldn’t possibly understand. When you walk into a room, every guy turns his head. You have wonderful hair, you’re beautiful, and you have a figure that most men probably spend days dreaming about. How can you comprehend what it’s like to know you’ll never have a family and the things you’ve dreamed of?” Teddy beat the eggs harsher than necessary.

Raven walked over and touched Teddy’s shoulder. “I know I’ve never been through it. I’m here if you want a different perspective.”

“I just feel so alone and isolated.”

“But you’re not. You need to remember that.”

Taking her bad mood out on Raven was unfair. “I’m sorry. I know you’re trying to help, and I do appreciate it, but I have a hard time with it. I go to meetings every once in a while but I’m the youngest one there. Most were married when they got out of surgery. I was alone when the doctor told me. The guy I was seeing walked away the moment he found out. If it hadn’t been for Claire and Linda, I’d have been all alone.”

“Your friends being near must have been a great comfort.”

“Sure. But it’s not the same as having a man hold you when you cry. Tell you everything’s going to be all right.” Teddy’s lip trembled. “And that he still loves you.”

“You can still have a husband and family. Breast cancer doesn’t stop that.” Raven’s voice remained calm and quiet.

“I can't have children for at least five years. Anyway, I can’t imagine any man would want me looking like I do now.”

“I’ve seen the way my partner looks at you. He certainly doesn’t consider you some kind of ogre.”

“Sloan and I have a history with a not so good ending.”

“Things change. People change.” Raven buttered the toasted bread. “I’ve also seen the way Donny acts around you. He talks about you all the time at the station. Anthony’s tired of hearing him.”

Teddy turned and looked at Raven who shot her a wink. Teddy couldn’t help but smile. Raven was becoming a very good friend.

 

****

 

Laughter greeted Sloan when he walked in the front door. “My partner’s supposed to be working and all I hear is fun. She’ll expect me to keep her entertained if you don’t quit.”

“We’re bonding.” Raven winked in Teddy and Linda’s direction. “I suggest we eat before the food gets cold. And you need to shower and get on a pair of tight-fitted jeans. Donny will be over later, and I know how much he’d enjoy that.”

Teddy’s cheeks turned pink when Sloan looked her way. He pulled out a seat next to Linda and tried to overpower the jealousy rising inside. From what he knew of Donny, he did seem like a nice guy.

“So what’s on the agenda today? Any late night meetings?” Changing the topic would make him more comfortable.

“Nothing. Linda and I should be off at five or close to it.” Teddy took one piece of bacon before passing the plate to Sloan who snatched three.

“We’re making a point of separating the two of you at least on the ride to and from the clinic. Marge mentioned putting you in different houses but I convinced her it would be safer to double the protection at one location. She apparently bought it.” he said.

“Why not have Donny pick Teddy up tonight? He’ll be on duty anyway.” Raven gave Sloan an evil grin.

“Having him here to secure the house is a better idea.”

A look of worry ran across Teddy’s face. He wished he hadn’t mentioned the house. It should feel like a safe haven for her.

“Teddy, are you all right?” Sloan said.

“I’m fine.”

Her forced smile told him different. After the shooting, it would be understandable. He hated that she had more to contend with.

After breakfast, Sloan waited by the door to drive Teddy to work. When she shuffled down the stairs at eight fifteen, he read concern in her eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You have every right to be scared. You try to act calm but your expression says different. You can’t go on like nothing happened, not after someone shoots at you. It’s expected you’d be nervous. Mix that with the cancer, and you should be ready to go postal.”

“I am scared. I’m not only afraid for me but Linda as well. I’m also concerned the cancer will return.” She paused, tears brimmed in her eyes. “But if I focus on all that, I’ll turn into a puddle on the floor. So instead, I focus on God. It gets me through. It’s the only thing right now that does.”

This wasn’t the first time Sloan noticed peace enter Teddy’s expression when she talked about her faith. It caused a jolt to his system. He’d never felt that type of serenity.

He stared into her wonderful green eyes. “I’m glad you have something that comforts you, but don’t worry. I’m not going to let anything happen.” He lowered his voice and ran his thumb over her soft lips. He lifted her chin, lowering his head to her. Their mouths were a whisper apart when a knock on the door caused them to flinch.

Sloan inhaled a deep breath and stepped back from her. He covered the gun in his holster with the palm of his hand before looking out the peephole. Donny stood on the other side. Sloan sucked in another deep breath before opening the door.

Donny wore a pair of black jeans, a button-down shirt and enough cologne to draw files.

“Raven’s already left. I’m giving her a few moments head start. We were just leaving.” Sloan returned to Teddy. “Donny will be in and out all day. There’s no need to worry. Everything will be safe when you get back.”

“Are you all right?” Donny took her right arm in his hand. “You look a bit pale.”

“I’ve had a rough morning, that’s all. But thanks for asking.” She cupped her hand around Donny’s. “I’ll be all right.”

“Here’s my cell number if you need to talk about last night.” He handed her a business card. “I know you must still be scared.”

“Thank you.” Teddy turned to Sloan. “Shall we go?”

Neither Sloan nor Teddy said a word on the drive over. Upon arrival, he walked her to the front door to ensure her safety. He sat in the parking lot thinking over Teddy’s words about God’s peace. He’d spent too many nights fighting demons since Bruce’s death. At times he’d thought it better if he had been the one to die. His parents would have mourned him but financially it might have been better for them. A tear slid down his cheek at the memory of losing his good friend. The pain was still deep inside his soul. He wanted the peace Teddy had. He wanted to be able to look in the mirror and not hate the man he saw. Could God help him get through all that?

A ring of his cell phone startled him from his thoughts. It was Teddy.

“Hello.” He hoped his voice didn’t give any indication of his emotions.

“I forgot my notebook,” she said. “I can run out and get it once you get back here.”

“I’ll bring it in. I don’t want you coming out by yourself.” His words were harsher than he intended.

“Sorry. I didn’t realize there were new rules.”

“I don’t want anything to happen to you. I’ll be there in a few minutes.” He didn’t want to tell her he had yet to leave, or she might question his reasoning for still being in the parking lot. She was nervous enough about the house without thinking he’s sitting outside her business all day.

He started for the front door to the medical building but stopped in his tracks when a thought occurred to him. Earlier at the house he had almost kissed Teddy. A smile crossed his lips, and he walked inside. She had been willing to accept that kiss. He’d bet almost as much as he’d been to give it.

 

****

 

Teddy rested her chin on the back of her hand. She liked Raven and could see her becoming part of their little group. Her words about Donny crept into her mind. Donny did appear to be interested in her. But once he found out about the cancer would he change his mind? Though Donny seemed nice, an inner voice still gnawed at her when he came around.

Teddy did her best to block out the rest but her thoughts continually wandered back to what almost happened between her and Sloan. She had no doubt she’d have allowed the kiss to occur. She’d never been so grateful for an interruption. However, Sloan’s tight lips communicated his displeasure.

How could she let herself get into such a situation? She had to control her feelings. The memory of the pain from when he hurt her in the past raced into her mind. That beautiful spring morning when she anticipated all her dreams would be coming true. She’d floated on air at the idea of his proposal.

The sun was bright and full all those years ago. Fresh flowers lined the walkway for their meeting on the college campus. Sorrow dominated his expression.

“What’s wrong? You look upset,” Teddy said.

“No, it’s just, this is hard.”

“It doesn’t have to be difficult. Just tell me what it is.” The smell of magnolias with the breeze in her face gave her an absolute high.

“Teddy, I think we should see other people.”

At first she thought he was joking but his expression said otherwise. “What? Why?”

“This relationship’s run its course. I know I’ve hurt you, and I’m sorry. But you’ll see in time I’m right.”

He left her standing alone. Her heart shattered on the newly mowed green grass. His disappearance from her life ended the night of the killings.

She refused to cry over what he did to her. She wouldn’t allow him to hurt her again. Tightness gathered in her chest. His leaving had been too easy for him. He’d never get a second chance.

Once she testified, she would no longer need to see Sloan Michaels ever again.