SOMETIME LATER (I just hoped it wasn’t another thirteen months), I was able to open my eyes again.
It was my turn to smile.
Much to my relief, my home buds from the planet Alpar Nok—Willy, Joe, Dana, and Emma—were standing in my hospital room. They were my best friends since forever.
“You guys,” I whispered. “This is awesome. Thanks for coming!”
Apparently, my subconscious had summoned my four friends during my deep, drug-induced sleep, because in my current predicament being alone wasn’t the best move.
Oh, one thing you need to know: When I say I summoned my friends I don’t mean like a rich guy summons his butler by ringing a dainty little dinner bell. I mean that I conjured them up. Joe, Willy, Dana, and Emma are now one-hundred-percent purely products of my imagination.
Hang on. That doesn’t mean I spend my time talking to people who aren’t there. When they’re around, everybody can see them, hear them, and, in Joe’s case, smell ’em. (What can I say? The guy loves chili dogs. With cheese and chopped onions.)
The real Joe, Willy, Emma, and Dana are all dead, which meant I would’ve been flying solo in your world if it wasn’t for my incredible ability to manipulate atomic nothingness and turn it into the best friends a guy ever had.
Seeing the four of them huddled around my bed in that hospital room made me feel totally pumped. For one thing, I knew I’d have backup when I took on Number 1. For another, if my friends had materialized for me, that meant my creative juices were flowing again.
“You guys,” I said. “You have no idea how good it is to see you!”
“Same here,” said Joe. “Now that you’re awake, maybe they’ll bring you some real food instead of dripping beige gunk down your nose through a tube. I could really go for a gallon or two of chocolate milk. And how’s the pizza in this place?”
I grinned. My friend Joe? His stomach is a bottomless pit.
“It’s a hospital, Joe,” said Dana, who—just to bring you up to speed—is my dream girl and soul mate. More about that later. Trust me, it gets complicated. “They only serve Jell-O and cottage cheese.”
“Why?” said Joe. “Don’t they want anybody to get better?”
“You guys?” I said. “Can we talk about food later? I’ve got work to do. You need to help find my laptop—The List.” I hadn’t seen my backpack with the alien supercomputer since my accident. It had critical info on all the alien outlaws on Earth, including The Prayer. I couldn’t hunt him without it.
“I know,” said Emma, the gentle earth mother of my gang. “The school’s been keeping a list for you, and it doesn’t look pretty. A whole year’s worth of homework.” She shuddered in fear.
“And math?” said Willy, the group’s natural-born leader. “It got ugly this year, Daniel. It turned into calculus!”
I was confused again.
“Willy, what are you talking about? I need to take care of Number 1.”
“Okay, where’s your bedpan?” asked Joe.
“Great, you guys,” said Dana, rolling her eyes. “I so want to witness Daniel’s bodily functions at work.”
“Don’t worry about the homework,” said Emma. “You’ll catch up, Daniel. You’ve always been the smartest kid in class.”
“Except riding your motorcycle in the rain,” said Joe. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to bust your chops, buddy, but that was just dumb.”
I shook my head. Tried to clear out the cobwebs left over from whatever drug Dr. Oz had needled into me.
I noticed a bunch of GET WELL SOON! balloons tied with ribbons to the foot of my bed.
“All right, kids,” said Nurse O’Hara as she marched into the room. “We don’t want to wear Daniel out. He’s had a rough night.…”
“Aw,” moaned Willy. “We just got here.…”
“Yeah,” said Emma. “And Daniel just woke up.”
“Out, the lot of you,” said Nurse O’Hara. I noticed she was smiling again. “Don’t you kids have homework to do?”
“Yeah,” groused Joe. “High school’s a beast.”
“High school?” I said. “Willy?” I motioned for him to move closer so Nurse O’Hara wouldn’t hear what I said next. “I don’t go to high school.”
“Well, duh.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn’t going nuts.
“You’ve been in a coma,” Willy went on. “But now that you’re awake, your butt’ll be back in homeroom before you know it.”