YESA
I STILL RUN WITH Lucky every morning regardless of the weather. We’re up even earlier now because I do a morning round of pet sits before heading to school. This morning I visited with Oscar, a pit bull mix who is full of love and covers me in slobbery kisses, Tia and Maria, two Siamese cats (sisters) who want nothing to do with their toys and everything to do with lounging in sunny windows, Toby the senior Chihuahua whose tongue hangs out to one side of his mouth (due to his lack of teeth) and my final morning visit was with Nala, a Labrador Retriever mix who walks with a bit of a limp after she had a miraculous comeback from a stroke that left her paralyzed everywhere but her head for six weeks. My morning was full and I loved every second of it. Sure I stepped in dog poop in Oscar’s backyard. I had my hands scratched by Maria the cat while rubbing her stomach and Toby had an accident in his house before I arrived and it was a messy clean up. Some might scrunch their nose at what my morning entailed, but not me. I was exactly where I wanted to be. But now I was here, at school and I find myself planning for this evenings pet sits. I look at my phone every chance I have, to see if my assistant, Mollie has called or texted with any questions or issues during her mid-day pet sits for No Place Like Home. During my lunch break I stay in the classroom instead of heading to the teachers’ lounge like I usually do. I’m spending my lunch time inputting new pet sitting client information into my laptop computer. My eyes nearly bulge out of my head when I look at the upcoming month. Every day is filled with multiple pet sits. My clients come mostly through word of mouth. A lot of teachers and other employees at the school have been using my service and the referrals keep coming. I’m so thankful to have Mollie’s help. She’s such a blessing. She’s someone I can put my trust in and who always follows through with her commitments. I don’t know how I could do this without her help right now. If things continue to progress at this rate, I’ll be able to give notice to the school by the end of the school year and concentrate on my business full time. When a knock taps on my classroom door I barely hear it, consumed by all of my excitement toward my business. The knock comes a second time and I drop my pen and hurry to close the program on my laptop where I’d been inputting my new client information. I turn my head with a smile before I see who is entering. It’s Audrey Benson, one of the second grade teachers at our school, known amongst the teachers as Gossip Girl. Ms. Benson was well aware of her nickname and loved it. There were no complaints coming from her, she wore the nickname more like a badge of honor.
“Oh, hi Casey.” Only my co-workers still call me Casey and I guess at times my parents, although I haven’t spoken to them in a long time. Audrey smiles dimly, looking down at me. I see her eyes flutter across my desk, trying to figure out what I’m up to. I don’t want to seem obvious, so I don’t move my arm to cover my pet sitting notes splayed across the left side of my desk. I figure if I let them be and I hold eye contact with her, she’ll focus on me instead.
“Hi Audrey.” I try to sound cheerful, although I know she is here to dig up gossip (i.e. find out why I’m not in the teacher’s lounge for lunch) or spread gossip, neither of which I’m interested in partaking in. She moves closer and presses her fingertips onto the top of my wooden desk. I don’t make an attempt to stand and instead just sit, holding eye contact, waiting for what is to follow.
After a minute or so she continues. “Everything going okay?” She asks, trying to sound sympathetic and concerned.
I nod. “Yep, great. How about you?” I don’t really care to know but I want to move the conversation along so I can get back to planning my pet sitting schedule.
“Great, thanks.” She returns the nod. “So-“ she draws out the o. “A little birdie said a certain someone has a new man. I just stopped by to find out if it’s true. Is it?” Audrey raises her eyebrows up and down and then places her hands to her hips. Her dark brown hair is pulled back into a tight ponytail and I watch as her hair sways back and forth like a pendulum as she anticipates my reply.
“Ah, well…” I stutter on my words, flustered. So she came to dig up the gossip on me. Now I know why she is here. “I, uh…”
“Oh, come on now. Spit it out. Love’s never hurt anyone!” She chirps, swinging her hips from side to side, nearly drooling for an answer.
“I’m dating someone, yes.”
“Do you love him?” She presses further.
“I really don’t want to discuss personal matters at work.” I shrug, looking down at the papers on my desk, wishing for something to occupy me.
“Come on Casey, don’t be like that. We all just want you to be happy after what happened last year and everything with J-“
I cut her off before she can finish. It wasn’t my happiness Audrey cared about, it was the attention she would gain with new news to spread throughout the school. “I am. Happy.” I stand and force a smile to my face. I try to use my body language to move Audrey toward the door. She has overstayed her welcome. “I really should eat my lunch now.” I extend my arm toward the door, escorting Audrey to exit.
She’s walking backwards, slowly, trying to continue the conversation, or rather, the questioning. “Does Jordan know?”
I want to stomp on her foot. Who is she to be asking such questions? Why does she care if Jordan knows? If he doesn’t, will she make sure he does? You never knew what Audrey Benson’s plans were. Once she had gossip, she ran with it like wild fire. There was no telling where the information she obtained would end up. “Yes.” I spat, taking another step toward the door, encouraging her to leave.
“What do your parents think? Do they wish you were still with Jordan or do they like the new guy better? What is his name?” The questions keep coming and they’re getting more frantic as she nears the door.
“Audrey, really. I’m happy. Jordan and I have moved on. End of story. There’s nothing more to tell.”
She cocks her head sideways and stares at me for a minute, studying my features and trying to figure out if there is any way she can extract more information from me. She must determine that I won’t divulge anything more because she finally turns on her heels and leaves. “Don’t be a stranger Casey. Come and eat with us in the lounge tomorrow.” She winks, as if we are best friends. Ha! Hardly. But she’s happy because she’s extracted some gossip from me. She has something to tell the others. I, on the other hand, feel like I could strangle her. So many probing questions!
Call me crazy, but I prefer barking dogs and purring cats to workplace gossip. My students return to the classroom no more than a minute after Audrey closes the door and walks away. I stack my pet sitting notes together in a pile and tuck them into my desk drawer as I stand to begin a lesson on the letter L. L is for love, I think to myself as I ask the children to take their seats. From what I know, Audrey Benson doesn’t have love in her life; instead she married a man who insists on treating her like a mother more than his own wife. Audrey can gossip all she wants. She can share the stories of mine and others lives, but she’s only doing it because she doesn’t have anything worth sharing in her own life. I tell myself to shake off her prying and her judgment. Happiness is all that matters, not silly pettiness. And I’m happy. What matters is who I have in my life. And I have Travis Tate. I have Lucky. I have Trish and Eddie, even though they are traveling the country. And I love them all. They are what matters. Not a gossip like Audrey Benson.
I’VE LEARNED THAT Travis Tate, although sexy in every way, has his flaws. Like the rest of the world, I’ve learned he’s not perfect. But it only makes me love him more. Seriously, how is that possible? He hogs all of the blankets on the bed at night, often leaving my legs hanging out in the cold open air. I pull the comforter back in my direction and try to take back what is mine, but usually it’s a lost cause. I’ve taken to stashing an extra comforter under the bed on my side and I pull it out to cover up with on nights that I’m especially cold. Another not so perfect habit Travis has is when he shares my drink. He doesn’t just take a sip, he guzzles it, leaving me with the last warm sip. I hate sharing drinks with him, but I bite my tongue because it’s not worth stirring up trouble over. When we get in the car, his stereo is always blaring to the point of making me cringe. He knows it’s a pet peeve of mine, but it still happens every single time we get in the car together. Maybe you know you truly love someone when you fall for them even more because of their blunders. Jordan had a long list of annoying tendencies and let me tell you, none of them made me love him more. They made me so annoyed I thought I was going to pull all of my hair out. Jordan whistled country music in the morning, and I’ve never been a morning person. He sang loud and out of tune in the shower. Every. Damn. Time. It drove me crazy, and not in a good way. He picked at his feet whenever we sat on the couch together. Even the way he scratched his head at night, it all made me insanely pissed. But with Travis it was different. I can only begin to guess what idiosyncrasies he’s found with me. One day I’ll be brave enough to ask him. For now, I don’t think I want to know about all of my flaws.
Tonight we’re at dinner, nothing fancy, just a little Italian restaurant called Presto Pasta. Italian music is playing loudly through the ceiling speakers. Dishes clank from all directions and pleasant murmurs of conversation surround us from our table. I love how I don’t have to try so hard with Travis. I can just talk. I’m not walking on egg shells with every sentence I speak. I can tell him how I really feel about anything and the same goes for him. We’re on the same page with the big things: we’re both liberals when it comes to politics. When it comes to finances, we both believe in saving and investing. We’ve spent a number of Saturday night’s watching Suze Orman reruns. Yeah, it might sound lame, but it really isn’t. Watching the show allowed us to openly talk about our beliefs around money without all of the awkwardness that the topic could potentially bring about. We’re both entrepreneurs at heart; Travis with his writing and me with my pet sitting business. We both want to have kids one day, too. And Travis loves Lucky just as much as I do. It’s not an act just to get down my pants, either.
He’s eating chicken parmesan and I’m eating baked ziti. We’re halfway through our meal when I’m watching him twist his fork in a circle to gather his next bite of noodles and I hear Jordan’s voice. I know it is him, but I am too paralyzed to turn around. Yes, we live in the same town, but why do we have to run into each other, again? I continue watching Travis twirl his spaghetti before taking a bite. I want to grab his hands and disappear. Just a minute ago we were laughing about who says um more when talking to other people. Stupid, I know. But I’m lucky to have someone to be stupid with. Now I feel my body turn tense at the sound of Jordan’s unmistakable voice. Maybe he won’t see me. Maybe he’ll sit on the other side of the restaurant and we won’t cross paths. Maybe we can finish our meals and get out of here before we run into each other. Maybe. I close my eyes and draw in a deep breath, wishing for one of my maybe scenario’s to somehow come true. When I reopen my eyes Travis looks at me with concern.
“You okay?”
I nod. “Yeah, just full.”
“Are you sure?”
I shrug. “I’m fine, really.”
Now it’s his turn to nod, but his eyes tell me he’s skeptical of my reassurance. Should I warn him that Jordan is here? No, I think I’ll just stay quiet about it and hope that we don’t run into each other. After all, the place is packed. There is an actual chance that we can get out of here without being seen. It’s not that I’m afraid to be seen with Travis. I’m not, at all. I just don’t like running into Jordan, ever. And if Jordan sees me with Travis, I’m afraid he’d lose it. When Jordan drunkenly stumbled into my apartment, I was reminded of how angry he was. Always angry. It’s been such a long time, but I don’t think he’s gotten over the fact that I left him. I doubt he’s ever really wanted us back together, the way we were. I know it bothers Jordan that he was dumped, and it was done in front of all of our friends and family. I get it. But at the same time, I’ve moved on and I want him to do the same, too. It’s time.
I can’t help but to watch Travis eat each bite of his chicken parmesan. I’m guessing he has nine more bites before he’s done. I don’t want to rush him, but I do want to leave. I’m not talking and we’ve been talking with ease the whole dinner, until now. No wonder he’s asked if I’m okay. When Travis has (my best guess) three bites left of his meal, I cringe.
“Well, well.” I look up to meet my parent’s eyes. They are standing at the edge of our table, both with their arms crossed over their chests. I bite the corner of my lip, this can’t be happening. My parents are here and Jordan? I try to force a grin, but nearly choke on my own saliva instead. “This doesn’t look like Jordan to me.” My dad turns to face my mom. In turn, she looks down at me, meeting my eyes and then turns back toward my dad.
“No, it sure doesn’t.” She mocks surprise.
I wait before I speak. Travis looks at me, trying to read my face.
“Well, if it isn’t the Jane family!” I want to die. Jordan walks up and stands behind my parents, placing an arm on each of their shoulders as if they hang out regularly. “How have you been?” He asks my parents, ignoring my existence; one thing I’m actually grateful for right now.
My parents exchange pleasantries, hugging Jordan and telling him how much they’ve missed him. All the while I sit quietly, watching the show. Travis taps me beneath the table with one of his legs, but I don’t look at him. I can’t. I feel terrible putting him through this. Our whole evening has changed in one fell swoop.
“And Casey.” Jordan nods in my direction. Is he trying to pretend we’re old friends? Isn’t there a rule or something about how to act towards former fiancés? If there is, surely this isn’t how it goes? Funny he’s not mentioning our last encounter, the one where he was rude and drunk inside of my apartment.
I open my mouth to speak for the first time and then shut it again, changing my mind. Nothing I say can make this situation any less awkward.
Jordan turns and says something like nice to see you to my parents and then leans down, hovering above Travis’ shoulder just before he walks away. I watch him as he mutters words into Travis’ ear. “She’ll leave you, too.” I hear him say. I want to kill him. How dare he say that!
I take a deep breath when he walks away from the table. I don’t even bother to see if Jordan has brought a date. I don’t care. Instead I look from Travis, up to my parents who are still towering over our table. “Mom, dad. It’s been a while. Thanks for the calls.” I can’t help the sarcasm. I didn’t think I’d cared that they’d ignored me since the wedding, but now that they’re standing in front of me, I know that I have. I do. I’m livid. How can parents ignore their child for following her heart? How can they care more about their own image than their relationship to their daughters? I’ll never have an answer for it and as I glare up at them I feel rage coursing through my veins.
“Honey, the same to you.” My mom sing-songs. To anyone passing by, they would be led to believe we were a happy family, all smiles and nods. But I know better. I know how they really feel. It’s as clear as day.
I stand, not wanting to be beneath my parents any longer. “In case you’re curious, this is Travis. And we’re leaving.” I reach to take Travis’s hand. He mutters an awkward nice to meet you as I drag him past their glares. I’m pulling him behind me, walking up to a waiter to hand him cash for our meal. We didn’t have our bill yet, but I gave him more than enough to cover everything and told him to keep the change. We head out the door and to the car and I can’t get there fast enough.
“So, do you want to talk about it?”
I shake my head.
“Your parents seem great.” He winks when I look at him. I love that he understands without me having to explain. I know we’ll talk about it later, but for now, I just want to get out of here and go back to being our happy selves. After we climb into the car and pull on our seatbelts I lean toward Travis and rest my head on his shoulder before he pulls out of the parking lot.
“I think you’re pretty great.” I tell him. “Do you know how much I love you?” I push my head back so I can look him in the eyes.
“Do you?” He jokes. “Do you know how much I love you Yesa?” Every time he says my name my insides melt a little more. He’s called me Yesa from the very start. He’s called me Yesa since the first day we met, when Trish told him that everyone who loves me calls me that.