I had every intention of skipping the ball until Brianna showed up at my door. “Come in. I thought you would be resting before the ball. What are you doing here?”
She placed her hand on her extended belly. “There is no need to rest. I have a good excuse for leaving early. I came to help you get ready for the ball.”
“Help me get ready?”
That was a change. I had always been the one helping her. It had never gone the other way. She was the queen.
She knows.
I had not mentioned anything about Reagan, but surely she had heard all of the details by then.
She gave nothing away in her expression as she looked at me. “Yes, I brought some jewelry you can borrow. Get dressed and I will try to help you with your hair.”
“I had not planned on going.”
“Why not?”
“Without a doubt you have heard about me and Reagan by now, so you know why not.”
She took a deep breath and let it out in a huff. “I hate that you did not tell me yourself. I think I understand your reasoning, which is why I have decided not to be upset with you about it. But as your friend, I will not let you hide out in this room. You will pull yourself together like the strong woman I know you to be, and you will go to that ball with your head held high.”
She gently lifted my chin. “Now go put on your dress.”
After I was dressed, she had me sit on the corner of the bed while she slowly brushed my hair. Her soothing touch started the tears flowing down my face. I poured my heart out to my friend. She stroked the brush through my hair without interruption until I was through talking. Then she summed up all of my words with just one statement.
“You are in love with him.”
“Yes.” My voice trembled. I placed my hand over my chest trying to still my ragged breathing.
She hugged me from behind. “You know, I do not know how to fix hair.”
This brought laughter through the tears. We called each other friend, but in truth until this moment I had always played the role of servant, and she was always the queen. This was the first time she had come to me solely for my consolation.
“I will just wear it down. I do not plan to stay long anyway.”
“But you will come, right?”
“Yes, as soon as I can compose myself and rid my face of the red blotches I know are covering my skin, even without a mirror.”
“Good.” She opened the box she had placed on my bed and pulled out her sapphire tiara.
“I cannot wear that. What business does a servant have with a tiara, and what if something happens to it?”
“Nonsense. When Babree named All That Glitters as the theme for this ball, she should have guessed it would be an excuse for every female in the country to dress as royalty. The only difference is, most others will be wearing fake jewels while yours are real. You have the advantage of having a queen for a best friend.
“And I am not worried about the jewelry. I would trust you with my life. This jewelry is nothing in comparison.” She had added a matching necklace and a bracelet.
I looked at my reflection in the small hand-held mirror. “I had been right about the splotches. Just look at me.”
“You look beautiful. Your face will clear up directly. This jewelry goes perfectly with your dress. I need to go before Garrett begins to worry and comes looking for me. I will see you there.” She kissed me on the cheek.
“Thank you, Bria. I will be there soon. I promise.”
I expected Reagan to be out on the dance floor so he would not take notice of my arrival. My gaze was drawn like a magnet to where he sat at the table next to Garrett. I saw his jolt of recognition, the way he jerked himself up, and the way he practically plowed through the crowd to get to me.
It was as if no one else existed for him. His actions would have been thrilling if I did not know of the impossible situation that would keep us separated from each other, possibly forever.
He wore a simple black tuxedo with a white shirt. His blue sequined vest stood out in contrast. We looked as if we had dressed to match which had not bothered me in the least.
I had always heard Reagan was a good dancer, but this was actually my first time dancing with him. As much as I tried not to look directly at him, once he had his arms around me, I finally gave in and drank in the sight before me, telling myself it would be the last time. After this night, I would only look on him as a servant would to her ruler.
He started pouring his feelings out to me. It was unnecessary, really. I could see everything reflected in his eyes before he even spoke the words. I said everything I could think of to stop him from saying those three words, but they were out now. He could never take them back. The only thing that had kept my tears in check was Brianna’s words to me. As your friend, I will not let you hide out in this room. You will pull yourself together like the strong woman I know you to be, and you will go to that ball with your head held high.
I had made my appearance. He had seen me, and I had let him know without a doubt that it was over, just in case he had not gotten it before. I could leave the ballroom with dignity. Then the unexpected happened. Austin.
To my knowledge, he had never attended Session outside of when it was held in Aisling. He was the last person I expected to see in Dermot. I did not look back as I danced away in Austin’s arms. Maybe this would help Reagan to believe it was over. I reminded myself again that I had never wanted to be ruler of a country.
There was a smile on Austin’s face as he looked down at me. “Is everything all right? You are not in trouble with the prince, are you?”
“No, everything is fine.” No doubt he saw right through my façade, but he chose not to acknowledge it further.
“I have missed you.”
I gasped at his comment that was remarkably like the one Reagan had uttered to me. Unfortunately, it did not have the same effect. Things would have been so much simpler if I wanted to be with this man instead of Reagan. I stared at his tie. I did not know what to say.
“I would have written to tell you I would be here, but it was sort of a last minute decision. I had been thinking about it for a while, and just before the king and queen left the castle, I saddled up to ride out with them. I wanted to see you.”
“So, you arrived the same day as Brianna? I wish I had known.” It was true. Spending time with him would have distracted me from my sorrows.
“I have looked for you. If I did not know better, I would think you have been hiding from me. Did the queen not mention that I was here?”
“No. I promise she did not mention it, and as I said, I wish I had known you were here. I am no longer the queen’s handmaid, so we do not spend as much time together as we used to, and I have no other friends here.”
The dance ended. He kept his arm around my waist and guided me directly to the punch bowl. I had the feeling he was staking a claim to keep other men from asking me to dance. He handed me a drink before getting one for himself.
I could not stop myself from glancing at the table where Reagan had been seated. He was not there. I did not see him on the dance floor either. I turned toward Austin to keep from seeking further.
I leaned in closer to him. “It is hard to have a conversation in here with all of the noise. Would you like to go somewhere quiet so we can talk?”
His smile was so bright, I worried that I had given him the wrong impression. It was selfish of me, but I did not want to be alone, and I had no desire for any more dancing. He nodded his consent and led me out on the veranda.
It was a romantic setting with the only light coming from the two small braziers at each end and a few lanterns giving off just enough of a glow to keep people from losing their step.
Only one other couple stood next to one of the braziers. The frigid temperatures had undoubtedly kept most everyone from having the desire to come outside. In truth, I was not dressed for this outing either and was rethinking my agreement to be alone with my former beau when my heart had been left on the dance floor with Reagan.
Austin led me over to the unoccupied brazier. I held my hands over the flames, but the fire was too small for the heat to make it that far. He offered me his coat, and I tried to refuse.
“Take it. Please.”
He held it open for me to slip my arms inside the sleeves. I was immediately enveloped in his familiar woodsy scent. No matter how long he had worked inside with my father, he still smelled like the outdoors as if he still lived the life of an Aislinian warrior.
I only felt him hesitate for a moment as his arms came around me to close the front of the jacket. He was just as gentlemanly as always, so unlike Reagan who would have used the closeness as an excuse for affection. I chided myself for my wayward thoughts.
I turned to face him, and he placed his hands in his pockets. “Gwen, I know neither of us will last too long out in this cold, so I will get right to the point. I came to Dermot to see you because I wanted to ask you to give us another chance. I have not been able to stop thinking about you. I wanted to go after you and beg you to stay in Aisling not five minutes after you left.”
He stepped closer and pulled the sleeve up on his coat so he could take my hand in his. It felt wrong—like I was cheating on Reagan. I had to remind myself again that it was over. I looked up into Austin’s face. It was too dark for me to see his features, but I knew what I would find there, wavy blond hair, dreamy blue eyes and school-boy dimples. Just like Reagan, he could have his pick of women.
“I had hoped maybe you would have thought fondly of me during your time away. I sense that there is someone new, but I know you well enough that if that were true, you would not be standing here letting me hold your hand like this. Won’t you please give me another chance?”
He pulled my hand up to his lips and kissed the back of my fingers. I wish it had invoked some feeling in me, but that was not the case.
I had allowed him to kiss my lips before. There had been excitement, but it was nothing like it should have been if he was the one, never like it was with Reagan. If I could make myself fall for Austin, it would be easier to forget about the prince. Would it be fair to the man standing before me to even try so soon? I needed to be honest with him.
“Austin, I do not want to lead you on. I would not want to hurt you again. There has been someone else, but it is over now.”
“You let me worry about protecting my heart. You are not over this man, are you?”
I shook my head. “No, I am not. The break-up was recent.”
“Is there a chance you will take him back?”
“That is very doubtful. He has moved on to someone else, and I do not want to be with him. I am hurting, but it is clear that we were never meant to be together.”
My statement was not a lie. He most definitely had moved on to someone else, even if it was against his will. Even if things worked out to free Reagan from this woman who had falsely attached herself to him, I still had no desire to help rule a kingdom. God knew my heart and had probably sent this trouble our way to end the relationship before it went further. Was there a possibility that He had also sent Austin back into my life?
He cupped the side of my face. “Is there any chance of me being the one to help you forget about this man?”
“You would be willing to start a relationship with me knowing I am not yet over the last one?”
“I have never stopped loving you, Gwen. It would be foolish of me not to.”
I took a deep breath and allowed my body to relax a little. “Then yes, we can restart our courtship. I will put every effort into trying to build this relationship, but you are forewarned that it may not work this time either. This is going to take patience from both of us.”
He leaned in and kissed me gently on the lips and my heart broke a little more. He was a great kisser, but he was not Reagan.
We spent all of the next day together since he would leave the following morning to head back to Aisling. The thought that I had made a mistake in agreeing to another relationship with him so soon after things ended between me and Reagan haunted me. I convinced myself that if I could just make it through this day without pulling away from his every touch, I would have time to get over the love I had lost and could open my heart to Austin through letters.
I had to admit, it was worse for me after he left. The loneliness was overwhelming. I could not wait to get back to my duties at Gilvary. At least then I would have something to occupy my mind besides missing Reagan. At this moment I would almost welcome the mind-numbing chores Arlana had inflicted on me before.