I stared at Gwen sitting across from me in the sleigh. My gaze had hardly left her face during this whole trip back home to Gilvary. I knew it only adding to her discomfort, but I could not help myself.
Rian sat beside her, aware of our separation but oblivious to its cause. He would have to be told before we entered the castle.
After a few weeks passed without me seeing the Sawyer woman or her father, I had hoped they had made other plans that did not involve me. That hope was dashed when King Farris informed me that he had received word that they were awaiting my arrival in Gilvary. He had been assured they had kept their end of the deal in telling no one of the situation. I had expected a note from Arlana saying otherwise, but that message never came.
The Session meetings ended just before Christmas. Everyone agreed that it would be better to spend the holiday here rather than on the road back to our homes. On the Eve of Christmas, all the servants lined up for their yearly bonuses. The servants I had brought with me were all accounted for except for Gwen. I sent Filib with her gift. Anyone else would have received a reprimand, but I could not do that to her.
Maybe if things did not work out in my favor, I would be able to think of her as just a servant, but I had my doubts. I at least had sense enough not to give her the necklace I had commissioned to match the betrothal ring. It was a gift meant for my future wife that was no longer appropriate to give.
We had all been encouraged to stay for the birthday party on the second of January in honor of Princess Adrika, the only child to the king and queen of Dermot. Garrett and Brianna decided to leave just after the holidays, but I had stayed—admittedly, it was to prolong the inevitable.
Thinking about our last full day in Dermot had me rubbing the crescent shaped scar between the thumb and forefinger of my right hand. The three-year-old princess had bitten me. I had shamelessly gone to Gwen for attention. It was the first time in the month following the ball for me to come into her presence. Her touch still sent heat pulsing through my body. I was hurt to see that it seemed to have no effect on her. Was she really over me so soon?
Rian snickered, bringing me back to the present. “Are you still worrying over that mark on your hand? It serves you right. You can see I had sense enough not to get too close to that brat.”
“I had thought she wanted to shake my hand, or I never would have touched her.”
Gwen turned to look out the carriage window and placed her finger over her mouth as if to put a stop to a smile.
Rian laughed harder than the tale warranted while slapping his knee. “That is stupid! Did you really think the Mahons would teach their daughter to shake hands? I am surprised they even allow her to speak to any man other than to say yes master, whatever you say master. You know Queen Babree is from Cordelia.”
“It is true that the Cordelians treat their women subserviently, but King Farris is not from there. Although the king does not consider his wife to be his equal, I do not believe he treats her or their daughter irreverently.”
“Still, Reagan, have you ever known any woman other than those tanners from Aisling who would offer to shake a man’s hand?”
“Do not be rude.”
Tanner was a slang title used for the people of Aisling. I glanced at Gwen. Her expression had not changed as she still watched the snow-covered terrain pass by the window. We were getting very close to the castle. I blew out my breath as I decided it was time to reveal what I was about to face to my brother. I did not want him to have to hear it from someone else.
“Rian, I know you noticed that Gwen and I have ended our relationship. I need to talk to you about the reason for us parting ways.”
Gwen turned and looked me in the eye for the first time in the month and a half since the ball. I could not think, speak, or even breathe until she looked away.
Rian held up both of his hands. “Hey, your love life is none of my business. I never understood what you saw in each other to begin with. You have nothing in common.”
He was wrong. We had everything in common—everything important in the world anyway. I wanted to give a rebuttal but decided it was best to continue with the purpose behind this conversation.
“When we get to the castle, there will probably be a woman there claiming she is going to have my child. It is not true, but there may be a lot of conflict throughout the kingdom because of it. I wanted you to know because it will most likely affect you. Others may taunt or tease you about it. I want you to try to ignore them.”
His face turned pale. He crossed his arms over his chest. “This is just what we need. Did you not think that we have enough to be ashamed of in this family without you adding to it?”
“Rian, your brother is not guilty of anything. He has been falsely accused, and he needs your support.” I was bolstered by Gwen’s assurance of my innocence.
Rian slid further down in his seat. “Who asked you?”
“Rian.”
He glared at me. “What? If she really believes you are innocent, then why are the two of you not still together?”
“Gwen is just as much a victim as I am. This is a complicated situation, and no one is asking you to figure it out. I just wanted to inform you of what was going on with the hopes that you would be mature enough to handle it.”
He sat up a little straighter but did not say anything more. It was not fair for me to ask such maturity of him. He was not yet ten years of age and had already experienced too much for even most grown men to endure.
No other words were spoken. We were pulled around to the front of the castle. Rian and I exited the sleigh, and I turned to give my hand to Gwen.
She shook her head. “No, My Lord, I must enter with the other servants.”
I knew she was right, but as I watched the sleigh head for the back of the castle with her inside, I had a sense of finality, like things would never again be as they were before. She would be living in the same castle as me, but we were separated from each other in a way that we may as well have been living on different planets.
A good many of our servants were lining the front hall to greet us and welcome us back to the castle, as was custom. I tried to greet each one while Rian stayed quietly by my side. He carried the extra burden I had just dealt him like a physical yoke strapped to his drooped shoulders. I truly felt sorry for him, but I had no means of protecting him from the cruel words of other children.
Arlana was at the end of the receiving line with her head held high, looking like royalty.
“I need a conference with you immediately in my office.”
“Yes, Your Highness.” Her confidence visibly faltered before she fell into step behind me.
I did not waste any time spilling the details of my dilemma once we were behind closed doors. I told her of how I had sent Filib out into the city to find the woman as we had passed through.
“Do you think that was wise, My Lord? I am not your advisor, but it seems as if you are inviting trouble into the castle.”
She never failed to hint that she wanted me to name her as an advisor. I needed to appoint someone, but I knew she would never respect my authority no matter how she tried to make it appear otherwise. She had proven that with the way she had treated Gwen while knowing how I felt about her.
“I have had counsel from King Farris as well as the king and queen of Aisling. They all feel this is the best option. The reason I called you in here is because I need you to set her up in a room—nothing fancy, just try to find somewhere away from the servants and away from my own quarters. I do not want her mistreated, but I would prefer not to have her befriending anyone here either. And I do not want to always be running into her in the hallways if it can be helped.”
“Yes, My Lord.”
“If you would, please make Gwen aware of the location of the woman’s room. Gwen will be seeing to her care. If at all possible, I would prefer her to be seen there. The infirmary is too close to my mother’s chambers for my comfort. Could you inform the healer of this please?”
She reached across my desk and patted the back of my hand in a too familiar way. “Yes, Your Highness. I just want to add that I believe it should be your privilege as ruler not to have to deal with this situation. I tried to discourage your father from putting this into law. He should have at least put in a clause protecting his sons. I think Coman hoped this would discourage you from giving in to these wanton women who would use any means to gain a title. He did not take in consideration the nature of all men. You are not at fault and should not have to bear these consequences.”
All I could do was stare at her for a moment. “There is so much wrong with everything you just said that you have left me speechless. I have given you a job to do. I suggest you get to it.”
Her cheeks turned red as she stared open-mouthed back at me. I raised one brow, causing her to jump from her seat.
“Yes, Your Highness, I will get right on it.” She left out of my office as if her dress were on fire.
I had already stated my innocence, but it was apparent that Arlana did not believe me. I knew she would not be the only one. How many times would I need to dispute my guilt? Maybe King Farris was right. In a way it would be easier to go ahead and marry the woman whose name I had already forgotten. But I could not give up on my hope of renewing my relationship with Gwen, even if it did seem hopeless for now.
A few hours after our arrival, Filib entered my office followed by the Sawyers. “Your Highness, I present you with Miss Juliane Sawyer and her father, Angus.”
Juliane. I made a mental note to write it down after this meeting. I should remember the name of the person responsible for destroying my happiness. Her curtsy was awkward considering how far along she was in her pregnancy. She looked pale and tired. I wondered briefly where they had been staying since leaving Dermot. I knew nothing of such things, but she looked to be very close to her time of delivery. I could only hope it would happen soon, helping to prove the impossibility of me being the father.
I focused on the man behind her who had yet to bow before me. As much as I hated the bowing and scraping, this one would show me respect, or he would be evicted from these premises. He glared at me until he seemed to realize what we were all waiting for.
After he finally conceded, I turned my attention back to my advisor. “Filib, if you would, have Arlana sent here, and then you may have the rest of the day for your leisure.”
“Thank you, Your Highness.” He closed the door behind him.
“You sure took your time getting here.” The woman’s father never tried to hide his insolent glare.
“Let us get a few things straight, Mr. Sawyer. As King Farris reminded you many times before—we are not equals. I am ruler of this kingdom and as such, I do not answer to you. You will show me the proper respect, and you will wipe that glare from your face while in my presence, or you will find yourself banned from my kingdom.”
“But the law . . .”
“The law obligates me to your daughter if I am found guilty, which we all know that I am not. There is nothing in the law concerning her father.” At least, I hoped it was true. I had not had the opportunity to look at it as of yet.
“Furthermore, your daughter does not have to be here either—not until the child is three months of age, and then only if a decision has been reached in her favor.”
There was a moment of silence as he studied me for any sign that I would not follow through in having him removed. Finally there was a humble yes, Your Highness from him just before the expected tap on the door and Arlana’s appearing.
“Miss Sawyer, this is my stewardess, Arlana Kelly. She will show you to your room. Our healer will be by there to see you in the next day or two.”
She turned hesitantly and looked at her father and then back to me. “What about my father?”
“I have made arrangements for him to be housed in the barracks with the warriors.”
“You made a promise to my daughter that I could stay with her.”
“I promised you could stay here in Gilvary, and you shall as long as you adhere to the commands I made before. I would think a young woman your daughter’s age would not wish to sleep in the same room with her father. She could stay in the barracks with you, but that may cause a problem for the men housed there.”
“I would think your future family would be given better accommodations.”
“Know this, I will never consider either of you to be my family. We all know this child does not belong to me. The only reason I agreed to keep you here is so she and the child will have an escort back to Dermot once this is over.”
“And if the court should rule in her favor?”
“I would have no choice but to marry her. It would be in name only. She would never be treated in the manner her stolen title carried. She would live a lonely existence here, and the only way you would be able to stay is for you to take a job as a castle worker.”
He only glared at me.
“Now, if there is nothing more, Arlana will show Miss Sawyer to her room, and I will direct you to the barracks. They can be found on the west side of the castle. In fact . . . Dale.”
I shouted out my messenger’s name as he had just passed by my open door. It was a very un-prince like thing to do, but at that moment I just wanted to get these people out of my presence.
“Dale, would you please show Mr. Sawyer to the barracks. He is expected there.” I had enlightened Antoine Lewis, General over my warriors, of the situation just after my talk with Arlana.
“Certainly, Your Highness.” Dale bowed and then looked expectantly at Angus Sawyer.
The man gave me one last glare before stomping out of my office with my messenger following after. For all of his talk about wanting to be with his daughter, he had left without even acknowledging her.
The Sawyer woman’s gaze never quite made it to my eyes as she nodded her head in my direction. “Your Highness, thank you for your consideration.”
I instructed Arlana to close the door behind them as they left. I needed time alone to clear my head. I had never liked the taste of alcohol, but I was tempted to drink my worries away. The things I had said to Angus Sawyer had sounded more like my father than me. I hated being reminded that I was his son.
It was then that I thought of my mother. I had not seen her since my arrival, and she needed to be told about this. I headed to her chambers. I would take care of telling her myself then I could take a long bath and retire to my room. I hoped there would be no more confrontations on this day.
She had the blankets pulled up around her head with only her thin face showing when I entered her room, but she was awake. Edina was sitting with her. She made a clicking noise with her tongue and shook her head as I offered her a short break. After she left, I took the chair next to Mother, and that is when I noticed her red-rimmed eyes.
“What is the matter, Mother? What has happened to upset you?”
“Rian tells me that you have fathered a child. Is it true?”
Her words stung. Rian had just as much right to tell his mother what he was going through as any of her sons. It just hurt that her first time hearing of it painted me as the guilty one. Even my own family had no trouble accepting that I was blameworthy.
I took a deep cleansing breath before addressing my mother. “I have been accused of such, but let me assure you that it is not true. No one seems to believe me when I say that I am not the one who fathered this woman’s unborn child. Mother, I promise you that I have never been with a woman in that way. Is there anything I can say to convince you?”
She exhaled as if she had been holding her breath. “I believe you, Reagan. If you say you did not do this, then I believe you, but we both know that my belief in your innocence will not make this go away. If only your father was here. He would know how to fix this.”
“I wish he were here as well.”
“Do you, Reagan? I mean, I was not even sure you missed him, at least not as much as your brothers and me.”
I wondered if she included Garrett in that grouping. I brushed her hair back from her face. “Of course, I wish he was here. You are right. He would know how to fix this. I have never felt adequate for this position.”
She let out a sob. “I have let my whole family down.”
“Shh. That is not true. Calm yourself. This is not your fault. There is no way you could have predicted I would be accused of such a thing.”
“If not for me, he would still be here.”
I knew this was what she had been alluding to when she said she had let her family down, but I was helpless to stop the words and thoughts from coming. I did not know what to say to her, so I just kept stroking her hair.
“Please leave me. I need to rest.”
I kissed her brow before stepping out of the room. I stood outside of her door. As much as I wanted to escape, I could not leave her alone. I tried to halt the tears streaming over my cheeks. I told myself that I was a man. Men were not supposed to cry. I had not even cried when Father died. There had not even been tears when I realized he was the one who had tried to have me killed. Why could I not stop the flow now?
The door to my family’s chambers creaked open, and I heard Edina greeting someone out in the hallway. I felt sure she was on her way back to tend to my mother. She had been my nursemaid when I was small. She had probably witnessed my tears more than anyone else, but that did not mean I felt comfortable with her seeing them ever again. I made my escape to my own room before she came into view.