Clare had come to me begging an apology. Of course, I accepted it without hesitation. I knew it was the right thing to do if we were to continue working together with any semblance of peace. Besides, she was my only friend in Gilvary. I could not afford to alienate her.
February was already upon us by the time everything was in place for the archery lessons. I had invited Gemma to come with me. When we showed up that first day, Rian was there waiting. His brow lowered as he looked at the girl beside me. “What is she doing here?”
“I invited her. I made it perfectly clear that I planned to teach more than just you, Rian.”
He grudgingly accepted my response with one nod of his head but decided to deal with Gemma by ignoring her. That was probably for the best.
I have to say, he listened to my instructions better than I had expected. His determination shown through with each attempted shot. We did not stop until he was able to hit the target. None of Gemma’s arrows made contact, but she seemed to take it in stride.
With each lesson after that, the number of children wanting to learn archery grew. I think fear of being bested had caused Rian stress in the beginning, but he was soon blending in with the rest and even began giving pointers to the younger children.
Then a few belonging to warriors showed up. The three boys were boastful and competitive. It was obvious that they had previous training. When they started showing disrespect to me and the other children, I dismissed them, letting them know that they could rejoin us after they found some manners.
I could tell by the smug look on Rian’s face that he had gained a good bit of pleasure in this. His courteousness seemed to grow. I wondered if there was any difference with his attitude away from the archery range. If so, had Reagan noticed?
A couple of weeks into our lessons, Rian informed everyone that his birthday was a few days away and invited us all to his party. He said there would be an archery contest in his honor. This was news to me. For Reagan’s birthday the whole castle had been in a frenzy getting ready for the big event. I could see why his day would outshine Rian’s since he was now ruler, but surely I would have heard something if there was a party planned. I had a sinking feeling Reagan was as unaware as I had been.
I knew I was correct when I visited the queen that afternoon. She gasped when I casually mentioned how much Rian was looking forward to his party.
“Reagan has not mentioned a party. Neither has anyone else. In truth, I did not realize it was that close.”
Finelle placed her hand over her mouth and glanced toward the window. I had not seen the drapes opened even once in the time I had been caring for her. I doubted she was really aware of the season, let alone the date.
“I was surprised when he mentioned it as I have not even heard a hint of a celebration from anyone either.”
She looked back at me. “Do you think he is expecting a party that no one has planned?”
“That is exactly what I think, My Lady.”
She placed her frail hand on mine. “Reagan must be told immediately. You must go to him.”
I leaned back and looked down at her hand on top of mine. As much as I had tried to avoid him, I would have no choice but to speak with him now. I could not ignore the queen’s request.
Finelle looked past me toward the door. “Ah, just the man we needed to see.”
She could only be speaking to one person. My body stiffened. I would not turn around. I took a deep breath and could smell the manly scent of Reagan’s cologne. “I will take my leave now so you two can talk.”
I started to lift up from the edge of the bed and felt his hand push down on my shoulder. “Please stay.”
I still could not look at him. He left his hand there longer than was necessary. Memories of the last time he touched me flooded my mind, sending my heart racing. I wondered if he felt it as well. I tried to remind myself that I was in a relationship with Austin now, but the memories of his touch had never had this effect on me.
“Gwen was just telling me that Rian has been inviting everyone to his birthday party. I have not heard anything. Is there a party?”
Reagan finally removed his hand from my shoulder allowing me to breathe easier. I still did not look, but I could imagine him running his fingers through his dark hair like he was apt to do when he felt overwhelmed.
“There is no party. When is his birthday?”
“February 13. How far away is that?” I had been right about the queen being unaware of time.
“We have only three days then. I will alert Arlana as soon as I leave here. Mother, is there anything special you would like Rian to have on his birthday?”
“Whatever you plan is fine. Just make sure there is an archery contest. He has told everyone there will be one.”
He lowered his voice. “Is he any good?”
I knew he was speaking to me. I had no choice but to look at him then. He looked tired, as if the stress of running the kingdom was wearing him out. His mouth was turned down at the edges.
“He is the best of the ones I am teaching.”
He just nodded toward me and then looked back at the queen. “Mother, I will see you tonight. I must cut this visit short as I need to get these plans started as soon as possible.”
He kissed her cheek and left without another glance in my direction.
Nora came in from her supper break just after Reagan exited the room. I bid Queen Finelle a good night and made my way through the suite to head back to my own chambers.
“I have missed you.”
I stood with my hand resting on the doorknob. I turned my head just enough to see Reagan sitting on the sofa behind me.
I wanted to tell him I missed him as well. I wanted to run across the room and throw myself into his arms, to feel his lips on mine, to once again feel his caress on my face, but I did none of that. I did not even acknowledge his presence. I turned the knob and stepped out into the hallway.
How could he do that to me? Did he not care how hearing those words from him would make me feel? I wanted to break down in tears right there in the hallway, but I would not allow them to come. If I did, I would never get through this.
I quickly made my way to my chambers. There on the little table next to the door sat a letter from Austin. It must have been delivered in my absence. This was what I needed, something to take my mind off Reagan. I needed to forget about him and focus on the one I should be thinking of instead. I lit the candle next to my lounge chair and sat down to read.
I settled in eager to discover all about the happenings of home. Austin spoke of the things he knew I wanted to hear—of my father’s wellbeing and how Brianna seemed to be doing in her pregnancy. He painted pictures with his words describing the home I grew up in. It was all soothing until I got to the top of the second page.
Your recent letters have given me so much hope for a future that sees us together as one. You know I have loved you for a very long time, and it seems as if you are now beginning to feel the same for me. Know that one hint from you will have me in Gilvary, down on bended knee asking for your hand in marriage.
I laid the letter down beside me and covered my face with my hands. If I really felt anything close to my being in love with Austin, why did the thought of his mere suggestion make me feel so despondent? It was not him. He would make someone a fine spouse one day, but I somehow doubted he would ever be married to me.
I felt overwhelming guilt for having led him on when I knew I was not in love with him. The question was would I ever fall in love with him? If I moved back to Aisling and married Austin, would I ever forget about Reagan?
I did not have the answers to these questions. I tried to pray, but the words would not come. I was afraid that if I left it up to God, it would never go the way I wanted it to—not that I even knew what I wanted.
On one hand, I was afraid I would forget about Reagan which would be the equivalent of my heart stopping its beating. And on the other, the thought of ending up with the prince was almost as scary. I still had no desire to help rule a kingdom.