I had been having that picnic dream again, but it had changed since Reagan’s visit. Now Juliane’s baby was there with us. In my dream on this night, the baby lay on the blanket between us. Reagan was holding his tiny hand while he looked deeply into my eyes, showing so much love it took my breath away.
I have decided on a name for our baby. Our baby. As if the child belonged to me and him. I leaned closer in anticipation. A strange man’s voice broke into my dream, startling me awake.
“Has he been up to see his son?” It was Juliane’s father, Angus Sawyer.
Since the birth of the baby I had been keeping the door between us open so I would hear his cries and could take him to his mother. It was the only way I could be assured that he was taken care of in the night. I lay perfectly still as I waited for her answer. I wondered if she had somehow been aware of Reagan’s visit.
“Why should he? He knows that is not his son.”
The way my heart thudded in my chest, it was a wonder neither of them heard.
“Maybe so, but he will be once the two of you are married. Regardless of which of the Barnalis spawned this child, he is a prince and will live as such. We will live like royalty along with him. Have you given him a name yet?”
“I had thought to name him after his real father. No one will think anything of it since Reagan’s father and brother carried the same name. Don’t you think everyone would consider it a tribute to his family?”
“No. That is too risky. Name him after the prince. He can be Reagan Augustine the Second. You can call him Augustine, so there will be no confusion once he is king.”
“I don’t like that name.”
“It will grow on you. Just do as I say.”
The baby had been fussy, but now he cried in earnest. My instinct was to go to him like I always did, but I knew to stay silent. It would not do for Angus to realize I had overheard everything. I was unsure if he even knew I had been sleeping there.
“I will be leaving you now. I never could stand to hear a brat crying.”
I waited until I knew for certain that enough time had passed for him to have left the west wing all together. The baby still lay there crying when I made my way into Juliane’s room. I lifted him out of the cradle without a word and handed him to his mother like I had done many times since his birth. I had no intention of mentioning her conversation with her father. I would go to Reagan in the morning and he could confront her with it.
“You heard everything, didn’t you?”
I had been headed back to my room, but her words stopped me in my tracks. “Yes, I did.”
She looked almost relieved. “I hope you know that none of this was my idea.”
I came back and sat on the side of her bed. “Who is the father of this child then?”
This affair was none of my business, but since she had brought it up I would ask for Reagan’s sake. Who knew, by morning she could deny it all. I was not sure if she would answer. She got a faraway look in her eyes as she stared at the darkened window.
“Father had this big plan. I would seduce the heir to the throne, and he would be forced to marry me after I became pregnant with his child. But Dunbar would have nothing to do with me, so I moved on to Prince Reagan. He had been very charming while we were in the dining hall together, but he stalked off when I invited him to my room. To tell the truth, I was relieved.
“I could not convince Father that it was a lost cause. He kept sending me back again and again to try and woo one of the princes. I even offered myself to Prince Garrett like the harlot Father wanted me to be, but it was all to no avail.
“Then father saw Dunbar coming from Queen Brianna’s chambers. She had rejected his proposal and had decided to marry his brother instead. He was drunk and had gone there to confront her about her decision. Father led him to my room and waited outside the door until the deed was done. It was my one and only time being with a man in that way, and I feel like I have been punished for it since then.”
She looked down at the now sleeping infant in her lap. She covered herself and then handed the baby to me.
I placed him back in his cradle and then resumed my perch on the side of the bed. “And then Dunbar was murdered, so you decided to claim that the baby belonged to Reagan.”
She only nodded.
“So, why are you telling me this now? You were so close to getting what you wanted.”
“It wasn’t what I wanted. It was never what I wanted. I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to be here any longer.”
My throat nearly closed with the realization that she could go away and take the baby with her. I glanced over my shoulder at him asleep in his cradle. His little fist lay next to his face. He was making a sucking motion with his mouth as if he were nursing in his sleep. I had allowed myself to become too attached. Now God would take him away from me as well.
“Where will you go? Back to Dermot?”
“I don’t know. Are you going to Prince Reagan tonight?”
“No, it can wait until morning.”
“Then if you don’t mind, I would like to get some sleep before then.”
I made my way back to my own room. I lay there worrying about what the morning would bring. Reagan would be free. Did I want him back? Everything in me was screaming yes, but I somehow did not believe God would allow me to have him. I had already lost him once, and now the baby . . . I did not want to think about the hurt I was bound to experience once he was gone.
When Reagan and I had been together, I had discarded all reason. At that time I had wanted him so badly, it did not matter that I had never wanted to help rule Gilvary. I only cared about being with him. God had remembered my earlier fears even if I had forgotten.
Sometimes the longing and loneliness were overwhelming. Just like Juliane, I felt God was punishing me. For what, I did not know. Was it for coming to Gilvary? I had felt led to come at the time, but I was no longer certain.
I did not think I would be able to sleep, but I awoke to light streaming through the window and the baby crying. How was Juliane to take care of him once she left here if she still refused to nurse him without prompting? I called out to her while I got dressed. Considering how hard she was known to sleep, I was not surprised by the lack of response.
She was not there when I got to the room next door. The baby quieted a little as I changed him into dry clothing. “Juliane, where are you?”
There was no answer. I placed the whimpering baby on my shoulder and went from room to room looking for his mother. I knew then that she had gone and left the baby behind.
I hurried through the castle to the royal suite where I knew Reagan would still be getting ready for the day. He met me in the hallway leading to his family’s bedchambers. Surely the baby’s crying had led him there.
“What is the meaning of this? What has happened?”
“Juliane is gone.” I told him everything that had happened the night before over the loud cries of the baby.
In my panicked state, I had honestly not thought about disturbing the queen until Edina stepped out from her room. “The queen wants to see the baby.”
Reagan looked as if he were in shock. He had not had time to absorb what I had told him before having to face his mother, but he was thinking more clearly than I was at the moment. “Edina, I want you to go find someone who can feed this baby.”
“I know just the one, Your Highness.” The woman moved faster than I thought was possible as she made her way out into the hallway.
Reagan gestured for me to precede him into his mother’s bedchamber. The queen’s skeletal frame was propped up in the bed. She reached her frail arm out toward me.
“Bring him to me. Bring me Dunbar’s child.”
I knew she did not have the strength to hold him, so I laid him on the bed beside her. His wail had turned to whimper again. He sucked on his fist and studied Finelle much like he had Reagan the day before.
The queen’s face seemed to be lit from within as she looked down at her grandson. She had lamented ever seeing her first grandchild and here he was. “Dunbar. Little Dunbar.”
He smiled up at her once before his lip curled out into a pout again. “He looks much like you did when you were a baby, Reagan. As you remember, your brother’s eyes were darker, just like his father’s.”
Just then Edina bustled back into the room with another woman in tow. I recognized her as one whose baby I had delivered five months before. I could tell she was nervous. Her large brown eyes scanned the room as she curtsied. The baby started crying again as if he knew his breakfast was nearby.
Edina scooped the baby up without waiting to be told. “I will take him to the nursery, Your Highness.”
I somehow felt bereaved as he passed by me in the arms of someone else. I doubted I would have the opportunity to spend as much time with him from here on out. I had nothing to offer that could not be given by another. I was only the healer here.
Reagan touched my arm as he left. “Gwen, I will talk to you later. I need to see if his mother can be found.”
I only nodded. Even if she was found, she was no longer my concern either. I went back to the west tower to gather my things. It was time for me to move back to my own suite and resume my duties. I had left too much to Clare for too long.
Clare could barely contain her enthusiasm when I entered the infirmary later that morning. “I hear that woman has left the castle. The guards say she left early this morning. Prince Reagan is free once again. The two of you can resume your relationship.”
I could not muster the same excitement. “I know. She was gone when I awoke this morning.”
She grabbed my arm. “I thought you’d be more pleased over this bit of news.”
“I am happy for Reagan. I know how much the Sawyers’ plotting has stressed him.”
She just shook her head. I knew she did not understand my reaction, but she would not question me further after the argument we had before over this subject.
“I heard that the queen asked to see her grandson. Maybe this will encourage her to have more of a desire to live. The good Lord knows we have done all we know how to help her.” The fact that Dunbar was the father had not been mentioned. Clare heard as much gossip as I was privy to, but she was not one to spread it.
“I pray that turns out to be the case. There was a brightness to her countenance when she looked upon him that I have not seen in a long time. Another good thing that has come from this is I will be able to resume more of my duties now that someone else is looking after the baby. I feel I have left too much for you to do lately. I am truly sorry about that.”
“It has been no burden for me at all. I’m a lot more competent than I was when you first came to Gilvary, and Elen has been a big help as well.”
I knew Clare’s words were meant as a way of easing my guilt. Instead, they had made me feel useless. Was I even needed here any longer?
I was supposed to have archery practice with the children after dinner that day. I tried to cancel. I did not feel up to the challenge, plus it had started pouring down rain. I gave in after seeing how disappointed they all were and decided to teach them how to care for their bows in the dining hall instead.
Most of the children had a bow of some type by this time. I allowed the ones who did not to polish on mine. I made sure everyone had a bowstring to wax, and even though I had given the lesson before, I demonstrated how to restring a bow.
There were a few castle occupants still eating their dinner. Reagan was one of them. He had come in late, but he seemed to be taking a longer time with his meal than usual. My gaze was drawn up to the dais where he sat alone. Every time I glanced his way, he was looking back at me. He seemed to be studying me, and I wondered what he could be thinking.
The fact that we were spending so much time gazing at one another was probably what kept us from noticing Angus Sawyer as he came up behind Reagan and placed a knife to his throat. There were several gasps throughout the room. Some of those nearest the doors got up and ran out. The ones left seemed frozen in place as they stared up at their ruler.
I eased my freshly strung bow and an arrow from the table while keeping my gaze trained on the two behind the head table. I whispered low enough for only those around me to hear.
“Children, I want you to get up and walk slowly out the door.” I did not want them to witness whatever was about to happen. None of them moved.
“Do something. You have to save him.” I glanced quickly toward Rian and then back to my target. I had yet to take aim. I did not want to alarm Juliane’s father while he held a knife to Reagan’s throat.
“Rian, you need to take the others and leave.”
He folded his arms across his chest and jutted out his chin. “I am not going anywhere.”
He had already witnessed his father’s death in this very room. He did not need any more heaped on him, but I was powerless to make him leave.
Six warriors came rushing through the door across the room. I used the distraction to stand and take aim. Others throughout the room had stood at the same time, probably for a better look. None of them seemed to take notice of me.
“Stop where you are. I swear I’ll not hesitate to cut his throat.” Angus had pulled Reagan up from the chair to stand in front of him.
The warriors stopped in their tracks. Everyone’s attention was divided between the warriors and the prince. Everyone but Reagan. His lips were pressed together in anger. He was staring right at me as if he were trying to convey a message, one that I read loud and clear. He wanted me to take the man out, but I would not do that if there was the slightest chance that Reagan would be harmed in the process.
The man looked down at the back of Reagan’s head, totally unconcerned with me. Angus was a head taller making him an easier target, but with his knife against the flesh on Reagan’s throat, he could still cut him before the arrow met its target. “I should just kill you. That way, the baby would be king. I guess I could help him run things until he comes of age. Then there would be order back in Gilvary like when your father was still alive.”
“That is not how it works.”
Arlana’s voice shook. It was surprising that she had the nerve to speak up at all. I suppose being the know-it-all that she was, she just could not help herself. I pulled back on the bow string once more, hoping this would be the distraction I needed.
“What is that?”
“I said that is not how it works. For one thing, Prince Reagan is not the king. His death would not change anything. His mother would still be queen. Even if something were to happen to the both of them, the crown would go to Prince Terence.” Her voice had gained strength as she got to the end of her speech. She was in her element.
The brute pointed his knife at Arlana. “You just stay out of this.”
I held my breath and released my arrow. Time seemed to stand still around me. As soon as I let go, I trained my eyes on Reagan. He was still looking at me, his lips parted with an exhale as the arrow found its mark. Both men went tumbling to the ground and I was still holding my breath.