Chapter Eleven

 

Logan was having an unusually rough week. He could barely extricate himself from the office to go to band practice; adding to his feeling of unease was the suspicion that something was seriously wrong with Melody. She had gone into withdrawn mode. She was super quiet and pensive and she looked troubled even though she tried to pretend that she was not. He had lived too long with her not to know when something was seriously wrong. He had also lived with her long enough to know that he needed to take a step back and wait for her to tell him what it was.

He hated waiting. He wanted to know now. He arrived at the warehouse almost half an hour late. Everyone was there already. They had started practice, which was unusual of them; they usually lounged around and chatted for a while.

Carson was singing Love Lifted Me.

"Good, you are here," Carson said over the mike. "Jayce is not getting the sweet notes on the keyboard like you do."

Jayce got up as soon as he walked in and picked up the guitar. "Mr. Diva keeps interrupting me as soon as I start playing."

Logan looked at them inquiringly. "What gives?"

"We decided to get practice out of the way so that we could head to Aaron's place."

"Night beach?" Logan removed his tie and headed for the stage area. "Haven't we stopped doing that?"

"Nope," Ian said, grinning, "and we never will stop, even when Jayce is in a wheel chair and Carson has lost all his teeth. What are you complaining about? The exercise will do you good."

"Why do I have to be in a wheelchair?" Jayce asked.

Ian laughed. "Okay, Jayce is not in a wheelchair but old and cranky."

"That's better," Jayce grunted.

Logan chuckled. "You are right, night beach and some of your bickering would do me good. This has been sort of a hellish week so far."

"Why?" Jayce asked. "Does it have anything to do with why Melody looked like she was crying earlier?"

"She was crying?" Logan asked, alarmed. "Why?"

"Well, she said she had an allergy," Carson responded. "But Jayce thought it had something to do with your secretary."

Logan sat at the keyboard and ran his fingers across the keys loosely. "Sabrina? What about her?"

"She's er...young, younger than we thought," Aaron said slowly. "She stopped by last week and we... er... didn't get the chance to talk about her with you."

Jayce shook his head. "Nope, young is not the word we are looking for. Gorgeous is, I mean really gorgeous, and she is too interested in your personal life. She made us suspicious."

Logan threw back his head and laughed. "What does my secretary being gorgeous have to do with Melody crying?"

Xavier shook his head. "For a lawyer, you can be so dense. Are you having an affair with the young gorgeous girl?"

"No." Logan ran his hand over his face. "No affair. That's quite a conclusion for you to jump to, guys, and very unflattering to me."

"That's a relief. So the worst scenario is off the table," Ian said. "So why is Melody so glum. She is always as high as a kite, and upbeat. I mean, what on earth can get Melody down?"

"I honestly don't know." Logan shrugged. "She came back from spending three days with her parents a changed woman. I mean, I asked her a question about her childhood and she almost bit my head off."

"Maybe it's a woman thing," Jayce said. "Haley has her moments."

Logan shook his head. "But Melody doesn't have woman things or moments. I guess this funk that she has found herself in will pass. It has to, because it is scaring me."

"Mmmm," Carson said. "Back to your secretary, though, she says your name breathily, almost reverently. You have got to watch her."

"She is good at her job, very intuitive and efficient." Logan mused. "I think what Sabrina wants is love."

"Oh Lord," Xavier groaned. "He did not just say that."

"No, I mean of the parental kind," Logan said. "She has some issues in that arena and I think her emotions are bouncing all over the place."

"And she is seeing you as supplying the love that she needs?" Jayce asked skeptically.

Logan played a note on the keyboard. "I don't think so, Sabrina says she is in love with someone. Though sometimes, I am not quite sure if she's flirting with me. At least she is not blatant with it, like Barbie was. Remember how she sprawled herself naked on my desk?"

"Barbie was a nutcase." Ian chuckled. "Where is she now?"

"Don't know. Don't want to know," Logan said, shuddering dramatically.

"Don't hurt Melody," Jayce said warningly, bringing the subject back to Melody neatly.

"Or we will all hurt you," Xavier tacked on.

Logan chuckled, "I would never hurt Melody, not knowingly. You guys are blowing this thing out of proportion; a person is expected to have one off week in ten years. This is Melody's off week."

 

*****

Thursday, another night without sleeping. Melody glanced at the bedside clock and saw that it was a quarter to four in the morning. She dragged herself out of bed and looked at Logan's bare back. He was resting peacefully, his heavy even breathing indicating that he was in dreamland. He had gone to the beach with the guys, and when he came back home he had showered and was out before his head hit the pillow.

Totally out and resting with his conscience clear and no skeletons coming out of his closet on the verge of ruining his life.

In fact, Logan had such a squeaky clean background that she had wondered whether she should continue their relationship in the early days when they used to talk on the phone and email each other, because she knew that her past was less than ideal, and he had wanted the ideal.

Melody tiptoed to the armoire, snatching her workout gear from the drawer, trying to make as little noise as possible, and walked down to the area where they kept the treadmill and the exercise bike.

She started up the treadmill and started walking. She never exercised this early, but her overactive brain and guilty conscience would not let her rest. She knew she had to say something to Logan about Sabrina.

She didn't want to; she had no idea how he would react to such momentous news. It would ruin her image in her husband's eyes, the image she had carefully cultivated over the years.

Logan didn't like surprises. He was big on communication and laying things all out in the open. When they had just started dating she had been well aware that Logan had certain expectations of what he wanted in a woman.

She knew he was a stickler about dating a virgin, someone with no sexual history and as he liked to call it, unnecessary baggage. When she had told him that she wasn't a virgin, he had stopped talking to her for weeks. Three whole weeks of silence. He hadn't written; he hadn't called. He had literally thrown her in a tailspin with the suddenness of his abandonment.

She remembered feeling very lonely and out of sorts at his absolute rejection. It had been six months into their relationship, and she had already found herself so into him that his rejection had hurt badly.

She had realized then and there that she couldn't shock Logan too much about anything that would disturb his ideal image of her. He liked a certain picture in his head of what he had thought she had been and she had really thrown ice water on that when she had casually declared that she wasn't without sexual experience. She had no idea that that could have been a deal breaker for him.

Eventually he had gotten over himself and called her back to apologize. He had liked her too much to stop speaking to her, he had said grudgingly. He hadn't asked her anything else about her sexual history; he had told her that he didn't want to know. She had been the one to reassure him that she had only been with one guy. He had been enormously relieved about that.

She couldn't have told him about her teenage pregnancy and the subsequent adoption after that. Logan could not have processed that at the time. If she had told him, they wouldn't be together now.

That would have been more baggage than Logan could have handled, and that would have truly been the end. Melody upped the speed on the treadmill and started running.

Ten years later, was Logan so different? She wanted to think so but was he, though? Telling him would upset the delicate balance of his life. And after she told him, then what?

It was the "then what" that was bothering her. The whole the idea of "then what" sloshed around her mind like clothes in a washing machine.

What was she going to do about Sabrina? She didn't want to forge a relationship with her. She didn't know or want Sabrina in her life. She ran until she was panting and wet from sweat.

And then her eyes teared up. Her everlasting shame was really what was bothering her; she didn't want to know Sabrina. She was charitable to everyone else but when it came to her own child, she wished that she hadn't found out about her. What kind of person was she?

 

*****

"You look tired," Alice said while she was washing Melody's hair. "You aren't overdoing it with all your charities and stuff, are you?"

"No," Melody whispered, "I want to talk to you about something."

"Okay," Alice said, looking around. The salon was pretty busy, so busy in fact that she had been forced to chip in, though today was her day off. "When you are done come around to the office. How do you want your hair today? Planning any exotic sessions with Logan tonight?"

"No," Melody said weakly. Maybe they would never have a fantasy session again after he found out about Sabrina.

The thought left her weak. "I want a Grecian crown braid like yours."

"Yup, that would fit you," Alice said. "You'll look like a queen. My mom loved this hairstyle when I was younger. I did it in Mia's hair this morning."

Melody said uneasily. "Alice, you love Mia, don't you?"

She didn't miss the skeptical look Alice gave her. "I can't imagine my life without her."

"Did you regret leaving?" Melody asked.

"Okay," Alice said, finishing the wash, "This is definitely a back room conversation. Come on, let's go."

She hustled Melody to her office, which was spacious enough, with a desk and filing cabinet, a lounge area and a kitchenette. She led Melody to a settee and pushed her in it.

"What's wrong, Melody?" Alice asked, concerned. "Before practice Carson mentioned that you weren't yourself, and that you looked like you were crying."

"I wasn't crying," Melody said in horror. "I had a sneezing attack; tears come to your eyes after you sneeze. The guys blew it out of proportion."

"Why are you asking me about Mia?" Alice asked.

"I...well...listen," Melody stuttered, "I was thinking about a situation, and of everyone I know yours is most similar."

Alice quirked her eyebrows and looked at her. "How? Someone else got raped by a person they trusted and ran away and left their baby and husband for ten years, too?"

Melody grimaced. "Well, when you put it like that—no."

She fidgeted with the gown. "This person willingly had sex with her boyfriend and got pregnant at fourteen and gave the child up for adoption. It was a closed adoption and now the child is back in her life."

"Oh, does she want the child back in her life?"

"No, she doesn't but she is a nice enough person and the fact that she doesn't is killing her slowly. She thinks this child will ruin her relationship with her current family. She is happily married; her husband doesn't know of that part of her history."

Alice frowned. "And you are asking me for advice to give to your friend? Melody, I am not the best person to ask. I ran away for ten whole years after Mia was born. I had therapy and lots of prayer. I only appear normal now because of loads of prayer and hours of talking about it with my therapist. I am serious."

"Because of the rape," Melody said anxiously. "But what if you had given away Mia and she came to find you as an adult?"

Alice shook her head. "As an adult I would tell her what happened. I don't think I would want a relationship with her, but that's just me and my situation. Your friend's situation is a bit different. I would definitely tell my husband about something so momentous in my early years though..."

Alice clasped her hands on hers. "Is that why you are so sad—you are taking on somebody else's burden and getting depressed because of it?"

"Something like that," Melody said, looking down at their clasped hands. At this point she didn't know if she could unburden her issue to Alice.

"You are really unique," Alice said, squeezing her hand. "I would suggest that you give your friend all the love and support that she needs right now."

"Thanks," Melody said, feeling like a fraud. Her phone rang and she rummaged in her bag for it.

"Melody," Logan said sounding cautious, "I have a favor to ask."

Melody frowned. Logan was sounding overly careful and meek with her. “Ask away."

"My secretary Sabrina, remember her?"

"Yes, I remember her," Melody said between gritted teeth. She hadn't thought about anybody else but her for the past couple of days.

Logan paused and then said, "She lives in an apartment building and a pipe burst on the floor above hers and completely flooded her out. She slept in her car last night, couldn't come to work today. I want to know if she can spend a few days with us, until they sort out her building."

Melody inhaled loudly. "Nooo!" she finally said on a noisy exhale. "Hell no. I don't want her in my home."

How absolutely bizarre that she was trying to avoid Sabrina and Logan was asking if she could stay in her home.

"Melody, this is so unlike you. She will have nowhere to sleep tonight either."

"Put her up in a hotel," Melody said, a dizzy feeling overtaking her. "Aaron has a new hotel. Put her there or book somewhere else."

"It's spring break," Logan said impatiently. "Everywhere is booked solid. Sabrina doesn't have any family or any friends in Mobay."

"Well, too bad," Melody said meanly and hung up.

Alice was looking at her in amazement. "I have never seen you lose your temper like that before.

"It happens," Melody said jerkily. An icy feeling of fear was overtaking her. Maybe her temper was not the only thing she had to lose.