By now, I hope you are convinced that it is best to wait for marriage to have sex. Now the big question is, how can we overcome the firehose of sexual temptation that is aimed at us? How do we stay pure? There are boyfriends and girlfriends pressuring us. We've got everybody and their brother telling us how great it is to fool around. The world is painting this picture of how great sex is, and many of us are craving love and intimacy. So how in the world do we stay pure?
In this chapter, you will hear from some guys and girls who were actually in situations where they felt pressured to say yes to sex. You'll hear how they responded to the pressure and what advice they have to give to others. Check out what they have to say.
There are a lot of heroes out there—a lot of young men and women who decided to stay pure even when pressured to go down the wrong path. It's easy to stay pure when you are alone in your room by yourself. But when you are with a guy or girl in a situation that is less than optimal…then it's easy to become swayed. Here are some stories of victory.
Yes. My girlfriend at the time really started pressuring me to do more, but I said no. It would have been a big deal to my mom, and I didn't want to face the consequences. I also knew that it says no sex before marriage in the Bible.
I was pressured by an ex-girlfriend who was in college. She wanted to have a kid, and I was only 15 at the time. She kept asking me constantly. After a year and a half, I ended the relationship.
When I was in school, there was a guy who liked me, and he was always after me. He was really nice, but then he started to come on to me sexually. When I said no, he never spoke to me again.
My girlfriend wanted to have sex, and I said no.
One time, my boyfriend (who said he would never pressure me) told me it would be okay to have sex because we were so in love and we would do it at some point or another. When I said no, he said that I didn't really love him. He got over it, and I'm really happy we didn't have sex, because now we're not even together.
Me and a girl were on a bed making out. My cousin and my brother were playing X-box in front of us. I said no.
I was with some friends. Things got weird, and I was asked to have sex. I left. I mean, I was out!
I've been pressured plenty of times. I was always the nice guy in high school, respected by the girls. So they threw it at me countless times, saying, “I trust you.” I always said, “No, because I respect you!”
I have been pressured by a guy friend. I made a bad choice of watching a movie with him alone at my house. And I said no.
I was pressured into having sex one time, but I knew that the immediate pleasure would never amount to the life-long displeasure that was to come.
Yes. I said no to my first love, and he and I decided not to stay together. He went and slept with my friend right away.
Too many young people give their heart away, and then their body follows. Fortunately, this young lady was smart enough not to give away her body. The Bible talks about us guarding our hearts because out of it comes the wellspring of life (see Proverbs 3:23). So be careful about letting your heart go, because when your heart goes first it's harder to stop your body from following.
I haven't been pressured, but I've told people no.
My ex wanted to fool around, but I didn't really want to. Guys will try to do things and manipulate you to get you in the mood.
My friend's girlfriend wanted to have oral sex, but I said I wouldn't do that.
When I had a girlfriend, she tried to get me to have sex, but I listened to God and resisted.
I was at a friend's house one time and he began to tell me that he had liked me for a long time and that he loved me. I told him no, and after a long argument I called my mom and she came to get me.
My boyfriend wanted to go “all the way,” but I said no. He broke up with me. End of story.
My aunt's boyfriend raped me about five months ago. I thought it was my fault—that I led him on, and then he got me alone and took advantage of me. I said no. I tried to fight back, but I got tired and laid there numb while he took my virginity from me.
Obviously, the precious young lady in this last story is not to blame for what happened. This perverted older guy just could not control himself. She tried to fight back; she tried to say no. If this has happened to you, you need to understand that as far as God is concerned, you are still pure. The best path of freedom is to forgive the person and ask God to wash your memory. I know of girls who were brutally raped. Once they chose to forgive the guy responsible, they were able to recount the whole incident without a tear. They have the memory, but they don't have the pain because God healed their heart and the memory.
We asked these guys and girls who are living in the battlefield but have managed to avoid the temptation to have sex to give some advice on how to keep your purity. Here is what they said.
Draw the boundary at just a kiss. People say that making out is okay, but it only leads to the next thing. It does not matter how great of a Christian you are. When things get heated, you are less likely to stop. Even saving kissing until marriage would help.
My parents always told me to save myself until marriage. It was as if the world was gonna end if I didn't, so it kinda scared me.
Don't put yourself in tempting situations, and do not advertise yourself.
Never be alone for long periods of time! Stay out of relationships. Have a line drawn that you never go past.
Just know that if a guy is trying to have sex with you before you are married, he doesn't respect you—and he never will.
Find some people who share and value their virginity and stick to them. Really talk to them when you are being tempted.
Just stay close to God and His Word.
Just remember that even though you think your guy is different, he's not. Guys will tell you whatever you want to hear to get what they want.
Don't chill along with the opposite sex. Keep accountable with a same-gender friend.
Don't follow the trend, and listen to people who are well educated in God and His Word.
Don't go places with a guy or girl alone! Group dates are a lot of fun.
Do not tempt yourself by kissing or doing anything more than holding hands. Sometimes even holding hands can lead you into sin.
Avoid alone time in a house, car or bedroom.
Remember that your virginity is a special gift—the best gift you can give your future spouse.
Girls, close your legs. Boys, keep it in your pants.
Don't get into a relationship unless you're ready to get married. Wear modest clothing, not clothes that will draw guys’ attention to your body parts (like having your cleavage showing).
Warn the person before you date him or her that you plan on no sex.
Don't do anything you wouldn't do around your parents. Set standards early in the relationship of what is not okay. Don't sit in the car alone. Do things with other people. Ask someone to keep you accountable.
PARENTS! They must be involved. They need to ask their kids questions and know what's really going on. All teens have questions about what is okay sexually, but who answers their questions is probably the deciding factor.
Let God be your true and ultimate satisfaction. Abide in His Word, and let it consume your life with truth!
If you catch yourself looking at the wrong thing, just bounce your eyes to a still object in the room. For example, if you're dining, look at the saltshaker real quick.
“Bouncing your eyes” is a trend that is becoming popular among men who want to stay pure. When you see something that tempts you, look up. Look at the floor. If you are walking past Victoria's Secret in the mall, or if you're at the beach, just bounce your eyes. You and your friends can even keep each other accountable in this. Maybe you are walking past something and someone says, “Okay, guys, bounce your eyes.” You can't help the first glance, but you sure can help the second one. This will help you not grow into a perverted guy, and it also protects your heart.
Have an accountability system with your closest friends. Help each other.
Just understand that it is not for you; it was made for a different season of your life, not this one.
Don't kiss before marriage! Don't do anything that will push your passion “button.” Don't date, and stay away from porn and teenage girl mags.
Have your standards set—know your convictions and make them line up with God's Word.
I have never even dated, which generally helps a lot. Find a godly older person who can council you and find a friend (of the same gender) who can hold you accountable. Trust the Lord and know that He is good and will one day give you the gift with your spouse—and that it will not hurt.
When in a relationship, don't do anything that makes you want to go further physically, even if it means you don't even hold hands.
Guard your mind/thoughts. Even things like watching impure movies or TV can get your mind going places you would never want to go.
Second Timothy 2:22 says to FLEE all youthful lusts. “Flee” means get out of town as if your life depended on it. In fact, why don't you just scream it out right now as loud as you can: “FLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” I can't tell you how many guys and girls I have talked to who wish right before they blew it one of them had screamed “NO” as loud as they could.
The smarter thing is to make sure you don't get into that situation. Don't get in the car alone with a guy or girl; have some other friends around you. Don't be at your girlfriend's or boyfriend's house or in a room alone. Look at how many tragic stories there are of people who got caught up in the moment and gave away their purity. They happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, and their parents weren't there. Maybe they were at a party or alone in a back bedroom. It all starts with a set-up.
So be smart about where you go and what you do. Have conviction in your heart about saving your purity for the one you will spend the rest of your life with in marriage! That is the key to a lifelong great sex life!