2

What Your Friends Say About Sex

What did they not say about sex…

(Female, age 19)

They hated it. It tore them apart physically and emotionally, and it has taken years for them to heal from their experiences.

(Female, age 19)

They said that if you do it you will become popular.

(Female, age 19)

They said sex was inevitable. I always assumed that high school was the best time to have sex.

(Female, age 16)

My friends said sex was okay and bragged like it was a “touchdown.” There was a lot of pressure to do it.

(Female, age 17)

They told me to do it at least once so it wouldn't hurt on my wedding night, because that would stink. If you do it, you'll get good at it for your husband.

(Female, age 16)

I was told that if it was with someone that you really loved, then it was okay.

(Female, age 19)

It was accepted if you were dating.

(Female, age 18)

My friends said it was a normal part of being a teenager—fun, exciting, a thrill.

(Female, age 19)

I had friends who said they would wait until they were in love.

(Female, age 21)

Many friends said it was fun, though some cried to me because of the guilt they felt.

(Female, age 16)

You're cool if you do it.

(Female, age 16)

It was joked about a lot. Mostly the guys made perverted sex jokes. In high school I went to a Christian school, so it was always “honeymoon” jokes, but it was inappropriate.

(Female, age 19)

Some of my friends talked about oral sex and how it was not “real” sex. Their standard was to stop before having sex.

(Female, age 19)

They said it was fun and that I should do it even if I heard older people say I shouldn't…they don't like to have fun.

(Male, age 19)

I heard about how they can't wait to do it, how they were happy after they did it, and the different ways they did it.

(Male, age 19)

The more the merrier.

(Male, age 22)

My friends said it was normal to do it when you were dating.

(Female, age 18)

They told me it was good and that everyone was doing it.

(Female, age 22)

It seems like there are lots of different categories of friends. “Friends” can mean the people at school your age whom you just hear stuff from. Or it can mean the people you hang out with more often. Or it can mean the closest three to four people with whom you share the most intimate details of your life. Depending on which friends you listen to, you are going to hear different comments about sexual thoughts or activities. It seems that the more removed these friends are from you, the more bragging you will hear. The closer they are to you, the more details they will share about what they really think has happened to them.

The comments in this chapter are more like the ones you would hear from the friends who are the furthest removed from you. It's what you hear whispered around school. The problem is that if you hear it long enough, you start to believe it's true. However, as you will see in the upcoming chapters, if you listen to the heart of your closest friends, the reality about having sex is much different than the buzz around school makes it out to be.