6

What Animals Say About Sex

As we've seen, sex is everywhere. We see it all over our culture. We can barely flip on the TV, drive by a billboard, or surf the Internet without running into this obsession. But before our culture was as sexually obvious, it was raging in the trees, forests and oceans around the world. Yeah, that's right: Animals have been having sex for centuries. In looking at the animal kingdom a bit more closely, we can discover some of the most unique sexual habits among our co-inhabitors of this great earth. In this chapter, we'll see what we can learn from observing a number of species of animals.

Male lions get a whole “pride” of wives. If a stronger male comes and defeats him, then all of the wives belong to the champion. During a mating bout—which can last several days—male and female lions will have sex from 20 to 40 times a day, and they are likely to forgo eating during this time.¹

For hippos, it's all about how good the males smell. Once they have staked out where they want to pick up their mate, they make a concoction of urine and feces. After this irristible scent starts to spread, the male hippo increases its range by twisting his tail like a propeller. Female hippos nearby just can't stay away and drift into the marked territory, where the two play in the water and then mate.²

These are the only animals that include kissing in their life. their mating ritual. To choose a partner, the birds lock beaks and gently French kiss each other. If all goes well, the male shows he is ready for more by throwing up his food for the female. After mating, both share parenting responsibilities.³

Some animals take commitment more seriously than others. Many species of penguins have only one partner in their life. When penguins choose a mate, the two stand facing each other with their heads back and belt out a loud song declaring their commitment to each other while trembling. When they have been together for a few weeks, the male lays his head on the females mid-section as a signal that he is ready to mate, and the two disappear for a short while—the mating process is three minutes max. For emperor penguins, neither will mate again for a year.⁴ Both share responsibilities for preparing for and tending the young.⁵

Young sea lions are obsessive observers of the older generation's mating process. They watch their elders yearly, and by the time they are of age, they have it down pat. Males often stop eating for days to fully devote themselves to mating, staying in their territory and mating with an average of 16 females.⁶ Some male sea lions have actually been known to “mate themselves to death.”⁷

Dolphins seem to enjoy reproduction more than other animals, mating up to several times during a day. However, don't be too impressed with their stamina—each mating session lasts 12 seconds at the most.⁸

For an octopus, sex is all about keeping the species moving forward. The male's and female's sexual organs don't even connect during the process. After it's over, the male will move his sperm with his tentacle to the female. The female will stop eating, placing all of her focus on the survival of the eggs. After the eggs hatch, she dies. Her job is done.⁹

When two male Galapagos tortoises meet, especially at mating time, they will rise up on their legs and stretch out their necks to assess which is dominant. The shorter male will leave, and the winner will proceed to find a mate. When he has found her, he will ram the female and nip her legs until she draws them in, thereby immobilizing her. He proceeds. Mating can last for hours, during which time the male grunts and yells loudly. If he seems terribly excited about the whole deal, it's because he has been waiting a long time—it takes 40 years for the Galapagos giant tortoise to reach maturity.¹⁰

Grasshoppers are serious about wooing their female companions. Male grasshoppers have around 400 songs they sing to catch the female's attention. Even more amazing is that each song has a different meaning. There's one for “I'm flirting with you,” another for “let's get together,” and another for “it's time for us to make baby grasshoppers.”¹¹

For the male lynx spider, forget about the songs or sweet smells—sex is just a way of life. When he's ready to mate, he will capture his mate in his web and wrap her up. He'll allow her to move around enough in the web to see some of the food he's caught for her. Then, while she is feasting on bugs, he will get on top of her and complete the mating process.¹²

For praying mantises, the mating process goes something like this:

Male: Hey, I'm Joe. So, what's your name?

Female: My name is Sally.

Male: Want to get together?

Female: Sure!

Male: Wow, Sally, I'm so gla—

Female: [Chomp!] Hmm, tastes like beef.

So much for special treatment—the female praying mantis often beheads her partner during mating.¹³

As you can see, all of these different species have a wide variety of sexual practices. Essentially, they are just following their instincts—something that was put inside of them as to what they should do in order to reproduce.

For example, let's say Fido goes and has sex with FiFi, her sister, her mother and her daughter. He will not feel bad about this, get arrested, get a disease or break anyone's heart by doing this. Why? Fido is a dog. He has no moral code inside of him. He has no sense of right or wrong. He just does what his instinct tells him to do.

We have a lot of guys in our society who act a lot like Fido. They claim to be just “following their instincts,” and they use this as an excuse to treat women like garbage and fool around as many times as they want with as many people as they want. Following instincts is what animals were designed to do and, as a result, they continue their species. But we human beings are not just overgrown animals. If we run our lives by “instinct” and do whatever we want to do, we will just get ourselves into trouble.

You and I have a moral code written on the inside of us that God put there. Even if we don't believe in God, it's still there. When we violate that moral code, bad things happen to us. If we act like Fido, we might end up with a disease, children that don't have a parent, break another person's heart and destroy our reputation. We were not meant to run our life by instinct but by wisdom. Wisdom is doing the right thing even when our instinct desires something different.

As you've seen in this chapter, animals have a wide variety of practices when it comes to mating because God put different instincts in them. But He also gave you and me a different class. Sex for humans is designed to be much more than for reproduction.