Your Food Freedom car will, at some point, meander off the road and slowly roll—or plunge headfirst—into a ravine of comfort foods: chocolate, donuts (chocolate donuts), ice cream, chips, bread, wine, cheese. This is likely to happen even if your reset was insanely successful, and you emerged like a food freedom phoenix from the crumbs ashes. Why? Because changing your habits is hard, you’re still new at this, and you haven’t completely established healthy habits in place of all the old ones.

It turns out habits aren’t something you can erase; you can only overwrite them with different ones. This means old habits really do die hard; something you may have noticed if the following situation has ever happened to you:

You’ve been driving the same way to work every day for years. Then you relocate to a new home or apartment in a different part of town. You create a new route to and from work, and if you’re like most people, you drive the exact same way every day. You do this for weeks and weeks, until one evening when you’re stressed and distracted after a long day, you find yourself taking the wrong exit—the one heading toward your old house.

Awareness is hard to maintain 24/7, especially with something as habitual as driving.

Or eating.

In many cases, your most familiar (and detrimental) eating habits have become as automatic as driving. You don’t think about getting home from work, cracking a bottle of wine, and snacking on some cheese and crackers; it’s just what you do. It’s automatic to reach for a soda or chocolate at 3 p.m. to stay alert, say “It’s go time” when arriving at a party, or dig into the ice cream every time you’re home alone.

Overwriting these ingrained habits requires constant awareness, consistency in your approach, and practicing the new habits day in and day out. And that’s really hard when it comes to eating, something we do multiple times a day. People have strong emotional attachments to food, and it provides incredible reward. Compounding the situation, when you’re under stress, without a plan, and/or experiencing a negative emotion, the brain is far more likely to revert back to what is familiar and rewarding.

You attend birthday parties. You go on vacation. There’s a holiday. Your significant other dumps you. You get sad. You get anxious. You get bored. You get sick. Your mom visits. You have a business lunch. Your plane is delayed. Life constantly throws curve balls at your day-to-day routine, and unless you have a solid strategy for maintaining the healthy eating plan that’s right for you, any one of these scenarios could knock you right off your food freedom path.

This is why your Food Freedom plan specifically accounts for losing control of your new, healthy habits and slipping back into old ones. I wish I could promise that your reset will be so effective it will totally overwrite all your bad habits; that it will rehabilitate your emotional relationship with food so effectively that you’ll let go of all past associations and will never again find yourself unconsciously taking your “old exit.”

That would be lovely, but it’s not realistic.

Without a frank acknowledgment of what’s far more likely to happen, you’ll be caught off guard, without a plan and stressed about it. Which only cues the brain to return to old, familiar, comforting habits—the exact thing you’re desperately trying to prevent. Which brings us to the tough-love Step 3 of the Food Freedom plan.

Step 3:
Acknowledge when you’re starting to slip.

  • Watch out for the “slow slide”
  • Beware of common triggers
  • Commit to honesty and self-awareness

You’re probably already aware of a few situations that can easily derail your commitment to healthy eating (I’m looking at you, Thanksgiving through New Year’s). From my own personal and professional experience, I’ve pinpointed five common triggers that are itching to unravel your food freedom gains. Let’s identify each one, and create a plan for how to handle it.

Trigger #1: The Slow Slide

The most common descent back into old habits is the slow slide: a gradual decline in awareness and a laziness in exercising your “worth it” muscles. It progresses so slowly that you’re not even aware it’s happening, until one morning you wake up and think, “Whoa, my energy is dragging, my Sugar Dragon is raging, my skin is breaking out, and I can’t button my pants. What happened?”

Here is a cold, hard truth:

This will happen to you.

At some point after your reset is over (much sooner for some people than others), you will find yourself at least partially entrenched in your old habits, perhaps without much of a grasp on how you ended up there.

Here’s what happened: It’s really difficult to maintain so much awareness about off-plan food choices, especially if the practice of doing so is new. It can be physically and emotionally demanding. Over time, you’ll find yourself saying, “Close enough” more often than asking yourself, “Wait, is this really worth it?” You’ll feel like you’ve been so good, you can afford to relax for a little while. You’ll start grandfathering in worth-it choices; once you’ve accepted a food as worth it once, you’ll just leave it in your daily diet, despite the fact that if you reanalyzed it critically, you’d realize it wasn’t always worth it.

Sweetened coffee creamers do this to me. On a whim, I’ll buy the vanilla coconut milk version and add it to my decaf one morning. It’s a delicious treat, so the next morning I’ll want it again, and the next, and the next . . . Eventually I realize my creamer consumption has switched over to automatic, which is leading me to drink more coffee than usual and forcing me to fight off new sugar cravings during the day.

No matter how vigilant you are, in the beginning it’s hard to resist the slow slide. You’ve got just a month or two of food freedom competing with decades of old habits and rewarding foods. So don’t beat yourself up about it, or avoid dealing with it by pretending it’s not happening. The key is realizing that you’re starting down the slow slide before the effects mushroom out of control. Let’s put some cross-checks in place to help you stay aware and prevent you from slipping too far.

A food journal is the first tool in your slow slide arsenal. You don’t have to track calories or list every ingredient, but writing down your meals for a few days can help you spot areas where off-plan foods have made a quiet but steady reappearance. You may still be eating “Whole30-ish,” but if your food log shows that you’re having something sweet after every lunch and dinner, that should be enough to make you pause and ask, “Am I slipping back into a bad habit here?”

A journal can also help you pinpoint any “gateway drug”: foods or beverages that open the door to the slow slide of poor food choices. These individual triggers are different for everyone, but if you thought about it for a few minutes, you could probably identify at least one or two that are surefire Sugar Dragon agitators for you. If you start paying attention when you indulge and log the resultant cravings or food choices in a journal, you’ll be in a far better position to identify the culprits right then and there.

Sample Journal

Make a notation every time you choose to indulge. It doesn’t have to be a dissertation; keep it short and direct:

  • Cupcake at birthday party, ate it all, no seconds.
  • Fresh bread at the restaurant, ate three slices mindlessly, ordered cake for dessert, wasn’t that good but ate it anyway.

Create a “control scale” of 1 to 5, with 1 being supremely in control (Sugar Dragon is a tame gecko) and 5 is totally out of control (Sugar Dragon razed a whole village). Also keep in mind that your trigger may not be a usual suspect, like chocolate or wine. For Julie K. of Michigan, diet soda is a gateway beverage. She says, “When my reset is over, if I go back to the soda, all the other bad stuff follows. If I just stay off it, then mentally I am still on my healthy eating program and everything else falls into place.” Others cite salty food as a trigger, wanting something sweet immediately afterward to balance the flavors. A few Whole30ers even mentioned cheese as a trigger food. It doesn’t matter if your triggers are textbook or seem strange to you—the point is to spot them, because a hidden trigger is a lot easier to pull.

Once you identify those foods that will send you off the rails, tread carefully. Decide ahead of time how much you’ll eat, and create a rule that you’ll stop with just that treat. Portion out a serving that will feel satisfying to you instead of eating directly from the bag or box. Eat consciously, even more slowly than usual. And do I really have to caution you against combining these foods with alcohol?

You could also choose not to eat them at all.

I have a friend who is infamous for how fast he can take down a jar of sunflower seed butter. After his first Whole30 (during which he ate none, recognizing it as a habit he wanted to break), he reintroduced it to his pantry . . . and quickly realized that, for him, there are no brakes on this particular food. He likes it, sure, but having it on hand just stresses him out, because he’s always afraid he’ll come home one night too tired, hungry, or emotional to resist. So, he stopped buying it. There are other delicious healthy fats, and for him, removing just this one item was the key to staying in control with the rest of his diet.

If you make sunflower seed butter, you’re bummed, because he was a really good customer, but from a food freedom perspective, that’s a very smart move.

You can also tackle the slow slide by taking daily or weekly stock of how you’re feeling, and compare it to how you felt after your reset. How easily your pants are buttoning is another pretty good (but not foolproof) indication of how things are going. It could be a sign that you’ve been indulging a little more often than you’ve realized and have put on some weight as a result. It could also mean you’ve been exercising and putting on muscle mass, retaining water thanks to your monthly cycle, or maybe your wife really did throw your jeans in the dryer on high. Use how your clothes fit as a general trend, but don’t make it your only barometer. For other physical signs, look to your skin (still clear?), joints (are they swollen; do your rings still fit?), or belly bloat (are you consistently puffy?) to help you see the physical effects of a slow slide.

Get Techy

Wear a fitness tracker? Your wearable device can also alert you to subtle signs of a slow slide. Using your device, monitor steps taken and how long and well you’re sleeping. If you notice a trend (you’re sleeping worse, hitting snooze more often, or losing motivation to hit the gym or go for a walk), it’s time to do a thorough evaluation of your diet and see if a slow slide is to blame.

Sometimes, the fix is easy. In my case, I just stop using any and all creamer and return to drinking my coffee black; my cravings disappear, and all is well. If there’s just one item in your rotation that seems to always throw you off track, like Julie’s diet soda, my friend’s sunflower seed butter, or maybe something else (hello, WINE), you can probably just cut out that one item for a while, get back on track, then if you choose to, commit to reintroducing it slowly and deliberately, paying better attention this time.

Finally, if you’ve got a few different contributors, create some short-term rules to help get yourself back on track, targeting the suspected culprits. (Common offenders include sugar, alcohol, chocolate, crunchy salty things, and baked goods. Lentils are rarely a gateway food.) You can think of these rules like a mini reset, designed to provide you with enough structure to see it through while still giving you the flexibility to make your own decisions. Guidelines like, “No desserts for a week,” “No more chips while watching movies,” or “No more baked goods at breakfast” may be just the push you need to stop your slow slide and get back to feeling awesome.

Trigger #2: Vacations

Vacations practically guarantee that your normal healthy routine will self-eject out the window, especially if you’re traveling to an exotic location known for its delicious cuisine. (Disneyland does not count.) These special trips offer the opportunity to sample foods and beverages you’ve always wanted to try: pasta in Italy, tacos in Mexico, naan in India, or champagne in France. Since you’re only there for a short visit and likely won’t be returning anytime soon, food freedom will encourage you to explore, savor, and indulge to your heart’s content . . . but still carefully, deliberately, and with awareness.

You’re not off the hook just because you’re in the birthplace of gelato.

Your new food freedom strategy is designed to avoid all the things that used to happen when you took a vacation. Allow me to paint that not-so-pretty postcard picture:

You crash-diet before your vacay to fit into your swimsuit/look good in photos/buy yourself a little caloric wiggle room, because you know you’re about to pig out. Your diet ends just before vacation starts, leaving you metabolically slower, willpower depleted, and with massive “The plane’s about to land” cravings. Then you hit your vacation destination, where your normal routine (work, chores, exercise, diet) don’t apply, and your actions feel like they just don’t count.

Because VACATION.

You give your prefrontal cortex (willpower center) the week off and proceed to eat and drink All the Things because you’re on this trip, you prepared for this with your crash diet, and you already told yourself you could. You certainly don’t think about what you’re eating or the consequences, because who wants to think about unpleasant stuff like consequences on a vacation?

You return from vacation needing a vacation, feeling lethargic, bloated, cranky, and chubby. You swore when you got home, you’d get back to your healthy diet, but your body and brain are still in fiesta mode, and temptations are hard to resist . . . so your poor dietary habits continue for a few days after your vacation is over. Okay, a week. Well, maybe a month. At which point you realize you’ve gained 6 pounds, and you return to the crash diet.

While that sounds like an awful lot of fun (Sarcasm Threat Level: Fuchsia), that’s not going to happen anymore. The good news is that now, thanks to Step 3, you have a plan to manage your vacation in a way that keeps you feeling in control, with lots of energy and a healthy body composition, while still enjoying the treats your destination has to offer.

Pre-vacation: What you do in the days leading up to your vacation plays an important role in how gracefully you transition back to the real world upon return, so listen up:

Do not go off the rails before your trip even starts.

You know what I’m talking about . . . the whole, “Well, as of Saturday I’ll be drinking wine, so I may as well have a glass when I get home from work.” The thought is tempting, but do not do this. In fact, do the opposite.

Before your vacation, do not binge, but don’t diet, either. Instead, try a mini reset. Get back into the groove of clean eating in the week(s) before you leave. Remind yourself how amazing it feels, how righteous it feels, to eat only foods that make you healthier. Get back to a place of good sleep, rockin’ energy, and a flatter stomach. Remind your body that feeling any less good than this is kind of a bummer.

For me, this takes three days, but for someone newer to food freedom, it may take a week or two. Start early, and commit to the program right up through the moment you set foot in your vacation destination. Going into the trip feeling clean, light, fresh, and amazing will do wonders for your willpower when tempted with so much of the not-worth-it-but-it’s-sitting-right-there-and-it-has-an-umbrella-in-it! drinks and foods you’ll encounter on your trip.

During vacation: While you’re on your trip, you’ll be following the same Food Freedom plan—you’ll just have more opportunities to practice it. Thanks to your mini reset, it should be way easier to implement.

Continue to individually evaluate every potentially less-healthy food you’re thinking about eating, asking yourself, “Is this worth it? Is this special enough? Is this delicious enough? Is it going to mess me up?” Pass on the stuff that doesn’t cut the mustard (bar peanuts, local variations of the same old candy you have at home, the bread basket with hard, cold rolls), and enjoy what passes your test in the same deliberate, mindful, one-bite-at-a-time manner. Some days, you may find you stick to basically reset-friendly foods all day, because nothing was worth it. Excellent—and you didn’t miss out on a thing, because according to the expert (you), there was nothing to miss. Other days, you may decide to indulge in something at every single meal. Also excellent, because you’re making the choice deliberately, you’re still in control, and you’re not buying into the idea that just because you’re on vacation, your choices have no consequences.

A margarita is still a margarita, even if you are in Cabo.

In the past, you might have found your vacation high hampered by worry over how much you were indulging, how loud your Sugar Dragon was roaring, and how much you dreaded coming back to the real world carrying all this vacation food baggage. This time, you have a plan. The minute you get home, you’re going right back on a mini reset: Do not pass go. Do not collect two extra pieces of cheesecake. Do not even consider one last glass of wine the night before you go back to work.

When you think about it, it actually sounds kind of comforting, doesn’t it? No matter how your vacation leaves you feeling, you have a proven, solid plan for regaining food freedom fast. It should set your mind at ease, and allow you to truly enjoy those worth-it foods you’re savoring during your time away.

What the Hell?

Note: It is a decidedly unscientific fact that alcohol amplifies the “What the Hell” Effect by 178 percent. Indulge in booze carefully, or you may find yourself facedown in a pile of churros after those one (no, two . . . make that three!) poolside tequila shots.

Post-vacation: Your post-vacation mind-set (and body-set) is going to depend on what you chose to eat and drink during your trip, and whether you let yourself slide down the slippery slope of the WTH Effect. Ideally, you return feeling almost as good as you did when you left—not heavy or bloated; digestive system intact; cravings relatively under control. Maybe even a little tan. Or the opposite: You return home feeling like a chunky, tired, sugar-driven shell of your former self.

If that is the case, I hope you had a really great trip.

Either way, the plane ride or drive home is the perfect time to prep yourself for what is ahead. This is going to sound familiar . . . it’s time for another mini reset, for as long as it takes to start feeling happy, energetic, craving-free, and back in control. This could be a few days or a few weeks, depending on how far you went off the rails and how much you struggled to maintain conscious decision-making while on vacation. When you think you’re ready to come off, deliberately add two more days. This will test whether your brain is really in a good place, or if you’re subconsciously rushing the process at the behest of tenacious, clinging cravings.

If you’re unreasonably annoyed at the idea of two more days, it’s a good thing you added two more days.

In some instances, you may choose to add additional rules to your program. I always add the clause that I can’t eat after dinner (no dessert) for the first few days after a vacation, because I always come home with strong cravings. You may decide not to snack, or not to eat too much dried fruit or nut butters, or to make sure you exercise for the first three days in a row post-vacation. Do this, plus your designated reset protocol, for as long as it takes for food freedom to feel effortless again.

Reintroduce . . . again!

Once your reset is over, it’s time to carefully and systematically reintroduce. Yes, again! Every time you reintroduce, you learn a little more about how that particular food affects your body and brain. Don’t waste the opportunity of another clean slate—reintroduce conscientiously and pay attention. You might be surprised to find that post-vacation, your definition of “worth it” in your everyday life has changed for the healthier.

Trigger #3: Holidays

Holidays are like mini vacations, where you tell yourself the consequences don’t count. After all, “’Tis the season,” amirite? Of course, President’s Day or Veteran’s Day probably don’t invoke as many fond childhood food memories or present the same major opportunities for overconsumption as Thanksgiving or Christmas. In fact, some holidays won’t require much (if any) strategizing, but do present the perfect opportunity for taking your food freedom skills out on the town.

Employing your Food Freedom plan during low-pressure holidays will let you practice your “worth it” skills and give you an important win by reinforcing the idea that holidays don’t have to be nutritional free-for-alls to be celebratory. In fact, the more you shift your association of “holiday” away from “food-a-go-go” to “today we honor special people” or “a chance to connect with family and friends,” the more that association will stick when the Big Three (Thanksgiving, Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa, and New Year’s) roll around.

During an Independence Day celebration, grill some veggie and chicken kabobs, make a potato salad, and enjoy some fresh watermelon, then decide if a less-healthy treat (a cold beer, ice cream, or chips and salsa) may be worth it as an add-on. On Easter, cook a turkey or lamb chops with lots of veggie sides and make a green salad, then ask yourself whether you need candy eggs or marshmallow chicks to make the afternoon complete. On Valentine’s Day, think about how many heart-shaped chocolates you really need to eat to make the evening romantic.

That might be none. Just sayin’.

Now, on to the big ones.

Most of us (turkeys not withstanding) have fond memories of Thanksgiving. Like many holidays, food takes center stage on the fourth Thursday of November, then again during ChristmaHanaKwanzika (or Festivus, if I’m being totally politically correct) and New Year’s Eve. And it’s not like the weeks in between are health-fests, either . . . Let’s just say it’s no coincidence that diet books begin flying off the shelves and gyms are packed to capacity on January 2.

Science reports that on average, you only gain about a pound during the holidays, but minor weight gain isn’t the worst or only fallout—what about the bloating, lethargy, breakouts, sleep disruptions, guilt, and a fire-breathing Sugar Dragon inciting irresistible cravings long after the tinsel and lights have come down?

When it comes to the year-end holidays, you need a robust plan. The social pressures of the season, the stress they tend to bring, and the pervasiveness of less-healthy drinks, treats, and desserts make it mega-hard to resist temptation. This plan will look a lot like your plan for vacations, with a pre-Thanksgiving reset, a mid-holiday commitment to conscientious dietary off-roading, and a post–New Year’s reset. You can also throw in mini resets (as short as a few days) between holidays or events, to keep you on track throughout the hustle and bustle of office parties, family reunions, and special dinners.

The holidays are also time to reconnect with family and friends, some of whom you see just once a year. Unlike your close friends and co-workers, these people may not know about the small changes you’ve been making every day to improve your health, so your new dietary habits may be surprising or confusing to them. This is especially true of your grandmother, who in all likelihood has spent the last few decades feeding you pasta and pastries as a way to show her love.

Walking up to the holiday table and passing on the marshmallow-brown-sugar-sweet-potato casserole for the first time in, well, EVER, may provoke questions. Now is not the time to quote Food Freedom Forever or give a lecture on the digestive perils of FODMAPs. And definitely don’t tell your grandma that her gingerbread cookies make your Sugar Dragon roar.

Instead, employ this specific four-part game plan designed to help you preemptively manage conversations with family and friends.

Step 1: Well before the holiday, schedule time to speak with key family members about your commitment to new healthy habits over the holiday, and share your personal reasons for wanting to stick to it. Now is not the time to quote a scientific study or come out of the gate defensively. Speak from your heart. Share your struggles with food, the success you’ve had with your new Food Freedom plan, and why you need to stay committed to taking care of you during the holidays.

If they seem annoyed or you suspect they think you’re being silly, acknowledge it. Say, “I know an ‘announcement’ like this seems dramatic, but this is really important to me, which is why I’m sharing it with you. I’ll make it super easy for you—in fact, you won’t even notice I’m eating a little differently, and my holidays will be so much happier because I’ve made this commitment to my health.”

Don’t Share Specifics

Note: You haven’t talked about the specifics of your reset or Food Freedom plan yet—just your personal reasons for wanting to stay committed to a healthy, balanced diet over the holidays. If you open this conversation with, “Hey, I won’t be eating bread, milk, cheese, or dessert on Thanksgiving—just letting you know,” the conversational train you were hoping to board will derail fast.

Step 2: After you have their support, it’s time to consider what they’re planning to serve and how that fits in with your new healthy eating plan. Focus on the foods you will be eating, not all the stuff you won’t be. Find the common ground for them, and all of a sudden this holiday dinner actually sounds pretty easy.

Ask about the menu, and internally evaluate what you’ll be able to eat and what you’ll want to pass up. (For instance, the turkey is good to go, but the gravy or stuffing will have gluten, and you’re avoiding that.) Then create a plan with your family to make their dishes a good fit for you. Relatively easy requests include, “Can you set aside a plain sweet potato for me before you mash them all with cream?”; “Can you save me some steamed green beans before you mix them into the casserole?”; “Can you put the dressing for the salad on the side?” That’s minimal extra work for your family and means you’ll get to enjoy these nostalgic side dishes, too.

Step 3: BYOSD (Bring Your Own Side Dish). Since you’ll now have a good idea of what will be served, tell your family that you’d really like to contribute to the gathering. Phrase it like this: “I’ve been teaching myself to cook and came across this recipe that sounded perfect for Thanksgiving. I’d really like to make it for the family. Can we serve it with your potatoes and green beans?”

This works especially well with dessert. Bring a fruit-based, gluten-free, or dairy-free dessert that also fits your healthy eating plan, and make enough for everyone to enjoy. You can never have too many desserts at these holiday gatherings, and chances are people will appreciate having at least one lighter, healthier offering.

Step 4: Relax, and roll with it. Come the big day, if your mother forgets and puts croutons in the salad or pours gravy on your turkey, don’t make a big deal about it. Unless you have a serious sensitivity or allergy to a particular ingredient, just scrape off the gravy, or eat around the croutons—but don’t use this as an excuse to “what the hell” with dinner rolls and apple pie.

Finally, take a moment during dinner to compliment the chefs and say a heartfelt thank-you to your family for supporting you in your commitment. They will appreciate hearing how grateful you are and will be far more likely to stay supportive of your new, healthy habits if you show them how much it means to you. And who knows—this experience may prompt family members to ask you more about the food freedom program and your experience.

Just don’t talk about it at the table.

Now, I’d like to offer an additional reminder when it comes to special occasions like your anniversary or birthday. By following your “worth it” assessment and understanding that “it’s delicious” is reason enough, you’ve already learned that it doesn’t have to be a special occasion to indulge. Here’s the flip side:

You also don’t have to indulge just because it’s a special occasion.

You’re an adult with a car, money, and free will. You can buy a cupcake, a bottle of wine, or a cheesecake any time you want, always and forever. You don’t have to wait for your birthday or a special occasion, because your true enjoyment of the experience makes it special. But if the special day rolls around and in that moment, you decide you’re just as happy sticking to a healthy template and skipping all desserts or drinks, you should do that.

Employ “If/Then” Plans

Creating “if/then” plans here is also a smart move. Imagine the pushback or pressure you may feel during the holiday, and craft a plan to handle it. One effective tool: predicting the responses you may get from friends and family on the big day, either because you didn’t get the chance to speak with them or because they’re still convinced you can’t properly celebrate without gorging on sugar.

IF . . .
THEN . . .

your mom says, “But it’s Christmas—just relax and enjoy yourself,”

you’ll respond, “I totally will, Mom! I’m just not going to fall face first into the whoopie pies this year—one will be plenty.”

your sister says, “You may be on this funny diet, but we sure aren’t,”

you’ll respond, “I know—and I don’t care what anyone eats today! It’s not about the food, it’s about spending time with all of you.”

your grandmother says, “But you always loved my chocolate-chip cookies,”

you’ll respond, “And I still do, but I’m stuffed right now. Can I bring one home so I can really enjoy it later?”

Remember, you aren’t giving yourself “permission” to eat less-healthy food ahead of time. (Refer back to “cheat days” on page 99) You don’t need permission, you’re not a child, and you can have it any time you want. Plus, granting yourself permission ahead of time (before you even know whether or not you actually want it) + highly rewarding, right-there-in-front-of-you temptation = trouble on the conscious, deliberate decision-making front.

Case in point: It’s your birthday, and you’re going to a fancy new restaurant that’s known for its elaborate $12 craft cocktails. You’ve already decided you will have one; after all, it’s a celebration! You arrive at the restaurant, look at the drink menu, and realize nothing is really calling your name. In fact, you feel so good tonight (and have plans to hit the gym in the morning) that you’d really feel better just ordering sparkling water. But you already told yourself you can have the drink. So what happens?

You order one anyway because it’s tempting, and, according to your brain, the minute you walked into that restaurant, the plane had landed. You end up drinking something you’re not really in love with, knowing deep down that you’re not honoring your commitment to conscious, deliberate decision making. This shakes your food freedom foundation and makes it far more likely that you’ll say, “What the hell” and order dessert, too, whether you want it or not.

Let’s fix this scenario.

Happy birthday! You have plans with friends at your favorite restaurant tonight, and you’re excited to celebrate with them. You have no preconceived expectations about what you’ll order, because you’re committed to making conscious, deliberate, “worth it” decisions in the moment, birthday or not. You recognize the evening isn’t about the food or drink—it’s about sharing this special day with people you care about.

You arrive at the restaurant and open the drink menu. Is anything here worth it in this minute? Will wine or a martini mess you up? Do you really want it? You decide then and there, based on how you feel in the moment, and order in a way that honors your intentions.

You happily toast to your birthday with your friends (does it really matter what’s in your glass?), feeling totally satisfied with your choice. You repeat this process as you consider your appetizer, main course, and dessert.

By the end of the meal, you’ve ordered only the things you truly wanted, you’ve savored every bite, you’ve celebrated with people you care about, and you leave the restaurant feeling confident and in control. Plus, you may have twelve extra dollars in your pocket.

That’s a pretty good birthday, if you ask me.

In summary, as part of your Food Freedom plan, you can have anything you want, any time you darn well please. Reminding yourself of this takes an enormous amount of pressure off you in that immediate situation. If you truly embrace this concept in the moment, it will be easier to walk away from something you don’t really want, and far less likely that you’ll mindlessly hoover something that’s not worth it, just because it’s a holiday or special occasion.

Trigger #4: Stress

In the last chapter, you learned that stress can drain even the most substantial willpower bank and, left unchecked for too long, will always promote cravings. This, unfortunately, is the opposite of good news for your food freedom. Many highly stressful events—think divorces, funerals, the postpartum Twilight Zone—are littered with junk and comfort food.

During times of immense stress, it’s good to accept this. Placing unrealistic expectations on yourself (“I won’t give in to cravings”; “I’ll make my diet perfect”; “I’ll never stress eat”) only creates more stress, rendering your cravings even harder to resist. Do yourself a favor by acknowledging that certain healthy practices are likely to slip during difficult times. This will alleviate some pressure and help you create a more realistic picture of what life will look like in the coming days, weeks, or months.

On the other hand, that’s no excuse to completely throw in the towel, invoking the ultimate WTH Effect: “I’m so stressed, I’m just going to do whatever I want right now to make myself feel better.” How well has that strategy worked in the past to keep you healthy, happy, and gracefully coping? Wait, I’ll tell you.

It has not worked well.

If your stress is really short term (like a big exam tomorrow), it’s probably not a big deal if you indulge in pizza and soda tonight while you stay up late studying. But in the case of ongoing stress, the minute you give in to this idea, you’ve already lost. When stressors are ongoing, doing whatever you want also creates more stress, as you overconsume, gain weight, lose self-confidence, and feel so out of control and guilty that you just eat more.

In summary, neither of these approaches—aiming for perfection or throwing in the towel—are particularly effective. So let’s try something else: creating a plan for dealing with stressful situations, using some of the tools you’ve already learned.

Known stressors: If the stress is known (a new baby on the way, a planned cross-country move, a job change), start thinking well ahead of time about how you can stockpile some healthy behaviors to give yourself a cushion once the stress hits. It doesn’t work quite this neatly in the body, of course—stress is still stress, and there is no “get out of jail free” card that you can earn now and play later. But going into it with a buffer of healthy behaviors, self-control, and self-confidence will accomplish the big-picture goal: preventing total burnout and allowing you to bounce back in a few weeks, instead of a few months.

Extra Credit

Preparing for tough times is like taking on every extra credit assignment in school. You build up points now so if you can’t study as much later in the semester or don’t perform as well on exams, you’ve got an insurance policy. Your grades may slip, but thanks to the extra credit points, they’ll only drop to a C instead of an F.

This always starts with your diet, for two reasons. First, your nutrition has a profound impact on your health and how well you’re able to manage stress. If you’re underfed and undernourished, you’re far less resilient, and the goal here is to make you strong and all-around healthy heading into the stressful situation.

Second, one stressful event can make you feel like everything in your life is spinning out of control. You can’t dictate your new baby’s temperament, how much sleep you’ll be able to cobble together, your toddler’s reaction to the new addition, or whether visitors will drop in unexpectedly . . . but you can always control the food you put in your mouth. Every day, you have the opportunity to exert some influence over your environment and gain confidence in your ability to handle your business by making dietary choices that make you healthier.

I’m not suggesting you set unreasonable expectations. I’m not insisting you win every battle with your Sugar Dragon. Just commit to feeding yourself well during this difficult time, so you’re better prepared to handle what needs handling, and can emerge from the stress bent but not broken.

Ideally, this means doing another reset leading up to the event.* Just as you do pre-holiday or pre-vacation, you want to boost your health and remind yourself that you feel and perform your best when you’re eating a healthy diet. This will strengthen your self-confidence, and help you at least delay the arrival of your Sugar Dragon once the stress starts rolling in. Time your reset to end at least ten days before the anticipated big day, so you aren’t trying to manage reintroduction during a business trip with your new boss or midnight feedings with the baby.

* If you’re pregnant and considering a reset, visit the Healthy Mama, Happy Baby website (mamas.whole30.com) for our specific pregnancy recommendations.

Then, in the thick of the storm, just do your best. The most important thing to remember during stressful times, especially when it comes to your diet:

Let good enough be good enough.

Buy pre-made grilled salmon and kale salad from the health food store yet again. Reheat chicken sausage and leftover veggies for the fourth time this week. Skip recipes and pile healthy ingredients you happen to have on hand on a plate . . . and make it a paper plate, because doing dishes is not at the top of your list right now.

This is good enough.

Are you eating the most nutritious, well-rounded, Pinterest-worthy meals you could have made? No. Do they exactly follow your ideal meal template? No. Could you have put more effort into your meals? Sure.

But . . .

Are you sticking to a healthy diet? YES. Are you leaning on junk food or comfort food because you’re stressed and unprepared? NO. Are these meals good enough for what is happening in your life right now? SO MUCH YES.

In this context, where so many of your resources are devoted to simply surviving this difficult time gracefully, let this be enough. Make yourself resilient by eating the foods you’ve decided are healthiest for you. Show yourself grace if and when you give in to cravings. Remember: You’ve got a solid plan for getting back on track once this stressful time is over, so don’t worry about that now. Take some of the pressure off here, because you’re already dealing with more than enough.

This, too, shall pass. Amen.

When your stressful time is over, take stock and ask yourself, “Where am I now?” If your energy is in the tank, your Sugar Dragon is roaring, your self-confidence could use a boost, or your symptoms are flaring, return immediately to your reset (see chapter 10). If you didn’t go too far off the rails, simply continue with your Food Freedom plan, putting extra effort into preparing more creative meals and using a wider variety of foods to restore excitement to your taste buds. Or do something in between: If you don’t want a full reset but feel like a mini reset or a few additional rules (like “No dessert for a month”) would help, just do that. You get to decide what you need post-stress to return to a place where you feel strong and in control, but this time, you’re not going it alone—you’ve got your Food Freedom plan and experience backing you up.

Shrink Your World

One big-picture strategy I employ during stressful times is shrinking my world down so it’s more manageable. During time-sensitive work projects, for example, I’ll spend a month doing nothing but writing, sleeping, and exercising. That means I accept no family visitors, make really simple (but still healthy) meals, don’t socialize often, and generally lead a boring life, but that’s exactly what helps me get through the tough time. If I were to try to fit it all in while devoting extra attention to my work, I’d quickly exhaust my willpower and energy reserves. So I narrow my focus, retain what’s most important to me during this time, and end up coming out of the craziness just as healthy as I was going into it. During your stressful time, prioritize the three things that are the most important given your context (work, exercise, sleep, friends, family), and accept that the rest will be sacrificed for the greater good until you can catch your breath.

Sudden stress: Unfortunately, stress sometimes blindsides you, like when there’s a death in the family or you’re abruptly laid off from your job. When stress comes upon you suddenly, you’re at an obvious disadvantage. (All the more reason to manage stress from a big-picture perspective, so you’re never depleted to the point where a life crisis will totally destroy your health.) You obviously cannot plan a reset before this type of event, as you didn’t know it was coming, so you’ll have to decide how to handle your dietary plan on the fly.

That may or may not include a return to your reset diet.

To reset or not to reset during an unforeseen stressful period is something only you can decide. For some, returning to the rules of the reset will feel soothing and stress relieving, taking some big decisions out of your hands and allowing you to conserve willpower during this already hectic time. This generally applies to people for whom the reset rules feel easy and effortless, and who have been staying within their definition of “food freedom” for long enough that the reset won’t feel that different. However, if you’re new to this program, haven’t reset in a while, or haven’t been working your Food Freedom plan, the pressure of following the rules could be the stress-straw that breaks your craving-camel’s back.

Use this trick to figure out the right strategy for you:

First, picture your life ON the reset. Do you imagine yourself feeling happier, more in control, and able to take the energy you would be spending on dietary decisions and apply it elsewhere? Do you see how the self-confidence a reset brings will spill over into other areas of your life, helping you more effectively manage stress? Or do you feel even more stressed, overwhelmed by the rules, exhausted by the preparations, and frustrated because your favorite healthy convenience foods are out because of a gram of added sugar?

Now picture the same stressful circumstances OFF the reset. Do you see yourself eating popcorn and wine for dinner, comforting yourself with candy and cookies, feeling tired and cranky; more depressed, anxious, and stressed than ever? Or do you feel relieved because there’s one less thing to worry about, still confident that you can balance a healthy-enough eating plan with everything else going on in your life?

If doing a reset during this difficult time will provide you with the healthy foundation you need to handle your stress more effectively, then get back on it as soon as you’re prepared to. Stick to it until things calm down, and let the sense of self-control, improved energy, better sleep, and brighter outlook it brings see you through this difficult time.

If, however, life on the reset seems daunting and needlessly demanding, then skip it for now. The pressures of a formal reset are going to do more harm than good in your context, so don’t do that to yourself. Simply commit to a healthy, balanced plan with as much intent of awareness and conscientious decision-making as you can muster, and follow the “let good enough be good enough” advice on page 144.

Whether your stress was expected or a shock, once it has eased enough for you to feel ready, it’s time for another reset. First, you’ll need the major health benefits a reset brings, because even if your diet didn’t totally jump the shark, your health has certainly been compromised. (In some cases, the ongoing stress response can be more damaging than the stressor itself.) Second, a reset brings a sense of self-control that will spill over into other areas of your life, helping you restore order where stress may have knocked things off-kilter. Finally, more restful sleep and increased energy will encourage you to return to other healthy practices, like exercise, meditation, or socialization, that may have temporarily gone on walkabout.

Beware of Booze

While you’re probably more tempted than ever to turn to wine or other alcohol for comfort during this stressful time, do your best to resist. Alcohol numbs you in the moment, yes, but it will only exacerbate your stress by disrupting your sleep, depleting micronutrients, impairing your gut, and firing up your immune system. Alcohol can also contribute to feelings of depression and anxiety—something you really don’t need right now. Even if you’re not up for a full or partial reset during this difficult time, it would be very wise to institute a “no booze” rule. Bonus: This will also help you stay true to your healthy-eating intentions, as you’re more likely to make poor, impulsive food choices if you’re a few glasses deep.

Trigger #5: Home Alone

Many people find that their food choices swiftly take a turn into kid-in-a-candy-store when there’s no on there to witness it or hold them accountable. For some, this leads to out-of-control eating or binging; for others, it just brings a slightly unbridled feeling and more off-plan choices than usual. Why is it so common to face-plant into a bag of potato chips when you’re home alone?

First, there’s something about being home alone that makes you feel like a pre-teen left without a babysitter for the very first time. It’s so exciting! No one is watching! You can do anything you want! You can have pizza and beer for dinner and stay up late eating ice cream while binge-watching Million Dollar Listing and NO ONE WILL JUDGE YOU.

I swear, this is universal. It doesn’t matter whether you’re 22 or 52; when you’re used to living with other people and then find yourself home alone, you turn into your 12-year-old self. But with money. And a car. And more expensive taste in comfort food. (Think a 2009 Beaujolais and Madagascar dark chocolate instead of a slushee and Cool Ranch Doritos.)

In addition, being home alone can be stressful if the unaccompanied time is unwanted or unexpected. Maybe you’re single-parenting while your spouse is gone, or used to your partner doing the bulk of the grocery shopping and cooking. You may feel lonely, missing the companionship. Many women say that being home alone is a little scary and causes them poor sleep and anxiety. As you now know, it’s normal to see an increase in cravings when you’re under stress, especially if the current stress of being home alone is on top of chronic stress. It’s no wonder your trips to the pantry increase if your solo status is more anxiety inducing than liberating.

Finally, there’s one more reason we tend to slow-slide back into less healthy habits when we find ourselves home alone:

Plain old laziness.

Without anyone else to cook for (or eat with), you may just decide to take it easy and skip the shopping, meal prep, and cooking. Which is totally fine—a rotisserie chicken plus a trip to the salad bar is quick, easy, and gets the job done. But often, a slide from recipes to ingredient meals slips further into “I’ll just get Chinese/eat dark chocolate and a block of cheddar/go out” when you’re home alone. And that laziness, especially combined with not having a dining companion, spells trouble for your new healthy habits.

Here, again, your best defense is a good offense. Before your housemate’s next trip, make a list of all the ways you can relish your alone time without gorging on less-healthy food. Walk around in your underwear. Take a long, uninterrupted bath. Cook a fancy dinner and eat in peace and quiet in a leisurely fashion. Watch a movie while sprawled on the couch, slip in bed at 7:30 p.m. to read a good book, or reorganize a living space on your own terms.

Once your housemate leaves, take a moment to luxuriate in your aloneness, but also practice something I call the “I’m an adult” affirmation. Remind yourself that you are a grown-up person who can legitimately eat whatever you want, whenever you want. Take some of the “specialness” out of this situation, at least when it comes to your food, and you may find the teenage rebel in you is placated by the idea that there’s nothing actually rebellious about eating ice cream at this stage in your life.

From a practical perspective, get rid of the stuff in your house that may tempt you to binge. If your housemates will want it when they return, make it way less accessible; stuff it in a bottom drawer, move it to the back of the freezer, or ask them to hide it in an out-of-the-way location. Then, first thing in the morning when willpower is strongest, draft a meal plan for the week and grocery shop for just those items. Do that, and you’ll be adhering to an incredibly important food freedom tip—one that applies to far more scenarios than this “home alone” tale:

If you don’t have it, you can’t eat it.

Resisting cravings for things you don’t really want or aren’t really worth it starts in the grocery store. The sheer anticipation of something sweet, salty, fatty, or crunchy going in your cart is enough to stimulate dopamine, the “wanting” neurotransmitter. If you’re shopping while distracted, hungry, stressed, or emotional, it’s all too easy to toss these less-healthy comfort foods in your cart. You’ll think, “It’s not like I’ll definitely eat this tube of cookie dough. I’m buying it . . . just in case.” But we both know that’s a lie. Cravings Airlines Flight 103 is landing right on schedule, and it’s taxiing directly toward your pie-hole.

Buying a rewarding, tempting treat is as good as eating it, so if you can commit to shopping carefully and deliberately from your list, applying as much awareness to the things you buy as the things you eat, you’ll save yourself a ton of willpower energy when you get home. Let’s illustrate with a story. P. G. of Utah instituted a rule around ice cream after his first Whole30: As part of his Food Freedom plan, he doesn’t buy ice cream for home, but will enjoy some if he’s out and it’s being served. This greatly reduces his ice cream temptation, helps him conserve willpower, and makes this special treat even more special.

Let’s say P. G. has been successful at the grocery store and leaves without a pint of Chunky Monkey in his cart. That means, should a craving hit at 10 p.m., he’ll have to go through a major to-do in order to satisfy it: talk himself into leaving the house late at night, change out of his pajamas, find his shoes, find his keys, and warm up the car to drive to the 7-Eleven. But remember, the average craving lasts just three to five minutes. Somewhere in the middle of all his preparations, P. G. will notice that his craving has subsided and he can escape unscathed (except perhaps feeling silly that he actually considered leaving the house in the middle of the night for something called Chunky Monkey).

If You Binge

I’ve worked with clients with a serious history of binging when left home alone. This behavior is incredibly damaging both physically and psychologically. If this is your context, you can buy yourself an extra insurance policy with “if/then” plans for potentially difficult moments. These plans might sound a little too extreme for the average home-aloner, but if you’re desperate to break this cycle, take this step seriously. Create a plan with your counselor or therapist, write it down, and post it in a conspicuous place while you’re home alone. Refer back to it as often as needed, adding additional “if/then” scenarios as you think of them.

IF . . .
THEN . . .

you find yourself having serious cravings,

you’ll phone a friend/do the dishes/curl up with a good book/take a bath.

you’re at the grocery store feeling tempted,

you’ll pull out your list and follow your own instructions/leave the store and come back later/jump on social media and put out a call for help.

you find yourself eating less-healthy food in an out-of-control fashion while home alone,

you’ll contact your counselor/go to the gym or outside for a walk/call your partner or spouse for some reassurance.

Getting through this situation unscathed just once with assistance from your new food freedom tools will help you build the confidence you need to break this pattern once and for all, and reinforce your growth mind-set: “I am a healthy person, even when no one is watching.”

It’s Okay to Slip

Last but not least, remember that your food freedom path isn’t going to be one long line of linear progress. Don’t beat yourself up if your habits slip when your situation changes, especially if you’re a creature of routine. Awareness is the first step in keeping yourself on an even keel when you find yourself sliding back into less-healthy habits. Making a plan is the next. The more you practice creating new routines, reducing stress, exercising your “worth it” skills, and managing cravings during these challenging times, the smoother your food freedom sailing will feel in everyday life.

Also, you should talk about this part. This isn’t Fight Club: The first rule of slipping is not “Don’t talk about slipping.”

Share the challenges you’re facing with family, friends, or a trusted counselor, because talking about it serves more than one purpose. Bringing something you used to feel ashamed of (eating less-healthy food) out into the open reminds you that there is nothing here to feel bad about—you’re just struggling and need some help. Saying it out loud can also help you see your situation more clearly; perhaps you’ll come up with the right fix on the spot. “Now that I’m talking about it, I see that this only really happens when my roommate goes to bed early and I’m downstairs by myself. I bet it would help if I created a nighttime ritual that doesn’t involve food.” Finally, sharing your food freedom journey—the ups and the downs—with others brings you closer together, and enables them to better support your efforts.

Still, if all your in-the-moment and big-picture strategies can’t get you back to where you’d like to be, you’re okay. You have a plan. And if you follow it, I promise it will work.

If all else fails, you can always fall back to your reset.