Eliyanna Kaiser and Dorothy Schwartz
ISSUE 2.4 (2007)
Condoms are the only form of protection that, when used properly, stop the transmission of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) like HIV as well as preventing pregnancy. But as simple as they seem, there are a lot of things people don’t know about condoms. And sex workers who have sexual contact with their clients need to be verifiable experts on condom use!
Choosing the Right Condom (and Lube)
If you don’t have an allergy, latex condoms are the best choice for both protection and convenience. Using lube along with your condoms is a good idea—they prevent breakage (more about that later) and increase comfort during a session.
Remember you can only use water-based lubricants with latex. Although some condoms come prelubricated, this wetness can run out quickly. If you don’t have lube on hand, you have to stop right away and put on a new one so it won’t dry out and break. Disrupting your session is likely to frustrate your client—and you, because then he’ll take longer!
Lots of people have latex allergies. So even if you’re not allergic, it’s important to carry an alternative in case your client is. One alternative is polyurethane, which is more durable than latex anyway. The only drawback is that these condoms are pricy. Male and female polyurethane condoms can be used with either water-based or oil-based lubricants like Vaseline or baby oil.
In general, stay away from lambskin condoms. They are porous, and while they are effective at pregnancy prevention, they are much less effective against sexually transmitted infections.
Flavored condoms are great for oral sex, but don’t use them for vaginal or anal sex—they aren’t built to last like non-flavored condoms.
Sometimes a more snug or larger fit is required, so make sure you have a variety of sizes on hand. A very loose condom can slip off and a very tight one can break. If a regular client is picky about condom size, tell him to shop for a custom fit at a store like this one: www.condomania.com/TheyFit/.
Avoid condoms that are packaged with Nonoxynol-9. It was originally released on the market as a spermicide, but has since been shown to increase the risk of HIV transmission and is a major irritant to the mouth (it tastes awful) and vagina. It can even damage the inner lining of your ass. Condoms with Nonoxynol-9 are also more likely to break.
Female condoms are another option, and are especially convenient when your client isn’t hard enough to wear a male condom. These condoms are made of polyurethane, which causes fewer allergic reactions than latex and is more durable. Because they stay in place, female condoms can be inserted hours before use. Not sure how to put it in? Don’t be discouraged by the unfamiliar two-ring structure. Ladies, if you’ve inserted a tampon, you can handle this one. Just pinch the smaller ring and use it to guide the condom into the vagina. If you’re using it for anal sex, just remove the smaller ring before you insert it in your ass. After using the female condom, just twist the outer ring to close up the condom before pulling it out.
Storage and Expiration
Always check the expiration date on a condom’s wrapper before use. Also, never store a condom in your wallet or car—the combination of pressure and heat accelerate the degradation of the condom, making the expiration date meaningless. Consider any condom that’s been stored in heat or under pressure “expired.”
When to Use a Condom
This should be obvious, but we’ll say it anyway. Please, don’t put a condom on a non-erect penis. Mr. Floppy can easily break a condom as he morphs into Mr. Happy. Wait until he’s erect!
Opening the Condom Package
Tear the package open at its corner using the manufacturer’s perforated edge. Never open a package with scissors and be careful not to tear the condom itself with your fingernails or teeth.
Putting the Condom On
Putting two to three drops of lube (not more!) into a condom is a good trick. It will increase the man’s sensation while decreasing the chance of the condom tearing due to dryness.
Don’t trust a client to put a condom on correctly. Make putting on the condom your job, and make it fun so he lets you do it! He’s horny and excited and this is about your safety.
Remember, there’s a difference between putting a condom on a circumcised and uncircumcised penis. If he has foreskin, you need to pull it back before you put the condom on him.
Cover the head of his penis with the ring while pinching the tip (or, for a non-tipped condom, pinch enough of the top to hold the ejaculated semen) with your free hand. As you unroll the condom to the base of his penis, avoiding any stray pubic hairs, keep pinching the top until the condom is completely unrolled.
What’s that, the condom won’t unroll? You fucked up and put it on backward. Now THROW IT OUT and start over. The outside of that condom is covered in pre-come and potential STIs.
Putting the Condom on With Your Mouth
Same rules essentially apply. But the trick here is to hold the condom so that the reservoir tip is in your mouth and the ring of the condom is either (a) between your teeth and lips or (b) outside your lips. It’s OK to roll the condom down partway with a little deep throating, but don’t leave it like that. Make sure that the reservoir tip isn’t filled with air like a balloon (pinch it and stroke downward along the penis shaft to get the air out of the tip). If air is left in the reservoir tip, it will come under pressure and is likely to pop.
Changing Positions
Any time you change positions and his penis leaves your body, hold the ring of the condom against him, so that it doesn’t slip off. Also, if you change between vaginal, anal, and oral, start again with a new condom. Take these moments to reapply lube. Passing bacteria between your mouth, vagina, and ass is a really unhygienic, unhealthy practice.
Mouth to Ass
And we all collectively cringe. But seriously, your best bet here is a dental dam. And if you don’t have one, you can use a condom to make one in a pinch. A lot of people tell you to use scissors, but they aren’t advising sex workers. Sex workers should never bring a potentially lethal weapon into a session with a client. It’s a bad idea. Without scissors, use your teeth to loosen the condom’s seam that runs down its length. After you pull the condom apart by the seam, you’ll have a rectangular dental dam with two ends to hold on to, the condom’s ring, and the reservoir tip, which you can hold with a thumb. Pretty cool, right? Practice at home to perfect this one.
After He’s Finished
It’s important to pull out before his erection is gone. Hold the condom’s ring against his body as you pull out, so that the condom doesn’t end up inside you.
Disposal
Who cares, right? Wrong. There’s a lot to consider here. If you’re a street worker remember that the number one factor that will influence whether or not the police crack down on you is “quality of life” complaints from local residents. Littering an area with used condoms is a sure way to piss off the neighbors and ensure a police visit. Use a trash bin and wash your hands afterward with soap and hot water.
Anyone who works in an establishment or in their own home needs to use good disposal practices too. Many guys flush their condoms, out of some strange Neanderthal habit. Don’t let your clients do this. Condoms, especially a very impressive number of condoms, are very likely to block your toilet and cause expensive, embarrassing plumbing issues.
Worst Case Scenario: Without a Condom
If you’re in a situation that you can’t safely get out of and you don’t have a condom, or the guy won’t wear one, or if you make the extremely risky decision to see a client without using a condom, here are a few things to keep in mind to minimize risk:
• Say “No” again. And keep repeating it as long as it’s safe to do so.
• Avoid obvious problem spots. Do a visual check and avoid contact with any sores.
• Get him off quickly. More foreplay will make the sex act shorter. Time is risk.
• Clean toys. It’s best to boil silicone sex toys between uses or to wipe down toys with an alcohol solution. At the very least, try to use hot water and soap. Remember that you can get a serious infection if you put a toy that’s been in someone’s ass in any other orifice.
• Stay wet and stay relaxed. It’s really important to stay well lubricated, but that’s really difficult to do when you are scared or upset. If you are dry, you’re more likely to tear your ass or vagina, increasing your risk of infection. If you don’t have lube, use saliva. If at all possible, try to relax your muscles to avoid tearing.
• Avoid his bodily fluids. Especially, don’t take semen or pre-come in your mouth, vagina, or ass. A good trick is to pretend that it really turns you on to have a guy come on your chest, tits, or back.
• Get immediate treatment. After rape, sexual assault, or any trauma, we often want to keep to ourselves. Don’t. Get to a doctor immediately. Treatments and tests are available that can reduce the risk of pregnancy and certain STIs (including HIV) but they lose their effectiveness over time. And if you were raped or assaulted, get a rape kit done. You can decide later if you want to press charges. Once the evidence is gone, it’s gone for good.
John’s Excuse/Healthy Hooker’s Reply
I don’t have any STDs.
You have unprotected sex with prostitutes and I’m supposed to buy that? And how do you know I don’t?
This is not what I thought I was paying for.
You must be a first timer. Condom use is standard. Everyone who hobbies knows that. Ask around.
You didn’t say anything about condoms in your ad or on the phone.
Why would I make any reference to illegal activity on my ad or on the phone? You could be a cop!
I’ll pay extra.
No amount of money is worth it. Sorry. But I can give you something worth tipping for if you wear it.
I can’t feel as much with a condom.
Maybe this way you’ll last longer or go more times.
I won’t stay hard with a condom on.
I’ll put it on with my mouth. That’ll keep it hard. OR I’ll use a female condom so you don’t have to worry about that.
I can’t get off if I use a condom.
Let me get you started other ways so you’ll be ready to come before we have sex.
I don’t have a condom.
No problem, I do!
I’m allergic to latex.
Lucky me, I have polyurethane.
Condoms don’t fit me.
Lucky me, I have all sizes.
But I’m a regular.
And I like you. Why are you messing with a good thing? If you put pressure on me, I can’t trust you.
This column is for news reporting only and is not a substitute for medical advice.
ELIYANNA KAISER is a former executive editor of $pread magazine. She is currently raising her two children in Manhattan. In her spare time, she writes fiction.
DOROTHY SCHWARTZ is a proud supporter of sex worker rights as human rights who did outreach work with street-based prostitutes in New Brunswick, New Jersey, shortly after graduating from Rutgers University. She was honored to work alongside the talented women and men of $pread as the financial director and Healthy Hooker columnist. After working in health education in the New York City area, she found her calling as an ER nurse. She currently works as an ER nurse in Los Angeles, California.