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GROWING UP, JAZMINE had appeared in many music videos.
Her father had allowed her to have cameos in clips featuring Soulville artists. He’d never opposed to any of his children’s creative endeavors.
Jazmine had never displayed shyness and showed a natural knack for acting.
Until the director behind the camera was Dev Sunil.
She had googled him. Discovering that he was a brilliant student filmmaker mortified her. Two of his long-featured films and several of his shorts were on Vimeo, and Jazmine watched every one of them in one evening.
His characters were addictive, smart, funny, without the need for grotesque. The sceneries, stories, symbolisms, and silences all made for a rapturous screening. Where Jenna’s intelligence oppressed her viewers, Dev sought to enchant them with beautiful displays of his multi-layered knowledge. His intelligence not only included deep, thoughtful preoccupations, but also the most trivial of considerations.
One thing was certain; he would one day be a success.
These thoughts caused Jazmine great anguish.
He was an artist with a passionate online fan-base, though he had not yet graduated from NYU.
She had a mere two hundred subscribers on her YouTube channel with no music producer in sight. And sometimes, more often than she cared to admit, she questioned her talent.
Dev’s artistry was undeniable.
It was with these worrisome thoughts that she joined her band and Dev’s crew for the filming of Mr. Nice Guy at Coney Island on a lovely autumn day.
It was one of those days when the sky could easily trick a person into believing summer was not yet done when, in fact, a rainy day was just around the corner.
Dev had brought along his friends for lighting and sound, one of which was infatuated with Haze.
“Jazmine,” Dev said, “your character is sick of her nice boyfriend. We’ll be putting you in different situations here on Coney Island. He wins you a teddy bear, buys you cotton candy, but you don’t care about any of it. You end up dumping him. Got it?”
“Got it. I read your script, you know,” Jazmine answered, on the defensive. Why did she feel dumber than she was?
She’d initially loved Dev’s idea for the video. Now, as she stood in the middle of Luna park listening to the wild screams of delight coming from the Thunderbolt Roller Coaster, she wished the whole ordeal was over.
The first scene took longer than anticipated. Jazmine was petrified of doing it wrong, so she did nothing. Todd, the actor playing Mr. Nice Guy, handed her a teddy bear, yet she could not move an inch away from him and stood, helpless, until the director yelled, “Cut!”
“Jazmine, you might want to try and step away from Todd,” Dev suggested. “You’re supposed to withdraw from him.”
After an avalanche of failed takes, Dev called for a break. Jazmine joined the rest of her band near the hot dog stand on the beach.
“You suck,” Haze said.
“Didn’t you say you were a natural?” Tatiana whined.
“How long are we going to wait? Our instruments are bored,” Rachel moaned. “I’ve got to study this afternoon.”
“You’ve got to study every afternoon,” Jazmine snapped.
“Hey, don’t take your frustration out on me! You’re the one who can’t do the simplest thing Dev tells you to do.”
“What’s your problem anyway?” Haze asked. “You’re petrified.”
“I just-I’m just intimidated,” Jazmine sighed.
“Rex is super cute. I can see why you’re scared,” Haze said.
“I don’t care about the sound guy. I-It’s Dev.”
“Not my type, but I can see why you’d like that goofy director kind.”
“He’s not goofy. He’s actually really talented.”
“You sure?” Rachel asked. “I heard him say he was going to enter a hot dog eating contest with his friends during lunch break.”
“That was my first impression of him. Then I watched his films. Girls, they were phenomenal.”
“Guy didn’t put mustard and ketchup all over the hot dog.” Haze stuck out her finger and smeared the condiments over the sausage. “Why is Dev working with us if he’s so good?”
“I have no idea,” Jazmine wailed.
“Hey, you’re the one who always says that we have to believe in this band,” Tatiana argued. “Now, suddenly, because of some cute guy, you’re rethinking that?”
Jazmine pondered.
“It’s not because he’s cute,” she finally said. “Of course, I like him. But the problem is, sometimes I can’t help but realize that so many artists are way ahead of me. I don’t have anything worth showing. All I have right now is a wispy dream.”
“Some people don’t even have that.” Tatiana stroked Jazmine’s arm.
“Some have more. And it’s in our nature to pay closer attention to those who have more, compared to those who have less. What if we don’t make it? Have you ever thought of that? What if we don’t even have the basis: talent?”
“If that’s what you believe, then maybe we should quit right now,” Haze said. “I’m not staying with a bunch of losers.”
“I hate to say it, because she just called me a loser, but Haze is right,” Rachel said. “If we don’t believe in ourselves, we’ll fail for sure. You’re the one who created Blaze. You want to give up because we didn’t interest a producer.”
“Isn’t this why we’re making videos?” Tatiana asked. “To build a following. If you don’t want this anymore, just tell us, so that we can get on with our lives. I’m going to take a walk on the beach. Call me when you’re over your stage fright.”
“I’m going to study. Call me when it’s our turn to film.” Rachel joined Tatiana and they headed toward the beach.
Only Haze remained.
“Aren’t you leaving, too?” Jazmine asked, aggrieved.
“Nah, those two are part-time artists. They haven’t been in the game as long as you and I have. Rachel wants to be a doctor and Tatiana’s got a degree. They’ve got serious back-up plans. We don’t.”
“You won’t exactly be out on the street if you fail.”
“Neither will you, Ms. Baldwin. But that’s beside the point. When you want to succeed as much as you do, it’s normal to have moments of doubt.”
“I’ve never really had them before.”
“That’s because you weren’t a professional before. You were in high school. The stakes are higher than ever now. You didn’t go to college and you’re not counting on your father’s successful business. You’re on your own, and that’s scary. Because whether you succeed or fail, it’s all on you. Who wants to fail at something they’re passionate about?”
“Is that supposed to cheer me up?”
“I’m just telling you I understand. I know I make fun of you guys. Truth is, that’s why I wanted to be in a band. To have a shoulder to rely on whenever I’m overwhelmed with doubt.”
“You have doubts?”
“Any artist who says they don’t is a freaking liar. And the others, oh my God! There’s always someone ahead, someone who seems to have it together, someone more popular. It always feels like you have to catch up.”
“Exactly!”
“And there are those moments when you’re positive you stink. Well, in your case, it’s often, right,” Haze joked.
“Who ate onion rings just before a gig and kept blowing in my face during the entire performance?”
“I’m not going to deprive myself of the pleasure of eating good food just because you can’t handle a little bad breath.”
“The audience had no idea what I was going through that evening. They said we had great chemistry though.”
“That’s all that matters,” Haze laughed. “Look, Jaz, I can’t guarantee we’ll succeed. No one can make such promises. But I can promise that I’ll have your back when you’re not feeling up for the task.”
Jazmine smiled gratefully.
“I can even play your part in this video if you want.”
“I’d like that. And I’m sure you just want to get closer to the sound guy.”
“His name’s Rex.”
“My sisters say I shouldn’t date the guys we’re working with.”
“They’re your sisters, not mine.”
“Not so sure your sister, Helen, would disagree with Maude. Isn’t she Maude’s number one fan?”
“What she doesn’t know can’t hurt her.”
Haze finished her hot dog and joined the crew.
“I’m taking over Jazmine’s part. You guys ready to see some Oscar worthy acting?”
Jazmine laughed, relieved and hopeful once again.
How strange that Haze should be the one who understood her best. Were the seemingly confident people those who, in reality, feared failure the most?
As she watched Haze play her scenes, Jazmine thought how lucky she was to have her in Blaze. Not only was she a talented singer, she exuded life.
With someone like her in the band, how could they lose?
At the end of the day, the party wrapped up everything and explored Luna Park.
Haze and Rex headed for the Thunderbolt Roller Coaster, while Rachel, Tatiana, and the rest of the crew rode the bumper cars.
Jazmine and Dev went to the Soarin’ Eagle.
They boarded the four-across trains as they passed slowly along the moving walkway. The trains were upright so that Jazmine and Dev entered from a standing position. Before departure, a cage latched down over the backs of the trains, and Jazmine felt confident she’d be secure for the duration of the trip.
“You sure this thing is latched on properly? It’s not super tight. I mean, I could easily slip and fall.” Dev asked, nervously playing with the cage. “We’re going to be horizontal in about two minutes. Like eagles. I just want to make sure I’ll be soaring like an eagle, not crashing like one.”
“Don’t worry. This is safe.”
“How do you know?”
“You can hold my hand if you want.”
The train started its clunky ascent up the spiral lift hill.
“Yeah, I’d like that.” Dev’s eyes bore into hers as he took her hand. After the lift, the train went down a short, steep drop and then ascended slowly back up. As a hairpin turn occurred, taking riders through the first Barrel Roll inversion, Jazmine kept her eyes wide open.
She was soaring. Without fear of falling or the slightest anxiety. Sure, her heart raced as if she were performing in front of a crowd. Similarly, the feeling was that of excitement, not fear. Dev, scared out of his mind, gripped Jazmine and squeezed her hand until she thought her bones would tear through her skin.
Through twists, turns, hairpins, rolls, and abrupt drops Jazmine’s heart fluttered, but her mind remained peaceful. During the final hairpin, she let out a loud scream of delight relinquishing the doubt she’d felt all through the day.
Her band would make it! Of that she was certain.
“You’re a chicken,” Jazmine teased, once they were back treading solid ground. They made their way to the Thunderbolt Roller Coaster.
“You didn’t look too self-assured either.”
“Because I thought you’d break my hand. It seems there’s always a new aspect of your personality that completely clashes with what I think I know about you.”
“I hope that’s a good thing.”
“Why didn’t you tell me how good you were?”
“I’m a good person,” he teased solemnly.
“No, I mean, you’re a really talented filmmaker. You’re top of your class and you make great movies.”
“Oh, that.” Dev scratched his head and shrugged.
“You said you were bad,” Jazmine insisted.
“I never said that!”
“You didn’t say you were amazing. You let me believe you were an okay director.”
“I let you believe what you wanted. I had nothing to gain from boasting about my skills. Besides, there are way more talented artists than me. Ever heard of Jenna?”
Jazmine laughed.
“Is my being a good director a problem?”
“It isn’t. I just got a little insecure, if I’m honest. It doesn’t happen often.”
“There’s nothing to be insecure about. After all, I saw clips from your gigs and I thought you girls were amazing.”
Jazmine grinned.
“But you didn’t know that before you accepted to work with me. Why did you agree?”
Dev swallowed and grinned.
“I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to see you again. But also, I like working on different projects. My dream is to direct my thesis film in South Korea. I’m raising funds if ever you want to donate.” Dev held out an open hand like a beggar humbly supplicating for food. Jazmine showed no mercy and he closed his hand, amused. “In the meantime, I’m working on different projects. And I’d wanted to work on a musical project for some time. When I saw videos of your performances, I was certain. Your band is going places. And I want to be a part of that. Of course, I had no idea you’d be a scared, little mouse in front of the camera.”
“I was not-I’m actually a good actress. I have a natural knack for these things, I swear!”
“Maybe it was too difficult for you to play the wicked girl who breaks up with that poor dude.”
“It’s not that hard. I did break up with poor Jason, who was probably one of the kindest guys a girl could hope for.”
Dev stopped abruptly and frowned. “You’re JJ?”
“How do you know Jason called me that? It was the most ridiculous nickname. I made him swear to tell no one about it ... is something wrong?”
“You’re JJ? You’re the girl who broke his heart. Why didn’t he tell me?”
“I thought you knew we dated.”
“I didn’t. He kept this from me. He knew I’d never agree to work with you.”
“You didn’t even know me back then!”
“I knew enough! Jason was miserable for months. I met him just before you two broke up. I was also going through a bad break-up. I saw what you did to him.”
“What I did? Are you serious? It didn’t work out. I’m not some monster. I mean, sure, I could’ve handled things better.”
“You broke up with him through a text message!”
“Because I knew it would be harder for him face-to-face!”
“How generous of you. Really! I can’t believe this.”
“Look, if it makes you feel any better, he’s over me.”
“No, he’s not.”
“He’s dated a gazillion girls since we broke up.”
“I thought he was over you, but now I have to admit I was wrong. Why did he ask all his friends, everyone he knew, to help you out with your videos?”
“He did that as a friend.”
“Who helps out their crazy ex-girlfriend—”
“I’m not crazy!”
“—by reaching out to their entire circle of friends. And by hiding the fact from his best friend that the girl he’s asking favors for is the same one that left him a blubbering mess?”
“OK, maybe he still likes me.”
“Likes you? He was madly in love with you. Thought of proposing the following year and having babies with you.”
“What? I was eighteen!”
“That’s how crazy you made him. No, no. I’ve got to stay away from you. I shouldn’t have flirted with you. I can’t go fooling around with my best friend’s soul mate.”
“We’re not soul mates,” Jazmine said through gritted teeth. “Look, Dev, seriously, I like you. A lot. Perhaps too much. I don’t want to give up on you or on our work together just because I dated your best friend in the past.”
“I won’t abandon this project because I gave you my word. But I’m sorry, I can’t envision anything else.”
Dev pulled away from her and walked ahead.
Over Jazmine’s head, the excited cries from the Thunderbolt sounded like the strident laughter of a mocking audience.