Chapter Fourteen

In Which… What?!

The fall semester was over. Right after the Thanksgiving break, Elisa’s life had been nothing but cramming for finals, taking her finals, and waiting for her grades to be posted after finals.

I never want to hear the word “finals” again.

The last couple weeks of the term flew by in a flurry of papers and multiple-choice tests. She didn’t quite remember all of it, but she didn’t care—she’d passed all three classes she was taking and had even managed a ninety-four on her Introduction to Literature final.

She hoped, realizing it was petty even as she hoped it, that she did better than Darcy.

Christmas had been as chaotic as she’d come to expect from her family. Her mother had invited her father over to open presents and have dinner—which wound up being from the nearest Thai place after they realized Mom had forgotten to thaw the chicken. Eating fried rice out of a delivery container, Elisa had laughed as she listened to her father recount the story of his and Alejandra’s first Christmas together. She knew it by heart, from them getting snowed in at the house he’d been renting, to the lights in the living room sparking and starting a small fire, thanks to his bad job repairing the wiring. Her mother had to beat the flames out with the coat he’d just given her.

“And that is why Alex officially forbade me from handling anything electrical ever again,” was how he always finished it.

Her mother would then add, “That is also why Miguel didn’t get his security deposit back.”

When Elisa took to social media to wish her extended family well, a picture of the Fitzgeralds popping up in her feed made her pause. Darcy, it appeared, had gone back to Columbus for the holiday. The photo showed her, Gianna, and Willow sitting on the floor in front of an elaborately and gorgeously decorated tree, each wearing matching Santa hats. Willow and Gianna were each giving the camera a warm, sunny smile, but Darcy simply stared with an exaggerated look of comical disdain.

In spite of herself, Elisa smiled as soon as she saw it.

…

Two days after Christmas was Charlene’s birthday, and it was a big one: her twenty-first. Elisa knew her parents and sister would want to see her for most of the day, especially since she didn’t have a party planned, so she’d have to squeeze any BFF time in early. Elisa was awake, dressed, and heading over to her apartment before the sun was even up. Despite the obscenely early hour, she didn’t doubt that Charlene was awake. She was the only person she knew who woke up before sunrise of her own accord.

Elisa had a spare key to Charlene’s apartment, as well as a standing invitation, and she frequently let herself in without knocking. The kitchen light was on. Good, that meant Char was awake. Or at least, she had been not too long ago.

As she walked through the still-dark living room toward the bedroom door, she called out, “Happy birthday, Char!”

“Elisa?” came the sleepy response.

“I figured your parents would want custody of you today, so I came by early,” she said, nearly tripping over the coffee table. She cringed slightly, though she was more surprised than hurt. No matter how often she was over here, she was never any good at maneuvering in the dark.

“Elisa.” This came with a slight gasp, and she suddenly sounded much more awake than she did a moment ago.

Elisa pushed open the door, feeling around for the light switch. “Haaaaaappy birthday tooooo yoooou—”

She found the switch, and instantly, light flooded the bedroom. Charlene was still in bed and wasn’t dressed yet. This wasn’t much of an issue, since she and Elisa had seen basically all of each other over the years.

What was an issue, however, was that Charlene wasn’t alone. And it wasn’t like Elisa had walked in on her best friend in bed with a complete stranger. No, this was way, way worse than that.

Colin Burger sat up on the other side of Charlene’s small bed, rubbing his eyes.

Then he looked up and saw that they had company.

Elisa and Colin both began screaming.

“Oh my God,” she shrieked, rooted to her spot.

“This wasn’t how I wanted you to find out,” Charlene said, face as red as her hair.

“Oh my God.”

“Maybe we should all take a moment to calm down—”

“Oh my God.” Elisa stumbled, moving to sit on the chair in the corner. “Charlene—you—you’re—this—this has happened before?”

“It’s been happening for the last three weeks or so, actually,” Charlene admitted.

Elisa buried her face in her hands. “Oh my Gaaaaaaawd…” she groaned.

Charlene reached for her bathrobe, pulling it on. Once she’d covered up, she sat on the arm of the chair next to Elisa. “Do you need a drink? A blanket? A Xanax?”

“You have a—a boyfriend, or a booty call, or something—and you didn’t tell me?” she asked, the words spilling out of her before she could even consider them.

“He’s a boyfriend, Elisa. And I didn’t want you to freak out.” She let out a small sigh, glancing over at Colin, who was blushing furiously. “I probably should’ve just told you up front. But hindsight is twenty-twenty.”

“No shit. And—Charlene, come on. Colin? Colin?”

“Heyyyyy,” Colin said. Fortunately, he’d remained in the bed, a blanket covering all the important bits.

Elisa had thought that that one time she’d walked in on her parents had been traumatizing.

“It’s bad enough that you had a secret boyfriend,” she screeched, voice approaching a range only audible to dogs. “But Colin Burger? Are you serious?”

Before Charlene or Colin could reply, there was pounding on the wall and a man’s voice yelling, “SHUT THE HELL UP OVER THERE, OR I’LL SHUT OFF YOUR HOT WATER.”

Charlene rolled her eyes. “I live next door to the landlord, remember?”

“Right. Sorry.”

Colin spoke up again. “Look, Elisa, we knew you might be skeptical about our relationship. That is why I’ve prepared a speech, with an accompanying PowerPoint, to assure you that I will treat your best friend very, very well. My first point—”

Elisa raised her hand. “Okay, if there’s anything that could possibly make me want to hear your speeches any less, it’s you delivering them while naked.”

“Oh. Right.”

“Colin, you get dressed,” Charlene said, standing up. “Elisa and I will talk out in the living room.”

Elisa followed her out, closing the bedroom door behind her.

Charlene began immediately. “Okay, before you say anything—I asked him out. He didn’t talk me into this or wear me down, and no one pushed me into this because of his money or whatever. This was my choice. My choice, Elisa. Mine. Do you understand what I’m getting at here?”

She didn’t answer the question. She just said, “Charlene you can do so much better than that idiot.”

She crossed her arms. “This may come as a shock to you, Elisa, but I actually like ‘that idiot.’”

“You do?”

“I do.”

“Why?”

Charlene threw up her hands in exasperation. “Well, I didn’t put together a PowerPoint on it. He’s smart—despite what you may think, he is really smart—and he’s kind. He’s passionate about what he does, and he knows what he wants to do with his life, which is more than any other guy I’ve dated can say, and he gets along great with Molly—”

“Your kid sister knows, but I didn’t?”

“And he doesn’t judge me for not having a degree, and…and… Elisa, the fact of the matter is, I can’t always eloquently explain why I like him. I just do.”

Elisa ran a hand through her hair. “I can’t believe this.”

“Believe it. Colin’s my boyfriend now, Elisa.”

“But he’s—he’s pretentious, and he talks too much, and he’s not a good listener, and his mom is, objectively, the worst. Sure, he’s smart, but not nearly as smart as he thinks he is, and…and…and… And he listens to Nickelback…”

“That’s all true,” Charlene said.

“And you still like him?”

‘“Yes.”

“Christ.”

“This isn’t the end of the world, Elisa,” Charlene snapped. “Would it kill you to be happy for me?”

Elisa winced. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I just—I just… I don’t get it.”

“I’m not asking you to get it. I’m asking you to be supportive.”

“Who else knows? Is this a secret, or are we allowed to mention this to other people?”

Translation: can I tell Julieta so we can spend at least two hours discussing, in great detail, how completely and totally insane this is?

“So far, only you, my parents, and my sister know,” she said. “But we don’t intend to keep it a secret forever. We were just waiting for the right time to break the news. The real issue is Colin’s mother.”

“What about her?” she asked. “I mean, I know Catherine is kind of hard to deal with, but…”

“When I asked Colin about introducing me, he said that his mother doesn’t like him dating outside of the family’s ‘social circle.’”

“So, no one poor.”

“Right.” Charlene sighed, sitting on the couch. Elisa sat next to her. “He says he thinks he can talk to her, but he’s still working out what he wants to say. I mean, he also said it’s not like she can force him to dump me—but we’d both prefer to avoid an explosion, if at all possible. So, until then, we’re keeping this from her.”

“I didn’t know he was even capable of lying to his beloved mother.”

“Yeah, me neither. Though, it’s been more lying by omission than anything. He skipped their last bridge game to go to a movie with me—he said he was going to see a screening of an important film at the college. The movie theater was on campus, and when you like comics as much as he does, the latest superhero movie is an important film…”

“I can’t believe Colin’s managed to keep this off of social media,” she said. “Normally, he shares everything.”

“It hasn’t been easy,” Charlene admitted. “I’ve had to prevent a few photos from making their way to Instagram because he wasn’t thinking. But he’s learning.” She glanced at Elisa. “And he is really sorry for the way he treated you, by the way.”

“Why hasn’t he said that himself, then?”

“Because he was afraid you’d eat him.”

Elisa sighed. “That’s probably fair.”

“Look. You don’t have to like him. But can you please let me have this? I’m—he makes me happy, Elisa. Really, really happy.”

Part of her wanted to argue, wanted to argue until Charlene came to her senses.

But from the look in her eyes that wasn’t gonna happen, no matter what she said.

So instead, she said, “Okay. I—I want you to be happy.”

The bedroom door opened, and Colin emerged, now fully dressed. Thank God.

“Can I come out now?” he asked.

“Yeah, hon,” Charlene said, waving him to join her and Elisa on the couch. “Now—since you two are both here, why don’t we all go grab breakfast someplace before I meet up with Mom and Dad?”

Elisa and Colin both nodded. He looked about as uncomfortable as she felt.

“Great. I’ll go get dressed.”

Charlene quickly left, leaving Elisa and Colin alone.

“So…” she said, after an unbearably long pause. “You and…you and Charlene, huh?”

He nodded. “I was just as surprised as you when she asked me out.” He hesitated, then glanced at her face. “I do really like her. More than like her, probably.” He gave her a meaningful look. “Don’t tell her I said that. I think she’s still kind of a flight risk.”

“From the way she was just sticking up for you, I don’t think you have to worry about her taking off,” Elisa said. “But I won’t.”

“So you’re okay with us dating?”

She shrugged. “It’s not my call,” she said. “I trust Charlene’s judgement.”

“Your endorsement melts the heart.”

“Sorry.” Elisa picked a piece of lint off of the ugly Christmas sweater Maria had gotten her. “I just—I can’t think of a single thing you two have in common. That wasn’t meant to be an insult, by the way.”

“Finding common ground was hard at first,” he admitted. “But it’s there, if you know where to look. We’re both smart, driven people. We’re both so organized, it irritates other people. We both tend to prefer the independent parties to the two big ones, we both like classic cinema, and we’re both Slytherins.”

“I always thought of you as more of a Hufflepuff.”

“It was a toss-up.” He shrugged. “My point is­­—it’s not like we’re building this relationship off of nothing. And we’re finding more common ground every day.” He paused. “She’s also the first girlfriend I’ve had that hasn’t gone through my phone.”

“That’s sad.”

“Yeah. There are many, many reasons my previous relationships haven’t lasted long… Many of which were probably my own fault…”

She hesitated. “I hope what you and Charlene have lasts.”

He looked surprised. “Really?”

“I want Char to be happy. And if you make her happy—and she makes you happy—then I’d be the worst friend in the world to not want you guys to work out.”

Colin smiled. “Thank you, Elisa.”

Charlene emerged from her bedroom, wearing a heavy sweater and a pair of jeans, and a necklace that Elisa was sure Colin had given her. She rarely wore jewelry, except for a pair of stud earrings and a knockoff designer watch at work. But now, she wore a beautiful, sparkling necklace, with a heart-shaped pendant.

“Ready to go?” she asked.

Elisa nodded, getting up from the couch. “Ready.”

Colin went to get the door for the girls, and the three began heading down to where he had parked his car overnight. While they held hands, Elisa just watched them, baffled, and trying to get adjusted to the new reality.

Colin Burger and Charlene Locke were dating. Willingly.

Somewhere, Elisa was sure, a herd of pigs was taking off.