Interlude: In Which a Hangover is the Least of Charlene’s Problems

Charlene had only had two and a half bottles of beer, but she was still too drunk for this conversation. Of course, she wasn’t sure she’d ever be sober enough for it. She sat on the bed, massaging her temples as Colin paced nervously and Catherine started on her laundry list of why she was completely unsuited for her little boy.

“How could you keep this from me, Colin? How could you?” she hissed. “And stop that incessant pacing.” She reached out, grabbing him by the arm to keep him in place.

“We were going to tell you eventually,” he said.

I wasn’t.

“What are you even doing here?” he asked. “I thought you had plans with Dad.”

“They finished a few hours ago,” Catherine said. “And I knew you were hiding something from me. I know you better than anyone. You asking to use the cabin over Valentine’s Day weekend only confirmed it. I had you invite your cousin so she could keep an eye on things and report back—but it’s a good thing I came myself, anyway, since that proved to be utterly useless. She wasn’t even here when I arrived.”

He groaned, hiding his face in his hands.

“How could you?” she asked again. “Colin, I have told you time and time again, we have a certain circle to which we restrict ourselves. Burgers marry wealth and prestige, not trailer trash like her.”

Charlene flinched, but she managed to bite her tongue.

“Mother, only marrying people of a certain economic standing is the reason my grandparents are cousins,” Colin said. “And if we’re going to have this discussion, then I’m going to have to ask that you don’t to refer to my girlfriend as trash.”

“This isn’t a discussion,” she said venomously. “She’s nothing but a disgusting gold digger—they all are.”

Charlene spoke up, then. “Believe me, Mrs. Burger, your son’s money is the last thing on my mind.”

“If I want you to speak, I’ll ask you,” Catherine barked.

“No one asked you to speak, you know,” Charlene said.

She turned back to her son. “Listen to me, Colin—girls like that, they’ll ruin you. They’ll take everything you’ve got and then run off to the next one. She’ll lose interest as soon as someone richer comes along.”

“Oh, please,” Charlene snapped. “Colin’s the first guy I’ve dated in three years. I knew about his money long before I was ever interested.”

“Mother, listen…” He reached for Catherine’s hands. “I’m sorry I hid this from you. It was stupid of me. But please, please give her a chance. Get to know her. I think you may actually like her.”

Charlene was certain it would be a cold day in Hell before they ever got along, and from Catherine’s expression, they were, for once, thinking the same thing.

“You two have more in common than you’d think,” he added with a note of desperation.

“I,” Catherine said, “have nothing in common with that uneducated, lice-ridden—”

“I may be poor,” Charlene said, voice shaking, “but I am not a second-class citizen. You cannot talk to me like that.”

“I can talk to the woman who’s exploiting my youngest child any way I like.”

“Even if that were true,” Colin said, “which it’s not—it’s not your decision, Mother. I’m twenty, nearly twenty-one. Charlene and I are both consenting adults—there is nothing you can do or say to keep us from being together.”

Catherine looked him over.

“Fine. If you feel that strongly, if you think you’re so independent—you can keep her around for as long as you like. But don’t expect my financial or emotional support while you do.”

Charlene rose to her feet now, eyes widening. “You hate me so much that you’d cut him off?”

“Children should obey their parents.”

“He’s your son, not your property.”

He clenched and unclenched his fists. “You can’t use the money to control me, Mother. If you’re going to force me to choose between you and Charlene, you are going to lose.”

“This shouldn’t be a competition,” Charlene said, growing more distressed with every passing second. “Your mom and I don’t have to like each other, but—I mean, surely we can reach some sort of compromise?”

“This is my compromise,” she said coolly. “Colin, if you come to your senses now, you won’t have anything to worry about. If you don’t… Well, you can say goodbye to your apartment, your tuition, your car…and everything else I’ve ever paid for.”

Colin took a deep breath. Charlene braced herself for what was to come.

“Fine,” he said. “I’ll be out of the apartment by Monday night.”

His mother looked about as blindsided as Charlene felt. She was so sure that Colin would ultimately choose his relationship with his mother over her, and Catherine’s face told her she’d been expecting the same thing.

The prospect of Colin suddenly being homeless and possibly having to drop out of college was utterly horrifying. The idea of him losing his family over her was also enough to make her feel nauseous. And yet, there was one voice—one horrible, selfish, wonderful voice in the back of her head—that almost allowed her to smile in spite of it all.

He chose me.

Catherine was absolutely fuming.

“You’d throw away everything—your prestige, your wealth, your education, your very future—all for this undeserving piece of filth?”

“Mother, I am going to tell you again to not talk about Charlene that way,” Colin said, visibly struggling to keep his tone steady.

“She’s using you, Colin. Once I cut you off, see how fast she leaves.”

“Mother, stop it.”

“I will not stand by and watch you get taken in by a worthless piece of sh—”

“I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP!”

No sooner had Colin raised his voice than Catherine reached forward again, pulling her son toward her with one hand, the other flying at his face. Charlene moved quickly, dashing to him and pulling him back. Catherine hadn’t slapped him, exactly—the more accurate term would be “clawed.” She slashed her nails across his face, hard enough to draw some blood, leaving bright pink tracks across her son’s skin.

He seemed more stunned than hurt and had a very blank look on his face. Realizing he was at his capacity, Charlene quickly said, “If you’re going to be violent, you’re going to have to leave.”

Catherine stepped back, surveying her work. Satisfied with what she’d done, she said, “Fine. I’ll leave. I wonder how long it’ll take him to come crawling back. My little boy can’t function without me.”

Colin raised his head to look at her, then.

“Yes, I can,” he said quietly. “And I never want to see or speak to you again.”

She stared him down for a second, before letting out an irritated huff. She collected herself before saying, “I want everyone out of my cabin in five minutes. And you’re out of that apartment by Monday night. Remember—you promised.”

“I remember,” Colin muttered.

Catherine left, slamming the door behind her. As soon as she was gone, Charlene quickly dashed to the dresser, grabbing some tissues to wipe up the blood.

“There’s a first aid kit in the bathroom,” he said, grimacing slightly as she touched where his skin had been broken. “I don’t think it’s that bad, but wouldn’t that be just what I need? To get an infection, too?”

Charlene nodded, and grabbed the first aid kit. Using a baby wipe to clean up his face, she said, “Are you okay, babe?” She sighed, shaking her head. “Stupid question. Of course, you’re not. But, I mean—”

“I’ll live,” he said grimly. He raised a hand to touch where he’d been clawed, murmuring, “Mother hasn’t done anything like that in a long time…”

“Well, it’ll be the last,” she said. “I know it’s not my place to say, but even if you ignore our relationship—I think you did the right thing. I mean, there’s hating your son’s girlfriend, and then there’s emotional blackmail.”

“Yeah…” He sighed. “Once we get to where we have a phone signal again, I’ll call some of my cousins in the area. Some of them may be on Mother’s side, but one of them is bound to let me crash on their couch until I find an apartment. Hell, maybe I can move into Longbourn.”

Charlene hesitated.

“I understand if you don’t want to, so early in the relationship,” she said gently, “but you could always move in with me.”

He looked up at her, surprised. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I mean, this is kind of my fault, the least I could do is—”

“This isn’t your fault, Char. I don’t want you to offer just because you feel guilty.”

“It’s not just that,” she said quickly. “I could use a roommate. And, you know, I guess I like having you around. I guess.” She tried for a playful smile.

“Thank you. Thank you,” Colin said, before leaning in to give her a peck on the lips.

She smiled wider. “Is that a ‘yes’?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Yes, it is. And I promise, I’ll find a way to help pay the rent.” He bit his lip, obviously thinking very hard. “She already paid for this term of school, so she can’t take that back—I’ve never applied for scholarships or financial aid before, but I can learn… I have about $5,000 in my bank account at the moment—and we took her off the account when I turned eighteen, so that’s safe. She’s still making payments on my car, so that’s still hers… Shit, how am I even going to get to school now? I can’t Uber every day.”

“Your school is on a bus line. It’s a fifty-minute trip each way, but you don’t have to switch buses, so it evens out,” Charlene said.

“I’ve…never taken the city bus.”

She sighed. “Well, like you said—you can learn. You can finish up this term, and then when summer comes, you can look for a job. If you can only go half-time next fall, or even take a semester off, it’s not the end of the world.”

“I’m only on campus on Mondays and Wednesdays this term, so I may be able to find something now. I can apply for all the fast food places, retail, delivery—wait, no, you need a car for that…”

“Have you ever had a job?”

“I worked at a fast food place in sophomore year. Mother wouldn’t pay for a game I really wanted. Too much blood and guts for her little boy’s sensitive eyes. So, I got a job to pay for it myself.”

Charlene brightened a bit. “Well, that’s something.”

He grimaced. “Not really. I got fired in two and a half days.”

“How did you—?”

“Long story.”

The two hastily packed up what little had been taken out of their bags and headed down the stairs. The others had finished packing, and Catherine was waiting outside for everyone to leave.

Charlene found Elisa and Camila. Colin followed close behind.

“Can you drive?” she asked Elisa. “I’m a bit buzzed, still, and Colin’s…” She trailed off.

“I can’t focus on the road right now,” he said.

Elisa nodded. “No problem. Is everything okay?”

Charlene faltered, her eyes pricking with tears for the first time that night. “Nothing’s okay. But it will be. We’ll figure it out.” She took a breath. “Colin’s moving in with me.”

She stared at them, but it only took three seconds for her to piece it together.

“She kicked you out?” she whispered to him, stunned. He shrugged wordlessly.

Charlene nodded. “And cut him off.”

“Christ.”

“I’ve got some money put away,” Colin said, “but once that runs out, I’m broke.”

Elisa touched his arm sympathetically. “Welcome to the dark side,” she said, trying to joke. “And if you need any help getting moved in, or applying for financial help, or finding a job—call me. My family’s perfected the art of surviving while broke.”

Colin, Camila, and Charlene followed Elisa to the car—the car that would be Catherine’s again by the end of the weekend. Catherine stared her son down as he passed her, but he didn’t even look her way. He definitely knew she was there, though. Charlene saw his bottom lip shake and how hard he was fighting to keep his gaze straight ahead. She squeezed his hand in solidarity.

Once they were in the car, Elisa hooked up her phone to the speakers and put on some music, correctly guessing that no one was in the mood to talk. Charlene leaned her head against Colin’s shoulder, closing her eyes. She just wanted to sleep forever—or at least until this godawful day was over.