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Scout
I thought I’d be okay. I thought I’d be strong enough to leave him, but I’m not. I can’t reconcile the Lev of the last twenty-four hours with the one who hurt me, who punished me by moving away when I needed him the most.
I shouldn’t have gone there last night, but I missed him. I missed him so much it hurt, and when he wasn’t there on Christmas, I thought I’d die of a broken heart.
I don’t know how I made it home in one piece, but I sit in the driveway for a long time, gripping the steering wheel like a lifeline, unable to stop my tears. Eventually, the passenger-side door opens, and I suck in a sharp breath when Saint slides in and pulls me into his arms.
“I don’t have to ask where you’ve been because no one ever makes you look that way but Lev.”
“Did you know he was living in New York?”
“Yeah, I knew.”
“God, did everyone but me know? Why did you lie? Why didn’t you tell me where he was?”
“Because he asked me not to.”
“You’re my brother; you’re supposed to have my back.”
“Lying to you wasn’t easy, Peaches. He’s my best friend but you’re my blood. I’m always gonna choose you first.”
“But you didn’t. You kept his secret.”
“You stupid, gorgeous girl.” Saint chucks my chin. “I kept his secret because I knew it was the best thing for you.”
“How is being without him the best thing for me?”
Saint sighs and takes my face in his hands. “Because being with him makes you feel like this.”
“I feel this way because I left him this morning.”
He swipes my tears with his thumb and gives me a sad smile. “I can’t tell you what to do here. I wish I could. I wish I’d been able to protect you from everything that’s happened so far. Maybe I should have beat the shit out of him when I first found out.”
“You didn’t?”
“No. I punched him once and let him walk away.”
“But you almost put Nav in the hospital when you found out about him and I.”
“Because Nav had no right touching you at all. We all knew Lev had been in love with you since he was eight years old. Nav kissed you to piss him off.”
“What?” I sniff and turn to my brother. “He told me King dared him to.”
“Those fuckers. They left that part out in the version they told me.” He chuckles and shakes his head. “That’s not to say Nav didn’t fall in love with you, eventually. Hell, maybe he’d always felt something for you too, but I beat the shit out of him because he used you to hurt Lev.” Saint leans back against the headrest and turns toward me. “So, what are you going to do, Peaches?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, I suggest you figure it out, because you have about five seconds before he opens your door.”
“What?” I turn and see the shadowy figure through my window. Lev is decked out head to toe in black motorcycle gear. He opens my door and a blast of freezing winter wind assaults us.
“I’ll give you two a minute,” Saint says and exits the car.
Lev holds out his hand and I place mine inside his gloved one as he pulls me from the vehicle.
“I didn’t hear your bike.”
“It’s early. I didn’t want to wake anyone, so I cut the engine and wheeled it up the drive.”
“Oh.” I swipe the tears from my cheeks and try to stop my teeth from chattering from the cold. Lev removes his gloves and slides them onto my hands. I press them to my lips. They’re warm and smell like him.
Saint crosses the yard to the garage but turns before heading inside. “Fox?”
Lev glances at him and swallows hard. I don’t follow suit; I can’t take my eyes off the dark stubble on Lev’s cheek and chin, or the harrowed look in those golden eyes that were filled with so much passion and emotion only a few short hours ago.
“Do the right thing, or this time I will fucking kill you,” Saint says and turns his back on us.
“I’ve seen you with a switchblade, I don’t intend to be on the receiving end of it.” Lev’s gaze slides to mine. “You skipped out on me.”
I steel my jaw, tilt my chin a little higher, my nose in the air. “Sucks, doesn’t it?”
“Did you come last night just to punish me, or because you actually missed me?” he says. I open my mouth to answer, “A little of both”, but he clamps his warm hand over it and my eyes widen. “And before you give me shit—because I know you will—know this; last night was the first time I truly felt alive since I first kissed you.”
His hand slips from my mouth, but I don’t have a snide comeback prepared. I can’t. It hurts too much to go on hurting one another. I lower my gaze to his throat and stare at his bobbing Adam’s apple because it means I won’t have to see his response. “I came to hurt you, and realized halfway through that the only person I was hurting was me.”
“That’s not true.” He takes my chin between his thumb and forefinger and tilts my face up to his. “You broke my fucking heart when I woke this morning and you were gone.”
“You said yourself it was one night.”
“Yeah, well, I’m an idiot. And since when did you start listening to anything I say?”
“I’ve always listened. I just never gave you what you want,” I whisper as he lowers his lips toward mine. He doesn’t kiss me though—he just studies my gaze. “What are you waiting for?”
“You to show me your vulnerability.”
“Why?” I search his gaze. “So you can use it against me?”
“So you can let me in, and I can finally fucking love you the way I was supposed to.”
“I let you in once and you broke my heart.”
“And I’d die before I ever did it again. Did you hear nothing I said last night?”
I search his gaze, but I know this is no longer a game to either of us. Our hearts are on the line, bleeding, raw, beating for the other, and all it would take is for one of us to give in.
So, I do.
I open my mouth and whisper, “I love you, Lev Fox. I love you so much it hurts me. I love you enough to let you win.”
Before I can say anything more, his lips are on mine, his tongue in my mouth, massaging my own. I throw myself into the kiss, wrapping my arms around him, even as the tears stream down my cheeks. He slides his hand up my side, over my neck, and he cups my face in his hands as he pulls away.
“You already won. Don’t you get it? I’ve loved you since I was eight years old, Cub.”
“Yeah, well, you’ve got a whacked-out way of showing it.”
“Boys will be—”
“Assholes.”
“I was gonna go with the C-word, but that works too.”
I shake my head. “How are we supposed to do this? The whole school thinks I’m a tramp, and there’s Nav to think about.”
“It doesn’t matter. Fuck the school—”
“They think I already did.”
“We know the truth, and that’s all that matters. You’re still a queen, Scout. Who gives a fuck if your crown is a little tarnished? You’re my queen.”
I frown. “Marie Antionette was the queen of France, and look what happened to her.”
“She wasn’t nearly as clever, or as ruthless as you.”
I give him a wan smile. “You forgot pretty.”
“I forget everything else.” He exhales on a sigh. “You’re all I see, Cub.” Lev cups my face and kisses the tears that roll down my cheeks. “Come on. Let’s get you inside. It’s freezing out here.”
“W-well, I didn’t want to r-ruin the moment,” I say through chattering teeth. “But I think my vagina has frostbite.”
He chuckles and throws his arm around me as we walk to the house. “I’ve missed you, Cub.”
“I’m not kidding.” I smile up at him. “And I’ve missed you too.”