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THE MOMENT SERKAN TOLD us that he could see small glimpses into the future, my heart sank and soared at the same time. He can tell me if I live! He can tell me if I get my revenge!
He can tell me if I die.
Before Serkan could finish explaining the rules and limits of his power, I blurted, “Do I kill Cirillo Kaladin?”
The old vampire’s brows rose coolly from where he lounged in his chair. His red eyes pinned me to the spot with a look that made my spine stiffen. But he didn’t answer.
Clenching my jaw, I demanded, “Am I going to die?”
The Blackwood siblings gasped my name in horror, but Serkan only looked faintly amused—which didn’t help my mood. I was grateful to him for using strengthening and pain-relieving herbs to make me feel better and feeding me a delicious meal, but that knowing smirk on his lips knocked my trust down a notch.
“You—” Serkan began after a painfully long moment. He leaned forward, bracing his forearms on his knees. “Are destined for something much greater.”
You’re lying. I bit back the words.
Serkan turned to the others before I could open my mouth again. To Koen, he said, “You’ll help change the course of vampiric and human history.”
To Aspen, he said, “You will get what you want.”
To Sloan, he said, “Hone your craft or regret it.”
And to Leysa, he said, “Keep that axe of yours close.”
The uneasiness in the air was thick enough to cut. It was stifling.
Serkan leaned back, perfectly at ease. “You’ll all stay here for now to recover. Maer, you have found the safe haven you’ve been looking for.”
You’re half lying.
It was surreal. After all that struggling to escape, I’d achieved what I set out to do. But I didn’t feel like I could relax.
I needed air.
I stormed out of the cabin and to the river, where I flopped down on its sandy bank. Tears burned my throat and eyes. He hadn’t said the things I wanted him to say. He didn’t necessarily say I would die, but... But he hadn’t given a straight answer. That meant it was possible. How was I supposed to come to terms with that?
I heard footsteps crunch behind me. “Go away, Koen,” I muttered.
“Try again.” Aspen sat beside me.
“Did he send you?”
“No. I wanted to talk to you to get to know each other better. We haven’t had a one-on-one yet,” he said with a smile in his voice. “I thought I could start with clearing up a lie—rather, uncovering a truth.”
I looked sharply at Aspen, but it was hard to be mad at his beautiful, kind face. “Okay...”
Aspen inhaled deeply. On the exhale, he said, “My name is Arik Kirsi, son of Agana Kirsi of Bloodfrost.”
I snorted. “Well, it’s not the craziest thing I’ve heard lately.”
Aspen started to beam at my acceptance—and then fear made him stiffen. He grabbed my arm, hauling me to my feet. “We need to get out of here—”
“Not so fast,” growled a voice behind us.
Terror swept through me like never before. Cirillo.
“Turn around, wayward son.”
“Run,” Aspen hissed—but he couldn’t release me. Cirillo was using his power to freeze us in place.
Gravel crunched. I glanced to the side as the Moros leader stalked forward to stand before me. He looked no different: same gray irises, same golden hair, same black clothes. But his expression was full of raw emotion.
“You’re well,” he murmured.
He only suspended my limbs. I bared my teeth and spat, but missed. “How did you get here?” I snarled.
“You’ll see,” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’m taking you home, Maer.”
“No—”
“Maer!” Leysa shouted. I saw her in my peripheral, wielding her axe, but she made it only so far before Cirillo froze her too.
He moved—became a blur—
And then I heard two loud snapping noises.
Aspen—Arik—released my arm and dropped to the ground. Dead. Leysa, too.
Cirillo gently took my forearms, turning me toward him. “They’ll come to later.” His voice was too soft; it made my skin crawl. “Let’s go home.”
I was ready to thrash and fight like never before, but then—
But then—
Then I felt pain.
It exploded from my core, and I screamed as if my lungs wanted to burst.
Cirillo released me as I dropped to my knees. My stomach, it—
Wetness seeped from between my thighs.
Cirillo hissed like he was resisting his need for blood. “What—”
He yanked off my jacket. It made me lose balance and fall on my backside. My vision went hazy as agony scrambled my brain. What was happening, what was—
Cirillo’s voice was terrifying when he snarled, “Are you pregnant?”
The baby—the spawn—was coming.
I was in labor—or having a miscarriage.
I could die today.
“Who is the father?” Cirillo demanded, crouching beside me. “How did you hide it? How far along—” His tone turned utterly savage. “Is it mine?!”
I couldn’t have answered if I’d tried. Nor did I want to. If I told him the truth, he would steal it away. I was still unsure—even now, as it was literally killing me—if I would even like the offspring, but I knew that if I did, Cirillo would keep it, raising it as his own. Spawn or baby, I couldn’t let anyone suffer in Sanlow the way I did.
I was bleeding out. It felt like my insides were writhing into a jumble, trying to squeeze out of me, and the pain—oh, the agony was excruciating.
I collapsed onto my back as my elbows gave out. My throat was scraped raw when I screamed, deep and drawn-out, my vision blurring to the point where all I could see were shapes.
Cirillo flinched. “Let me take it out—”
“No!”
It was coming fast. There was no stopping it. And there would be no cutting me open.
“It’s killing you—”
“I know!” I was surprised I could still hear over the blood rushing in my ears.
“Let me Turn you—”
“NO!”
“Maer—Ack!”
“Penagrum!”
Cirillo’s shape jerked to the side as another appeared next to it.
“Don’t you dare touch her!”
Koen.
My vision sharpened, and I saw Koen standing and wielding his scythe that was glowing with blue flames.
“What is this?” Cirillo hissed. “Why can’t—oh, it doesn’t matter.”
There was a shattering like glass exploding—and then Cirillo broke free of the imprisoning circle. He knocked the scythe from Koen’s hands and lifted him off the ground by his throat.
Terror rushed through me anew. “No!”
“You love her,” Cirillo sneered. “Say your goodbyes because I’m going to Turn her.”
“Turn me, too,” begged Koen as he struggled to get free. “I can’t lose her!”
“No!” I wailed as my body felt like it was being pulled apart at the center.
“Why would I?” snorted Cirillo. “You’re competition.”
“Then I’ll find someone else to do it.”
“Good luck with that.”
And then he flung Koen aside like nothing. I didn’t see where. But he didn’t kill him.
Agony exploded within me. There was no one coming—no one to save me—I was alone, and I was dying, and—
And I blacked out.
* * *
WHEN I CAME TO, THE pain was a dull throb. I felt drained beyond compare. And empty.
I lifted my head. Cirillo was on his knees, holding something small, red, and gooey in his arms.
“It won’t cry,” he murmured. He looked up at me. Vampires couldn’t form tears, but they could express grief. “My child...”
What little energy I still had was siphoning away from my body like a broken dam. My head dropped. I’m dying, I’m dying. Someone—someone help me. Help me, please.
But everyone... My companions, my—my friends—they were lying unconscious and—and where was Sloan? Where was Serkan? Where were the freaking healers?!
My child was dead.
And all I could think was, I don’t want to die. I’m not going to die.
“Let me Turn you,” Cirillo’s voice begged. My eyes had closed, and I could barely hear him. “You,” he hissed.
“Maer,” groaned another voice. My eyes shuttered open as I made out Koen’s shape, dragging himself toward me. He was alive. Bloody and bruised but alive and reaching for me. “Don’t do it.”
Gratitude swelled in my chest and escaped in a strangled noise. With what little strength I had left, I curled my fingers in his. I wished I could see him better. “Koen,” I rasped. “I don’t want to die.”
“I don’t want you to either.” The next thing I knew, my head was resting in Koen’s lap, and he was stroking the hair off my forehead. “But dying, it’s...it’s better than becoming a vampire.”
I forced my vision to clear and focus on his tear-streaked face. Every word hurt as I spoke. “Sloan said...said you loved me.”
He didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”
“I...” It hurt so bad to speak. “I...don’t.”
I swore I heard Koen’s heart break.
“But I was starting to.”
He sucked in a breath. “Maer—”
“Promise me,” I whispered. “Promise me you’ll kill Cirillo for me.”
Koen didn’t tell me everything was going to be all right. My body was broken; there was no coming back from that.
A tear dripped onto my cheek. “Okay. I promise.”
Was I resigned to die? No, but I would rather die than—
“Enough!” Cirillo roared, grabbing Koen’s hair and dragging him away. A moment later, I was scooped into his arms. “Our child is dead. Now you are mine.”
Cirillo rested me on the grass, suddenly somewhere else in the forest. My heart keened with grief as I stared up at the canopy of trees. Golden light filtered through the rustling leaves. So pretty. So free.
If I was going to die, it was going to be anywhere but Sanlow. Well, dream achieved.
Cirillo leaned over me on his knees, blocking my view. Anger welled in me. He was the last last thing I wanted to see.
He bent down so his lips brushed my neck. “Let me save you,” he whispered as his teeth scraped my skin.
I went into a riot of panic, ready to exert my last reserve of energy to stop him from biting me and turning me into a—
Cirillo sank his fangs into my neck. The venom sluiced through my veins like liquid fire, but it was sweet and welcome—
And that was the last thing I remembered.
* * *
MY EYES FLUTTERED OPEN to a dark ceiling flickering with candlelight.
The trees and the fresh air were gone, replaced by stifling must and wax.
“You’re awake.”
I jerked into a sitting position—I was lying on a carpeted floor.
And I recognized its black pattern.
I’m not dead.
Ciel Kaladin was lounging on the couch where Cirillo had seduced me five months ago. We were in his bedroom, and Ciel was smiling like it was hers.
“I’ll be quick,” the Moros Heir said, running her tongue over her teeth. “I’m starting to get hungry, and you’re not a meal anymore.
“My father and I followed you all the way to the Eshe,” she began, “only he had no idea I was tagging along. It was too easy to manipulate his mind.”
So that’s your power. Controlling minds.
“I watched your miscarriage. Terribly bloody. So tragic that all your suffering ended with a stillborn.”
I felt no sorrow in my heart. I just stared at Ciel.
Her smile faded; she squirmed in her seat. “It was me who arranged it all, you know.”
I felt no tears burn my eyes.
“Blackwood desperately wanted to be in our coven with you—I offered him that chance. I employed Aeros to help with getting you out of Moros. With both of you gone, nothing threatened my future on my father’s throne.”
I felt no Bloodlust waiting to take over.
Ciel’s jaw worked, and her voice was shrill as she lurched to her feet. “Why are you just staring? Aren’t you angry?! You were sold as cattle, barely escaped Sanlow with your life, crossed an entire forsaken desert and nearly died of hunger and thirst and exhaustion, were attacked underground by two covens, crossed more desert—”
“I’m aware...of what happened,” I rasped. My throat didn’t hurt, per se, but it was dry. Like a child learning to walk, I stumbled to my feet. Then I continued to stare at Ciel until she was ready to throw a tantrum. “I went through...pain. Heartache. Fear. Happiness, sometimes. Gratitude. Relief... rage.”
I took a few steps toward Ciel. She eyed me warily. Oh, something purred inside me; it felt good—good that someone was scared of me. Of me. “And you made that journey with us, didn’t you?”
Ciel lifted her chin, but I didn’t let her get a word in.
“You,” I hissed, my body finding a new, smooth balance, “did all of this because you were jealous. Of me, just a Gladiator. Because you didn’t like sharing anyone with your daddy.”
Ciel’s lip curled. “Blackwood—”
I narrowed my eyes and bared my own teeth. The canines pricked my lower lip, but I didn’t feel pain. “Don’t talk about him,” I snarled, lunging forward so only a few inches separated us, though she was taller. “I didn’t get to say goodbye. To anyone. And now I’m days away from them, and they know what I am now, and I can never see them again.”
“They won’t want to see you now that you’re a monster,” Ciel sneered. “Look in the mirror.”
I peeled my glare away from her to the mirror across the room. Even from a distance, I could see that the whites of my eyes were no longer white but black.
I had become my worst enemy, my worst fear. I wasn’t dead. I was undead.
And now I was the perfect tool for revenge.
