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After introducing myself to the captain, I asked to be allowed to look through the records and then speak with the shifters and their coworkers. I informed him that it was a regular checkup, as that this was the way we preferred to do it now. It was better to prevent problems than wait until they arose.
He didn't like it, I could tell, but he didn't argue. "We take care of our shifters here," he told me. "Of course you can speak to them."
He looked like he was thinking of saying something more, but decided not to. Perhaps it would have been unprofessional, or he'd have felt like he was breaking a confidence. Interesting.
I looked through the records. Sure enough, Cody was one of the shifters. He was a fox shifter. He hadn't mentioned it, and we'd used protection last night. As a fox shifter, he didn't have to. Fox shifters can't catch or pass sexually transmitted diseases. Apparently, he preferred to keep that a secret.
I wondered how he'd react when I interviewed him.
The record showed that Cody had an incident where he was overwhelmed on the job, and his coworkers had needed to come to his rescue, get him out of the way and help him rest at home and recover. That had been months ago now, and there had been no further incidents. But from talking to him, I knew he still wasn't fully happy with his job.
Was it just a matter of lacking accommodation, or was it a complete mismatch? It's safe to say that not everyone is cut out for homicide, even if they think they should be able to handle it. Even if they're not a shifter.
Why didn't he have a partner to help him? It wasn't in the files. Looked like I would have to ask some awkward questions even if I didn't want to. That, or recuse myself.
I asked to speak with Cody.
Soon, we were alone in an office the captain gave me to use. He'd come in looking slightly uncertain. He'd smiled a little when he saw me. But he didn't say anything.
"I suppose I should have been more forthright last night," I said. Just looking at him, I felt everything I'd felt last night. Well, maybe not quite as horny. "I'm here to investigate the treatment of the shifters at this department and make sure that protocol is being followed and safety put first." I sounded awkward, because I felt awkward.
He didn't say anything. He just waited for me to go on, a polite look on his face.
"I'm willing to recuse myself. Would you prefer that?"
He showed surprise for the first time. "No! That's not necessary. I don't think there's a conflict of interest here. Do you?" He looked at me closely, as if trying to figure out how my brain worked.
I allowed myself to smile. "The important thing is that you don't feel uncomfortable. Would you like to have someone else present? Perhaps Tomas?"
He looks surprised again. "I can have Tomas here? Why?"
"Because you don't have your own partner, but it seems that you and he get along, and he has been able to help you professionally when necessary. Some of the questions I need to ask might be uncomfortable, and it might be better to have backup. You shouldn't feel unsafe or backed into a corner when I'm asking you something. If you need backup, let's get Tomas or someone else you trust in here."
"I'd rather talk to you on my own," he said. "Tomas is great, but he knows enough about my love life."
Okay. Deep breath. In we go.
"I apologize if this is a sensitive topic, but may I inquire why you don't have a partner to support you?"
"I didn't find one."
We looked at each other, at an impasse. He wasn't volunteering more, and I didn't know if I wanted to pry deeper.
He gave in first, with a sigh.
"It's no good saying it doesn't affect my job because it probably does, but I was hired without a partner, and I have been able to do my job, for the most part, without one. I don't think that's why you're here, is it? Just to talk about me not having a partner?"
"No. But I'm supposed to check up on safety and protocol and how the shifters are treated, to make sure that you guys are safe and not abused or put into danger." I looked at him. I supposed I had to level. "I lost my own partner when our precinct put him in a dangerous position he wasn't trained for."
It sounded so mild when put like that. Lost, as if he had merely been misplaced. It was an undercover assignment he was unqualified to take, but he was kindhearted and compassionate and wanted to save people, and of course, because he was a shifter, he was strong enough that it should be okay, right?
Cody's brows rose. "You were—"
I nodded. I had been with the Shifters and Partners organization. I'd had a partner...until I hadn't.
A little bitterness slipped into my voice, even after all this time. "There weren't enough rules in place, and we didn't know better, but that's no excuse. He died because he was not properly trained for the work that was being asked of him. As his partner, I should have known better. I was there to protect him. Since I didn't, I've been working with the agency to make sure that it doesn't happen again for others."
I felt almost calm sharing the same old story once again, this time with a man I'd slept with, a man I cared about.
He looked at me steadily as I spoke, no judgment in his eyes. "That sounds like hard work," he said. "I bet you get tired of it sometimes."
"I do," I said. "I won't do it forever." It felt like a promise to both of us, although I don't know why he needed to know. He didn't seem to have any extreme attachment to me, so he didn't need to know what I was doing with the rest of my life. But I still wanted to tell him for some reason. "How about you?" I asked.
"I've been thinking about a change," he admitted. "I don't want to be talked into getting a partner. Even if it would make me safer. I don't want to tie myself down like that."
"You worked well with Tomas," I suggested.
"Tomas is Riley's partner," he said. "Riley needs him. I can't steal him. And there's only one Tomas."
He spoke as though that would be obvious to anyone who met Tomas, that there was no possible better partner for anyone in the world, and that if he was already taken there was no point even looking for another partner. I tried to digest that. It was too much for me. Deep stuff here. I took a different tack.
"Is there anything that would make your job more palatable or easier for you to do, if you decide to stay instead of leave?"
He sighed. "No. I was hired for homicide work. I don't actually like homicide work. I don't want to keep doing it. But that's what I was hired for. So can you take the death out of homicide work? No? Then there's nothing that can improve my job." He gave me a sad, rather defiant look, as though he was not proud of himself, but was trying to be strong and not care what anyone else thought of him. Even me.
"That's fair," I told him. "It would also be fair to warn the captain that you plan to leave. That way, they will be able to start looking into finding a replacement for you."
He looked alarmed at the thought. "I can't let them down like that. They'd be angry."
Aha. Now we were getting somewhere. "You don't really feel safe quitting?"
"It's not that." He squirmed, looking uncomfortable. He looked down at his lap. "I was hired to do a job. I should be able to do it. And if I can't, I'd like to walk away, without having to hear what they say about me behind my back before I go. No, I guess that's not fair. They're not mean to Riley, even though he's..."
"Even though he's what?" I asked, watching him.
"It's not fair to talk about him. But you could get it from anyone." He met my gaze now, a hint of defiance in his eyes. "He's fragile. He's a big strong man, a wolf shifter, but he's fragile. He'll probably be scared of you. He gets scared easily. Of course he couldn't do homicide work. It wouldn't be fair to make him.
"But I'm not fragile. Not really. But everyone will say I am, if I quit. I guess that shouldn't matter to me, but I don't want to leave in disgrace. I like it here. I just don't like the work. And if I get another job at another precinct, it will be the same, won't it? Unless I admit to being fragile. To needing lots of extra help. Just seems like it won't work. I have to either walk away, with no warning, or tough it out. I don't like either choice."
"Let's see if we can find a different choice for you," I suggested. "You certainly are allowed to walk away, and if anyone judges you, it's on them, not you. Lots of people burn out or need to change careers for other reasons. There shouldn't be judgments about any of that. I can help you tell the captain when you're ready. Or Tomas could, I'm sure." I was not going to be jealous of Tomas.
He nodded cautiously, not agreeing exactly, but like he was thinking about it.
Why didn't he have a partner? He shouldn't have to navigate all of this by himself. He shouldn't have this type of high-stress job in the first place without someone by his side.
"If you want a different consulting job, I can hook you up with people in the organization who can help you find one that's better suited for you." I wished I hadn't said hook up. But I kept going. "There are lots of positions I'm sure you would find less stressful."
"Well, I'm not sure of it," said Cody. "But thank you for listening, and thank you for the advice. I can say that I'm not being put in danger with undercover assignments. They follow the rules here, and they don't ask us to do things outside of our job descriptions." He got up, dusted off his trousers, and looked at me. "Would you like to speak with Tomas and Riley now?"
"I would," I told him. "Thank you. I meant what I said. You shouldn't have to work a job that stresses you out forever."
"I'll keep it in mind. I hope you won't keep working a job you don't like forever out of guilt, either."
My wry grin came and went. "I'm sure I won't. Thank you for your time."
For the first time, he gave me a look that was less than professional, a wicked little grin. "Thank you for yours."
#
When I saw Tomas, it was all I could do not to gawk. He was one of the most handsome men I'd ever seen in my life, and that was including celebrities. Of course, he wasn't half naked and oiled up, showing abs—but he probably had them, and even if he didn't, he was hot enough that it wouldn't matter. He was just...perfect. And then how kind and considerate and protective he was of his wolf shifter partner? Ugh. It would be impossible to compete with him.
Thankfully, I wasn't competing with him. I was a professional, damn it, and that's all. I wasn't involved, and it shouldn't matter to me that there was no point for Cody in working with anyone else as long as Tomas existed.
You don't want to be his partner anyway, the little voice in my head told me treacherously. You want to be his mate.
No. No, I did not. That would complicate everything for everyone.
It would mean it wasn't your fault if your life had to change, and you wouldn't be the needy one if you fell for him. You'd just be the kindhearted hero, or at least that's what you could tell yourself.
I just loved it when I had to listen to a critique from my own mind, and especially when it was probably accurate. How selfish was it to wish to be Cody's mate? Maybe I wasn't actually wishing for it, but I wasn't against the idea. And that wasn't a very good attitude, was it? He should be free to love whoever he wanted to, and have a hookup without me getting my hopes up about permanence or love.
He was hot and kind and funny and sweet, but that didn't mean it had to be more than that.
Though he had given me his number. Just in case, he'd said.
I pushed the thoughts away and went back to work, talking with the next people on my list.