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ROBERT
It was surprisingly easy to put my life on hold to spend time with Cody. Perhaps because my life had been on hold for some time, if I really thought about it. I'd been careful not to put down roots or stay anywhere for too long. I'd said it was the job, but had I been avoiding people so I wouldn't get close to anyone again—or maybe care about them and then lose them?
It wasn't like I was putting out fires in my jobs ahead; it was more about compliance checks, systems and processes. They could wait. Frankly, if I quit my job tomorrow, nobody would be likely to suffer. Someone else could do the work, albeit without such a grim backstory to share when needed.
Had sharing my own story been another way of punishing myself? Too many deep thoughts all at once. I didn't know, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to know.
My boss hadn't given me crap about using some of my vacation days. If anything, she'd just barely resisted saying it was about time.
It was strange not having to rush off to work. Strange, and delightful, that for two weeks, I only had to be by the side of my man, or putter around, or waste time on the internet, or check out new restaurants.
Nothing was settled about our jobs, not really—but it sure felt good to have a break. And to have at least the dating thing settled. Yes, we were serious. Already pretty damned serious. I might even be his mate. I certainly wouldn't complain about that, though it seemed like it made him feel vulnerable to talk about it, so I wasn't going to press him for details, about how he'd know or when.
I didn't know much about it, obviously, except for what I'd heard, and there seemed to be enough contradictory information and different experiences out there that it was probably a pretty personal thing, and never a "one size fits all" way of deciding this.
Some shifters seemed to know instantly. Some didn't seem to have mates at all, or to want them. And some took a little while to figure it out. But yes, of course, most of what one heard about was the big romantic stuff—they knew instantly. It was all settled from practically the first meeting. Though, in practice, there was probably lots to sort out, even then.
Especially if they didn't live near each other.
My next day with him, he took off as well, since he had vacation saved up and it felt pretty special to be together all day, with no pressing concerns or decisions or work to do. We went out to eat, he showed me around the city, and we took in a movie, then stopped by a museum. And of course, we enjoyed ourselves once we got back to his place, too.
The next day, when he called in to ask if he could have off again, the captain informed him that he couldn't, unless it was urgently needed for his mental health, because they had an open case that needed to be worked on right away. Homicide, of course. I watched his smile die as his boss told him this.
"I hope it won't be a bad one," he said to me, as he got ready for work. It was distracting to watch him get changed out of his silky dressing gown into proper, work-appropriate clothing. Particularly tempting, since I knew it couldn't go anywhere. I tried to distract myself.
"Would it help if I came along?" I asked.
"Would you?" He glanced at me, looking uncertain. "I mean, if they allowed it?"
I nodded, not sure why he would ask that. "Of course. I know my way around police work, remember? That was my job, before my partner died."
"So it wouldn't bring back too many bad memories?"
"No, of course not." Most of my memories working with Jack were good ones. Only his death was bad. Only that, and the part of the blame I bore for it. Not that it was all on me: there was certainly enough to go around.
Frankly, some of it was even due to Jack. He was a grown man and knew it was a risk. He could be damned stubborn when he wanted to be, so nobody could've forced him to do it. No. He'd gone undercover willingly. But I hadn't even tried to stop him, and that would haunt me till the day I died.
I'd thought he'd be fine, we'd be able to supply enough backup, nothing would go wrong. It had been a rushed decision: I could see that now. Well, there had been plenty of time to regret it later. The rest of my life—and his, which hadn't been long at all.
"I'd like to go along, if I wouldn't get in the way."
He seemed to consider that, tilting his head a little. Then he grinned. "Maybe you would. Maybe I'd like that." He gave me a naughty look. "I work with Justin a lot, as you know. He's irritated with me lately. Like I don't trust him enough. Well, if he wants me to trust him, he could make an effort to like me. So, if you come along—someone who actually does like me—he'll get irritated. Maybe I'd like that."
"Seems like a complicated relationship," I said cautiously. I didn't want to cause him trouble at work, but it sounded like he wanted moral support—not just to irritate the man he worked with. "If you clear it with your boss, and make sure he knows I'm not acting for the agency at this time, I'd love to come along and support you."
His expression melted. "You're so sweet." He came over and gave me a kiss. "I won't make you regret it."
No doubt he was perfectly capable of doing his job without me around. But all the same, if he could figure out a way for me to tag along, I would take it.