| |
CODY
I realized as soon as I got to work that there was no way I could face my boss alone and ask him this. He didn't know that Robert and I were seeing each other, and it could be very awkward to tell him that. But neither Robert nor I wanted to lie about our relationship long-term, and since it looked like there was going to be a long-term, I needed to bite the bullet and make that public at some point. At least to my boss.
But I knew very well that I couldn't walk into his office and tell him any of it. Look, I am not an individual prone to abnormal amounts of embarrassment. It was just that about this, I knew I couldn't face him. I just couldn't do it.
I needed backup.
Tomas, as usual, was my victim. I went to his desk and sat on the edge of it. "Do you have a minute?"
He looked up at me and smiled.
We stepped outside so we could talk alone.
"What's the matter?" he said. "You look excited but also scared. Is it good or bad news here?"
"It's...good?" I guessed aloud. "I'm pretty sure it's good." I took a deep breath. This was hard to say aloud. I was pretty sure there was no way I wasn't going to blush. "Robert might be my mate." There, I'd said it. And I was definitely blushing. "He's...he's taking some time off his job to stay with me so we can...can figure all of this out. I'm very grateful. It's—he's so considerate. He didn't wait for me to bring it up. He said if he was my mate, he wouldn't make me do all the changing, if something needs to be changed."
Tomas stared at me as I told him this.
"He sounds like a good man. Don't let him decide if you're mates or not, though. You're a catch, Cody. You need to be sure what you want." He patted me on the shoulder.
"I know," I promised him. "Nothing's decided for sure. But...uh...it's..." I scratched at my hairline, ducking my head. "It's really hard to say these things out loud, you know. That's why I wanted you to help me tell the captain."
"That Knoll might be your mate?" His brows rose. I'd actually surprised him for once in my life.
"Well...if we have to. The point is, Robert is here with me and when he heard I have to work on a homicide today, he asked if he could come along and help. Just...to support me. I said I'd talk to the captain, but once I got here, I realized I didn't know how to do that."
I looked at him pleadingly. "There's no way to do it without bringing the mate stuff up, is there? And if he doesn't turn out to be my mate, I'll look foolish to the captain later, right? But...uh...just between you and me..." I swallowed, hard. "I don't think that's going to be the case."
"Poor Cody." He patted my shoulder again. "This is all happening really fast, isn't it? Do you want Robert to tag along on your case? You know his history, right?"
"Yeah, we talked about it."
"So, do you feel like he's being overprotective out of fear of losing you? Not that you're partners in the same way as his old partner, but there's got to be a similar feeling, right?"
I hadn't thought about it quite like that. "You think he's afraid for me?" I hadn't gotten that vibe. "I thought he just wanted to help." I lowered my eyes. "I may have told him that it's really hard for me lately. That I've even been thinking of quitting."
"It wouldn't shock me if you quit," said Tomas. "I don't think it would shock anyone, and I don't think you have to feel bad about it if you do."
"You mean I'm giving off a quitting sort of vibe?" I was appalled. "I've been trying so hard to hide it!"
"You just haven't seemed happy in your work for a long time," said Tomas. "And look, everyone knows homicide is hard, even if you're not a shifter. And it's harder for shifters sometimes, or my partner would be able to do it. He's good at a lot of things, but he can't do homicide. The bottom line is, anything that keeps you here a little longer isn't going to get too much argument from the captain. He's used to you, and not looking forward to hunting for a replacement."
"He's used to me?!" I was shocked. "I thought he could barely stand me."
"At this precinct, that's practically open arms. It's just not a friendly place overall. But I can read between the lines. The captain respects you, and you're a known quantity, and you can do the job. Look, if you want Robert with you? I'll talk to the captain and he can give him permission to accompany you. Probably no real standing in the department without an actual job title, and certainly he might get on Justin's nerves, but if it helps you, it's worth it. And this guy is a professional. He's not going to be an asshole about it. Right? I mean, I didn't talk to him for long, but he seemed professional and astute."
He looked at me for confirmation, and I nodded. "I don't think there's any way for Justin not to be at least slightly irritated with me right now, and honestly, he's not my main concern right now. I just want to get through the day—and the homicide work."
"Okay," said Tomas. "I'll talk to the captain. We'll figure it out. But, Cody, if you keep feeling this way—if it's really that awful for you—then maybe you're right not to want to do this work anymore." He gave me a sympathetic look.
I got indignant. "You don't tell your own partner that, and he finds everything hard," I pointed out.
"If he tried to do homicide work, I would," said Tomas. "I know you can't always tell because you don't know him very well, but Riley is thriving. He's making progress in every area of his life. If just getting through the day and surviving your job is all you can do anymore, then maybe it's not a good long term choice for you."
He looked into my eyes, searching. I stared back, a little nervous, not sure what to say. I'd been thinking about quitting, and he'd been supportive, but this was way more than that. It almost sounded like he was telling me he thought I needed to quit for my own peace of mind.
"I'm telling you what I think as your friend," said Tomas. "I've always been pretty honest with you. But I hope you'll do what's right for you, Cody. Whether I agree or not."
"Can I hug you?" I asked, feeling sort of choked up, although I had no reason to be. He was just being a friend, for pity's sake. It was just that I hadn't had many of them for far too long. Not good ones. Not real ones.
"Of course," said Tomas, his face cracking from serious to smiling. "What, are you afraid someone will see? I don't think we have any tough guy reputations to ruin." He fake punched me on the arm, then pulled me into an embrace.
It felt so good to be hugged. I hugged him back, hard, breathing in his comforting scent. "I meant would Riley get upset," I explained, muffled against his shoulder.
"Oh," said Tomas. "No, he's not the jealous sort."
I hoped Robert wasn't, either, because I needed to keep Tomas in my life for sure.
Tomas sent me to get something to eat so I could keep my energy up before heading out for homicide work. He talked to the captain alone, and it didn't take long before I got a text from Tomas telling me it was a go, and they would give Robert temporary authorization to accompany me and assist on my casework.
"Captain's not mad," he added, I guess because he knew I would be wondering about it.
All the same, I was grateful I hadn't had to be there to hear him get the news. That Robert and I were seeing each other, and maybe pretty serious already. Damn. It just felt so personal, you know? Especially since I still wasn't quite sure of the ground I was standing on. After all, it's easy to get swept up in emotions. That didn't mean this was really as serious and important as it felt right now.
Then again, it didn't mean it wasn't, either.
I texted Robert, and gave him the news, and he headed over. I sure would be glad to see him. It had only been a few minutes, and I was already missing him. That had to mean something, right?
But what if you're wrong, and he's changing his life for nothing?