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ROBERT
Tomas and Cody met me at the door. Cody looked a bit anxious, bouncing on his heels nervously, looking at me with big eyes as if he wanted something but wasn't sure he could have it. Tomas was the one to speak, as he stepped forward and handed me a visitor's pass. "It's official enough for now," he informed me. "The captain knows. Anyone else you tell is between you and Cody. I won't pass anything around unless you tell me to."
"You can tell your partner," said Cody. "We'll figure the rest out. Thanks, Tomas."
Tomas gave us each a nod, touched Cody's arm lightly, and left.
"You okay?" I asked Cody. "You want to take a turn outside before facing homicide stuff? Do you need me to know anything?"
Cody looked relieved at the suggestion. We fell into step and he spoke rapidly, softly, keeping close by my side. "I guess I'm just doubting everything. This is a lot to ask from you when we're not even sure of everything."
"Nonsense. It's a vacation for me, whatever happens." I gave him a pat on the back. "If you change your mind and don't want me here, I can—"
"No! Just...try not to antagonize Justin. Or, what I really mean is, don't let him antagonize you."
"We'd best get going," said Cody. "I don't want to keep him waiting."
I'd spoken with the man briefly doing my interviews and analysis. He hadn't seemed that bad at the time. "Does he dislike you?" I asked carefully. "Is he a demanding coworker?"
I remember not to call him Cody's partner, although it sounded like they worked together a lot, so they were almost partners. I wondered how that worked. Cody obviously didn't feel like he could go to Justin with much of anything that concerned him.
"He just doesn't like me very much," said Cody. "He won't admit it, but I can tell. I'm not married to the job the way he is, and I'm not tough." He tried to sound like he didn't care, but clearly he cared.
"I'll try not to interfere," I said. "Unless you want me to. Let me know what you want from me, and how I can help. Otherwise, I will just tag along, okay?"
"That sounds good," said Cody. "It will be nice to have you along. Thanks for saying it will be like a vacation. I know that's not true, but it's nice of you need to take the pressure off me." He gave me a warm look.
"There shouldn't be pressure on you about this at all," I told him. "We can be serious about each other, whether it's a mate bond or not. You don't have to know right now. If we're both enjoying each other's company and want to spend more time together, that's enough. That's enough to go on for the whole relationship. You don't need to commit to more than that, okay?"
He chuckled nervously. "I must seem very wishy-washy to you. I'm not trying to be."
"You don't seem that way. But I know I can be very firm about things, and I don't want to make you feel like you have to decide everything or know everything right now, or ever. I'm interested in you. I like you, and I want to be in your life. That's plenty for me."
His little smile was relieved, and very sweet.
I clapped him gently on the back. "Let's go find your co-worker."
"He'll be at the crime scene already," said Cody, and he sighed.
#
Justin Barnes didn't have much to say when we introduced me as a tagalong. "Emotional support person," Cody said, trying to make it a joke. He seemed nervous.
Justin grunted and gave me a long look, but he kept his opinions to himself, even after we explained I was no longer working to evaluate working conditions, but just here personally.
I'm not sure he really got it, but we dug into the work, with me keeping my mouth shut unless I was asked something, which I almost never was.
I stuck close while Cody did his sniffing of the crime scene. The gunshot victim had been taken to the hospital and had died there, so he didn't have to smell the corpse here, although he might be called to the morgue later if they wanted him to be. Cody said he didn't always have to go there for it. Sometimes the autopsy was enough without him. But sometimes there were extenuating circumstances, and it could be helpful to have a shifter on the job. I understood, but I could see why it wouldn't be easy for Cody, and why he might want to quit some days.
Jack had handled homicide work pretty well, but we hadn't faced much of it. It had been a rare thing in our job.
Justin didn't say two words to me until Cody was away getting a snack, and then he turned to me and said, "You really think he wants a partner? He barely works civilly with me. He won't be able to stand you in his hair for long."
Then I realized he really hadn't gotten it. The tact and hints hadn't been enough, hadn't been clear at all.
"We're dating," I informed him. "It might be serious. I want to spend time with Cody and support him. I'm not his partner, and I don't expect to be—that way." I maintained eye contact long enough to see that he got it.
The shock that went through him was almost comical. It took him a moment to adjust. Then he tried to play it cool. "So Cody's finally serious about someone, huh?"
That wasn't for me to say. "I'm serious about him," I said instead. "We'll see what happens."
I turned then to greet Cody because he was returning. His steps faltered as he looked from Justin's face to mine and then back. His face fell. "You had to tell him?"
"It's either tell him I'm the guy who's dating you, or let him think I'm the guy that's trying to replace him," I said.
Cody digested that, and Justin sent me a look of dislike. "I never claimed to be Cody's partner. Goodness knows he doesn't want that." He walked away from us.
"Do you mind that I told him?" I asked Cody.
"He really thought you were trying to get me as your partner? Or, I was trying to get you?" He shook his head. "No, of course I don't mind, but—" His brow furrowed. "He already thinks I'm vain and flighty. What will he think of me if we aren't...?"
"He'll think that, like anyone else, it takes time to know how serious you are about someone. Anyway, why do you care what he thinks?"
It seemed like Justin was peeved that he and Cody weren't partners, but also, he didn't seem to like Cody all that much, so it was a confusing situation. Justin Barnes seemed able to be off-putting even when he didn't mean to be. Now it seemed to be a mix of miscommunication and hard feelings.
Would Cody be right to walk away? Or should he try to salvage this work relationship and job? Only he could decide that. I wanted to be here for him whatever he chose.
He shared his notes with Justin like a real professional, but I could see the strain around his eyes as he described what he was getting from the crime scene. And while he wasn't called to the morgue, he knew it was a possibility for tomorrow, if there were any questions at all about the cause of death or anything else. What a thing to have hanging over your head!
But when he got off work for the day, he seemed cheerful enough. It had been a long day, but he still seemed energetic. Maybe it was just his naturally buoyant personality, but when he caught hold of my arm and leaned on me, he had almost a skip in his step. "Thanks," he whispered, intimately close. "It was nice having, well, a buffer."
"With Barnes?" I guessed.
"Well, him, everything. It was good to have you there, looking at me like you thought I was competent and—I don't know. Supporting me." His voice was warm, soft with embarrassment.
"Of course you're competent. I'm sure everyone who works with you knows that. But I'm glad I could come along, that you were able to work it out. I hope it wasn't too disruptive."
"No, it wasn't. I'm not sorry you told Justin the truth, not if he was thinking something even weirder."
I looked at him.
"I mean, not that it's weird to have a mate—but it's weird to...well...to not be certain. Everyone always seems so certain. And I guess I always feel a little funny trying to explain shifter stuff to outsiders, especially anything to Justin. Though he ought to know already, since he's married to a shifter."
I hadn't gotten much out of Riley, Justin's husband, when I'd been evaluating the precinct. He hadn't had much to say. But I'd read his file and talked with his partner. He had appropriate accommodations for his work needs, which were slightly higher than most other shifters' needs. As long as everyone understood that and respected it, that was fine.
It was hard to imagine the rather formidable Justin being married to such a gentle and nervous guy, though. I'd have thought Riley and Tomas were in a relationship if I hadn't been informed otherwise—simply because they seemed close, and it wasn't exactly rare for partners in the organization to be dating each other. You can't work that closely with someone, paired mostly for your chemistry, without the thought at least coming up, assuming you're attracted to each other. Jack was straight, and I wasn't, so it wasn't a situation in our case, but I knew very well if I were a woman, or he'd been into guys, we'd definitely have considered it. It was just such a close relationship already, it wasn't hard for some people to take the step further and make it an intimate one, too.
But you can't always tell about people, no matter how much you pride yourself on a working gaydar. It was good I hadn't said the wrong thing aloud and let anyone know I thought Tomas and Riley were dating.
"Justin doesn't wish I was his partner," said Cody, unprompted. "He might be mad he doesn't have a partner, but he doesn't wish it was me. I'm too soft and flighty for him to like me."
"He's married to Riley," I pointed out. "He can't dislike softhearted men too much."
Cody snorted. "He finds me irritating as hell."
I had my doubts, but it was not my business. I kept my mouth shut.
He sighed. "I can almost feel you thinking, does he want to quit his job yet or what? But if I knew, I wouldn't keep going back and forth about it."
"I wasn't thinking that at all," I assured him. "I hope you'll do what's right for you. It really is your decision, and I'm not in a hurry for you to make it." It sounded like the right thing to say, but I was surprised to realize there wasn't even a hint of just being nice to my words. I really meant it: I wasn't worried about what he'd eventually decide, and I wasn't in a hurry.
He glanced at me. "There are days I hate it more than anything, and days, like today, when it's okay. Maybe because you were there." He sighed again, leaning on me. "I don't want to go over and over it in my head anymore right now. Let's go get a drink."
I swallowed hard. I hadn't told him? Had I forgotten, or was I subconsciously avoiding the topic? I really thought I'd told him. "Um, we can go if you want. But it will have to be non-alcoholic for me. I don't drink."
"Oh. I didn't know. No, we don't need to go anywhere. Let's just go home."
I sighed quietly. "I don't want to keep you from doing something fun. But the truth is, I'm not that comfortable at bars anymore. After Jack died, I went a little too far into the bottle, and decided it was better for me to stop altogether. Now it's just associated with a sad time in my life."
"We've still got a lot to learn about each other, don't we?" He sounded a little sad, but his hand rubbing my arm felt warm and comforting. "Thanks for telling me. I don't want to get you to do something that makes you uncomfortable. Most of the time, I can take partying or leave it, but it's hard to socialize in this city without drinking, so that's usually where I meet people. Not that I'm looking anymore," he added. "And, well, sometimes a stiff drink is the only way to get my brain to shut up. Or a stiff something else. Maybe that would be a better option tonight." He gave me a hopeful little eyebrow waggle.
I don't know why I was blushing so hard. All he'd done was suggest we have sex instead of going to a bar—a plan I was completely up for. The guy just stunned me sometimes, with how completely, effortlessly sensual he was. And aimed towards me, it was flabbergasting.
"Okay," I managed, because he was still looking at me, like my answer had ever been in doubt. "Sounds good."
"Good." His smile brightened, and we headed back to his place.
I wondered if he realized what he'd just said, though. We were going home—and he wasn't looking for anyone anymore. He might not be sure if we were serious, but the things he said when he wasn't paying attention to them sure seemed like he was planning for the long term.
We were planning our lives together as if they were going to stick. We were going on the long haul together. Whatever we called it, whatever words we used, that seemed to be the plan. Yes, already.
And you know, why the hell not? Because life? It's too short not to take a second chance at living, really living. When I was with Cody, I wanted to live in the present and not the past anymore. I thought maybe Jack would be okay with that. Maybe he'd even tell me it was about time.
I wasn't going to point any of this out, though. To be honest, I didn't want to be overeager to put too many labels on this new relationship, to make it more serious than it needed to be. It was already plenty serious enough. No need to make him decide about something that, in the end, might not really matter.
I was serious about him. I thought we had real potential. But even if it turned out it wasn't that level of serious for him, well, so what? I'd still be glad to date him and see where this went.