He decided he was the bastard he felt like. He held her while she cried. No matter how much her tears shredded him. He was going to hold her for as long as she needed him to. No matter what he did or how he tried to spin it in his head, every tear she cried was his fault since the day they’d met.
He wasn’t stupid enough not to learn his lesson the first time around. Trying to prevent himself from ever meeting her had turned out catastrophic. There was something huge in this he was missing. Which brought him back to Caleb and his mysterious need for Bryna to bake him cookies. There was no way she’d learn to bake in this time line, but it was possible she learned to do it in another, possibly one where Vincent lived. But saving himself still went against Felix’s number one rule. He tried to shake off the hope. Just as soon as she was done falling apart yet one more time because of him, he’d summon Caleb, and go have a talk with this Andy guy.
He really didn’t like the surge of jealousy that she’d found a guy friend she depended on when a supernatural crisis hit. This was his specialty, and she should have been able to call on him.
“You’re shaking the room,” she murmured between hiccups. She sniffled a few times and then looked up at him. “So this is it? We really weren’t supposed to be together?”
If she could have asked any other question, he might not have felt like his chest was about to cave in. Love did a lot of things. It had saved the world hundreds of times. It was the closest thing two people living could get to Heaven. When it was real, it was destined. Their love had been real. It was still real. He swallowed hard and stooped down so they were closer to eye level. “That’s the worst part, babe. We were—are—in love. That doesn’t get any more destined than that, but death is what it is.”
Her face crumpled as she looked down and picked at her pinky finger. “Then don’t be dead.”
He ground his teeth together. “If I thought it might actually get you what you want, I would, but I can’t go back and save myself. It kind of defeats the point of death.”
She let out a huge sigh. “Fine.” She turned away from him. “I need to go get a shower and then get dressed. If something big is coming at me I should warn Andy. He gets pissy when evil things get past him.”
There she was talking about this Andy guy again. He wasn’t going to think about it. He’d assess the bastard, and if he could pass the inspection, maybe he’d think about doing something with it later. Much later. Like after he’d saved her life and she was ready to move on. Yeah. That would work. Just as soon as he could convince himself to let some other man love her.
“Are you okay?”
“Fine,” he snapped. “Get dressed. Don’t we have an ex-boyfriend to scare the living hell out of?”
Her brow arched up in that way it did when he was being an ass, but he didn’t care. She was going to get to move on and find someone else to go into forever with. It pissed him off. He arched a brow right back at her. “Shower. I only have so much time I can devote to these things.”
*
Bryna huffed off. She still wasn’t sure how well she was processing any of this. She’d had sex with a perfect stranger, only he was her dead soul mate, and he wasn’t going to be staying, because he was dead. She got into the bathroom and stripped down to nothing, kicked his shirt into the hall, and slammed the door before she turned on the water.
Maybe there was a chance she hadn’t killed him. Okay. So there was a large probability. This was good. This was very good. Tears stung her eyes as she stepped under the spray of lukewarm water. This was very bad. If she hadn’t killed him, then she’d turned herself into a cheap piece of garbage for nothing.
She decided instead of being angry with herself, she was going to be angry with Vincent. That would fit. He should have told her before she aged ten years that it wasn’t her fault! Maybe it wasn’t his fault. There was this Felix guy he talked about that she still had no clue about. She hated being confused, and that she was going to blame on Vincent. What the hell had he been thinking? Letting them have sex like that?
Her brain was about to threaten a meltdown, so she shoved it all out of her head and decided to focus on what needed to be done.
Her talk with Shawn was important. No matter what Vincent said, she couldn’t let everyone go around thinking of him as a vampire. It was more wrong now because apparently they were the ones who’d killed him.
See? She was doing it again. Things were spinning in her head when she needed to be figuring things out. She shut off the water and squeegeed as much water off as possible and then squeezed it out of her hair. She grabbed the towel on the bar and glared at the door.
He was prowling out there. She didn’t have to see him to know what he was doing.
After wrapping the towel around herself she squared her shoulders and pulled the door open.
The man took her breath away as he paced the length of the hall. He’d abandoned the damn cloak. He had on what looked like fatigues with some kind of form-fitting shirt that just made him yummier than he’d been when they were kids.
She glared at him in reaction to her budding arousal. “You should put your cloak back on.”
He snapped around and stared at her for a full ten seconds before his head dropped back and he let out a roar of laugher. “Right, sunshine, that’s just going to make the mad need go away.”
His eyes moved over her like a hungry wolf. She pulled her towel tighter around her even as her body shivered under the heated stare. “Probably not, but at least then I don’t have to look at your gorgeous physique.” She snorted at herself for letting the comment slip out. “I need to get dressed. I have a lot to do today. I’ve got to stop at Shawn’s, and then we need to see Andy, and after that I have to—” She stopped talking and brushed past him. She was not going to tell him she spent his birthdays at his grave. “Next time have the decency not to show up on your birthday. It screws with my plans.”
*
Vincent cocked his head as he watched her walk away from him. But damn had he messed up by dying. If only he could get past the whole pissing off Felix part, he might consider going back to save his own life. It would be beneficial for Bryna, after all. He shook his head and followed her into the bedroom. His hands fisted at his side, and he forced himself to lean casually against the door as he watched her get dressed. “What plans am I ruining?”
She scrunched up the material of a tiny tee that would highlight every upper curve she had. He wasn’t about to look away while she stretched the shirt collar to pull it over her head.
Her eyes rolled. “You tell me, since you’ve already done this before.”
His brow shot up. Oh damn. Yeah, there was that whole visiting his grave thing. “I’m right here for you to say whatever you think you need to say.”
“Don’t.” She yanked her shirt down over her body and rounded on him. “You’ve been gone for ten years! How the hell am I supposed to tell you everything when you’re going to leave again?” Her face went stricken. She closed her eyes and took several deep breaths before she met his gaze again. “I love you. I’ll always love you. I don’t know how to do any of this without you.”
Her face crumpled, and Vincent had his arms around her a heartbeat later. He used the pad of his thumb to brush away the tear. “One thing at a time, sunshine. We’ll get you through this.”
Only, he was beginning to understand neither of them would ever be okay without the other.
* * * *
Bryna hadn’t expected to find Shawn at home. Nope, he’d be at the coffee shop where he ate breakfast and wrote his rough drafts. The sequel of that travesty of a book he already had out was due within the next year. She wasn’t sure she could do much about it, but she had to do something to let the idiot know how much he disgusted her. She drew in a deep breath and looked up at Vincent. “I think I’m just going to tell him off, and then we can go give Andy the heads-up.”
Vincent gave her that arched-brow look. His sienna eyes moved over her before he snorted. “What the hell fun is it to come back from the dead if I can’t use it to scare a little common sense into your ex-boyfriend?”
She winced and then moved toward the door. “Because there is a very real possibility if I tell him you are Vincent, he’ll have me locked up in a mental hospital.”
He sighed dramatically. “Let’s just go talk to him.”
Bryna was sure Vincent meeting Shawn was going have catastrophic consequences, but she’d started this. Hell, when Vincent had been alive he’d never been able to let something go if it upset her. She squared her shoulders as they got inside the café. “Just don’t try to hit him or anything, okay? If a demon really is after me, I kind of need you here with me.”
He winked at her. “No worries, sunshine. I exist solely to keep you safe.”
Her eyes rolled, and then she spotted Shawn in his favorite booth. A pretty brunette who kept obnoxiously giggling sat across from him.
“Him?” Vincent said over her shoulder. His tone was incredulous. “That’s the guy you thought was going to make everything all better?”
See? She knew this was going to be bad. Sure, Shawn didn’t have that dark, brooding, demon slayer thing going for him, but not many men alive could pull that off well. There was Andy, but she’d never thought of Andy in those terms. Besides, Shawn was a book geek and had the physique to match. Sandy, unkempt hair, black-rimmed glasses, a slight build, and below average height. In short, he was Vincent’s exact opposite.
She ignored the bimbo sitting across from Shawn when she got to the booth and dropped the book she’d purchased the night before on the table in front of him. “I want my money back for this garbage.”
The woman jumped. Shawn startled. He let out a decidedly feminine squeak, and then gave her his annoyed look. “I figured you’d show up sooner or later. Look, this story has nothing to do with you and your dead boyfriend.”
Bryna opened her mouth to retort, but Vincent beat her to it.
“Only, he’s standing right here,” he said in mock surprise. “And he doesn’t like being turned into an undead asshole.”
Shawn’s eyes widened as he slowly turned in the booth. He blinked and looked up, and then up again. “She said you were dead.”
“I’m standing here, aren’t I?”
Shawn scooted back on the seat and pressed his back up against the wall. “How do I know she didn’t put you up to saying this?”
*
Vincent leaned down and put his face right in Shawn’s. It wasn’t that he cared about being turned into a fictional vampire, because he didn’t. It had everything to do with how upset it made Bryna. No matter how much he was supposed to let go of his life before he’d ever be able to find a favorable judgment, he couldn’t forsake anything that would make her life easier. He let the ethereal glow of power flow through him and illuminate his eyes. “Listen, asshole, I was murdered by a vampire. I’ve been sent back to fix all the mistakes in Bryna’s life.” He paused and waited a beat for Felix to show up and strike him down for the blatant lie, but when his boss didn’t materialize, he continued. “Guess what you classify as?”
Shawn whimpered and tried to scramble back further only to end up smacking his head off the wall. He whimpered again. “Hey, man, vampires are hot in fiction. Her story sparked an idea. I wasn’t trying to do nothing wrong, honest!”
Vincent was quiet for a moment as he decided how to make this better for Bryna. The book was already published and already a bestseller. The cat couldn’t be put back into the bag. “How close to Bryna is your main character?”
Shawn winced.
Vincent nodded. “I thought so. This is what you’re going to do.” He sat down in the booth next to Shawn and gave a wide grin. “You’re going to finish your series and every bit of profit you make from each book sold will go toward the charity you’re going to create.”
Shawn’s voice trembled. “And which charity is that?”
Vincent’s eyes moved to Bryna and then back to Shawn. “One that helps people overcome and recover from tragic life events.” He patted the other man on the shoulder. “I’ll leave the logistics to you, but know that I can and I will check up on you to make sure you’ve done it. If it’s not a fully functioning charity by my next birthday, you’ll get to meet a real vampire.” Then his hand curled around the base of Shawn’s skull and he transferred the image of what real vampires were.
Shawn shrieked as Vincent let him go. Vincent got out of the booth and wrapped his hand around Bryna’s. He gave a cheerful smile. “You can write about this, if you want.” He nodded to the wide-eyed brunette in the booth across from Shawn, and then tugged Bryna into motion. “Did you want one of those death by chocolate drinks you used to like so much?”
She blinked twice at him with total confusion.
He shrugged and led her out of the café. By the time they got to the car she was sputtering. “What the hell did you just do?”
“Scared the ever-loving hell out of him and made something good come out of our ordeal.”
Bryna snapped her mouth shut, she studied him for a long moment before letting out a breath. “Why did you pause?”
Vincent opened the driver’s side door for her. “I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did,” she said as she sat down and fished her keys out of her purse. “When you said you were fixing my life. For a second it looked like you were expecting to be hit by lightning. Why?” She started the car and waited for him to get in. After drumming her fingers on the steering wheel for a moment, she turned and looked at him. “You’re not supposed to be fixing my life, are you?”
“I’m supposed to protect you. Felix doesn’t like us lying if we don’t absolutely have to.” He glanced up, hoping the lightning strike wouldn’t come. Those hurt.
Her brow furrowed. “What exactly did this Felix tell you to do with me?”
“The assignment is to protect you.” He wanted his assignment to be going back and saving his own life, but it went against the rules. It was Felix’s number one rule. The one rule if broken that could get him sent to Hell without judgment.
“And you’re not happy about that?” Her tone bordered on hurt.
“Let’s just go talk with this Andy guy. I’m not sure I need to share my confusion right now.” And he didn’t, not until he figured out how to save her life.
“You don’t want me safe?”
Vincent closed his eyes and slumped back against the seat. No, he didn’t want to save her life. If he could keep the demon from yanking her into Oblivion, he’d be able to be with Bryna forever if she was dead. There was one couple who stayed together after death and fought evil together. It wasn’t an impossible dream—improbable, yes, but not impossible. Still, she deserved a chance at life. It didn’t matter if it was a chance he’d never get. Her needs and what was best for her should be paramount, but he was quickly starting to see the logic in Bryna’s death wish. He let out a growling huff and looked at her. “I want you with me, Bryna, but that’s not how this is supposed to work, so yeah, I want to keep you safe.”
Her teeth tugged at her bottom lip as she pulled out of the parking space and headed for the main drag. She shook her head while she waited for the light to turn green and then laughed quietly. “So if you could find a way to make my death okay for your higher-up, you’d let me keel over without lifting a finger?”
She was making fun of him. “I will do everything I need to do to protect you, Bryna, no matter what Felix wants or doesn’t want, but your track record for dying is pretty high.”
She stomped on the brake and turned to give him a look. “You’d be happy if I died?”
He rubbed at his temples. When was the last time he got a headache? Probably when he’d been alive. He growled at himself and then sighed. “Actually, we shouldn’t be having this conversation. You’re supposed to live, and what I want doesn’t factor into this.”
“But it would make you happy?” she demanded while ignoring the honking behind them.
“No. Your death would not make me happy.” And it wouldn’t, at least he didn’t think it would. He didn’t want her dead; he wanted her with him. That was the big difference.
Her brow winged up before she shook her head and started driving again. “You’re not very convincing.”
“What the hell do you want from me?” he said in an almost whining tone, so he cringed and muttered, “Damn woman.”
But Bryna was giggling. “You’re not making this death wish any easier. Seriously, what happens if I die and the demon doesn’t drag me into Oblivion?”
Vincent’s eye twitched. What would happen? As far as he was able to tell, with each of Bryna’s deaths it left a very specific demon running around. Maybe it wasn’t her death he needed to prevent so much as it was keeping her soul protected from the demon. Making that kind of speculation wasn’t going to help either of them without concrete answers. For that he was going to have to seriously investigate Caleb’s need for oatmeal raisin cookies.
“I don’t know, sunshine, but I am gonna find out.”
* * * *
A fist connected with Vincent’s jaw the second Andy’s door opened. Vincent’s head snapped to the side. He rubbed at his cheek and turned a glare on the man glowering in the door. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
Zerek, another time walker and technically Vincent’s supervisor, crossed powerful arms over an equally powerful chest. “The better question is what are you doing here?”
“Andy?” Bryna said from behind Vincent. “What is wrong with you?”
Zerek’s face softened. His stance relaxed. “Giving this ass the greeting he deserves. What’s up, hot stuff?”
Bryna slipped between the two men before Vincent could lay into Zerek. “Y-you know Vincent?”
Zerek backed out of the door to let them inside his apartment. “You could say that. It’s death day, so, since you’re not at his grave, and he’s standing behind you, I’m taking it everything’s going to shit.”
This was more than odd. Vincent had known Zerek was a time walker, but he seemed to prefer to spend his time post-apocalypse instead of trying to do something to prevent it. “His name isn’t Andy.” He hooked his arm around Bryna before she could go inside.
Zerek let out a long side. “No, it’s not, but that’s how she knows me, moron. Get your ass inside before I kick it inside.”
Bryna patted Vincent’s hand. “I’ve known him almost as long as you’ve been dead. I think he’s the only reason I’m still alive today.” Bryna pulled out of Vincent’s grip and walked right over to Zerek. She poked the large man in the chest. “You ever hit him again, and I will hurt you so badly your grandchildren will feel it. Got it? And what’s your name?”
Zerek cocked his head, and then chuckled. “Zerek. So, Bryna, you’ve discovered your boyfriend is a time walker.”
“I guess. What is that exactly?” Bryna asked.
Zerek motioned for them to go sit on a thread-bare brown couch. “I’ll get some lunch. This might take a while.”
“No,” Bryna said. “You will tell me now.”
Vincent closed the door and nudged her toward the couch. “We’re a group of men and women who protect the world from things like demons and vampires.”
“And you have to be dead to do this?” Bryna demanded, still refusing to sit.
“Yes,” Vincent said as Zerek said, “No.”
Bryna made the motions of pulling her hair out. “Which is it?”
Zerek pressed his lips together and then let out a long sigh. “The two of you were supposed to figure this out on your own.” He lifted a glare at Vincent. “And you’re too goddamned goodie-goodie to be selfish enough to break fucking rules.”
“Hell.” It was the only comeback Vincent had for him. He didn’t relish the idea of fire and brimstone for the rest of eternity, and he didn’t think ending up there would help Bryna’s death wish.
Zerek shrugged. “It’s not as bad as it sounds. A little boring, if you ask me, but it’s a nice place to rest for a while.” He pointed to the couch. “Bryna, sit, and I am going to get you something to eat other than a goddamned pickle and a slice of cheese.”
Bryna sat, but if she could kill with a look Zerek would be dead. “You are making no sense. You can’t come back from Hell.”
He walked into the kitchenette, right off the main room of the studio apartment. “And people can’t come back from the dead. They can’t walk through time. And they can’t pulse energy to kill the undead. But it all happens, sweetheart, so you need to get used to the laws of physics being fucked over.”
Vincent rubbed at the back of his neck, sure this was more a lesson for him than having anything to do with Bryna. At least he knew why the vampires or demons had never flashed away with Bryna. With Zerek hanging around, they wouldn’t risk popping in where they could be killed, not to mention Bryna’s ability to pulse. “You’re alive?”
“Yep. The Argents are too. Time walkers aren’t exactly mortal, but you managed to get yourself in a bad situation when you let that vampire kill you. Please tell me he’s at least dead.”
“I killed him last night,” Vincent said. His life caused the apocalypse? But that wasn’t possible. “I’ve been dead for two hundred years.”
Zerek pulled everything needed to make a ham and cheese sandwich out of the refrigerator. “It took Felix ten years to figure out where the turning point was, and another one hundred and ninety to figure out who the key was to keep the world from going to shit.”
“It’s not Bryna, is it?”
Zerek made the sandwich in silence, and then brought it over to her on a folded paper towel. He set it down on a broken coffee table in front of Bryna and stepped up in front of Vincent. “There are a lot of people in the world who died on the day you did. Felix had a lot of shit to sort through. He kept trying to save Bryna’s life, but she kept doing stupid shit to be with you. Felix ran through every possible endgame scenario and the only one we don’t end up in a burnt-out husk of a world is the one where you didn’t get yourself killed.”
Bryna jumped up with a whoop of excitement. “I told you! I told you! Now you have to go back and save your life.”
“Eat,” Zerek snapped, he turned a glowing glare on Vincent. “And it’s not that fucking simple or one of us could have gone back in time and saved your ass when you were a kid. Once you cross the gates of Heaven or of Hell in spirit form, it’s game over.”
Vincent was sure Zerek was saying all of this just to make his brain hurt. “You were in Hell, apparently.”
“I had to go get someone for the guy higher up than Felix, but that’s entirely beside the point.” He took to pacing the length of the dilapidated coffee table. “If you’d have crossed either of those gates, we’d lose the chance to bring you back. A living time walker is a hell of lot more useful than a dead one. You can pulse and kill demons and shit all in the form you are in, but you’re not strong enough to snuff out a Hell Spawn, and that’s exactly what Draven is working for.”
“Hell Spawn?” Vincent felt like he was that almost eighteen-year-old kid again sitting in Felix’s office trying to come to terms with his death, and the possibility Bryna had betrayed him. “Why am I just hearing about this now?”
Zerek slapped a hand on his face and dragged it down before letting out a huff. “Because if you’re supposed to be dead, then you need to get rid of your damn baggage to cross the pearly gates, but since you’re not, having you cross those gates would be very bad for humans, and for your girl there.”
Vincent looked down at Bryna. She hadn’t touched her sandwich, but Vincent could have predicted that. She didn’t like ham. He drew in a controlled breath and let it out slowly. “I am missing something else. It’s not all adding up. Bryna has a powerful pulse. Can’t she kill this Hell Spawn?”
“Bryna pulsed the night you died, yes, but so did you. She took out the two vampires next to her. The rest would have killed her, but you also pulsed. Everything undead in that clearing was gone. Have you been able to achieve that kind of pulse again?”
Vincent leaned against the wall and slid down it until he was sitting on the olive-green shag carpet. “But the rule? How do I avoid Hell if I go back to save my own life?”
“Finally,” Zerek said. He picked up the sandwich and handed it to Bryna. “I don’t care if you don’t like it. Eat.”
She scowled at him. “Finally, what?”
“Eat and I will tell you.”
*
Bryna never ate a horrid ham sandwich so fast in her life. “Now, make sense. Why did we have to figure out this out ourselves?”
Andy—or she guessed his real name was Zerek—shook his head and sat next to her on the couch. “Vincent is the Wraith, and a lot of vampires and demons and you name it will be after him and you. He’ll need to retain his memories if either of you have a hope to live past your eighteenth birthday. They know how to get to him, and it’s always been through you.”
“That’s why I wasn’t allowed to know about her,” Vincent said. Anger pulsed around him as he shoved up to his feet. “You’re so full of shit. Felix let her suffer for fucking two hundred goddamned years because he wanted me good and ready to fight for him.”
“Vincent,” Bryna said in a soft tone as she moved over to him. “Does it matter now? It’s not like we can change it, but we can save you. We can save us, and you will have the knowledge and power needed to keep this from happening to us again.”
“Her memories,” Zerek said softly. “All of them would return to her.”
“No,” Vincent snapped. “Then I fucking stay dead.”
“Vincent.” Now that she had all of his attention, she had no idea how she was supposed to calm him down and make him see reason. Life, all life, went to hell without him, and he needed to get that through his thick skull. “I’ll be okay.”
“No,” he snapped. “I thought you killed me. Do you want to relive that? Knowing I thought you killed me?”
She felt like she’d been punched in the gut. She sat on the coffee table, and then stood right back up when it moaned under her slight weight. She sat on the floor instead, and tried to catch her breath. She’d thought she’d killed him, too. Would it matter? Did it matter? She dropped her head back to look all the way up at him.
Self-loathing and misery marred his beautiful scarred face.
She thought back to that night. She’d seen his eyes when he saw her with a vampire sucking on her throat, and a beer can in her hand. She’d known it then. He’d thought she’d been cheating on him, but he’d still fought Draven. According to Zerek, he’d pulsed to save her life. That was what she had to hold onto, or she’d go mental. She was going to get her Vincent back. It didn’t matter how screwed up they were before this point. She forced herself up to her feet and placed her hand over his heart. “You thought I betrayed you, and you still saved my life and died in my place.” Tears burned in her eyes. How she ever managed to win that kind of love from anyone, she couldn’t say, but now it was her turn to save him. Damn it. She was going to do it. Vincent always gave her want she wanted. There was no reason to believe he’d be different now. “I want to meet Felix.”