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This place is...not what I expected.
Sure, it’s full of bikers, and bikes, and music and a few half naked girls getting around. But, it’s no way near as terrifying as I thought it would be. It’s actually kind of cool. Big sheds surrounded by large fences, all the bikes lined up out the front, the main house filled with pool tables and even a bar, as well as rooms and an office, which Scarlett tells me is where Malakai runs the show.
Those were her words, not mine.
I’ve met their partners now, and oh boy, they’re all just as nice as the rest. I recall Malakai and Koda from the first night Slater came to my house, and they’re both as nice to me now as they were then. The girls are more than smitten with them, and it would appear the feeling is mutual.
Slater isn’t here yet, Malakai told me he’s fighting. Scarlett mentioned something about Lincoln running some sort of underground fighting ring as well as his garage. They make a lot of money, but they also make a lot of enemies. Also Scarlett’s words, and not mine. I did know they had something like that going on, but it isn’t my business so I like to stay out of it.
But I didn’t know Slater fought.
Why would he fight?
Money?
Anger?
Some other reason?
Charlie told me Scarlett wasn’t supposed to tell me that, so I’m not supposed to say anything. I wasn’t planning on running up to him and asking him how his fight went, but, I guess I would like to know what purpose he has for doing something like that.
And praying the answer is not me.
“Do you want another drink?” Charlie asks me.
I shake my head. “No, I’m okay still, thanks though.”
“How do you like the club?”
“I think it’s great.”
She smiles.
We’re all sitting around a fire, just talking and drinking. It’s kind of nice.
“Yeah, it really is. I wasn’t overly impressed when I first got thrown into it, but I must admit they saved my ass, so I owe them a lot,” she tells me.
“Your dad?”
She nods. “They got me out of that hell, which is why I know they’ll get you out of yours. My dad was an incredibly powerful man, so powerful he put a hit out on his own daughter. They saved me, more or less.”
Wow.
That’s...terrifying.
“That’s awful,” I say, scrunching up my nose. “Your dad is...ah...was...a truly horrible man.”
And I’d know.
That is one name I’ll never forget.
Shanks.
Benjamin Masters.
“Yeah,” she says, and her face falls just a little. “I guess we’ve both lived with the scars of Benjamin Masters, huh?”
I nod, but then smile and change the subject, “Have you and Koda been together long?”
She shakes her head. “Not really, but he’s the one, you know? I couldn’t imagine my life without him.”
That’s sweet.
And an ache in my heart reminds me that’s the kind of love I want. The kind of safety. The kind of peaceful life free of chains.
Is Slater that person for me?
Or is there someone else out there?
“How do you like working at the bakery?” Amalie asks, smiling over at me.
“I love it, though I’m mostly out back now until the danger is gone. Still, I’m learning all Erin’s secrets, so I can’t complain.”
I smile at Erin and she laughs. “Yeah, she’ll be running the show in no time. I won’t be needed, I’ll just have to come over here and stare at all these bikers all day long, wallowing until one of them snaps me up.”
Everyone laughs.
“I’m sure there are one or two who would happily snap you up,” Saskia grins, wiggling her brows. “Throw a little sass their way, and watch them come running.”
“You ladies stole all the handsome ones, it’s unfair.”
“They’re not the only men who have it going, you could always feast your eyes on the heaven sticks that just walked in,” Chantelle grins, rubbing her small baby bump, and nodding over Erin’s shoulder.
We turn and see all the Knight brothers walking into the compound. Lincoln and Slater up front, both wearing dark shirts and faded denim jeans with big heavy boots. Slater has his club jacket on. Finn and Damon are strolling in behind. Damon is laughing about something and Finn is rolling his eyes, and for a second, just a single second, I could swear I’ve seen this exact picture before.
Such a strong sense of dejavu washes over me that I don’t realize I’m staring until I blink and see Slater’s eyes locked on mine. I flush and look away quickly.
“Good lord Ellie,” Charlie breathes. “The way that man looks at you makes my knees weak.”
“Right,” Scarlett nods, wiggling her brows. “Totally swoon worthy.”
I laugh, but it’s nervous and a little school girlish.
“That Lincoln, though,” Erin says, her voice breathy. “Holy lord.”
“I have to agree with you there, girl,” Saskia nods enthusiastically, “He’s my favorite too.”
“Good lord,” Chantelle laughs. “It’s like you’re a pack of hungry toddlers and those men are candy.”
“Honey,” Saskia shrugs. “They are candy. And stop acting innocent just because you’re all married up.”
Chantelle grins, and rubs her belly again. “You’re right, back when I was cool, I would be drooling over them, too.”
Saskia laughs, and then looks to me, “Slater is on his way over here. If you want to make a quick retreat, now would be the time...”
My face flushes and my skin prickles. He’s coming over here? What is he coming over here for? To say hello? To demand if I remember anything? There has to be a reason. And I’m not sure I can handle it yet, already my heart is racing and my skin is tingling. Nerves flash through my body a hundred mile an hour, and I’m terrified of not knowing what to say or do.
“Can we go for a walk?” I say to Erin quickly.
Scarlett is the first to click on, even before Erin does. She’s crafty like that. “Girl, let me show you Maverick’s bike! Do you like bikes?”
So damned grateful to her, I nod and stand, rushing away with her before Slater can reach us. Truth is, I actually don’t like bikes. I’m not entirely sure why exactly, I just don’t like them, maybe they scare me? Who knows. But I’ve never felt the need to be on the back of one, so I’m in awe of these girls, always getting around with their men on the bikes.
“You okay?” Scarlett asks as we disappear closer to the sheds, where all the bikes are, leaving the fire and Slater behind.
“Yeah,” I say, exhaling. “I don’t like running from him, it’s just...I don’t know what to say to him, you know? I know he’s hurting, and I really hate that I’m the reason he’s hurting, but I don’t want to make it worse by not remembering. To me, he’s a stranger, a familiar stranger, but a stranger all the same. I don’t know what to say to him...”
Scarlett and I sit on a few old chairs outside of the farthest shed, and she turns towards me just a little, “Have you asked a doctor about your memory loss?”
“No, but I’m going to. I know I was hit a lot, I have a lot of scars on my scalp, one behind my ear, and I was also fed a lot of drugs, so much so I spent a year withdrawing when he decided to stop them. My life is a hazy mess.”
“Do you have any memories from your life before, at all?”
I nod. “Yeah, some unclear ones from when I was a lot younger, but in the years just before he took me, it’s scattered, I see things, but not faces or people, I don’t remember names. Occasionally, I’ll have a dream, or a flash, but I don’t know if that’s real or if it isn’t. It’s frustrating, and part of me is terrified I’ll never get it back.”
“Do you,” she stares at me, narrowing her eyes as if to wonder if I’m going to take this well or not, “think it’s psychological? Like you’re suppressing your own memories?”
I’m not offended by her question.
I’ve googled a lot.
And trauma is a big cause for memory loss. The brains way of protecting itself. Combined with head injury and drugs, it’s not a wonder I’m having trouble.
“Yes, I have considered that. My time there...was a nightmare, to say the least.”
Scarlett looks sympathetic, and I don’t blame her, most people look at me like that. “I’m really sorry that happened to you, but I’m glad you’re here now. You’re one of us, even if you don’t remember your life before, to us, you’re now family because Slater is family, but also because we like you.”
I smile, because damned if that doesn’t mean the world to me. My chest warms and I reach out, grabbing her hand. “You have no idea how much that means to me, thank you.”
“We’re always here, okay? If you need anything. Now, I’m going to get up and leave, because he’s not going to stop following you around until he gets to talk to you, but I promise he won’t bite, if he does, I’ll murder him. Hey Slater.”
I spin around to see Slater standing against a motorcycle, watching us, cigarette in hand, looking so incredibly terrifying, and yet so damned handsome.
“Hey Scarlett,” he mutters. “And yeah, I don’t bite.”
Scarlett lets me go and smiles. “Yell out if he tries to bite, I’ve got a big stick.”
I laugh softly, and she disappears, leaving me alone with a man who terrifies me and yet at the same time, completely fascinates me and makes me feel a certain sense of safety that I haven’t felt in a long time. The kind of safety family brings, or a close friend. I just wish I could remember something about him, anything. Even one thing would make the world of difference.
“Terrible fuckin’ excuse you gave back there, wantin’ to look at the bikes.”
I stare at him. “What? I like bikes.”
He grunts. “You hate them. Always have. Always will.”
He...knows this?
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out, because, well, he’s right.
“Bought a bike home when you and I started datin’. Took you out front with my hands over your eyes, big romantic date planned, and when I uncovered your eyes, you looked at the bike, and you know what you said to me?”
I shake my head, because I don’t know, but I want to know, so I stare at him, eyes wide, waiting for him to finish his story.
“You said Slater Knight, I will not get on that death machine with you. You’re going to have to come up with something else, and fast, or this date isn’t going to happen.”
His mouth twitches a little as he remembers, and that makes my heart ache.
“You had your hands on your hips, ready to take me down if I argued with you.”
I stare at him, and then smile just a little. “Well, they are like throwing yourself into a bus. There is nothing protecting you. Nothing to keep you safe...”
“Me.”
I shake my head. “Huh?”
“I’m the one who keeps you safe.”
Dammit.
I look away.
“Heard what you and Scarlett were talkin’ about. You goin’ to a doctor?”
I shrug. “I think I should.”
“Yeah,” he murmurs. “Think so, too.”
“Do you...do you think I’ll remember?”
He meets my eyes. “Fuckin’ hope so, darlin’.”
Darlin’.
The moment he says those words, a fuzzy picture skitters through my mind, so quickly it’s almost incomprehendable, but it’s there. I can’t see anything. Hell, I don’t even know what the memory is, but someone says those words to me. That someone being Slater, I’m sure of it. I shake my head and rub at my eyes, frustrated I can’t see it clearly, it’s almost like a fuzzy movie on repeat, and you’re squinting trying to make out the pictures.
“You okay?” he asks me.
“Ah, yeah. I...yeah.”
I stand up, overwhelmed. “I’m not feeling well, I’m going to go. It was nice talking to you, Slater.”
A flash of disappointment flitters across his face, and I’m not sure what did it, but it makes my heart hurt even more.
I shouldn’t be here, making things worse for him.
He’s already suffering enough. Already broken. Already wishing he could have me back. His life back. Anything back.
“Ellie,” he says, when I start walking off.
I turn and stare at him.
“I’ll never stop trying.”
And that just breaks my heart even more.
~*~*~*~
