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The debt is nearly paid.
Six months I’ve been working to clear Lincoln’s name, and earn back what he took. I have three jobs left, and then Walter has agreed to let me go, clearing us both. Between working and doing this, my relationship with Ellie has become strained. I don’t see her as much as I want, and I just wait for the moment I’m cleared of this, so I can make it up to her, because I don’t want to lose her.
I can’t lose her.
Fuck, she’s everything to me.
I’ve just finished up with another deal, and am heading home. It’s past midnight, and I don’t expect anyone to be awake, but when I arrive, Lincoln is sitting on the front steps, staring at some papers in his hands. I get out of my truck, not liking how he looks right now. He looks worn, exhausted. Like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders, and he simply can’t take it anymore.
“Whatever has that look on your face, it ain’t good,” I mutter when I reach him.
He looks up. “That’s because it ain’t good, brother.”
“What’s goin’ on?”
He exhales, and shoves a piece of paper at me. I stare at it, and the big red sign stamped on the front. Final notice. For our mortgage.
I knew we were struggling, I knew this, but I didn’t know we were struggling like this.
“What is this?” I ask, staring at him, already knowing the answer.
“It’s exactly what it looks like, Slater. They’re going to take our house, because I don’t have the fuckin’ money to pay our mortgage, and I haven’t been for months.”
What.
The.
Fuck.
I don’t understand. If there was a problem with cash flow, to this extreme, why in the hell didn’t he tell me?
“What the fuck, Lincoln?” I say, shoving the paper back at him. “Seriously? What the actual fuck? Why the hell isn’t it getting paid? You told me we were scraping by, barely, but we were. If the mortgage wasn’t getting paid, why in the hell didn’t you tell me?”
“Because, Slater,” he roars, “You are already fuckin’ dealin’ with my last issue. Wasn’t about to tell you we had another one.”
“So you let it go?” I roar back, reaching up and grabbing my hair with my hands, frustration, anger and panic bubbling in my chest. “You just let it fuckin’ get this bad!”
“I thought I could find the money before everything fell apart, I had a few big jobs lined up, and they just fuckin’ fell through. I don’t have the god damned cash and I don’t need you reminding me how badly I’ve fucked up!”
“You’ve fucked up alright, I’m out here fixin’ your last fuckin’ screw up and you just gave me another one. You’re the man of this house, at least that’s what you continue to remind me, and yet I’m the one keepin’ us together.”
“You want to keep goin’, Slater?” he says, voice defeated. “Or you goin’ to help me figure out what the fuck we’re goin’ to do about this.”
“How long have we got?” I say through gritted teeth.
“Thirty days.”
“Thirty fuckin’ days to pay this amount of cash?”
I rub my face again, shaking my head. “For a smart man, Lincoln, you’re really lettin’ us all down. You using?”
I study him, trying to scan his face, to see if there is a reason he’s letting everything slip so heavily. I never considered maybe he’s using. Maybe that’s the problem here, he got addicted when he was working for Walter. Would make sense. After all, it’s pretty freely accessible when you’re dealing with it daily.
“What the fuck did you just say to me?”
Lincoln stands, and when he’s upright, we’re basically nose to nose.
“I said, are you using? Can’t figure out what other fuckin’ reason you’d have for screwing up so badly.”
His fist flies out, unexpectedly, and smashes into my face. Rage and fire and frustration explode and my hand goes flying, my fist connecting with his jaw. Then his whole body weight is on mine, and we’re toppling backwards, fists flying, blood spraying, angry grunts filling the quiet night.
Lincoln rolls me to my back and pins me with his body weight, fists pummeling into my face over and over. With a furious roar, I flip him, slamming my hand into his throat. Panting, blood dripping, I look down at him and roar, “You’re a fuckin’ failure, Lincoln. Our family will drown because of you.”
“Stop it!”
Ellie’s frantic voice echoes through the yard, and I look up to see her standing beside Bob and Marlene, all of them looking at us with horror on their faces. I shove off Lincoln, and swipe my bloodied face with the back of my hand. My eyes go to the house, and I see Finn and Damon standing, watching us, horror and disappointment written all over their faces.
“What is wrong with you two?” Ellie cries when she reaches us. “What in the name of God would drive you to this?”
“None of your business,” I snap stepping back as Lincoln stands.
His face is pretty busted up, no doubt mine is, too.
“I’m outta here,” he growls, and disappears to his truck, jumping in and driving off before anyone can say anything else.
I look to Ellie, still panting, fists burning from hitting him so many times.
“What is wrong with you, Slater?” she says, her voice disappointed.
“Nothin’ is wrong. He started it.”
She exhales. “I’m going to take you inside, and clean you up, and we’re going to talk about this. I’ll go and get my first aid kit, yours sucks. I’ll be back.”
She turns without another word and disappears back to her house. I turn and walk up our front steps, stopping when I reach Damon and Finn.
“The house is getting taken from us?” Damon says, his voice monotone.
“No, I won’t let that happen.”
“Already know you’re doin’ somethin’ dangerous to get Lincoln out of the shit,” Finn growls. “Don’t lie to us.”
“Not your concern, Finn.”
“It is my fucking concern if we end up in a Foster home because you two fucked up. Our whole existence rides on you and Lincoln. We rely on you. And all we can fucking see right now, is both of you failing. How are we supposed to feel like we’re safe, when all you two do is fight? I’m out.”
He storms past me, and I turn, barking out his name.
He doesn’t stop.
He disappears down the road.
I look at Damon, who shakes his head sadly. “He’s right, Slater. This is out of hand now. It’s okay for you two, you can work, live on your own. We’re not old enough for that yet, which means we’re fucked if anything goes wrong. Think about that.”
He turns and walks back inside. I exhale, swiping at the dripping blood again, and walk in, too.
Ellie arrives ten minutes later with everything she needs to clean me up. We sit in the living area, and she starts wiping the blood from my face. I can see she’s pissed, and it’s even worse because she isn’t saying anything. She’s just focused on her job, and what she’s doing, and nothing else is going to get in the way.
So I speak.
“I’m sorry, Ellie,” I say, my voice raspy and tired.
“Sorry for what, Slater? For getting into it with Lincoln, or for being a shitty boyfriend. Because you’re doing a fantastic job at both right now.”
“Fuck me,” I mutter. “Why don’t you just jump right in?”
She stops wiping the blood from my face. “I’ve seen you twice in the last week. If you think I don’t know something is going on, then you underestimate me. Are you going to tell me what it is, or should I guess?”
“Nothin’ is goin’ on, Ellie. I’m working.”
“Liar,” she spits, dropping the cloth. “You’re not working at all. I went into your work yesterday and they told me you weren’t in today. So where in the hell were you, Slater Knight? Because I’m not stupid, I know exactly what it is you’re doing...”
“And what is that?” I bark.
“Who is she?”
I blink, stunned, and then shake my head. “What?”
“I said who is she?” Ellie cries, throwing her hands up. “You think I don’t know that you’re cheating on me?”
“I’m not fuckin’ cheating on you, Ellie,” I growl. “I’m not that kind of man. I can’t believe you think I am.”
“Then what in the hell are you doing? Because whatever it is. You’re keeping it from me, because you know I won’t like it.”
“It’s better if you don’t know. It’ll all be fine soon, I promise.”
She shakes her head, looking at me with those disappointed eyes.
“I never thought you’d keep anything from me...”
“You just have to trust me.”
“Trust you?” she screams. “I barely fucking see you. You won’t tell me where you are. Who you’re with. And you want me to trust you? No. Slater. That isn’t how it works. I’m your girlfriend, though you seem to have forgotten that lately. I don’t deserve this!”
She turns and storms out the door.
I watch her go, no words leaving my mouth.
I’m not only stunned that she swore at me, because I’ve never heard her swear, but that she walked out on me.
And I know I deserve it.
I am lying to her.
But I’m doing it because I want to keep her safe. Because I don’t want anything to happen to her. Because I love her so damned much it hurts.
But how in the hell do I tell her that?