As Lily Ana walks down darkening Boulevard de Grand Case, the gilded cross at the pinnacle of the cathedral flashes in the setting sun like a beacon. Across the street is the parsonage of Father Cornelius. Bernadette, his housekeeper, opens the door and looks through the screen. After exchanging polite greetings, Lily Ana pulls her fanny-pack to the front and unzips it.
“This is for Father Cornelius for…” Bernadette cracks the screen door open and Lily Ana hands an envelope through. “Tell him it is from Lily Ana; he’ll know what it’s for.”
“Lily Ana? Is that you?” Father Cornelius’s voice from inside. “Come in, come in. Greet a lonely old man.”
Bernadette grins and steps aside. The priest struggles out of a recliner and props forward on a cane as Lily Ana curtsies. Jesus looks over his shoulder from a portrait on the wall, His face welcoming.
“Father, I have brought—”
“I know what you brought. It isn’t necessary.”
“It is necessary for me, Father.”
“Bernadette, go in the kitchen and close your eyes.” His arms extend towards Lily Ana. “If I hug this woman, you should not be a witness.”
Lily approaches and places her hands in his. His hands jerk with palsy. His collar, stiff with Bernadette’s starch, is rough against her skin when she kisses his cheeks.
“Tell me of Zuzu and the grandbabies. Such a beautiful family you have. And with you as their godmother, I know the children will be raised properly.”
Father Cornelius’s warmth floods over her and then the shame returns and her eyes blear.
“Sit and tell me why you have come.”
“To bring your money for the baptisms, a contribution—”
“You could have mailed that to me. There is something else.”
His eyes are kind but penetrating and insistent. She looks to the floor.
“Bernadette,” he talks loud at the open kitchen doorway, “Please bring us glasses of peach brandy.”
“We don’t have peach brandy,” Bernadette calls back.
“Please, before the store closes. Get money from my wallet.”
The back door closes behind Bernadette.
“Sit.” He crouches back toward the recliner and then falls in the seat. He pushes forward, hands propped on his cane to listen. “A confessional is such a bother, don’t you think, for a crippled old man anyway. Would you rather move your chair to face the wall?”
Lily Ana pulls a straight-backed chair in front of him, but cannot lift her eyes to meet his. “Father, forgive me, for I have sinned.”
“What sin could you possibly commit?”
Lily is quiet. He is patient.
“So many. Every day I sin.”
“Can you name them? It will be hard to forgive them if I don’t know what they are.”
“I have confessed to you already, Father. I am a bartender at a nudist colony. I know this is a sin and yet I continue. I slept with a man who was not my husband, who was married to my daughter. This too I knew was a sin, and yet I would do it again.”
She glances up, wanting to be chastised, but he is quiet. His irises are brown, lighter than his wrinkled black face; the whites are clear marble—young compassionate eyes.
“I confess but I am not repentant. My heart is full of sin. No need to tell me to go and sin no more, because I will, Father. I am doomed to Hell.”
“Faith is the only requirement for Heaven, Lily Ana, and I know you have faith. Everyone sins—that’s the nature of man. We are redeemed by God’s grace.”
Lily Ana’s head slumps forward and she hides her face in her hands. Tears fall onto the waxed linoleum in front of his house shoes. “Crying again. I’m sorry, Father. Why can’t I visit you without crying?” She wipes at her eyes with her sleeves. “What would Bernadette think if she came back right now?”
“Bernadette is at the café drinking coffee, waiting for you to leave. I hate peach brandy. It’s just my way of telling her to take a break.” He smiles. “My lie is a sin. I’ll bet I’ll sin again.”
Lily Ana returns his smile and then feels the moment of respite flicker away.
“God’s grace will save us,” he says.
“No. I’m not repentant. I should go to Hell. I want to go to Hell.”
Their subtle smiles, the priest and Jesus behind him, hide the contempt of spurned men. Their eyes bore into her. Her eyes clench shut and shame runs down her cheeks. The words, shooed from her thoughts for so long, have been said aloud, to a priest. With her teeter between Heaven and Hell now decided, she feels relieved.
“I don’t want us to be separated…not forever.”
“From Legion?”
“When it’s my time, I want to follow him. He’ll need me.”
“Did you know his heart? Everyman must find his own path. He may be in Purgatory. We should pray for his soul.”
“No, Father. Much of what he said I didn’t understand, but he was not a Christian. Hell for us both is the only way.”
“Lily Ana, think about what you are saying. You are a Christian and if you believe, you cannot go to Hell. Can you stop believing now? And what about your daughter and your grandchildren? Would Hell not separate you from them?”
“Yes, but…” Lily Ana interrupts then freezes with her mouth still open.
When she and Zuzu had met with Father Cornelius to arrange Bud and Nicki’s baptisms, Zuzu had shown Father Cornelius her marriage license and Bud’s birth certificate to confirm his parentage. Nicki’s birth certificate listed Legion and Betty as her parents. Betty’s power of attorney gave Zuzu authority to have her baptized.
God knows the truth, she decides, I’m going to Hell anyway, so there is no further harm in telling his disciple.
“Zuzu is not my daughter. Legion is not Bud’s father.”
Father Cornelius sits back in the recliner, puzzle on his face. Jesus in the picture behind continues a knowing smile.
“Zuzu was already pregnant when God brought her to Legion and me. The marriage was to make the birth seem legitimate. And Nicki is Legion’s illegitimate child by another woman. She is all I have left of Legion and I’d do anything for her. You wouldn’t have baptized the children if you knew; you wouldn’t have made me their godmother. I’m not repentant of these lies either.”
Father Cornelius stares at his hands buttressed atop his cane.
“Father, please tell me Zuzu and the children are saved—that they are safe. If they should die, surely God would take them in.”
“Lily Ana, Bud and Nicki are innocent of their parents’ sins. Now that they are baptized, rest assured they are within God’s fold. Zuzu and Legion were married in a civil ceremony so it was a lie to the government, not to God. However, tricking me and the Church into baptizing the children was a grievous sin. We should pray to God for forgiveness.”
“Don’t ask me to lie to God again, Father. I’d rather go to Hell.”
≈≈≈