| |
I panted as I sprinted into the sunroom with a Demi Lovato track blaring through my earbuds. I went out for a lovely morning jog on the trail near our home before the sun came up.
I took off my Nike sportswear jacket and laid it on the chair in the kitchen. It’s nearly seventy degrees out already, but I wore it to make sure my bandaged arm stayed covered. As I ran the trail, I didn’t want any of my snobby neighbors to think my husband beats me, nor did I want them to think I sliced my arm up because he wouldn’t come home. My appearance must, at all times, appear perfect no matter how messed up I really am on the inside.
All ninety-three stitches dissolved, but my cuts were still healing under my carefully wrapped, hidden bandages.
Just as I was toweling off my petite frame, I heard the front door open. “Hey, Katie.” It was Eric. When he laid his briefcase down, he came over and hugged me. Once I gave him a weak, one arm hug, I went over to the refrigerator.
He said, “No, I’m okay” when I asked if he wanted something to drink.
Since the day I cut myself up, Eric has been home a lot more. Lately, he’s been attentive to me and every one of my needs. He’s completely reverted to the man I fell in love with, but I’m not letting my guards down. Uh-huh, not this time.
That day when we were on the floor surrounded by the blood that was pouring from my arm, I begged him to tell me what goes on in his life when he leaves me; where does he go, what does he do? I asked him who else was out there waiting for him, but all I got was work.
“Katie, there is something I want to talk to you about.”
I took a seat at the island. “Okay . . . what is it, Eric?”
He took a few deep breaths. “Katie . . . Katie, I’ve been thinking about this for some time now. I want a baby. I think we’re ready.”
I instantly leaped up and wrapped my arms around him tight. I can’t remember the last time I held my husband this close. I was so excited as I bounced up and down in his arms.
“A baby, Eric? I didn’t think you were ready.” I sure am. “This is such a big step for us.”
Being pregnant wouldn’t be horrible, right? There is the morning sickness, the swelling, the dark spots, and the weight gain. I’m willing to temporarily lose my tiny waist to carry my husband’s child. I’ll just make Epiphany rub me down three times a week with a few gallons of cocoa butter to control the stretch marks as I’m sure she does for her own flabby body every other day.
“This is a big step, baby, but I feel it’s one we’re ready for. I want a family of my own, Katie. I want to be a dad.” He took my hands into his. “I love our life, babe, but-well, sometimes I feel like something is missing. You fulfill me in ways I never even imagined possible, but . . . Katie, there is still an empty hole inside of me. I-I have everything I’ve ever wanted except a baby.”
I didn’t hesitate when I told him how ready I am. I’ve wanted to carry Eric’s baby—remember, more than ten if he wanted me to—since the day we met.
This will be a good thing; hopefully, solve most of our problems. A baby will reconnect what I thought was gone between us, which is exactly what we need. Eric is already making changes in his schedule to spend more time at home, so this is perfect timing.
“So, you’re ready for this? . . . are we having a baby?” His face lit up like a child on Christmas Eve.
“Yes, Eric.” I was crying like I did the night he proposed. “Yes, I want to have a baby. This is the right time.”
“It is . . . It’s our time. With this Katie, you have made me the happiest man on the planet.” Now he was crying, too. “Thank you. Thank you so much for agreeing to this, Katie. Thank you . . . God, I thank you!”
Eric was wrapped in my arms as if I had just given him the world. Maybe I had. I could tell he wanted this, and I was prepared to give him a baby.
He finally rose out of my cuddle and looked into my eyes. “Katie, do you love me?”
“Of course, I do.”
“Do you trust me?”
I looked away from him. “Eric . . .”
“Katie, do you trust me? I mean, do you trust me to be a good dad?”
I looked back into his eyes. “I know you will be an excellent father. You are a great husband and a good man. If our child turns out to be half the person you are, he or she will be fortunate.”
“Do you mean that?”
There go those child’s eyes again.
“Yes, I mean it. You have all the qualities I want in the father of my child.”
“I’m going to do a good job, Katie. You’ll see. I’m going to be a good dad to our son. I won’t let you down. I promise.”
“I know, you won’t let me down, Eric.” I hugged him. “I can’t wait until our son or daughter gets here.”
“No, Katie, you mean our son. We’re going to have a boy.”
“Well, Eric . . .” I laughed. “I don’t think we’re the ones who decide that, hon.”
“We will have a son, Katie. Just watch.” He lay his head back down on my breast. “We’re going to have a strong, handsome, precious little boy. And you know what we’re going to name him?”
I kissed his forehead right before I asked, “What are we going to name our son, Poppa?”
My heart dived into a place deep inside of me; so deep, I couldn’t catch it or my breath. When my husband’s mouth formed the name, “Courtney,” I didn’t know how to respond. All I could do was stand there frozen, locked inside of my own skin. Right then, it seemed all the twisted, confused, muddled emotions I felt that night at Fenmore’s were back. I feel like I’m going to pass out right here, just like I did that night. The tension in my chest is back. The palpitations are too. And the questions for my husband were surely back starting with his fascination with Courtney!