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I sat quietly in mine and Courtney’s immaculate eat-in kitchen as I waited for my wives to come through the door in a single file. I’m sure Courtney would be first, with Katie right behind. Courtney must be first. Courtney then Katie—that’s how I planned it. If Courtney doesn’t walk through that door first, my design is ruined! It would all go up in smoke. I must see Courtney’s eyes first, then Katie’s.
At the beginning of our three-way union, Katie was always first since she came into my life one hundred seventy-two hours before Courtney did. Now, here at the end, the tables must be reversed.
I’ve walked through this scene four thousand five hundred, twenty-six times in my head. I’ve reenacted it three thousand, four hundred fifty times aloud. Everything must be just right or, as my wives would say, everything has to be perfect.
I already knew what I was going to say once Courtney and Katie got here. I knew how I was going to sit. I knew how my posture should be, and I also knew exactly when to pull the trigger. But that would be later. First, we would have twenty-two minutes of conversation, which will give both of my wives’ eleven minutes of alone time with me. During and after their Q and A sessions, I would allow seven hundred twenty-one tears to fall out of my eyes accompanied by thirty-one sniffles.
The clock read four ten. I told Courtney not to walk in this house a minute before four fourteen. I will start speaking right at four fifteen. If either of them comes here a second sooner, I’ll kill them both.
I hope Courtney and Katie follow my instructions because I don’t want to hurt either of them more than I already have. I love my wives. I didn’t want to bring any harm to them, but unfortunately, someone is going to die today. At precisely four thirty-seven, a heart will stop, blood will start, and tears will pour.
My double life was about to end. It will all be over before the clock strikes five, but for now, I am still Erick, E-R-I-C-K Reynolds. A little play on spelling, but my name really is Erick Reynolds. However, I’m not a dentist. I never attended med school. I never even finished high school. I dropped out in the tenth grade to take care of my dying father. He became bedridden from lung cancer and was unable to care for himself or me any longer, so I had to work to support both of us.
I don’t have any other family; I never knew my mother or any of her relatives. It was just my father and me.
Ten years ago, my father died in a ratty old shack out in the middle of nowhere that we used to call home. He left this earth with six dollars, seventy-two cents in his pocket. I counted it the day he died. I still have that six dollars, seventy-two cents. I count it every hour on the hour. I start by examining the five-dollar bill. FEDERAL RESERVE NOTE rested right above Abraham Lincoln’s head. To the left of the dead president is the serial numbers that I have memorized: ID40984295A. To the right of ol’ Abe reads THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
I know every piece of that five-dollar bill from my daddy’s pocket. Same for the one-dollar bill, the two quarters, the two dimes, and the two pennies.
I have to study real hard to keep things in my brain. When I was in school, teachers always told me I was different and needed special attention because I wasn’t like the other children, but my dad never paid them any mind. He just said I was lazy right before he stumped me into the ground for having my teachers disturb him. In-between his punishments, he told me I might as well drop out of school because I wouldn’t amount to anything anyway. He also said he wasn’t worried about me becoming a drug dealer or gangbanger because I didn’t have enough sense to do either. He said I’ll probably die in some mental institution due to my screwed-up brain cells. Well, he was wrong. I didn’t die in some institution; I’m living my life on the outside. He was wrong about me . . . they were all wrong about me.
I looked up at the clock when I heard the front door creak open. It was four fourteen and twelve seconds . . . Courtney and Katie were right on time.
“I’m in here.” I didn’t raise my voice. They’ll find me.
“Erik?”
It was Courtney; he came toward me eight seconds before Katie did. They were such good wives. They obeyed my every command. They both loved me to pieces. They worshipped me. I just hope they can live without me . . .
“Eric, what are you doing here?”
Poor Katie; what I’m about to tell her will probably destroy her for good. She wasn’t strong like Courtney. She was clingy, more emotion-driven, whereas Courtney was the independent wife. He wanted me right by his side just as much as Katie did, if not more, but he could hold his own while I was away. That’s what I loved most about him.
I also loved the way Katie’s face would glow whenever I came through the front door carrying my black leather briefcase full of newspapers and a blanket that I passed off as paperwork from my upscale practice in Potomac that never existed.
Courtney and Katie are both so different but so much alike, which is exactly why I picked them to spend my time on earth with. I’m going to miss both of them so very much.
“Erik, say something.”
“Courtney, where do you want me to start?”
“Eric, you can start by telling me what the hell is going on!”
“Katie, please don’t yell. This isn’t the time.”
“You better start talking, right now!”
“Katie, if I have to tell you again to lower your voice, you will regret it.”
“Erik, what’s going on here?” That’s more like it, Courtney. Nice and calm. Obey.
I didn’t waste any more time. I had rehearsed this moment, so I was prepared. Here goes. “Courtney, Katie, I’m married . . . to both of you.”
They both shrieked, “What!” in unison.
“I said, I married both of you.”
“Wait a minute, hold-on! Eric, you better start explaining yourself right now!”
I looked at Katie first. “Katie, after my father passed away, I swore I wouldn’t end up like him. I wasn’t going to die alone and lonely without anyone to call my own. I made a vow to myself that I would find the right one for me. So, I started searching. I searched for nine and a half years to find just the right woman. She had to look a certain way. She had to dress a certain way. She had to act a certain way. She had to fit the mold that had created in my head.”
“The mold?” Katie seemed almost frightened to ask.
“Yes, Katie. The mold of how I always envisioned my mother would be. I never met her until the day I saw you at the library. It was you, Kate. You were the one I was looking for. I used to dream of you every night before we even met. I would paint your image on the walls in my father’s house twice per day after he died: once in the early morning, and again before the sunset. I had to meet this woman that was camped out in my brain. I had to bring her into reality. I wanted to bring you out of my dreams, Katie.” I closed my eyes. “I can still remember your straight blonde hair, your blue eyes, and your petite body. Your beauty . . . It was you, Katie. The woman in my head . . . the picture-perfect woman in my dreams was not my mother, it was you, so I had to find you so I could have you. I kept drawing you on my walls so I wouldn’t forget you. I had to have a constant reminder of you.
When I saw you in the flesh at the library that day, I knew you were that woman, Katie. You were the wife I married two hundred eighty-six thousand, four hundred and fifty times over in my head. Now all I had to do was make you my wife.”
“Erik, what are you saying? None of that makes any sense!”
Now it was Courtney’s turn.
“My precious Courtney, when I first saw you in the supermarket, you reminded so much of my dad when I was a little kid. He wasn’t always a monster; he used to be kind to me like a father was supposed to be. He was very handsome like you, Courtney. Smart too until he got sick.
When we talked outside the store, even the tone of your voice reminded me of my father, so I couldn’t let you go. I didn’t want to lose my daddy again, so I gave myself to you because I knew if you had me, you would never leave me. I’m not gay, Court. I’ve never even looked at another man in a sexual or relationship way before, but the only way I could have all of you is by giving you all of me. It’s like . . . when I looked at you standing there, all I could see was love and devotion from a person that I didn’t even know. You were a stranger, but you seemed so familiar to me. You were my father all over again. I didn’t want to be married to a husband, so I married you and made you my wife.”
Courtney and Katie both looked at me like I had just sprouted two heads. “Erik, I don’t understand any of that. Katie is not your mother, and I am not your father. You had no right to mold us into what you needed us to be. I wanted you to love me because of the person I am, not because of who you imagined me to be. That’s sick, Erik! YOU are sick!”
“So . . . what the investigator found on you . . . it was true.” Tears started streaming out of Katie’s eyes. “My sisters tried to show me, but I didn’t want to listen because I didn’t believe it. I ripped it up because it wasn’t true! I never saw signs of any illnesses, especially not schizophrenia . . . until now. You are a sick sociopath that should be locked away, not out destroying lives!”
“You’re right, Katie. That’s all I am is a sick man. I’m not this rich, powerful dentist you and your sisters thought I was. I was homeless before I married the two of you. When the city condemned my father’s house, I was living on the streets until I decided to rest my head in a rescue shelter.”
“Erik, stop it! Stop all of this right now! I don’t believe you! None of this is true, and you know it! You are a liar!”
“Courtney, everything I’m saying right now is the truth.”
“No-it’s-not! You are a doctor. I met your hygienist the night you brought her and your brother to Fenmore’s!”
Katie shot a look over to Courtney, probably realizing she met that same set of imposters.
“The woman you met that night Courtney, her name is Amy. She isn’t a hygienist; she’s homeless just like I was. She, her husband Thaddeus, and their daughter Miranda are all homeless. They played a friendly little game of dress up for the three crisp fifty-dollar bills I promised.”
“Erik, why? That’s all I want to know is why?”
I peered over at Courtney. “I heard Shaun talking about me. ‘Where is his family?’ ‘Where are his friends?’ Why haven’t you met any extensions of him?’ Well, guess what? I had a family that night. A friend too. That’s why I did it. I wanted to prove myself to both of you at the same time, in the same way, in the same place.”
“My god, Erik, stop! Why are you talking this way? I’ve never seen this side of you before.”
“Courtney, that’s because you never knew the real me. Neither of you did. I kept him hidden so I could love you the way you wanted to be loved. I couldn’t do that as the man that’s sitting here right now, so I created a man that could.”
“ERIK, STOP IT! You’re full of shit! How does a homeless man go from living in a shelter to having two different million-dollar lifestyles? Answer that! All the lavished shit. The freakin’ good life, Erik! Jamaica, the Range Rovers, my tapas bar. How did you do it all? If what you’re saying is true, how did you do it? HOW DID YOU DO IT?!”
Courtney was furious, and it showed. I’ve never seen his light almond complexion turn this shade of red before, but I had to keep going.
“Court, I grew up dirt poor. Most nights, we had no food—some winters, we had no heat. Me and my dad lived in horrible conditions. My father had nothing but a twenty-million-dollar life insurance policy. On his death bed, he told me he struggled and paid the premium every month since the day I was born. His last words to me were, ‘I would rather you be a rich dummy than a poor one.’ He loved me just enough to hand me a twenty-million-dollar cushion to soften the blows he knew life would deal someone like me. I used his money for good. I didn’t touch a penny of it until I met the two of you.”
“You claimed you love me . . . how could you hurt me this way?”
“I do love you, Katie. We were going to start a family together.”
“Oh yeah?” She looked at Courtney. “And what were you going to do with him?”
“I was going to start a family with him, too.”
“So, is he the reason you didn’t want to go to my OBGYN? Is he where all that adoption nonsense came from?”
“Katie, I didn’t have to go see a doctor.”
“Why not?!”
Now Katie’s skin tone changed color.
“Because I had a vasectomy thirteen years ago. I would never risk genetically passing on my illness to a child. I couldn’t reproduce with you or anyone else even if I wanted to.”
Katie shouted, “You what?!” right before her left hand landed across my cheek. She had every right to assault me. They both did. I destroyed a portion of their lives they will never get back.
Right now, I’m the bad guy in this story even though my intentions were good. I tried to be a perfect husband to them both, providing them the kind of lives most people only dream of. I catered to them. Anything they wanted was theirs, including the illusion of a dream man. If I’m guilty of anything, it would be allowing myself to be loved by both my wives.
Katie’s watery eyes looked over at Courtney then back at me. “So that’s where the babies name came from . . . You went and picked out a little black baby boy to name him Courtney.”
Courtney shrieked, “Whoa! Our white baby girl was going to be named Katie!”
“That’s right,” I confirmed. Remember . . . I’m not holding anything back.
“So, what about Epiphany?”
I looked at Courtney. I asked, “What about her?”
“You knew she worked with me at Citizens, didn’t you?”
“I did.”
“That day at the bank . . . I was going to introduce you to her . . . you were sitting right in my office . . . right there at my desk. I was going to introduce you as my husband, but I didn’t get a chance to because you left. Now I know why . . . She couldn’t see you sitting there, could she . . . not as my husband anyway, because you’re her sister’s husband!”
“Court, I—”
“Don’t you DARE ‘Court’ me! That is so . . . Oh, my God, you are a monster, Erik! You are a sick monster to play such reckless games with people!”
“I didn’t know at first, Court . . . but once I found out you and Epiphany worked together, I went and bought the lease to the building you wanted and got you out of there ASAP.”
I could tell Katie was trying to hold it together, but she was losing the battle quickly. “I don’t know who you are. I don’t know if you’re Eric Reynolds, Erik Reynolds, Erick Reynolds, Dr. Reynolds . . . I don’t know what you’ve done to me, nor do I understand why you did it, but I’m out of here! I can’t stand to look at you for another second!”
I jumped out of the chair and shouted, “Katie, wait! I’m Erick Reynolds. I switched up the spelling of my first name so I could maneuver and manipulate any and everything I needed to without so many questions. Deeds, contracts, receipts.” I paused for a quick second. “Marriage licenses. I had to be one man with you, Katie, so that I could be another man for Courtney.”
“Ugh, Eric, that is disgusting! You fucking sick nasty bastard, I’m leaving.”
“Don’t leave. This isn’t over!”
“The hell it’s not!”
“You promised me, Katie . . . You said you would never leave me. You said you wouldn’t walk out on me. That’s what you told me. I remember the words that came out of your mouth. You said, ‘I promise.’ Did you think I would forget? Do you think I’m dumb or something? Like I can’t remember things. I remember everything, Katie! EVERYTHING! I’m not stupid. I’m not some nut job that can’t remember a promise!”
I was screaming into cold silence. Katie and Courtney just looked at me. I couldn’t tell what they were thinking, and I probably didn’t want to know.
I just wanted to be heard. I wanted to be understood. I wanted them to know why I did what I did. I tried explaining myself, hoping that would be enough, but it wasn’t nearly enough. They wanted more. They asked for the truth even though that’s just what I was giving. Instead of embracing me so we could possibly move on with our lives, they looked at me with contempt. They both started to stare at me like I was insane. But they have to know that I’m not crazy. I’m not that slow kid my teachers told my dad I was, and I’m for surely none of the things my father led me to think I was.
If only we had more time, I could explain more. I wanted to tell them that I am schizophrenic, but I take my meds. They didn’t have to be afraid of me. I’m not a psychopath. Psycho and schizo are totally different. At least to me, they are. I can’t help who I am or how I came out; all I can do is calculate every aspect of my life all the way down to the second to make sure I don’t mess up.
So you see, I’m not a bad guy; I just want to be heard but time’s up . . . That’s all folks . . .
“Erik!”
“Oh my God, Eric, what are you doing?!”
Katie didn’t look as if she wanted to leave anymore; when she saw the revolver resting right above my right temple, her tune quickly changed.
“Eric, what are you going to do with that gun?” I could see her heart beating through her silk blouse.
Her fear matched Courtney’s horror.
“Erik, put the gun down!”
He didn’t want me to kill myself, and neither did Katie. They wanted me to stay on this earth living in shame for what I’ve done to them.
For a split second, I changed my mind. I no longer wanted to kill myself like I originally planned, but I can’t stay here on this earth being considered something that I wasn’t. I’m not an evil man. I’m not cruel. I’m not a cheater. I love my wives, and I proved it. I’m an honest man with a good heart, but they don’t see me like that anymore, so I have to go.
Courtney and Katie both were prepared to break their promises and leave me. They were ready to vanish from my life without so much as a random thought for my well-being. They would’ve had me put away. I would’ve died in some intuition just like my father said I would. But the jokes on them . . .
“Erik, you can’t—”
“Eric, no please—”
“No, Erik, no—”
“God, no! Eric, just listen—”
“NO, ERIK, WAIT! . . . .”
The room was filled with pleads for me to lower the gun from my head, but that wasn’t going to happen. I tuned my wives out as my eyes watched the clock. It was seconds away from the time I planned to die.
“Erik, listen to me.” Courtney was crying so hard I no longer recognized his face. “I won’t leave you. I don’t understand any of this, I don’t know what you’ve done or how you did it with Katie and me, but I do know that I love you with all my heart. That hasn’t changed. You asked me not to leave you; now I’m begging you not to leave me. Erik don’t do this! Don’t leave what we’ve built. We have a child to raise. We have a life to live—just me and you. I’ll stand by you through all of this. We can pick up right where we left off, just don’t go. I won’t be able to survive behind it. Don’t, Erik, please. Please!”
It wasn’t enough. Courtney’s desperate plea and Katie’s silent implore wasn’t enough to keep me in this world. They both made a promise to stay with me, but, just like I knew they would, they both were ready to bail on me today. So, I’m taking off before they have a chance to. My mother walked out on me and, in a way, so did my father. I couldn’t take Katie or Courtney doing the same, so I had to end it now.
One-half second after the wall clock read four thirty-seven, I couldn’t hear anything anymore. No more pleas, no more questions, no more sobs. The kitchen grew silent. I see Courtney’s mouth still moving, but I couldn’t make out a single word he was saying. His words and Katie’s face were all a blur. The bullet I just put in my skull made everything fuzzy. It stung like hell at first, but the pain was fading. Now my legs started to feel weak. I couldn’t support myself anymore. Now my vision went completely black. I could feel my heart rate slowing way down, too. I couldn’t breathe anymore. It was over. I was dying second by second. I was fading into the darkness that surrounded me. I would tell my wives just how much I love them one last time, but I was gone. My last breath had already escaped me. I had killed myself right in front of them, and there was no coming back.
They were good to me . . . We were good together. I lived a full, rich life with both Katie and Courtney; too bad it’s all over now. My time has come and gone.
As they scurry around the kitchen over my dead body, I trust Katie and Courtney will find it in their hearts to forgive me and try and move on with their lives, even though I knew they never would do either. They would suffer dearly for what I’ve done to them, and I would pay on the other side for ruining three lives: Katie’s, Courtney’s, and . . . my own.
Well, goodbye, my loves . . . Goodbye . . .