After 13 years of being a primary care doctor, I have had the distinct honor of caring for many wonderful people with dementia of all kinds. Dementia is an awful, frustrating disease that leaves patients, caregivers and physicians feeling powerless and sometimes hopeless. At a certain point in the progression of dementia, when patients are no longer capable of knowing where they are or who is around them, there comes a shift. I have found the care that is most needed then is for the patient’s loved ones who struggle with the changes and sense of loss as dementia smothers the person who the patient once was.
“’Til Death or Dementia” is a love story above all else, a wonderful account of the relationship that Marilyn Reynolds celebrated with her husband, Mike. It is beautiful to read and an example of what I hope for all my patients’ families—a deep reflection on memories representing all that was wonderful before the diagnosis of dementia. These memories can bring joy amid the struggle with the realities of the disease. In a most courageous way, Marilyn shares her feelings, doubts, fears and regrets as she recalls Mike’s personality and cognitive changes, both before and after his dementia diagnosis. Her words convey the emotional roller coaster in a way that the reader can feel every turn, loop, climb and freefall. Her remarkable ability to share serves as a road map for all those who care for someone with dementia, as I have witnessed among hundreds of families.
I would hope that everyone would read this story, not just those who find themselves caring for someone with dementia. This beautiful book reminds us that life is finite and worth living to the fullest. It brought a renewed mindfulness for me that every moment counts, and despite all life’s challenges, love reigns supreme and can carry us through the darkest of times. Our legacy lives on in those we leave behind. Read this book, then think about the life soundtrack you want, and start singing!
Christopher Lillis, MD FACP
Medical Director for Primary Care Transformation
UC Davis Health, Sacramento, California