There were several puzzling incidents during the course of 2007. Looking back over it now, a more obvious pattern of increasing cognitive difficulties emerges, but at the time I attributed such incidents to our growing frustration with one another, and to Mike’s dissatisfaction with his work at the Unitarian Universalist Society of Sacramento.
Mike’s undergraduate and graduate degree was in Church Music, and for most of his life, in addition to teaching and singing professionally, he’d held one church job or another, either as Music Director or as tenor soloist. He was Music Director from 1965 to 1972 at Temple City Christian Church, which is where we first met and where we were married in 1967.
As a professional musician, Mike wasn’t particularly concerned with the theology of a church. He’d sung with a very conservative Presbyterian church in Hollywood, a very liberal Episcopal church in Pasadena, and for 10 or more years he sang high holiday services at a Los Angeles synagogue.
When we moved from Southern California to the Sacramento area in 1998, we went church shopping. Our hope was to find a place with a strong music program and with a theology that fit our belief systems. Although Mike had been raised and educated as a Southern Baptist, he’d long ago discarded the rigid literal interpretation of the Bible. I had not been a believer since my teen years.
For a short while in Southern California, when Mike was between church jobs, we’d attended a Unitarian Universalist church in Pasadena. We both appreciated the theology there. The music was good. The building was beautiful. It was a good fit for both of us. But when Mike signed on as tenor soloist with the large Presbyterian church in Hollywood, our days of being in the same space on Sunday mornings were over.
Now, starting fresh in a new area, it made sense to seek out the one denomination that had resonated with both of us. The Unitarian Universalist Society of Sacramento (UUSS) fit that criteria and within a year or so of moving we became members.
We respected people and organizations that were Christ centered. As the adapted cliché goes, some of our best friends were Christians. But we were definitely more at home with the UU’s affirmation of “a free and responsible search for truth and meaning” than we were with the prescribed belief system that was a part of our earlier religious experiences.
At UUSS we’d found a fit. We formed friendships, hosted gatherings, participated in small group activities and, for the first time in 30-plus years, we were involved together in a church community.
The theology worked. The music less so. Although we basked in the freedom of unencumbered Sundays, Mike’s frustration with what he perceived as sloppy music led him to sign on as UUSS Music Director when that job opened.
Musicians loved working with Mike. Within months of his start as Music Director, the choir had tripled in size. The congregation heaped praise on the enlivened music offerings. One of the UUSS choir members told me recently that Mike was the best director he’d ever sung with.
There were a number of accomplished musicians who were UUSS members, but they had not been involved with the music of the church. Mike found them, or they found him, and soon they were participating as soloists, or in special programs. Musicians from the broader community also took part in some of the more demanding works presented as part of the annual music festival.
Although the music program was thriving, by 2007 Mike was complaining often and loudly to me about all that was wrong at the church. The building was more of a multipurpose room than a sanctuary. There was no defined space for the choir. When there were only 10 singers that wasn’t a problem. But finding a place for 30 singers was more complicated. The natural place was front and center, but that crowded the minister. The choir was sometimes in front, off to one side or the other, but that was not acoustically satisfying. Mike’s opinion was that it was a more effective arrangement for the choir to sing from the center and for the minister to move to the side. The minister didn’t agree.
They tried being on the stage. That had its own problems as singers became less attentive during the course of the sermon, as their posture became less than upright or, worse still, they nodded off. The choir was not happy with that arrangement, and Mike hated having them on display on stage. “This is a worship service, not a show!” he’d complain.
As was his habit, Mike maintained good spirits with his fellow musicians, but his private complaints to me were gaining force.
Mike hated meetings, hated being required to attend them. That was nothing new. He’d hated meetings as long as I’d known him. As a teacher he’d hated faculty meetings, department meetings, and budget meetings. As a choral conductor or professional singer in any number of churches throughout the years, he saw meetings as a waste of his time. What was new was not his attitude toward meetings, but the intensity of his indignation over being expected to attend.
Although I was the major recipient of his rants, there were one or two other UUSS workers with whom Mike shared some of his frustration. I realized that I was not the only one who was tiring of complaints when I stopped by the music office and saw that the custodian had taped a sign over Mike’s desk:
I considered such a sign for our family room but doubted it would be met with the same good humor as the music office sign had been.
After upwards of a year of wrestling with the possibility of leaving his post, Mike sent a letter to the board, stating his intent to resign effective January 31, 2007. In spite of being concerned about the loss of $18,000 to our yearly income, I encouraged Mike’s resignation. Perhaps, without the frustrations of the church job, the cloud would lift.
In his resignation letter Mike expressed his appreciation for the choir and for other musicians of the congregation. He said, “It has been my great pleasure to work with the Music Committee,” and named the two chairs he’d worked with during his time at UUSS. This was the same committee whose meetings he ranted on and on about having to attend. I expect there was truth in both of these responses, parts he loved, parts he hated. But I was only getting the hate side of things, and I had grown weary of the tirades.