After leaving Jesse’s room, I stood in the kitchen and stared at the fridge. I’d eventually make dinner, but Jesse wouldn’t be in much of a rush to eat, considering I’d watched him make a sandwich.
“Do I really not trust Alex?” I asked aloud, trying to force myself to focus on the question. Since he’d said it—or, rather, implied it—I couldn’t seem to focus on anything else. The question kept floating to the forefront of my mind, obscuring everything else. We’d been going out for almost three years now. How could I not trust him as much as Jesse trusted Brent?
No, I trust him, I thought, but… No, I don’t know if I can really say that I do.
I thought back to the very beginning of all of this, when the transformer had exploded above my head. I’d been thinking about phoning Alex for a couple days by that point to ask him about Lily and her party. I hadn’t known he’d fallen out of favour with the friend I’d used to keep an eye on him when I wasn’t there.
And hell, there was the fact that we had a mutual friend who I pretty much only talked to when I wanted to make sure Alex was being truthful. He didn’t even know we’d talked. I think the friend also had a bit of a thing for me. In the three-year run of our relationship, he was the only person who had ever tempted me to cheat on Alex.
I flipped open my phone, hit speed dial one, and listened as it let off the familiar sequence of beeps as it dialled Alex’s phone.
“Hello?”
“Hey, hon.”
“Oh—hey, Holly. What’s up?”
“I… You don’t sound like you’re happy to hear from me.”
“Of course I am!” He really didn’t; he sounded distracted, like whatever cheer he was showing was forced. “I’m definitely happy to hear from you—every time. You know that, babe. I wasn’t…wasn’t expecting you, is all.”
“Okay?”
“So what’s up?” He sounded out of breath.
“I…I dunno. I just needed to talk with you.”
“About what?”
“I just needed to talk to you for a bit. Having a bad day. Are you busy?”
“I…” I heard a bit of mumbling in the background before the sound became muffled. It immediately sent up red flags.
“Who’s there?” I asked.
“What?” His hand moved over the microphone of the phone. I could hear the rustling as he moved it.
“Who’s there with you?”
“Oh, no one.”
“Okay, then why did I hear someone talking before you put your hand on the phone?”
“That was just the TV.”
“So…why did you put your hand over the phone?”
“I didn’t! Why are you prying?”
“Why aren’t you telling me the truth?”
He sighed. “It’s Lily, okay? I know you don’t like her, and you’ve already practically accused me of cheating on you with her, so I didn’t want you to worry about anything.”
“Do I need to worry?”
Only a moment of hesitation, and then, “No, of course not.”
“Well, you’re sure as hell not making me feel any better about not worrying by hiding that you’re hanging out with her!” I could hear my voice rising, and I breathed deeply, recalling what Jesse had said. Down to the diaphragm. In for five, hold for five, out for five.
“What are you doing?”
One, two, three four, five; hold, two, three—
“Holly?”
—four, five; out, two, three, four—
“Hello?”
—five. “I’m trying to calm down.” Not that it worked very well.
“Where’d you pick that up?”
“Jesse.”
“Oh, right.”
“Anyway. You don’t need to hide that you have female friends from me, Alex. I love you, and I trust you.” I do. Honestly. Sort of. Which is why I’m going to tell you about my powers.
“So how are you feeling, anyway? I texted you earlier, but you never responded.”
I’m going to tell him.
“I’m fine. Nothing really remarkable.” It sounded like something Jesse would say, not me. And hell, even then, he would probably be lying.
Tell him, you idiot!
“‘Nothing remarkable’? Why does that sound like you’re hiding something from me?”
“I…I don’t know. I’m not.”
Then why aren’t you telling him?
“Are you sure, Holly?”
Don’t you trust him?
“Look, I’m sorry for jumping on you, but you’re trying to figure out what I’m not telling you when I’m not not telling you anything.”
I killed my brother.
“Come again?”
And blew up a bus. “I’m not keeping anything from you, babe, I promise.” And killed a half dozen other people.
“Okay, then, hon. I…I hope you don’t ever feel like you need to hide something from me, okay?”
I raised my eyebrow. “Why do you say that?”
“Well, because…you really shouldn’t ever feel like you have to.”
“I know that, but why do you feel the need to tell me?”
“Because I do, okay?” He was starting to sound agitated again, and his breath was catching.
Okay, time to calm him down. That’s probably not the best way to look at things, is it? “I’m going to make dinner, okay? Call me when Lily’s gone home?”
“She, uh, might be staying a little late. We’re studying for an exam next week.”
“Oh. Okay, well, text me to see if I’m up first, then, I guess.”
“Okay. Love you!”
“Love you too.” With that—not nearly our normal extended goodbye—he hung up the phone.
I sighed.
“Okay, that didn’t go as planned. At all.”