Alex and I watched Brent and Jesse walk away in silence and then looked at each other across the room. Almost in sync, we sighed and slumped down our respective walls.
Alex had been crying, and I tried a smile, immensely relieved to receive one in return. Feeling a little better, I got up and crossed the room, sitting at his side and leaning into him. He draped his arm around my shoulders like everything was normal.
Like we weren’t about to break up.
Maybe we wouldn’t.
It was possible, but I didn’t want to pin all my hopes and dreams on it.
“Holly?”
“Yeah?” Let me guess—you think that we should take a break?
I could see it now. We’d “take a break” for a couple days, which would expand to a couple of weeks, which would become a month before we knew it. Then I’d bump into him downtown when I went to Fran’s for a pity dinner for one, and he’d be there with a beautiful woman “friend,” and I’d go over to see if we could salvage the relationship and make things like old times were, and—
“We’re not breaking up, are we?” Alex asked.
I blinked in surprise. Okay, that was…pretty much the opposite of what I was expecting him to say. “I—no, of course not.”
“I…”
“I was expecting you to…to want to.”
“What? After—after the fight?”
“Yeah.” I turned and looked at him, and he stared at the wall as he spoke.
“I told you I cheated on you, and then I hit you. I figure that’s pretty much a guaranteed breakup.”
“And I—” told you I’m some sort of mutant freak “—played a horrible joke on you.”
“But at least that was just a joke.”
“And we’ve been fighting a lot recently.”
“Holly, I—”
“Can we drop it? At least for now?” It came out a lot louder and sharper than I’d meant for it to.
He didn’t answer at first but then drew in a breath deeply and nodded. “Y-yeah. We can. Do you…” He turned, pulling back a little so he could see my face. He was crying again, a couple tears spilling down his cheeks, and I felt like a jackass all over again. “Do you want me to stay the night, still?”
Oh, fuck, I hadn’t even thought about that. “We’re not breaking up, Alex.”
“I didn’t—no. No matter what, we’re not breaking up.”
“I…think we should—” see other people take a break, just stay friends, oh God, does this sound like we’re breaking up? “—maybe sleep alone tonight.”
“Okay.” He paused. “Can I ask wh-why?” He was holding back most of his tears, but his voice still caught.
“I need a night to be able to…well, do anything with you. I need to be with you without thinking of her.”
His chin dropped to his chest. “I’m so sorry, Holly.”
“It’s…I can’t say it’s okay. But it will be.”
We sat there for a moment before he started to stand up. “I guess I should go, then.”
“I guess so. You’re sure it’s okay?”
“Yeah. It makes sense.”
I stood up too and hugged him as tightly as I could, then kissed him. After a moment, I pulled away.
“I love you, Alex.”
“I love you, too. And Holly?”
I raised my eyebrows, not sure what else was left to say when we’d already done the I love yous. “Mm?”
“Thank you. You’re my hero.” Without another word, he walked out the front door.
I stared after him, trying to process that simple statement, then went to deal with the living room.