Bugger.
Alex cursed and sucked on her thumb. Stupid needle. Stupid button. Stupid fingers that wouldn’t stop quivering. In her mouth, the metallic taste of blood triggered a tidal wave of saliva. And she was nearly done too. Final stitch.
‘You can’t go in there.’ From outside her closed office door, Brianna’s voice was firm. Still, Alex’s heart fluttered. Plenty of lawyers at Macauley – mostly the sexist has-beens, of which there were plenty – had a bad habit of disobeying the secretaries.
Alex looked down. She’d had to remove her skirt in order to fix the button – Brianna had an emergency sewing kit in her top drawer, god love her – and here she was, in her undies and a blouse, blinds drawn, with Brianna under strict instructions to not let anyone through the door. And that meant anyone. Even Rex.
‘She’s on a very important phone call,’ said Brianna. ‘I can call you when she’s done.’
‘Well, if it’s a very important phone call …’ came Martin’s slightly sneery voice. ‘I suppose I’ll have to wait.’
Alex threw on her skirt and hurriedly tucked in her blouse. It wasn’t wise to keep Martin waiting.
‘I’m off the phone now, Brianna,’ called Alex, straightening the skew-whiff skirt. ‘Please show him in.’
She opened the door with a winning smile pasted to her face. ‘Martin, thank you for waiting.’
He gave a little bob. ‘I received your email requesting an appointment to discuss an important matter.’ He used air quotes around the word important. ‘I thought now might be a suitable time?’
Alex’s heart skipped a beat. So distracted was she by the meeting with the partners she’d completely forgotten the email. Part-time work. Yes. That’s what she was going to ask for, but that was before the partners’ meeting. That meeting had changed everything.
‘Martin. Sorry. Yes. I did send you that message, but um … I’ve … um, managed to work out the problem.’ Alex tapped a file on her desk. ‘It’s all under control.’
Martin nodded. ‘Very well. Still, I think it would be advantageous to confer over the precise details of the partnership arrangements at Macauley. Rex has requested that I walk you through the financial detail and his instructions are to have the contract drawn by the end of the month.’
Martin bobbed again, and Alex blinked quickly.
‘All right then. Yes. That would be wonderful.’
‘Excellent. 3 pm in my office,’ he called over his shoulder and stole off silently down the hall.
Shit, he was talking as if the partnership was a done deal, as if there was no possibility that she would say no. Had no one in the history of Macauley Partners ever refused a partnership? When Alex joined the company, she’d vowed to make history, but that wasn’t quite the history she was contemplating.
Her phone buzzed.
How’d the meeting go?
James! She needed to ring him and tell him the news. He’d be thrilled, wouldn’t he? He knew how much this meant to her.
She dialled and her husband picked up straight away.
‘So? Don’t keep me in suspense …’ He sounded anxious. He was worried for her. He really was the loveliest.
‘Well,’ Alex began. ‘It didn’t go quite as planned.’ She took a breath. ‘They’ve asked me to become partner.’
Silence. ‘Good one, Alex,’ her husband chortled. ‘You nearly got me there. I’ve never heard you so serious. C’mon, what did they really say?’
‘I am serious,’ she said with irritation. ‘What? You think I’m not up to it?’
‘No, no. I think you run rings around those people. I just can’t quite believe the timing. It’s just … uncanny.’ He paused. ‘Did they really ask you to become partner?’
‘They did! They really did.’ Alex proceeded to repeat the entire boardroom palaver, recounting word-for-word Rex’s comments about her work ethic and expertise and, for added authenticity, she even included the fact about her skirt button popping mid-sentence.
At that point, he believed her. No one could make that up.
‘Holy shit,’ he breathed down the phone. ‘Partner? It’s, like, your dream …’
‘I know. It’s crazy, isn’t it?’ Alex’s voice trembled from the effort of having to keep it low. Macauley wasn’t the place for wild celebrations.
Their conversation was brief. James had a patient to see. Alex said they’d talk about it more that night.
‘Well done, Alex. I’m proud of you.’ But there was a strained tone to the words.
He’s at work, too, after all, Alex reasoned.
A minute later, her phone buzzed with a text message.
How’s this actually going to work? With the baby and everything?
Poor man. This morning, she’d set out for work with a mission to insist on reduced hours, now she was looking at increasing them substantially. She swivelled in the chair and picked up the framed photo of the twins on her desk. It was a reasonable question. How would this work? When Alex had first set her sights on becoming partner, she wasn’t a mother, she wasn’t married, she hadn’t even met James. It was easy, almost obligatory, to set lofty career goals when career was the only thing in your life and you were the only person in your family to have completed a university degree. Now, there were the twins, and James, and Noah’s problems to deal with and, to top it all off, a baby on the way. How was a person supposed to juggle all of that?
Alex typed out a reply.
James’s response was immediate.
I’ll pick up some Chinese takeaway. This is something to celebrate, whatever we decide.
Alex flinched at the word we. He was right, it would have to be a joint decision. After all, accepting the partnership would affect James’s life as much as hers. For better and for worse. It would be busy, that went without saying, and she would certainly need additional domestic help. But with the bump in earnings that came with a partnership, she’d be able to afford a full-time nanny for the children, a private tutor for Noah, meals supplied by Nourish, and they’d be able to pay the mortgage off the house in half the time. James could choose whether he wanted to work or not.
But that word – we – still annoyed her, for it implied the degree to which she, and she alone, had worked for and earned this huge opportunity didn’t really matter at all.
She turned back to her computer. Forty-five unread emails in her inbox, starting with one from Martin about the takeover matter. Alex sighed. She couldn’t concentrate on a multi-billion dollar acquisition right now, she was hungry. She needed to make an acquisition of her own – lunch. And she needed to talk to someone, anyone, about her confused feelings over the partnership.
‘I’m taking you to lunch,’ she announced, standing by Brianna’s desk.
‘I’ve already brought lunch,’ said Brianna, her eyes still glued to the screen.
‘I’m offering you a free lunch … Just take it.’ Alex had her hands on her hips.
‘You’re the one always saying there’s no such thing as a free lunch, especially for a woman,’ said the secretary.
‘There’s a caveat to that – when it’s being bought by another woman, especially if it’s the woman you work for. This is me, showing my appreciation for all you do for me.’ She shifted her weight. ‘Just let me buy you a damn sandwich, all right?’
‘Fine.’ She stopped typing. ‘But I’d actually prefer sushi.’
Alex stood at the entrance to the food court, packed with city workers on their lunch break. Sleeves rolled up. Ties loosened. A few smiles here and there.
Like prisoners on day release, thought Alex.
Her stomach grumbled like a garbage truck.
‘Was that you?’ said Brianna, eyebrows raised.
‘It’s fine. Just hunger. How about I get a table while you look around and decide what you want, then I’ll order and pay. Okay?’ She pointed to a nearby sushi place. ‘That’s where I go every day. It’s good.’
She took a seat and watched Brianna weave through the crowd. She moved with composure. Head held high. Back straight as a rod. A natural confidence. Instinctively, the crowds parted for her. Men and women alike.
Alex tugged at her waistband and covered her mouth to burp. Blood and coffee. Charming.
Brianna was back. ‘I’ll just have two tuna and avocado sushi rolls, thanks.’
‘And?’
‘That’s it.’
‘A little boring, don’t you think? This is the boss paying. Lash out. Live a little.’ Alex gripped the table and leant forward.
‘Well, what are you having?’ Brianna frowned.
Two pieces of salmon sashimi, three gyoza and one of those inside-out type rolls with raw tuna. And maybe a friand for dessert. Eating for two, after all.
Alex stopped. Raw fish. It was completely off the menu. She didn’t want to poison the poor foetus.
‘Um … well … actually.’ Alex looked around the food court. Burritos. They’d be fine, wouldn’t they. All cooked meat. Hang on, there was the lettuce and tomato sitting around in a bain marie … Right, fish and chips then. No salmonella could survive a deep fryer. On second thoughts, hadn’t she read something about high mercury levels in that type of fish. Strike that.
‘I’m … ah … I’m going to have a toasted cheddar cheese sandwich.’
‘So a toasted cheese sandwich now constitutes living a little?’ Brianna demanded.
‘Well, as it so happens …’ Alex stopped and allowed herself a little smile. She always got nervous before telling people she was pregnant. It was quite an intimate thing to reveal when you thought about it. Yes, my husband and I DO have sex and his sperm recently had a happy meeting with my eggs and now I’m KNOCKED UP!
‘I’m pregnant.’
Brianna looked at her and cocked her head. ‘Again?’
Alex opened and closed her mouth. ‘The usual response is congratulations, you know.’
‘Congratulations,’ said Brianna. ‘Is it a boy or a girl?’
‘We don’t know yet,’ said Alex, waving her hand dismissively. ‘Anyway, it doesn’t matter.’ She brought her hands into the prayer position. ‘I do have some other news that may interest you more. But it’s a secret. The baby thing is a secret too, but I have a feeling you won’t go round telling everyone.’
‘No,’ said Brianna. ‘I won’t.’
‘All right, well, the second bit of news is …’ She took a breath. ‘I’ve been asked by Rex Macauley to become a partner.’
‘Oh my god, that’s fucking amazing.’ Brianna clapped a hand over her mouth. ‘I can’t believe I just said that,’ she whispered, eyes shining. ‘But it’s seriously very cool. Well done. You must be stoked. Just think about the work. We’re going to get the best matters.’ She rubbed her hands together. ‘I can’t wait.’
Again, there was that we word. For a promotion that was ostensibly hers and hers alone, both James and Brianna seemed to be taking an awful lot of ownership over it.
‘Yes, well, I appreciate your enthusiasm. But there is the small matter of this baby to think about. And my other children. Not to mention my husband. Not quite sure when I’ll squeeze in time to see him … ’ She trailed off.
Brianna was staring at her. ‘You’re not seriously thinking of saying no are you?’ Her voice was hushed and urgent. ‘You can’t say no. This is … this is … everything.’ She raised her hands skywards and dropped them down again. ‘You can do this. You have to do this. Otherwise, what message does it send?’
‘It doesn’t send any message. It’s just a decision,’ said Alex. ‘My decision.’
Brianna violently shook her head. ‘No, it’s not. You’re smart, you’re incredibly ambitious and you can juggle a million things at once. If you can’t make this work, then what hope is there for the rest of us? This is just your guilt talking.’ Brianna nodded. ‘Yes, it is. If you were a man, you wouldn’t be talking about babies and children and husbands, you’d have already called an interior designer to deck out that fancy corner office you’re going to get when you say yes. You owe it to women everywhere to take this job.’ She tapped the table. ‘And you owe it to yourself.’
Alex sat back. Who was this passionate feminist firebrand before her? And where had her efficient, unemotional secretary gone?
‘Okay, well, I hadn’t really thought of it that way.’
Brianna’s eyes narrowed. ‘You should, you really should.’ She paused and stood up. ‘Right, now you’re going to give me fifty bucks and I’m going to order us one of those sushi platters over there.’ She pointed to a plate full of raw and exotic seafood, plus a few dumplings and sushi rolls. ‘And you are going to eat it because you don’t get bossed around by the pregnancy police. You are Alex O’Rourke, senior associate and incoming partner at one of the city’s most prestigious small-to-medium-sized law firms. You. Have. Got. This.’ Brianna clenched her fist and, buoyed by her enthusiasm, Alex produced her wallet with a flourish.
Brianna was right. She could do this. There were these people called nannies. She would hire one for the twins. Maybe a live-in. Give her and James the occasional date night. She would take six weeks maternity leave and no more. Work from home in that time. Get the nanny to bring the baby in for feeds.
Alex looked in her wallet while Brianna watched her expectantly, encouragingly.
Hang on. No cash, not a cent, and she knew her credit card was maxed out thanks to all the extra-curricular activities she’d just enrolled the boys in.
Yep, she really had this.