“SO,” ANTOINE GLARED at Bruce from across the table. The great cat’s arm was still in a sling from the wounds inflicted by Marduc. Holly had healed him as best she could, but he’d been very damaged from the talons and the fall. She was pretty proud of herself that he wound up with only a single sling. “I’d thought you a captive and worried myself sick over your fate. But instead, you were helping Larry plan the attack that killed other Sazi. I should strike you down where you sit!” He growled, showing sharp white teeth, and Bruce backed his chair away so quickly it nearly fell over. The scent of fear was too strong this close to the moon. Holly had to shake her head to come to her senses.
She wasn’t sure why she and Eric were even in the room, except to verify what Bruce had just told the council members and seers.
“Antoine, put away your claws. We have more important things to do.” Lucas might not have power to back it up anymore, but his tone brooked no argument. Josette spoke over the speaker. “Lucas is right, little brother. Love makes us all do foolish, dangerous things. Save your energy for the battle ahead. We’re fortunate Bruce was with Holly and Eric. The spiders could easily have eaten them both.”
“And what exactly are we to do about these spiders, who are likely on their way as we waste time talking?”
Antoine apparently hadn’t been listening when Lucas was barking orders earlier. That surprised her. Lucas might not be a council member anymore, but people should still listen to him. Holly decided to update them on what had been happening, before she was asked to come in to the meeting. “Everybody’s getting ready to head to Texas. Adam and Cara Mueller said there are some caves near their pack headquarters where people can set up house for as long as need be. There’s running water and electricity already strung to the site, and it’s not uncommon for families to have reunions there.”
“And I’ll be leading them,” Lucas added. “I might not be a shifter anymore, but I haven’t lost my memories and I can still plan defense with the best of them. Tony will be with me, and Adam said he’s got a good armory down there. They’ve been planning all along to be Marduc’s primary attack point. How that changed, we’ll probably never know.”
“Likely it was someone Charles saved.” Josette’s voice was dry. Nobody commented, since most everyone in the room had been saved by Charles at one point. “Has Raphael arrived? Are Ahmad and Bobby secured?”
Antoine nodded. “They weren’t happy about it, but yes. Tuli’s still wondering why the order included Ahmad, but not her, and Asri is livid. She’s nearly ready to give birth, and she’s waiting for Bobby. Apparently, he’s her coach. I hope there’s a very good reason to lock them in an underground kiva for a week with Raphael draining their power down to nearly nothing.”
Holly’s mouth dropped open. She knew one of Raphael’s gifts was the death touch, but she’d never heard he could remove just part of someone’s power. And to do that to a councilman? Could they get their powers back later if they were drained like that?
Lucas answered. “There’s a very good reason. Marduc generally only has control over male snakes, but her control is strong. She likely was able to reach Charles’s mind because she’d bitten him before, in our last encounter. She’ll be seeking out alpha snakes to try to find a mate. She’s born pregnant, but must have the eggs fertilized. Sex and food are her primary motivations at this stage. If she sent the snakes to attack, it was either because she was trying to remove a potential threat to her young, or she was just getting the hang of controlling the lesser shifters. Once she masters the three-days and regular snakes, she’ll go after the alphas. We don’t want Ahmad and Bobby controlled by her . . . or worse—called to her bed. Letting her find an alpha powerful enough to fertilize those eggs would be a disaster. The children would destroy us all. Dampening their power will hopefully let them go unnoticed until we’re ready to attack.”
“I don’t mean to interrupt,” Holly finally said, “but what about Nasil? Isn’t he powerful enough? He sure held me without any trouble. Couldn’t he already be on her side?”
Once more Lucas picked up the knife and examined it. It had been passed around the room several times, only to be dropped by each person with a hiss of pain. She’d done it too, because how can you know the sensation unless you experienced it?
Gawd. Men and dangerous toys. They just can’t stand not toughing it out in front of the others.
Only Lucas seemed to be able to handle it easily, which confirmed that he had no magical power left to slice away. The others watched him spin it on the table. The scent of envy floated to her nose. She shook her head at the same time as Lucas, but for entirely different reasons. “The way Bruce described the effects of the knife, I doubt he’s got enough power to interest her. That knife has been chewing at him for some time, poisoning his system. She’d probably consider him damaged goods.”
Holly opened her mouth, but then closed it again. Surely she hadn’t healed him that much. Probably not enough to matter. She noticed Eric didn’t bring it up either.
“He wouldn’t be interested anyway,” Bruce said quietly. “Larry obeyed Sargon because he had no choice, but he didn’t really want the world to fall. It’s why he keeps helping you guys. He’s been searching for Marduc ever since Sargon died. But not to join her cause. He wanted to kill her before she hatched, so everybody would stay safe. Larry’s not evil. I’d know if he was, and I’d never have stayed with him.”
Antoine growled, but didn’t move. Still, Holly agreed. Bruce probably would know better than anyone. But that still didn’t explain why she was here. “Then is there a reason you called us in, Nana? Do Eric and I really need to be hearing all this?”
Lucas turned to her and looked suddenly . . . sad. Nana spoke over the line. “Yes, you do. I dreamed of you last night, Holly. The image I saw was of the black-bladed knife flying to your hand in a battle with Marduc. As Bruce explained it to us, that might happen if it was bonded to you. The magic that created the knife intended to make it a substitute power well. It gathers magical energy and then distributes it at the will of the wielder, one whose magic it has tasted and favors enough to seek out. I believe that wielder is you, Holly.” Nana paused and took a deep breath. “I believe you are destined to slay Marduc.”
As Holly sat there blinking, trying to decide what to say, she realized the implications were too enormous to even wrap her mind around. Eric let out a low growl. “No. Just no. There’s got to be someone else. Someone who’s not—” He clamped his jaw shut abruptly and the dry, dusty scent of embarrassment rose before he could speak the last word. He wouldn’t meet her eyes.
Holly felt a flash of anger prickle the hairs on her neck. He damned well better not be saying she wasn’t capable. “I hope you aren’t about to say someone who’s not . . . female, Eric.”
Lucas smiled sadly and shook his head. “No, I think he’s about to say someone who’s not mine. He can’t help it, Holly. You’re his mate. He has to protect you. It’s in his blood now and there’s no changing it.”
Eric didn’t say anything, but she could feel Lucas’s words resonate in his head. There weren’t clear thoughts, as such, that she could hear. There was just muddled confusion along with the word No.
“It’ll take time for him to get over it,” Lucas added. “Months, or even years before he doesn’t leap in front of every speeding bullet for you.” He raised his brows and shook his head. “Ladies, I don’t know if it’s such a good idea for Eric to be here. The stronger Marduc gets, the more males she’ll be able to gather. Not just snakes and birds, but cats and wolves too. I’m thinking maybe he needs to go with us to Texas.”
“I agree. He’ll have to go,” Josette said firmly. “Holly can’t be distracted in this, and the future’s unclear on his role. It might be the only way Marduc dies is if she’s alone.”
The future’s unclear? What the hell? Were the seers just guessing? “Excuse me? No way. Did you ever think that the only way I survive to kill Marduc might be if he stays?” Now that she knew he hadn’t deserted her, and couldn’t desert her, she didn’t want him to leave. She didn’t want to be the dragon slayer. But if she had to . . . if she was the only one who could do this, she wanted Eric nearby. She intertwined her fingers with his and took a deep breath. “If I stay, he stays. It’s not just a single-sided mating anymore. Not since . . . well, since last night.” Nana started to swear. Holly shrugged. “Hey, you’re the ones who insisted that we had to go last night to find the knife. Well, we did and this is the result. Live with it.”
Lucas dropped his head until his lower face was hidden by a hand. Was he snickering? That’s sure what it smelled like.
“We’ll have to confer,” Nana said after a long pause. “You should both get some sleep. Tomorrow will be a long day, regardless of what we decide for you.”
They hung up the phone without another word. Holly looked around the room. Ivan let out a sigh and rolled his eyes. “Seers. With seers it is always something.”
Antoine pushed back his chair and hissed when his splinted arm cracked against the tabletop. “Ivan, I think we should meet to discuss things. Lucas,” he said, his voice cooling to near disdain, “I presume you believe you should attend as well.”
Lucas bared teeth in something that bore no semblance of a smile. Yet his scent had no particular emotion, unless tired counted. “You’d presume correctly. But start without me. I need to have a few words with Holly.” He met Eric’s eyes and there was command in them. “Eric, please escort Bruce to the holding cell on the main floor and guard him until his trial.” When Bruce gasped, Lucas turned to the man and continued without any sympathy in his scent or voice. “No matter what the crisis, Bruce, we can’t simply ignore the fact that you did help Nasil with his plans. You could have gotten to a phone, or found a way to get a message to us months ago. But you didn’t, even knowing full well that people were going to die if the plan went forward. Surely you must know the penalty for that.”
Bruce looked around the room, panic etching lines in his face. Ivan and Antoine met his gaze. “Surely you don’t expect my help,” Antoine said with disbelief. “You betrayed me. Betrayed us all.”
When Bruce looked to her, Holly couldn’t meet his gaze. He had to have known there would be a price. He’d worked with Antoine for how long? Nearly a decade? “Holly?” he asked hopefully.
She couldn’t help but remember Dale sobbing on the phone. “My sister is dead, Bruce. Killed by the snakes you allowed to roam free.” She shook her head. “It won’t bring her back if they kill you. But it won’t bring her back if I save you, either.”
Bruce crumbled then, realizing there was no hope to be had. His jaw trembled as he stood and nodded. Eric took his arm and led him out of the room.
Lucas remained seated until everyone had left the room and it was just the two of them. She stared at his hands, so unfamiliar, even though his nervous habit of tapping one finger as though sending a message in Morse code was the same. “Holly?”
“Yes, Alpha?” His fingernails had been recently trimmed. She knew he went to a nail salon fairly frequently. How could someone trimming his nails not notice the difference between what they saw and what they felt?
There was humor in his voice. “You’re more alpha than me now, Holly, and I’m not your pack leader anymore. You can look me in the eye.”
She started abruptly. It had been so long since she’d actually looked at his face—she’d always been careful to keep the proper respect for his office, and for the wolf. “Oh. I guess I figured—I’m sorry, this is all so confusing.”
He nodded, and she realized his eyes were still the same. Eyes that could hold humor or anger in equal measure. “I know. It’s confusing for everyone. That’s why I wanted to talk to you.”
“Do you want me to try to heal you again?” She wanted him to be him again. While he was young and attractive . . . sexy, in fact . . . this just didn’t feel like Lucas.
He smiled and shook his head. “There’s nothing to heal. I’m perfectly healthy, except for being human.”
Holly felt her face heat, even though it wasn’t really her fault. “I know. And I can’t tell you how sorry I am about that. I never would have believed it was possible for them to—”
Lucas’s face darkened. “For who to do what?”
Now she was really confused. She leaned forward in her chair and couldn’t understand the surprise and confusion coming from him. “The FMU. You know . . . the cure?”
He leaned back in his chair for a long moment, regarding her curiously. “No, I don’t know. You have to understand, Holly. Those on the council who aren’t treating me like a leper are treating me like a second-class citizen. I have been told absolutely nothing about what happened and without my magic, I have no way to force anyone to offer the information against their will. The council is no less secretive than they’ve ever been. Even Ivan seems to have developed laryngitis and short-term memory loss.”
She was completely taken aback. “What? That’s not right! You deserve to know what did this to you. You’re no less an attack victim than I am.” The glaring truth of her own words was both stunning and terrifying. “Dear God, you are an attack victim. We turned into something as bad as them.” She said the words under her breath, but he heard them.
“You need to talk to me, Holly. This could be vitally important. What is the FMU? If there are more than just snakes at work here, I really need to know.” Lucas’s face was worried, but more than that, he smelled afraid. It was an intense dread that was making his muscles twitch, ready to do something.
She nodded. Maybe the council would be angry with her, but she only had Eric’s word they’d even done the hindsight on her. While she couldn’t figure out any reason why he’d lie, she’d feel better if someone she trusted actually heard the story from her.
Lucas sat in silence while she told him about FMU. She even showed him the tattoo under her hair. He began to frown, but let her continue without interrupting. No, she didn’t want to shine too harsh a light on Rose and her other dead friends, but she needed to work out in her own head what might have happened to make them go this far. “I don’t know if you can truly imagine what it was like, growing up like that. And you’d have to, in order to understand what would make them do this to you, Alpha.”
“I’m not—” he protested again, but she held up her hand.
“You’re the only pack leader I’ve ever known. I can’t think of you as anything but. I’ll try to call you Lucas, if I can.” He let out a deep sigh, followed by a small chuckle. Holly tried to think of what might make him understand. There were so many tiny things; like the individual snowflakes that make up a blizzard. She wasn’t sure why the next words came out, other than it was nearly March and once again—“Do you know that I’ve only celebrated six birthdays on my birthday, in my whole life?”
He shook his head, obviously confused. “No. Why?”
“Because I was born near the full moon.” She paused as he shook his head. “The pack never really understood the upheaval in our house the nights of the moon. Dad was the omega, so he got all the shit work leading up to the hunt.” She chuckled bitterly. “No, actually I got all the shit work.” Lucas narrowed his eyes and opened his mouth, but Holly held up her hand to stop him. “I’m serious, Alpha. On the three nights of every single full moon for my entire life, I have been worked like a slave from before dawn until after dark. It only got worse as my sisters left home. And then I’d be left alone. Rose left home when I was little, and Mom was dead. Everybody else in the family turned, so it was a party for them. But before I was old enough to watch the other kids—which, I should mention, was required of me once I turned fifteen—there was nobody to watch me.”
Lucas shook his head and let out an exasperated noise. “That is simply not true, Holly. There were always people around to watch the children. Tatya insisted on that and I know it happened. And being babysat once a month isn’t a reason to go join a radical hate group.”
Holly was feeling braver by the second, but she couldn’t really figure out why. Maybe it was because while Lucas might backhand her, he couldn’t throw her against the wall or cut off her air until she passed out anymore. “Reality check, Lucas. This isn’t about birthdays or babysitters. The Boulder pack was all about castes and cliques. Nobody included the human daughter of the omega in plans. Are you kidding? Nobody wanted me around, or Bob Salazar, or even Candy Streeter. We weren’t rich, we weren’t cool, and most importantly—we weren’t wolves. You’re right. This is about hate groups . . . and there were plenty on both sides.”
Lucas’s mouth opened in shock and she nodded when he couldn’t get out any sound. Bringing Candy’s name up had been intentional. “You remember Candy, right? Yeah, she was a member of FMU. We all were. Of course, she was only a member until she was murdered when her best friend Karol scratched her. Did anyone ever mention that Karol was put up to it? Candy was on the verge of being cool and Corrine urged Karol to do it, for her own good. Just that last tiny step to be part of the club.”
The heat of anger was beginning to rise and she wanted Lucas to suffer through this the way she had. “We’d been taught our whole lives that the only way to be cool was to get lucky in the gene pool. You were dirt if you were human in that school. Candy dreamed of it, wished for it—just like I did, until we both realized we wouldn’t turn. That’s when we joined FMU, because we realized it wasn’t about being a wolf. And then she was killed, because she forgot to put on a silver bracelet that day.”
It was only last year that she found out what had happened to Candy—that she hadn’t survived her first turn. The kids had been told her family had “moved.” Yeah, her parents moved all right. Ran away to escape the pain.
The entire pack had watched the tape of the failed change. About half of the human kids she knew vomited. She nearly had too. It had been a stark look at what was about to happen to her because it was just after Corrine had tried to rip out her throat. The same thing nearly did happen to her. Her body would have ripped itself apart if Raphael hadn’t insisted on having a bunch of healers present on that first moon.
Now Lucas looked sick. “Holly, I . . . I already explained I didn’t know the teachers at the pack school were telling people that being a wolf was somehow better than being human. Tatya was punished for it, and several of the teachers were dismissed and moved to other packs. I fully admit it was terrible that you weren’t told about Candy in school, but—”
She shook her head tiredly. “You think this is just about what happened in school? Look, this isn’t about Candy. You asked why I joined FMU. You said there was no reason to join a radical hate group. You’re wrong. Once I got to be ten or eleven the car stopped coming by . . . and it’s not like Dad had any standing to raise a fuss.” Frustration began to edge her voice. She just couldn’t help it. “Of course, there wasn’t money to send me to a movie or hire a sitter every month.” She snorted, remembering all the battles for new clothes or shoes. Being entertained on every moon would have been out of the question. “Hell, Dad struggled every month just to put food on the table—even though the restaurant’s walk-in was packed with meat. That was really hard to understand when we were kids. That the food was the pack’s, not the property of the Sanchez family. That was made abundantly clear by Tatya, and by you. Do you remember that memo? You signed it. It basically told Dad, Cook, but don’t touch. Know how that read in our house? Feed us, but don’t eat. And who do you think got meat in our house when there was some? The human? Do you think I wasn’t reminded every day of my life why my plate was empty?” The laugh came out bitter and angry. He wouldn’t need a supernatural nose to sense her emotions today.
“Why do you think he robbed my bank account, again and again? To buy a new stove, to buy a new freezer . . . to feed you. Pack members had to be granted credit, and were never required to clear their accounts. We couldn’t raise our prices because it would be unfair to the pack. We had to pay our monthly tithe, even though we never saw a single benefit. Never mind that the little human girl wouldn’t have new school clothes, or decent meals, or someday go to college. What would that matter?”
Lucas was totally stunned, looking almost silly as he blinked with an open mouth. “It’s funny, you know, that even after you found out he’d stolen every dime I ever made, and after I was attacked and turned, everybody conveniently forgot to replace the money. Yeah, there’s something to make a girl feel welcome in the pack.”
He tried to speak, but no words came out. His scent was horrified, sad, and angry, all at once.
Holly felt tears burning her eyes. It was hard to remember it all without getting angry all over again. She snuffled, and let the salty wetness fall down her face. It was time he saw this . . . heard this from someone. Maybe he was finally in a place in his life that he could understand. “I wasn’t an isolated story, Lucas. Every human family member who saved their allowance, or dug through dumpsters for soda cans, or sold birthday gifts, or even stole money from someone, just so they could sneak out of the house and escape for a bit could tell you the same. Is it any wonder we banded together—all the left-behinds who weren’t quite good enough to be pack, or pride, or nest? We formed Family Members United as a place where we could have some acceptance; a sense of belonging. The forum opened on the first night of every full moon and we’d yell and cry and scream to each other. It was online therapy. Well, we’d talk until the mighty hunters came back home to make our lives hell again, that is. Trust me, you don’t want to hear about the bruises and concussions and cracked bones we put up with. So long as nobody broke skin, nobody cared. It was a wave of the hand and ‘oh, you’ll heal.’ ”
“Holly,” Lucas finally said, his voice filled with something close to outrage, “Why didn’t you ever tell anyone? How in the hell were we supposed to know any of this?”
She leaned close enough to him that he would feel the pressure of air on his face. Her hands were clenched into fists and she realized she was shaking, not from fear, but from years of pent-up rage. She slammed her fist on the table, not even realizing she did it until she felt the sting of pain. The words spilled out so fast she couldn’t stop them. Didn’t want to stop them. “Why should I have to? Why didn’t you notice? We were kids. What were we supposed to do? Who were we supposed to tell?”
She stood in a rush and threw the chair against the wall. It felt good to see him flinch from the noise and motion. “We . . . weren’t . . . pack! Don’t you get it? Only the animals got to be pack and live the privileged life of a Sazi with healers and therapists and pack leaders to talk to. The rest of us just got to keep the secrets and clean up the blood and make up the lies so the rest of you could be the exalted rulers. I would have been tossed out of your office on my ear if I’d asked for an appointment, and probably would have been grounded by Dad for a month for having the gall to bother you. No, the only support network we had was each other, because nobody else wanted to hear what we had to say. Do you know what that feels like, Lucas? To know that nobody really wants you around? You’ve been a second-class citizen for a fucking day. Try it for a lifetime. At least people are being nice to you after you turned human. Try having everybody hate you because the fact you lived caused someone they actually liked to die? All the wolves loved Corrine. She was vicious and nasty and spiteful. That’s how she got to be third female. I was the friend of a cat who stole our land and stole our Second male. I was human scum who was a wannabe wolf . . . and I had no right to live. I wasn’t supposed to live. Even Josette says so.”
Holly had wanted to be a wolf so desperately she could taste it, and all the real wolves had always snickered that she would dare to dream it. Now it sickened her every time she thought about the fact that she was an alpha, one of the elite. And it had made her an entirely different person—one she didn’t like so much.
She hadn’t intended to say any of this, but now it all seemed to be flowing out of her in a stream she couldn’t stop. “Do you know that we dreamed . . . we prayed in the FMU for the day someone would come along and wave a magic wand to either turn us into Sazi or turn you into humans? But when I was turned, I became one of the animals to them. I lost my humanity with the wolf, and lost the wolf to my humanity. I’m the worst of both, a wolf who hates being one. A healer who terrifies the animals she’d hoped to heal, and doesn’t want to heal the animals like her.” The reality of her situation hit her like a blow to her chest. “And now the FMU actually created the wand to make it all better, and they picked the wrong Sazi. How whacked is that? You’re human . . . when it’s me who wanted to be.” She shook her head. “And as much as that tiny part of me still wants to laugh and point and tell you, ha, ha, serves you right . . . it’s not fair. To either of us. It should be a choice, not a cowardly attack. I’m sorry for that, Lucas. More than you can ever know.”
She was tired. So very tired of all of this. What she wouldn’t give to still be in Boulder, going to vet school and not having the end of the world hanging over her head.
But then you wouldn’t have Eric. She felt a dull lump in her stomach, and knew it was probably true. Without magic, she probably wouldn’t be mated. She didn’t even know if he’d still like her. She’d just been a kid when they’d gotten to know each other. Was she even that person anymore?
Lucas looked lost. He shook his head, trying to process everything. “I honestly don’t know what to say to you, Holly. Here I’ve been struggling to protect the Sazi from outside enemies, only to discover that we’ve been creating an enemy in our own home who hates us even worse.” He lowered his forehead into his hands and suddenly smelled as tired as she felt. “Our own family wants us dead?” he whispered.
She shook her head and touched his hand. “Not dead, Lucas. Just . . . human. It’s not a death sentence.”
He looked up then and raised his brows over pained eyes. “I was born in the year 264 A.D., Holly. Tell me how dying sixty or seventy years from now isn’t a death sentence.”
She had no answer for that, and couldn’t quite wrap her head around that long of a life. All she could do was pull back her hand and shrug helplessly. Mostly she wanted to leave. There was too much pain, confusion, and anger roiling through the room. No, it wasn’t precisely her fault this happened. But it was a sin of omission, rather than commission.
“Y’know,” Lucas said after a long pause, “this wasn’t at all what I wanted to talk to you about. But now that I know all this, there’s really no need to even ask.”
“You might as well,” she responded with a shrug as she sat back down. “It can’t hurt anything at this point. I’m sure you already hate me, so what’s the difference?”
Lucas sighed and leaned back in his chair. “I don’t hate you, Holly. I’m not really sure what I feel about you. I thought I’d gotten to know you pretty well over the years, and now it turns out I didn’t know you at all. But if you don’t want to heal ‘animals,’ it really doesn’t do much good to ask this.”
“I already told you. I’ll do whatever I can to help you. You’re no less of an attack victim than me. It turned you into something you didn’t want by force. I’ll fix that if I can.”
A sad chuckle left his lips. “I suppose I’m grateful for that, but I’m not asking for me. I was hoping you could heal Tatya.”
Holly reared back in her seat at the request. The most powerful healer of them all needed healing? “What’s wrong with Tatya that she can’t heal herself?”
“Me.” The word was simple, but the implications were enormous. “I never realized just how much she relied on me—for power, for purpose, and even for a sense of self-worth. I have no illusions about my wife, Holly. She’s cunning and vicious and a social climber, but she truly believed she was doing right for the pack. Unfortunately, after your revelations, I’m even more afraid for her mental state. If she really is as much of a classist as you claim, then having lost me—my standing and power—might be more than she can bear.” Lucas might not be Sazi anymore, but the intensity in his eyes sure made them look like they were glowing. “I was going to ask if you could heal her heart. Can that be done? Can a—I hate to even say the word—but can a prejudice that deep be healed with magic? Is there any way for my wife to stop hating humans?” He paused and looked like he was going to be sick. “I wouldn’t have believed it of her, but now that you’ve said it, I have to think back on all the small signs I’ve seen and ignored over the years. I’m beginning to think that she could do something monumentally foolish and wind up getting put down. And yes, I would be able to lose her now. The mating bond is gone with the loss of the magic, but I’m not positive she could lose me. Not the me that’s human, but the me that was the all-powerful Lucas, or Inteque, or whoever the hell I’ve been.” He cocked his head. “Got a cure for that?”
Holly was stunned. “What are you afraid she’s going to do?”
Lucas sighed and started tapping his finger on the knife again. “She’s already asked if I want her to turn me.”
“Turn . . . as in attack?”
He nodded and closed his eyes for a long moment before opening them again. “At first I thought it was a joke. But she’s asked three times in less than a day. If she is prejudiced against humans, I don’t know if she’s going to keep asking.”
The thought horrified Holly. “But that’s a death sentence. And there’s no guarantee that you’d wind up an alpha wolf again or even survive.”
Lucas locked eyes with her. While his voice was steady and calm, his scent was pungent with fear and worry. Holly was pretty sure the fear was for Tatya, rather than just himself. “I’m afraid she’s not thinking logically enough to care.”
Holly shook her head sadly, her heart thumping at the possibility that Tatya might be tempted to murder her husband just because he was human. “I don’t think there’s any healing magic out there that can change an honest belief—however wrong we think it is. Do you even think she is wrong? How do you feel about this being human stuff?”
He pushed back his chair and stood up, offering a blank face. But he couldn’t hide his scent. He was scared and angry. “I don’t think that’s any of your concern. I feel fine. It’ll just take some time to adjust.”
Apparently the meeting was finished. She hadn’t really been done talking, but there were an awful lot of things to do before she could get some sleep. And frankly, she wasn’t sure she wanted to get any further inside Lucas’s head. He never had said whether he thought Tatya was wrong for how she thought of humans. And if he did believe the same, she didn’t want to know. She opened her mouth, then closed it again. She nearly offered to talk to Tatya if he thought it would help. But she really didn’t think it would . . . and she really didn’t want to.
Lucas held the door for her, just like he always had at the restaurant. She felt another pang of pity for him, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it.
They parted ways without a glance.
Maybe that was best.
Holly passed by Eric on her way outside. She needed to breathe air that wasn’t scented with negative emotions. If there wasn’t so much danger, she’d love to go for a run. But as it was, maybe she could just find a quiet place where there weren’t terrified, worried, angry people to push their emotions up her nose and make her sad.
Do you really feel that way, Holly? She heard Eric’s tentative voice in her mind. Do you want to be human again that badly? Enough to risk everything you’ve gained?
He heard it all? Crap. She hadn’t meant to inflict all that baggage on him. “Yes. No. I don’t know.” She whispered the words under her breath as she stepped out the door. She wasn’t lying. There were parts she liked, and parts she didn’t. “Can I be alone for a little while? Is that even possible with our connection?” She looked up at the nearly full moon, pale and round in the night sky. It pressed against her skin like a too-tight sweater and made her itchy. There’d be no relief from it until it began to wane.
Tony taught me a couple of things earlier. They might work. But I would like to talk to you about this. Soon. Especially since our relationship is hanging in the balance.
Something happened inside her brain. It was like a screen door banged shut and her mind felt a thousand times clearer. There’s your problem, right there. She didn’t want to care about Eric, but she always had. What if both of them were human? Would there be any attraction at all?
God, if there was just someone to talk to who would understand. But everybody here was all on one side of the argument. What I need is perspective.
“What I need,” she said with determination, as she spied a small tower rising from one of the land yachts, bearing a familiar gray dish, “is the Internet.”
THERE WAS NOTHING to do except think. An hour had passed, then two, as Eric guarded the door to a room not much bigger than a walk-in closet. Bruce had cried and then mumbled for a long time, but now was still. He could hear him turning over, trying to get comfortable. But there was no comfort to be had. There wasn’t even a chair in the room, and nobody was around to relieve Eric so he could go get one.
He couldn’t understand how Holly could hate the wolf she’d become. He couldn’t imagine not being a wolf, to not be able to run and hunt, to hear and smell things that others couldn’t imagine. But then, he didn’t remember being human. He’d known he was Sazi before he turned ten. All he could remember was the freedom that came with fur. He could climb higher, jump farther, and rarely got hurt. And too, he’d been one of the elite, the son of a pack leader. School was a whirlwind of privilege, good times, and great friends—a place to escape from Derek’s constant torment and devious tricks to get him in trouble. Eric had seen the seeds of his brother’s dark side even as a child. Except his parents wouldn’t believe it of their golden son.
What would it have been like to suffer his brother’s torture and have everybody look down on him, simultaneously? Would he have joined a group like FMU?
He shook his head without realizing it. No, I can’t imagine doing that. Their goals are just wrong. They only encourage anger. Thank goodness Holly had gotten out of the group before they fell off the deep end. He’d like to throttle more than a few people in that organization. To turn someone like Lucas into a mere human—
The sound of approaching footsteps brought him fully alert. But when his nose told him it was Lucas and Tony he relaxed a bit.
They both dipped their heads in greeting and he returned the gesture. “Eric, Tony is going to take watch for a while. We need to talk.” Eric glanced at Tony. It appeared that he was alert, despite the fact it was nearly dawn.
Apparently he telegraphed his thoughts on his face, because Tony let out a little chuckle. “I just woke up from a nap. I’m a lot better off than you right now. Plus, I’ve met Nasil. If anyone’s going to try to spring the prisoner, that’s who it’ll be.”
Eric waved his hand toward the empty chair. “Be my guest. Hope you brought a book.”
Tony tapped his temple with his hand. “I’ve got a wife to keep me company. You’ll be surprised how handy that is when you’re bored, once you both get the hang of it.”
Except she doesn’t want me in her head. But Eric didn’t say that out loud. It was nobody’s business.
Lucas was waiting at the door of the conference room where the speakerphone was located. But when Eric followed him inside, he didn’t reach for the satellite phone. He instead sat down and motioned to an empty chair. “Have a seat.”
“Is there a problem?” Eric asked. He knew Lucas didn’t really have a say over him anymore, but he did merit some respect.
“We’ve been trying to reach out to pack leaders all over the world, in order to update them on the situation at hand. So far, the only group we haven’t been able to reach is Quebec. Have you heard from anyone?”
He shook his head and let out a sigh. “Other than Holly’s sister, Iris Renault, nobody has shown up down here. And she left the pack days ago, before any of this happened.”
“When Josette called her. I know.” Lucas nodded. “Your mother was the Alpha Female, and your brother the Alpha Male of that pack. Since we’re unsure of their status, the council is considering you the de facto pack leader of Canada. Do you accept that appointment?”
“No.” Eric was surprised at how calmly the word came out. No laughing hysterically or spouting a string of swear words. “If I’d wanted the Canada pack, I would have challenged my brother for it. I don’t. If the council gives me Four Corners, I’ll accept it.” He shook his head. “But not Canada.”
“Is there a particular reason you’re refusing?” Lucas was holding his emotions in check so well that Eric couldn’t figure out where this was leading. But hadn’t Lucas been a prosecuting attorney for a number of years? No doubt he was pretty good at keeping his cards close to his vest.
Eric could play that game if he had to. “I don’t think there’s any requirement that I give a reason. Or has that changed?”
Lucas shook his head and sighed. “No, that hasn’t changed. But I’m asking you to tell me. It could help me figure something out.”
Eric felt his brow furrow. “Does the council even know you’re here talking to me?”
A small smile curled one side of the man’s mouth. “You catch on quick. That’s a good thing in a pack leader. This isn’t a council matter. It’s a Wolven one. You’re free to leave the room if you want. Of course, I could simply reactivate your commission in Wolven. Then you’d have to answer me, as your boss.”
Eric blinked several times, processing that. “But you’re human. Can you still be the head of Wolven?”
Lucas’s smile faded. But there was a hint of amusement in his eyes. “The position is appointed, not filled by election. And as I reminded Antoine and Ivan, only Charles can remove me. They’re not happy about it, but there’s nothing they can do without the full council to override it.”
“So you weren’t going to tell me I was free to go unless I asked. Is that it?”
The only response from Lucas was a small shrug. “Will you answer the question or do I bring in Ivan and Antoine?”
He should just walk out. Without a full council, Lucas probably couldn’t get a warrant and Eric wasn’t sure they could actually reactivate him. He really hoped not, because the last thing he wanted was to be an agent again. It was frustrating, stressful work that demanded constant diligence every waking hour and a cold brutality that he’d tried long and hard to forget. Still, his curiosity was tickled. What could Lucas be up to? “Let’s just say Derek and I had a difference of opinion on how the pack should be led.”
“Did you feel he was too lenient with the pack members?” Again, with no particular emotion.
There was no helping the bitter laugh that jumped out of his mouth. “I can honestly answer that question with a firm no. I woke up pretty much every day completely amazed that nobody had killed Derek in his sleep.”
“So you felt he was likely to be killed by another pack member?”
Ah, now he saw where this was going. He held up his hand. “Before we go any further, Lucas, it’s only fair to tell you that I’m double-mated to Holly. Your conversation with her wasn’t entirely . . . private.” He tipped his head in embarrassment. “Actually, none of it was private. I got treated to the same rant you did. Trust me—after that, I started taking a crash course in shielding. But if you’re asking whether the same situation she experienced in Boulder also existed in Canada, the answer is yes. Quite possibly, it was—is—worse. And it’s worse in the snake nest I visited in Australia a few years back, if that matters any.”
Lucas took a deep breath and held it for a long moment while he tapped one finger on the table. Eric didn’t take his eyes off the man. When Lucas finally spoke, he changed the subject. “Ivan mentioned to me that your brother was about to be put down for attacking a human.”
Eric didn’t feel the need to discuss the details, so he just nodded once. “That’s what I was told.”
“Were you aware he had significant gambling debts owed to a casino in Atlantic City?”
Eric’s brows lowered. “No, that can’t be right. Derek didn’t gamble. That’s the one thing he didn’t do. And he hardly ever left Quebec.”
Lucas shook his head. “No, unfortunately, that is right. I didn’t send Raina up there because of a pregnant human. That was just something she uncovered by accident when she was looking for the other evidence.”
Eric had no clue where this was going. Raina was sent there by Lucas. Lately, he’d been giving all the assignments personally, from what Eric had heard from others. But why? “Even if you’re right, gambling debts aren’t really the sort of crime that’s worth putting someone down for.”
Lucas’s voice was bland when he replied, but his scent spoke of a growing anger. “It is if he was in so deep to a certain group of people . . . or more precisely, a group of Central American snakes, that he was willing to sell secrets to them.”
Eric wanted to tell Lucas that there was no possibility of that happening, but hadn’t Mom mentioned the “foreign dignitaries” Derek had been entertaining from South America? It wouldn’t take much for his mother to get confused about the location. She considered anything south of Niagara Falls to be “South America.”
Eric’s mouth went dry. “What sort of ‘secrets’?”
“The locations of all pack headquarters. The names and addresses of alphas. The meeting places of the hunts. Information he’d have access to as a pack leader, and all of it useful to an enemy planning a coordinated attack. Raina found all the evidence we need to put it before the council. The question is, what do you know about it? You were his Second for years.”
Eric couldn’t answer. His mouth wouldn’t work. In fact, none of his body parts would work. He felt completely numb, and more horrified than he’d ever felt in his life. Derek, what have you done? “I . . . I don’t know anything about it. In the first place, I wasn’t his Second—not in truth. I was just his little brother. And I’ve been in Australia for two years—ever since I retired from Wolven. He never took a trip outside the country when I was in the pack, and we never had snakes visit Quebec.”
Lucas nodded. “But you just told me that you visited a snake nest in Australia.”
Eric pushed back his chair and stood up. “I have nothing to do with any of this. Whatever this is.” He held up a finger and heard his own voice increase in volume. “I knew one person in Australia when I arrived. One. Carl Davros, who I met at a band camp in secondary school, and who happens to be a snake. I slept on his floor for a couple of weeks until I found a place to live. He’s never met my brother, and I didn’t introduce them.”
Lucas’s brown eyes might not hold magic anymore, but they had a weight that made Eric step back a pace. “I believe you. Maybe I can’t smell emotions anymore, but I can still read body language.”
Eric let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “So is that all you wanted? To ambush me and see if you could surprise a confession out of me?”
“Never hurts to try.”
The chuckle that emerged was bitter and filled with the annoyance Eric felt. “Yeah it does. It scared me out of a year’s growth.” He motioned to the door. “Can I go now? I’d like to get some food and then collapse.”
Lucas nodded. “Fine. But you are to report to me immediately if your brother tries to contact you. We’re not certain yet if your mother is involved, but we want to talk to Derek as soon as we reach the pack up there.”
Eric nodded as Lucas stood. He turned to the door as though to leave, but then paused with his hand on the knob. Lucas smiled, but there was no humor behind the flash of teeth. “In fact, let me make your duty clear. You’re officially reactivated. Welcome back to Wolven, Agent Thompson.”