Aaron didn’t want to go back to Roger’s townhouse. He spent the next two days at White’s in hopes his friend would stop by, but when it became clear to him that Roger would rather be at home with Lilly and Jackson, Aaron made himself go to his friend’s residence.
He sat in the library, slumped in a chair, as he waited for his friend to show up. The past two days had been long ones. He didn’t think it was possible for time to go so slowly, or for events of the past to repeat themselves so often that he thought he might go insane. He rubbed his temples. He desperately wanted a reprieve from the memories of how he’d made Kitty miserable, but he couldn’t find it.
The door opened, and he jumped to his feet. “I need your help.”
Roger shut the door. “The footman said you looked distraught.”
He did? Aaron thought he’d been doing a better job of hiding the turmoil raging inside of him than that. What was the point of forcing himself to smile if the servants weren’t fooled? He slumped back in the chair.
“I’ve been a terrible husband,” he finally admitted.
“Yes, I surmised that by the way Kitty acted when you two were here to see Jackson,” Roger said as he went to the decanter.
“If you surmised it, why didn’t you visit me?”
Roger poured brandy into two glasses. “Did you really want me to tell you that you’re not being nice to your wife? I didn’t think you cared if you were nice or not.”
Aaron was about to say that he did care, but that would have been a lie. He let out a defeated sigh. “You’re right. I didn’t. Not until recently.”
Roger went over to him and gave him a glass. “What changed your mind?”
Aaron waited until his friend was sitting across from him before answering. “I realized she was a virgin. She hadn’t been going from one bed to another like I’d assumed.”
“How did you realize that? Did you consummate your marriage and note the proof of her virginity?”
“No. I haven’t been in bed with her. But when Miss Britcher left, I slept in the same room with her, and, without going into detail, she moved about the room as if I was Miss Britcher. If she had been with a gentleman at any time, she should have realized what I was thinking and how my body was reacting to her. But she was completely oblivious to any of it.”
Roger sipped his brandy and nodded. “There is a difference between a lady who’s been untried and one who is familiar with the bed. Lilly makes love to me differently now than she did when we were first together. But, Aaron, I also know Lilly, and Lilly knows Kitty. When Kitty came over here to tell her about the chaperone, she said there was no sense in Kitty having one since Kitty didn’t even know how to kiss a gentleman.”
“Yes, you tried to warn me. I was too foolish to listen.”
Roger’s expression softened. “I think scared is a better word. You think every lady is like your mother.”
“My mother hurt me. She hurt my father, too.”
“I know.”
Aaron stared at the brandy in his glass then drank some of it.
“I heard Kitty is staying with Emilia and Benjamin,” Roger continued.
“I haven’t gone to see her. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if she’ll even give me a chance to prove I’m not the monster she thinks I am,” Aaron replied as he recalled how angry she’d been at him when she left.
“Tell her the truth.”
Aaron laughed at the absurdity of doing such a thing. “The truth? Do you even think she’d listen to me?”
“She might not listen, but I think you owe it to her to tell her the truth. It might work. That’s what Lilly did with me. I had to know I could trust her. Kitty has to know you’re going to stop comparing her to your mother, and she needs to know you’ll trust her to do what she wants without a chaperone. Marriage isn’t perfect, but there has to be a sense of honesty and trust between the husband and wife. Otherwise, you might as well let Kitty stay with Emilia and Benjamin forever.”
Aaron took another drink and thought over his friend’s advice. After a moment, he said, “You’re right. I have to be willing to get hurt.”
“If you want the kind of marriage Lilly and I have, yes, you will have to risk getting hurt. Every relationship involves being vulnerable to some extent, and the closer you are to someone, the more vulnerable you need to be.”
Aaron studied his friend. “You’re happy.”
“I am. I didn’t think I’d be when Lilly tricked me into marriage, but I loved her, and I had to decide to forgive her and push aside my pride in order to give our marriage a chance. Because Lilly was sincere, everything worked out. You have to be willing to let Kitty into your heart. That’s the only way you’re going to be happy.”
“I know it sounds easy, but it feels like a difficult thing to do.”
“It’s only difficult because you’re making it that way,” Roger said. “You start out with an apology. Then you tell her why you’re scared and why you assumed the worst about her. Then you ask her if she’s willing to come home. If she is, you let her go out by herself, let her wear what she wants… Give her the freedom to show you who she really is. In turn, you will show her who you really are.” Roger paused then added, “Even if you’re not that good of a chess player, you’ve got good wit and you’re a loyal friend.”
Aaron found himself chuckling. “I’m good at chess.”
“Sometimes.”
“Often.”
“Sometimes often.”
“Regularly often.”
Roger started to argue but shrugged. “Who am I to argue with someone’s delusion?”
Aaron rolled his eyes but couldn’t help smiling. “Thanks for the advice. I’ll use it.”
“I hope it works. I’d like for you to have the kind of marriage your father never did. Judging by the way Kitty was with Jackson, I doubt she’s the kind of lady who can leave her child.”
“I think she’ll be a good mother, too.” In fact, he was sure of it. She was too upset with the idea he’d take their son and run off with him to think otherwise.
After a moment, Roger asked, “Did you hear about Lord Edon and Lady Cadwalader?”
“Don’t tell me he was caught having an affair with her,” Aaron said.
“No. But she is livid with him. Rumors are going around that Lord Edon shared a dalliance with her niece. Her niece is in tears. Lady Cadwalader demanded her husband force Lord Edon to a duel. It’s to his benefit that her husband can’t do that, or he’d be making his will and testament right about now.”
Aaron recalled the day Lord Edon had been bragging about his latest conquest. “I didn’t spread the rumor, but I was there when he was bragging about his time with Miss Covington. I’m sure he let the name slip elsewhere, too.”
“Well, he’s currently hiding in his townhouse. Lady Cadwalader put the fear of God into him.”
“Do you think it’ll do him any good?”
“For a while, but I’m sure he’ll be sneaking off to a lady’s bed before too long. I just thought it was amusing to watch how Lady Cadwalader managed to scare him.”
“It serves him right to be scared. He doesn’t mind being with a lady whether she’s married or not. It would be nice if he’d stop it. I don’t know why he finds such things amusing.”
“I think he likes the fact that everyone talks about him. Some people like to be the center of people’s attention. Though, sometimes I wonder if he isn’t making some of his conquests up,” Roger said.
“Even if he does, I’ll tie him up to Lady Cadwalader’s carriage so she can run him out of London and do whatever she wants to him if he says anything about Kitty.” Before his friend got the wrong idea, he added, “And I’ll know he’d be lying because I’ve learned my lesson about her. I know Kitty can be trusted.”
“You won’t have to tie him up alone. I’ll help you.”
“You would do that, wouldn’t you?”
Roger shrugged. “What are friends for?”
Aaron smiled. Coming here had been the right thing to do. While he hadn’t resolved anything with Kitty, he had a plan, and that was more than he had when he came here. Recalling the way he’d given Roger grief when he learned that Roger had forgiven Lilly, Aaron said, “I’m sorry I gave you a difficult time about Lilly.”
“I knew you only did that because of how things went with your mother, so I didn’t take your words to heart. I do, however, appreciate the apology.” After a moment, he continued, “I believe everything will be all right. From what I know about Kitty, she’s not an unreasonable lady.”
“I’ve given her a couple of days away from me so she’d have time to herself. It was the least I could do after forcing her to spend every moment of the day with a chaperone.”
“That’s a good start, but I wouldn’t wait too long before talking to her.”
“I won’t. I was thinking of going over to her within the next couple of days. I just haven’t decided when and where. Maybe I’ll do it some place public, like a ball. She can’t yell at me at a ball.”
“Whatever you decide, I hope things go well for you.”
Aaron nodded and took a sip of his brandy. Now that he had an idea of what to do, he just needed the courage to do it. He wasn’t sure what to expect. Soon enough, he was going to find out.
***
Kitty sat on the couch across from Gretchen, Hattie, and Teddy as she read from a book of short stories she’d bought on her way to pay them a visit.
“‘The children had gathered together around the injured cat,’” she read. “‘Jane removed the shawl from around her shoulders and tucked it under the animal. Her brother worried lifting the cat might do more harm, so she was careful as she gathered the animal into her arms.’”
Kitty glanced at Teddy to see if the hurt cat had upset him at all, but he looked content to keep listening to the story. She hadn’t thought to check his expression the last time she’d read to him. She’d scanned all of the stories in this book to make sure she wasn’t going to read anything scary again, but it was just now occurring to her that an injured cat might make him uneasy. The last thing she wanted was to give poor Teddy more nightmares. She continued to read the tale, and from time to time, she would look at him for any signs she should stop. He gave her no reason to worry, however.
When she made it to the end, he clapped his hands. “The cat is happy now that he’s Jane’s pet,” he told Gretchen and Hattie. “I want to save a cat.”
Gretchen shook her head. “We don’t have room for a cat. Cats like to go out and run around. They need lots of grass. They’d get bored inside a house all day.”
He didn’t hide his disappointment. “But cats would be fun.”
“I’m sure they are fun to have around,” Hattie said. “Some people have them for a pet.”
Gretchen gave her sister an exasperated look. “Those people have larger homes than ours.”
“Yes, I suppose that’s true,” Hattie replied.
Teddy surprised Kitty by telling her, “You can get a cat and bring it here to visit.”
“Oh, she can’t do that,” Gretchen said. “Cats aren’t easy to take from one place to another like dogs are. I used to chaperone a lady who had a cat, and that thing was too quick. If it didn’t want to go somewhere, it’d dart right up the stairs and hid before anyone could find it. Besides, a pet is a big responsibility. You have to take care of the thing. We barely have enough to see to our own needs, let alone an animal’s.”
Hattie sighed. “You’re right.”
“Maybe you can get someone to make a toy that resembles a real cat,” Kitty suggested.
“Is such a thing possible?” Hattie asked, glancing at Gretchen.
“It wouldn’t be the same,” Gretchen replied. “What Teddy wants is a real cat, not a fake one.” She patted Teddy’s hand. “It’s best for the cats to be in a large home or in the country.”
“That doesn’t sound fun,” he mumbled.
“I know, but we need to think of what’s best for the cat. Even if we could afford one, a real cat would be miserable here.” Gretchen stood up and gathered the tray with the used cups and left-over biscuits. “The story was a good one. It was nice of Lady Northton to come out to read it to you.”
Teddy turned his gaze to Kitty. “Thank you, Lady Northton.”
Kitty smiled as Gretchen left the room and closed the book. She had been here long enough. She should go. She stood up and, after a short debate, decided to place the book on the table. “You can read the rest of these to him,” she told Hattie.
“You don’t want to come back and read another story?” Hattie asked.
“I’d love to come back out to read more, but I can buy more books,” she replied. “I thought this book would make a nice gift. Gretchen said you’ve been reading the same books to Teddy over and over. It must get boring to go over the same stories all the time.”
“I don’t know if I can accept this,” Hattie said. “Books are expensive, aren’t they?”
“I have enough money to buy more. I want Teddy to have this book.”
Thankfully, Aaron had sent the money from her dowry to her yesterday. Kitty hadn’t been sure if he would comply with her wishes or not. She certainly hadn’t expected him to give her the entire dowry. Given how stubborn he was, it’d been hard to know what to expect.
Michael had told her if things weren’t resolved between her and Aaron within a couple of months, he would help her invest her dowry so she could live off of it while renting her own townhouse. She’d rather go to her own townhouse now, but since Michael, Emilia, and Benjamin were insistent she wait, she had no other option. She refused to go back to her brother’s. While her brother wasn’t as awful as Aaron, she didn’t want to see either one of them ever again.
“That’s awfully kind of you to give me this book,” Hattie said.
“It makes me happy to think of someone other than myself, so really, you’re offering the kindness to me by taking it,” Kitty replied.
Gretchen returned to the room as Kitty put on her shawl. “Are you leaving already?” Gretchen asked.
“I’m going to the ball with Emilia this evening,” Kitty said. “I need to have time to get ready for it.”
“In that case, may I walk with you to the carriage?” Gretchen asked.
Kitty nodded and left the house with Gretchen. She hadn’t wanted to mention the topic of Gretchen’s employment in front of Hattie and Teddy. In fact, she wasn’t sure it was her place to pry since Aaron had been the one who hired her, but she did worry about Gretchen and her family’s welfare.
“Will it be difficult for you to find another job now that I’m no longer under my husband’s control?” Kitty asked Gretchen.
“I’ll be fine,” Gretchen replied. “There are always daughters and sisters who need chaperones, and Lord Northton will be one of my many references. Even if he has a tendency to be unreasonable at times, some notable gentlemen respect his opinion. I expect to manage just fine.”
“That’s good. I worried about what would happen to you and your family.” Kitty stopped halfway between the house and the carriage so no one could overhear them. “I couldn’t continue on in that marriage.”
“That’s a shame. I had hoped by leaving that it would force you two to be together. According to Mr. Stonewall, your husband wasn’t all that difficult once he didn’t feel threatened. I came to realize you weren’t the kind of lady who needed a chaperone. I thought once he realized it, too, you two might get along.”
Kitty’s eyebrows furrowed. “Are you telling me Teddy didn’t have nightmares?”
Gretchen offered her an apologetic smile. “Teddy was fine. We’ve read worse stories to him in the past.”
Kitty’s cheeks flushed with a spark of anger. “So you lied?”
“I lied because I didn’t think your husband would let me take a brief time off from my employment if I told him the truth.”
“What truth was that?”
“That he was making everything impossible for you and that he was wrong to treat you so poorly.”
Oh. In that case, Kitty didn’t feel so betrayed. While she didn’t like the fact that Gretchen had lied in order to get Aaron to take on the job of chaperoning Kitty himself, at least Gretchen admitted that Kitty didn’t deserve what he had put her through.
“He was wrong,” Kitty said.
“Yes, I know, and I know it was deceptive of me not to tell you what I was doing and why. I just didn’t think you two would ever spend more than a few minutes alone until you were forced to do it. I had good intentions. I thought Lord Northton would see what a fool he’d been and start to make an honest attempt to get to know you.” She sighed. “I suppose I made the wrong decision, though. Perhaps you are better off living in separate townhouses. There are a few couples who do it. No one will ostracize you because of it.”
Kitty hesitated to say anything, but in the short time she’d known the older lady, she felt she was safe in telling her the truth. “Lilly had her baby. As soon as I held him, the weight of what Aaron was asking me to do was too much. I can’t have his child and then hand that child over to him to raise without me. I want to be a part of my child’s life.”
She smiled. “I’m glad to hear that. Yes, what your husband was asking you to do was a cruel thing, but I know a couple of ladies who wouldn’t care if they saw their children again or not. It’s good that you care. I wish all mothers cared.”
Kitty’s mind went to Teddy’s mother. Gretchen hadn’t spoken a word about her. Hattie had been the one to do that. In light of that, Kitty refrained from mentioning her.
“If your husband is deserving of you, he’ll make an attempt to make things right,” Gretchen continued. “Mr. Stonewall thinks he’s reasonable enough to do that.”
Kitty didn’t care if Aaron was or not. The fact that he gave her the money from her dowry was all she really cared about at this point. Choosing to end the conversation on a happy note, Kitty wished her new friend a pleasant afternoon and headed back to Emilia’s townhouse.