Men who are getting older are redesigning later life to emphasize new vitality. When the baby boomers started to hit 50, then 60, their decisions and plans helped to reshape the nation’s thinking about how “older men” are supposed to act. Most men in their late fifties and midsixties are sexually active, plan to launch themselves into new jobs or postretirement “encore” careers, are resilient and more frugal, and believe that their lives are better despite the Great Recession setbacks.1 They also intend to contribute their valuable skills and experiences to their communities and to travel more. This group refuses to embrace the ageist stereotype of men who are “winding down,” sitting on a porch or deck without an agenda. They feel healthier than their parents did when they turned 60, are captivated by the possibilities of their “longevity bonus,” and intend to remain productive as they create an adventurous new life stage that begins in their sixties.2 Think about it this way: men in their late sixties and seventies are proud of their age and do not worry much about what other people think of them and their less-than-perfect bodies.
Well, I’m 77, and I can’t climb on the roof any more. At first, I felt I had lost something, I don’t know what, but it did affect me. Now, I couldn’t care less about it. If I can’t do it, then someone else will. That’s my attitude to anything now, but it takes a bit getting used to.3
Becoming older means becoming smarter, wiser, and more mature; it also means beginning to do some of the things on our “bucket list.”
The self-care needed to age well depends on how we think about ourselves and our future lives as older men. We can extend the quality of our everyday lives and our bodies’ health by eating well, remaining active, taking some time for ourselves, and managing stress. We need to resist the negativity so common in anti-aging messages and stay engaged in our relationships with family, friends, and our communities.
The message in this book is for men, but it will also help women better understand their brothers, fathers, and husbands. Working to make the second half of men’s lives physically and emotionally healthier than the first can pay enormous dividends. We explore the challenges and the pleasures of growing older and offer all kinds of information useful for middle-aged and older men. Everything in this book—from the realities of how aging changes our bodies to understanding wills and trusts, from caregiving to retirement decisions, from sexuality in later life to how much friends matter—is to provide you with information you need to live a healthier life for many years to come. There is much for everyone to learn about adult men’s health and healthy aging experiences.
Aging is a natural part of life. The shrewd comedian George Burns said, “You can’t help getting older, but you can help getting old.” He was keenly aware that too many people confuse aging with getting old and are thus apprehensive about it. Throughout history, people have tried to delay aging. Attempts to discover a substance to rejuvenate the body and mind inspired Chinese alchemists, Egyptian prophets, and many explorers, past and present, to search the globe. Contemporary medicine also touts many different “fountain of youth” fixes, from a Botox treatment to eliminate wrinkles to testosterone replacement therapy to boost stamina.
In America’s youth-obsessed culture, generations of men have been encouraged to view aging as a catastrophe that brings only problems.4 Clichés such as “past your prime” and “over the hill” cast a dim light on getting older. The vanity drugs, or “cosmeceuticals,” that advertise a “Repair” gel or “Age Defense” facial cream for men in their twenties and thirties start with the premise that aging is ugly and unnatural. It is vital to the quality of our lives to not get sucked into this damaging and false image of getting older. Aging is not the apocalypse that myths and media suggest. Aging is an ongoing process, commencing at birth and continuing throughout our existence—it is not a disease or a destination.
Ageism—a concept coined in 1969, 2 years after the Beatles released “When I’m Sixty-Four”—refers to a mind-set that stigmatizes people simply because of their chronologic age and results in discrimination.5 At age 50, AARP (American Association of Retired Persons) automatically offers us membership. Their offer suggests that we have crossed over a threshold to be officially among those “getting older.” At 62, the U.S. Forest Service will sell you a lifetime “Senior Pass” that permits access to any National Park. We also become eligible to receive a monthly Social Security check, though we are encouraged to wait until at least age 66 or 67. Less flattering ageist reminders are all around us—from images of aging in “humorous” birthday cards, to seating an older couple away from the active area of a restaurant where families with young children are gathered, to older guys not being invited to have a beer and burger with the younger people they work with.
Myths about our cognitive and physical decline are what perpetuate ageist attitudes. The myths are powerful. Following up on a study of how men and women viewed aging, Becca Levy, from Yale University’s School of Public Health, found that 20 years later those who believed in ageist myths and stereotypes were in poorer health. Levy persuasively argues that “mind matters” and what you believe influences your health behavior—whether it is daily flossing and adding berries to your cereal, intentionally taking the stairs for the exercise, or just the opposite and falsely believing that getting older is filled with “senior moments” and rocking chairs.6
Rather than succumbing to ageist messages or the media depictions of the approaching elder “tsunami,” which collectively suggests we are part of a destructive and needy force about to strike our communities, most mid-life and older men are vital and productive. According to one 91-year-old Deer Isle (Maine) man who has worked with a garden club for more than 50 years to mow and trim brush at a memorial park:
We just try to keep the place in order. I like to do it. I’ve just been somebody who’s been willing to do it. I’m still willing. I’ve been active, I’m still active and I’m just tickled to death to be there doing something I think is useful.7
Challenging the stereotype of becoming an inevitable burden on others, we are and continue to be a valuable resource for our families and communities. As we strive to be physically, emotionally, and socially the best we can be, we can take advantage of the skills, wisdom, and capacities gained over a lifetime of experience. Not to do this would represent a terrible waste of personal possibilities and our abilities to give back.
Ironically, it is younger men and women who have the greatest fear of aging.8 They have little firsthand experience and mostly media imagery as their guides. As we reach middle age, men actually are unafraid and have begun looking forward to becoming older, distinguished, judicious, and perhaps retired; we gear up to experience renewed productivity and purpose in life as an older man. Researchers find that as men turn 50, then 60, we experience greater certainty of who we are and feel more confident and powerful.9 Is 60 the new 40, some people have asked? This already trite question is sociologically interesting: it reflects the fact that many more middle-aged and older men are living longer, staying healthier, and enjoying life more. They do not “feel their age,” and becoming older is no longer viewed as “getting old.”10
Age is an accomplishment. It is more social than chronological or biological.
There is optimistic news to report. Only 1 in every 25 men in the United States reached age 65 in the early 1900s.11 Living to become an older man who will celebrate his seventieth birthday is now common enough to be taken for granted. Men’s life expectancy of 46 years in the early 1900s has lengthened to, on average, 75 years,12 mainly because of fewer early heart disease deaths, less dangerous jobs, and public health measures that include occupational safety and better foods. More than ever, men also are smarter about their health—and we’re seeing real dividends. Most men who are 50 years old can now expect to live into their eighties; 65-year-olds can anticipate living another 20 years with few limitations.13
Despite these astounding changes, men’s longevity improved at a slower rate throughout the twentieth century compared to women’s.14 Clinical and public health researchers have identified many biological forces that influence men’s health and longevity, including hormones like testosterone and cortisol. No doubt all these “mother nature” factors partly explain why men report fewer aches and illness than women but die earlier. But biology is not destiny. Women outlived men only by 1 year a century ago, not the 5-year difference we now find (which is down from a 7-year difference of two decades ago). Both authors either have already outlived or expect to outlive their fathers’ life spans. Researchers are convinced that, more than our genes, it is our lifestyle habits that chiefly determine our health, pace of aging, and longevity.15 The takeaway message in this book is to take responsibility for your health right now in order to reap the reward of more independence later. Prevention works, and it is never too late to adopt new health habits. Most unhealthy habits are amenable to change. Two things alone—eating well and staying active—strengthen our body’s ability to repair itself, improve mood, and even support healthy blood flow to the brain and, by the way, a natural erection.
While we were younger, most of us were unfamiliar with the positive health habits message. When we were doing what was expected of us as young men, we most often adopted attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors that, all too often, had an insidious effect on our health.16 Boys and younger men continue to experience tremendous pressure to adopt unhealthy “masculine” practices that increase the risk of disease and injury—everything from “real men” eat red meat (daily), to “Hey, play through the pain,” to “Why should I consult a doctor, I feel fine!” to “Smoking relaxes me.”17 When we were younger, we weren’t urged to think about the foods we eat, the stresses we juggle, the actual number of beers or drinks occasionally downed, or how much exercise we really get.
Times have changed, and we have become more mature. Greater numbers of men are paying more attention to their bodies and overall well-being than ever before. Scan the health section of any newspaper: articles report on how adult men are looking for ways to improve health, usually with lifestyle adjustments. Watch the commercials during the evening news; most are geared toward middle-aged and older folks and advocate “healthy aging.” Experts recognize that the pace of our body’s intrinsic aging is heavily influenced by our attitudes and lifestyle habits, and we are choosing to live longer and healthier by adopting healthy habits. Adopting healthy habits may well be the most accessible fountain of youth. Medical experts estimate that maintaining just four healthy habits—not smoking, being physically active, eating well, and scheduling regular preventive medical visits—can delay the life-altering disabilities associated with many chronic illnesses for as much as 20 years.
Having an age, such as passing 50 or passing 60, means taking note of our bodies along four dimensions: activity and fitness, appearance, energy, and ailments.
Source: Laz, C. (2003). Age embodiment. Journal of Aging Studies, 17, 503–519.
Men’s chosen lifestyle habits are only part of the issue. We also need reliable information and others’ support. Knowing what are health risks and what behaviors are health promoting is critically important.18 When men lack information on how their health-impairing habits affect them, they see no reason to make the effort to change a habit that they are used to and enjoy. Getting healthy and aging well are both about attitude and knowledge.19 This sourcebook is filled with the most vital information you need to live well.
As important as it is for each man to take charge of his own health and wellness, no one can do it alone. A popular cliché is that it takes a community to raise a child; well, it also takes a community to facilitate men’s health. Men need the support of family, employers, and health care providers. Men should not feel compelled to be “sturdy oaks” weathering all difficulties and troubles by themselves. We can “employ” medical providers for advice, regular physicals, and age-appropriate screenings; ask our family to support our decisions to change health habits; and ask our employers if we have access to wellness programs.
RECOMMENDED PHYSICALS AND SCREENING SCHEDULE
What you need |
When |
Basic physical exam: head-to-toe examination, review medical history, and discuss your health |
Every year, age 50+ |
Blood tests and urinalysis: samples of urine and blood screened for diabetes, infections, hormone balance, and cholesterol levels |
Every year, age 50+ |
Blood pressure check: screen for high blood pressure (hypertension), which causes heart disease and permanent damage to other organs if untreated |
Every year, age 50+ |
EKG (electrocardiogram): measures the electrical activity of the heart and screens for changes since baseline and for abnormalities (e.g., arrhythmia) |
Every 3–5 years, age 50+ |
DRE (digital rectal exam): a gloved finger inserted into the rectum screens for prostate cancer and for the lumps and hardening of colon cancer |
Every year, age 40+ |
Tuberculosis test: an airborne bacterial infection screened by a simple skin test |
Every 5 years, age 40+ |
Colonoscopy: a flexible fiber optic scope examines the rectum and wall of the colon for cancer and removes growths, called polyps, for examination in labs for cancer |
Every 5–10 years, age 50+ |
Mature men know that they can earn respect by standing out from the herd and making healthy choices. When it comes to smoking and reporting “I quit,” or ordering a chicken Caesar salad for lunch (light on the dressing) rather than a 1,200 calorie, half-pound sirloin burger with fixings, the other guys we’re with will nod their approval. There will be a few who are dumbstruck and throw a verbal dig that is intended to question your manhood. But we know that the real challenge isn’t about a salad versus a burger; rather, it is being fit enough to still play tennis, swim, join in a game of tag with the grandkids, or carry our golf clubs into our late sixties and beyond.
In the pages that follow, you will not find directions to the elusive fountain of youth. Like the proverbial pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, the anti-aging advertisements that promise fountain of youth miracles are empty promises. What you will discover here is the next best thing—the most current thinking on how men can maximize their chances of living well and long, even when we wake up mornings with several nagging chronic problems such as stiff joints or an enlarged prostate. We offer you clear, understandable information that is based in sound science. This sourcebook provides you with the knowledge needed to understand men’s healthy aging.