Chapter 14

 

Cora curled up on her bed, letting her thoughts run rampant. What was this foolish obsession of Mother’s that she should marry Mr. Reid? She would have to get over it, because Cora would never marry the man. A rustle behind her alerted her that someone had come into her room.

Gentle strokes on her back told her Eliza was there. “I’m so sorry, Cora. Did I cause this to happen?”

“Of course not.” Cora turned and flung herself into her sister’s open arms. Tears filled her eyes and ran down her cheeks. “Oh, Eliza, she says I have to marry that awful, old Mr. Reid.”

“I know. I heard that much. What are you going to do?” Eliza stroked Cora’s back in a comforting, circular motion.

“I don’t know.” She brushed at the tears on her cheeks. “Do I have a choice?” Her voice became mocking. “He says I can pick the day in June for my wedding. All right. I pick the thirtieth. Maybe I’ll die before then.”

“Don’t, Cora. Please, don’t say that.” Eliza wiped at her own tears. “Why don’t you get Aaron to marry you?”

Cora laughed a short, bitter laugh. “As if Mother would let me.”

Sweet, gentle Aaron. His face filled her thoughts, his blue eyes kind and his smile causing her heart to trip. Oh, yes, if she had to marry someone in this wilderness, why couldn’t it be Aaron. As quickly as the thought filled her mind, guilt drove it away.

“Why would you say such a thing, anyway? George will come, I know he will.” She frowned at Eliza.

Eliza sighed. “I suppose. He still could before then, couldn’t he?”

At Eliza’s words, a faint hope stirred. Ben would be back in May with news of George. Maybe George would come with Ben and Father. Then it wouldn’t matter what Mother said. She and George could still marry or elope if they had to. In the meantime, she’d let Mother think she was reconciled to marrying Mr. Reid.

Cora’s new resolve gave her an outward calm, while anger and rebellion burned below the surface. Only to Eliza did she speak of her aching heart. Only to herself would she entertain the heart-felt longing for something beyond her reach. Something that even George might not be able to satisfy.

~*~

One day near the end of March, Cora helped her sister haul a large basket of dirty clothes to the creek where their mother waited for them to help with the laundry. Halfway there, Eliza stumbled. She dropped the basket handle and grabbed her foot.

“This is so primitive.” Eliza hopped a couple of steps, her long light brown braids flying out behind her. “Laundry day was never like this until we moved here.”

Cora let her end of the basket go. “No, Mrs. Brooks did all the work. All we had to do was throw our dirty things down the laundry chute.”

“I wonder how Mr. Reid does his washing.” Eliza bent to pick up the basket handle and looked at Cora from under her eyelashes.

Cora’s nostrils flared. “I don’t care how Mr. Reid does his laundry or anything else. Furthermore, I don’t ever intend to find out.” Sudden tears sprang to her eyes. “Oh, Eliza, what will I do if George doesn’t come in time?”

Eliza straightened and turned toward the creek. Mother bent to poke a stick into the fire under the large boiling pot.

Compassion shone in Eliza’s eyes as she turned back to Cora. “There’s really nothing you can do, is there?”

Cora crossed her arms. “No, and I hate them for it, but I hate Father most of all.”

“Why?” Eliza frowned. “What did he do?”

“When he left, he promised we’d have a long talk on his return. Why didn’t he just tell me then? Was he afraid I’d say no?” Cora laughed a short, bitter sound. “I did say no and look where that got me. Father’s a coward. He knew how I’d feel, so he left Mother to smooth it all over before he got home.”

Eliza shook her head as if she didn’t believe the truth.

Cora huffed. “Why don’t they auction me off like they do the slaves? Oh, I forgot! There’s only one wealthy, old man in this god-forsaken place, so they can’t. They’ll just sell me straight out. I wonder how much they’ll get for me?”

Eliza’s face twisted as if she might cry at any moment. “Oh, Cora, you know that’s not true.”

“Oh, do I?” Cora’s laugh sounded strange to her own ears. “Why else would a mother and father do this to their own daughter? They didn’t give me a choice, Eliza.”

“I don’t know about Father, but Mother thinks Mr. Reid’s a wonderful man because he’s from Boston.” Eliza glanced at Mother. “We need to move before she notices us.”

Cora picked up her end of the basket and walked with Eliza.

As they drew near their mother, Eliza leaned closer and whispered. “Mother is throwing a fit about Vickie and John leaving, and I don’t think it has anything to do with the baby. I think she’s trying to keep you from marrying George so you won’t go away too. She doesn’t want any of us to leave her. I think she’s scared.”

Cora walked the last few feet to Mother and dropped the heavy basket. So Mother was trying to keep her from marrying George, was she? Well, it wouldn’t work. That was exactly what she would do just as soon as he came. Why should she care what Mother wanted? George might not be the kindest man in the world, or the most handsome, but he was better than anyone in this wilderness.

The image of Aaron Stark slipped unbidden into her mind. His dark, brooding gaze filled her memory until she couldn’t remember what George looked like.

“Cora, we don’t have time for daydreaming.” Mother’s voice cut into her musings. “Can you help Eliza put those clothes in the cold water to soak?”

As Cora pushed articles of clothing under the water with a short, smooth stick, Eliza pulled a pair of John’s heavy denim pants and spread them across the oak log Father had split in half for a battling bench. The rough, flat surface was about twelve inches across and four feet long. Father had notched the ends of three pine poles, thirty-two inches long, and nailed them, one on each corner, to the bench for legs.

Eliza beat the pants with a short pine paddle, turning them over and over as she worked. Battling was one job Cora hated. Still, as she watched Eliza smack the bench again and again, the band around her heart tightened. She stepped forward and held out her hand. “Let me do that, Eliza.”

Eliza stopped mid-stroke, her eyebrows lifted. “You want to battle?”

“Yes.” She would burst if she couldn’t hit something. With Mother looking on, battling was her only choice. She took the paddle from Eliza’s hand and smiled at the confusion on her sister’s face.

Smack! That was George for not coming when he said he would. She slammed the paddle down again. That one was for old men who wanted young girls. Another smack. Mothers should never force their daughter to marry against their will. Smack! Fathers should be honest with their daughters. She lifted the paddle again.

“Cora, we don’t want a hole in John’s pants.” Mother pulled the pants away and dipped them in the boiling, soapy water. “Please, try not to hit so hard. Besides ruining our clothing, you’ll wear out your arm.”

Eliza laid a sopping wet shirt on the bench. She leaned close and whispered. “Are you feeling better?”

Cora laughed and nodded. Nothing escaped Eliza’s notice. She did feel better. Still smiling, she lifted the paddle again.

~*~

As March blew itself out, Ralph Stark surprised Cora by visiting Eliza. He didn’t stay long, only through the evening meal. Eliza walked outside with him when he left. When she returned to the house, a smile sat on her lips and sparkles filled her eyes.

April brought a strange mixture of sunshine and showers. Early in the month, on a sunshiny day, Esther and Rebekah came to visit with a large bouquet of colorful wildflowers, which Esther presented to Mother. “These were growing by the wayside. I couldn’t resist picking them for your table.”

“Why, thank you, Esther. They’re lovely.” Mother took the yellow and purple flowers and went in search of a container to put them in.

Cora welcomed her friend. “I’m so glad you came. Ben will wish he’d been here.”

Esther was always beautiful, but today she glowed. Her large blue eyes sparkled from an inner happiness that Cora envied. Esther’s love for Ben showed every time his name was mentioned, and her expression brightened.

At one time Cora thought she was in love with George. Now she wondered. In less than a year, so much had happened. So many changes. Had she changed as well? Had he? If George came, would they still feel the same as before? For a fleeting moment, she brought Mr. Reid to mind. Although she refused to acknowledge her betrothal to the man, the fact hung over her head as a dark cloud. No matter how much she and George had changed, she needed him. If she didn’t go with him, she’d be forced to become the wife of an old man she would soon detest.

It’d been so long since George promised. Maybe he’d changed his mind. Her breath came in quick gasps. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t stand by that old man and take vows binding her to him for life. She’d rather die first. Mr. Reid repulsed her. If she married him, her life would be a living death. How much nicer it would be to lie in Aaron’s beautiful valley for eternity. At least there she’d have peace.

Cora shoved the morbid thoughts from her mind and helped set the table.

As they ate lunch, she almost choked on her soup when Mother spoke to Esther. “Cora has been doing some beautiful embroidery work on things for her hope chest. We’ve all been sewing every chance we get—there’s so little time for all that needs to be done—but Cora’s work is the finest. I’m sure she’d love to show you what she’s been doing.”

Esther’s eyebrows arched in question as she searched Cora’s face. “Of course, I’d be honored to see.”

Cora frowned as her mother stood and began clearing the table. She’d been working on things for George and her—not Mr. Reid. She sighed and shoved her chair back. “I think most of it’s upstairs.”

In her room, Cora pulled out a pair of pillowcases she’d been working on.

Esther spoke in a low voice. “I didn’t know your mother knew about you and the boy from your old home. I’m surprised. She seemed happy about it.”

Esther sat on the bed, her hands folded in her lap. Her long, wheat-colored hair was braided and wrapped around her head like a halo. Her large baby-blue eyes questioned.

She was pure and innocent. How could she understand the turmoil stirring in Cora’s soul? Esther wouldn’t understand the rebellious thoughts eating away at her mind like a cancer. This was something they couldn’t share.

Cora handed the pillowcases to Esther. “Mother wasn’t talking about George. My parents have decided it’s time I marry. Mr. Reid has asked for my hand, and Father said yes. I agreed to the thirtieth of June if Father is back in time.”

Esther eyes widened. “But I thought you were so sure. Isn’t Mr. Reid . . .?”

“What? Old? Yes, he’s thirty-two.” Cora didn’t want to even think of Mr. Reid. She certainly didn’t want to talk about him. She grabbed a dresser scarf and shoved it at Esther. “This was Mother’s. It was plain when she gave it to me.”

Pink roses bloomed on either end with a vine and leaves growing along the edges. Esther touched one of the roses. “You do wonderful work, Cora. The roses look alive.”

“Thank you. I enjoy sewing.” Cora stood and took her cream-colored dress from its hook. Three scalloped tiers formed the long skirt. “Mother has insisted I go through all my clothes. Most of them were too short.” She held the dress up to her. “Since Mother didn’t tell Father to bring fabric from St. Louis for a wedding dress, I’ll have to make do with my party dress from last year.”

She giggled. “I have a red dress. George insisted I get it once for a party, and I only wore it that one time. Mother never approved, even though it’s very dark red, almost black. It has a low neckline with white lace trim. Maybe I should get it out and make it over for my wedding.”

Esther frowned. “You wouldn’t really, would you? I mean a wedding . . .”

Cora shrugged. “If I have my way, there won’t be a wedding to Mr. Reid. I’d do anything to keep from marrying him.”

“I’m so sorry.” Esther’s eyes glistened.

Cora hung her dress back up. Esther could sympathize all she wanted, but it wouldn’t do any good. Nothing would. Only George could rescue her, and she didn’t know if she could count on him. She turned to the door. “It’s stuffy in here. Wouldn’t you like to go outside?”

Esther stood. “Actually, I need to find Rebekah and start back home. Ma said we could come since the early garden is all planted, but there’s always plenty to keep us busy. I hate to leave it for Ma to do. She has enough without doing our work too.”

Cora watched the Newkirk wagon roll out of sight. Eliza went into the house while Cora walked around back. The outhouse would give her the privacy she needed for a good cry. Esther’s happiness and love for Ben made her own misery more pronounced. June would be here too soon. Somehow, she had to escape. Tears blinded her as she stepped into the tiny, wooden outbuilding. Never had she felt so without hope.

~*~

“They’re here. Ben and Father’s back.” Lenny’s yell from outside sent Cora hurrying to the door. He ran toward the house with both arms waving and Nicholas trailing far behind. “Father and Ben’s coming! Me and Nick saw ’em.”

Mother shoved past. “Oh, thank the Lord.”

“Come on, Cora, let’s go meet Father.” Vickie, careful in her condition, pushed back from the table where she and Cora had been making bread. “We can finish this later.”

Cora hesitated while resentment from the past six weeks held her prisoner. She longed to run into her father’s arms, yet bitterness and hurt warred with love and the longing to hear Father say he’d never given her away to a man she scarcely knew. Surely, he wouldn’t do such a thing. Only he had. Mother couldn’t have made up such a story. She would have no reason to.

Vickie waited with her hand on the small of her back. She looked large and clumsy. Maybe Ben had word from George. Cora hurried outside and matched her steps to her sister’s slower ones.

The two wagons were little more than recognizable as they followed the creek from the east. Oh, Ben, please have good news for me. Cora picked up her pace.

“Cora, if you’re going to stay with me, you’ll have to slow down.” Vickie caught Cora’s hand and laughed. Her other hand rested on her bulging stomach. “We’re having trouble keeping up with you.”

Cora stopped and stared at her sister. This was the first reference she’d heard to the coming baby from anyone other than Eliza.

Again Vickie laughed. “Oh, don’t bug your eyes at me. You’ll soon be a married woman yourself. I’ve been wondering why you want to marry someone almost twice your age, though. You know if you’d wait, there will probably be other people move in here.”

Cora snorted. “I agreed to marry only because Mother gave me little choice.” She looked ahead where Mother, Eliza, Lenny, and Nicholas had almost reached the wagons.

Vickie sighed. “I see. Mother can be forceful at times, but Father is usually reasonable. Why didn’t you stand up for yourself? Father surely wouldn’t force you into marriage of all things.”

“Mother said Father has already accepted Mr. Reid’s proposal for me. I didn’t even know about this until he was gone.” Cora’s eyes burned. “He didn’t ask what I want. How could they be so cruel?”

Vickie frowned. “That doesn’t sound like Father. He must’ve had a good reason. Why hasn’t Mr. Reid come courting?”

Cora’s laugh was harsh. “Courting? Thank heavens he hasn’t.”

Vickie shrugged. “He may have thought it would be improper with Father gone. He seems like a nice man. Father wouldn’t do anything like this without reason. You should talk to him soon.”

“I intend to.” Cora closed her sister off. She’d get no sympathy there and hadn’t really expected any. She nodded to the right. “Here comes John. If you don’t mind, I’ll let you walk with him.”

“Sure, go ahead.” Vickie waved her on.

Cora quickened her step, following the narrow trail made by her family. By the time she got there, they were all talking at once while Nicholas jumped from one returned traveler to the other. Lenny had Ben around the waist and wouldn’t let go.

Father stood with one arm around Mother and the other around Eliza. Cora turned her back to them. “Lenny, let me have a turn at Ben.” Cora peeled the little boy from his idol. “Go give Father a hug.”

As soon as Lenny left, Cora threw her arms around her big brother. “You don’t know how I’ve missed you. I’m so glad you’re finally home.”

“Me too.” Ben’s wide grin left as he searched Cora’s face. “I have a lot to tell you, but this isn’t the best time.”

“About George?” Cora shivered from Ben’s serious expression. “Please, Ben, is he all right?”

“He’s fine.” Ben gently squeezed Cora’s shoulders. “Let me get this wagon the rest of the way home and tend to the horses, then I’ll tell you all about it.”

“Did you give him my letter?” Cora had waited too long for answers.

“He wasn’t there, Cora. He’s back east. In law school. I mailed your letter to him.”

“When is he coming?” What was Ben saying? Nothing made sense.

Ben sighed and looked away. “I may as well tell you. His mother mentioned another girl.”

Another girl? What did that mean? She and George had been inseparable as long as she could remember. Numbness crept through her limbs. Had George forsaken her for someone else? She’d poured her heart out in that letter for no reason. George wouldn’t be coming. He’d laugh and the girl would laugh with him.

Humiliation. Rejection. Fear. Pain. Emotions raged within as the roar of a whirlwind filled Cora’s heart and mind. She turned from Ben and met Mother’s smiling face. She’d gotten her way. Cora lost all hope. Her life was over. She stumbled away. She walked, then she ran, stumbling in her grief. As in a dream, she heard Father call her name, but she didn’t stop.

Vickie and John called to her when she ran past them. Sharp pain ripped through her heart. Ben’s words had cut out the part of her that belonged to George. The man she loved no longer loved her. He didn’t want to marry her. She’d have to marry a man twice her age. Unless—

New purpose possessed her, lending wings to her feet. There was only one way out and she must take it. Hurry, before the others returned to the house. Everything would be over by then.

She fell through the door of the house. The quiet, empty house. Stumbling across the floor, she found her parents’ room. In the corner, she groped on the top shelf and grasped the bottle hidden away out of the small children’s reach. Laudanum. Her hands trembled until she could scarcely open it.

Only a small amount remained in the bottom. How much would it take? What had she heard? One ounce? A half ounce? Was there enough? If she didn’t succeed, she’d be forced to live the rest of her life in servitude to a man she’d hate. Death was good. There, she would cease to exist. Slowly, as in a trance, she lifted the bottle and took a mouthful.

Fear mixed with the bitter, brown liquid, and she spewed it from her mouth, choking and gagging. She didn’t want to die. Had she swallowed any? Oh, surely she had. She’d changed her mind too late.

Her pulse raced, and she pressed against her temples. Now Father would be sorry he’d driven her to this. Mother would grieve for another child lost. At least her death would keep them from doing the same thing to Eliza. The empty bottle clattered to the floor.

Cora turned from the room and staggered to the ladder leading upstairs. She slipped on the rung and fell to the floor, her face slamming against Father’s stuffed chair. Dazed and hurting, she lay still for a moment before sitting up. With her fingers probing the side of her face she felt the tenderness, but could find no blood.

After a while, she pulled herself up the ladder, holding on until she reached her room and collapsed across her bed. A fog entered the room, her best dress floated from its hook on the wall and danced in front of her, taunting her. “No.” She closed her eyes against the spectacle and sank into a black abyss where no one could ever find her again.

~*~

“Cora.” Father stood on the bank and called her. “Cora, wake up, honey.”

He was so far away. It was so dark. He couldn’t see her, so she didn’t answer. He’d never find her here.

Other voices joined his. Jumbled together as if they floated on the wind, first Ben’s, then Mother’s. Vickie and Eliza. Father’s deeper voice. And John. Nicolas and Lenny. Someone sobbed. Or was that laughter? Their words became the buzz of bees. Something was wrong. Why was she hiding? She tried to ask, but someone moaned instead.

The touch on her shoulder seemed real. She pulled away. Death. She wanted to die. No, she didn’t want to die. Had she? Why wasn’t she alone? She shouldn’t exist in death. She shouldn’t be able to feel. See. Hear. This was not what she expected.

“Cora, can you hear me?” Father’s voice intruded. His hands shook her, lifted her. Gently draped her over his shoulder. “Ben, go ahead of me. Help me get her down the ladder.”

“What’s wrong with her, Orval?” Mother’s voice pulled her toward the light.

Cora kept her eyes closed. They were bringing her back, and she didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to stay. Confusion clouded her mind.

“I would assume she’s fainted. We’ll get to the bottom of this later. Get the smelling salts.” Father turned. Cora whirled and dropped. Father’s shoulder dug into her stomach. Why were they bringing her back to life?

“Her head should be down so the blood will rush to it.” Ben sounded so close. Had he come into her dark place?

“Is Cora dead, Father?” Lenny sniffled.

“No, she isn’t dead.” Eliza sounded angry. “She just fainted.”

“Dear God, no!” Mother cried out.

“What is it, Opal?” Father jerked away. Cora’s eyes opened. She squeezed them against the sudden light.

“This. She hasn’t fainted. It’s the laudanum. She took it all. I found it on the floor.”

“Laudanum?” Father’s voice vibrated in Cora’s head. “She knows better than that. Why would she do such a thing?”

“I have no idea.” Mother began crying.

“She talked to you last, Ben. What did you say to her?” Eliza still sounded angry.

“Nothing. Just that George wasn’t coming. I didn’t tell her anything that’d make her do this.”

“Oh, yes, you did.” Eliza’s voice rose. “Father, she tried to kill herself. She didn’t want to marry Mr. Reid. She thought George would rescue her.”

“You mean she did this on purpose?” Father shouted.

Cora winced from the anger. She tried to snuggled back into the dark. She didn’t like the noise. Father leaned over her. “Let’s get her up.”

Hands pushed and pulled until Cora sat up like a rag doll. Someone tugged her feet to the floor and pulled her to stand. They draped her arms over their shoulders and walked with her, dragging her at first. Why wouldn’t they leave her alone?

Scraping sounds, voices, hands pulling her this way and that invaded her cocoon. A burst of cold air hit her warm body and she jerked. Someone wiped a cold, wet cloth over her face. She struggled to get away from them.

“That’s it, Cora. Come on back to us, honey.” Father pushed into her darkness. “Let’s take her outside. The cool air seems to be reviving her.”

Someone pried her mouth open and thrust something in, filling her mouth, pushing against her throat. She gagged.

“What are you doing?” Mother’s scent of lilacs reached for her.

Father spoke close. “She’s got to vomit and get that stuff up. It’s our only hope.”

Again, he stuck his finger down her throat and reflex took over. Her stomach contracted and she spewed vomit. “That’s good, Cora. Get it all up.” His voice held so much love and kindness.

“Walk, honey, walk.” Father held her up, forcing her to move.

If only he’d leave her alone. “G’way.” Her words slurred.

Laughter and shouts of joy surrounded her. “Come on, Cora. Keep walking.”

“No! Leab me lone.”

“Mother, she’s going to be all right.” Eliza’s happy, tear-filled voice sounded loud to Cora.

Did Mother even care? Cora forced her eyes open. Mother stood close with tears streaming down her face. Maybe she cared on some level, but not enough. Anger filled Cora. She’d been treated unjustly by Mother and Father. She wanted to tell them. Strength crept into her muscles, and she began to walk on her own. With Father on one side and Ben on the other, she kept pace through the dusk of evening. Back and forth they walked until Father stopped her.

“Let’s go inside where we can sit down. I think you’ve had enough.” He hugged her close and kissed her forehead. “I don’t understand, but I’m awfully glad to have my little girl back.”

Cora sat on the sofa between Father and Mother. Father put his arm around Cora. She leaned forward to get away from his touch and hissed between her teeth. “I’ll do it again.”

Father leaned forward and peered into her face. “Why, Cora? Please tell me what’s wrong. Let me fix it for you.”

“Fix it!” Cora swung to face her father, and her head spun. She clamped a hand to her forehead, holding it steady. “Don’t you think you’ve fixed enough?”

She burst into tears and buried her face against her knees.

“I don’t understand. Will someone tell me what I’ve done? Cora, what’s so terrible you’d try to kill yourself as soon as I came home?” Bewilderment colored Father’s voice.

Eliza spoke then. “Father, she’d rather die than marry Mr. Reid.”

“Marry Mr. Reid? She doesn’t have to marry anyone.” Father almost shouted the words. “Where would she get a fool notion like that?”

Silence descended, and then in a quiet, accusing voice, he again spoke. “Opal, you had no right. We agreed to wait until I returned before we even mentioned that to Cora.”

Frozen by the steely anger in Father’s voice, Cora’s sobs quieted, and she lifted her head to look first at him and then at her mother. She’d never seen Father so angry or Mother so frightened.

Mother dabbed at her red-rimmed eyes with a hanky. She looked past Cora. “You don’t understand, Orval. She was going to run away. I had to do something to stop her.”

“Run away?” An expletive burst from Father’s lips. “What more is there? Have I been gone so long for this family to fall apart?”

“Father?” Eliza, sitting on the floor, leaned closer. “May I tell you everything?”

“I would be most grateful if someone would.” Father let out a breath of air. “Please do.”

Eliza started her story with Mother finding Cora’s sack of possessions behind her best dress. While her sister talked, Cora tried to make sense of everything. Father said she didn’t have to marry anyone. He seemed confused that she thought she had to marry Mr. Reid. Maybe Mother had made the decision without his permission. Hope sprang anew within Cora. Mother had no say unless Father backed her. She didn’t have to marry that man.

With the realization, Cora concentrated on Eliza’s voice.

“And so Cora’s last hope was gone when Ben said George wasn’t coming. Of course, I don’t think she should’ve tried to kill herself even if she didn’t want to marry an old man.” Eliza always sounded so self-righteous.

Cora met her father’s tender gaze. He didn’t appear angry now. His obvious love brought shame to her heart. She’d misjudged him. He would never be cruel to her. Cora moved into his strong, loving embrace.

“I’m sorry, Father.” Tears flowed down her face. “I’m so sorry.”

“You’re forgiven, Cora. The ending’s what we’ll consider.” Father spoke close to her ear. “Never forget how much I love you. If you have a problem, come to me first before you try to take matters into your own hands.”

Cora nodded while her throat tightened.

When they pulled apart, Mother touched her hand. “Cora, I didn’t mean . . .”

Tears ran down Mother’s face. She’d torn her handkerchief to shreds. Never had Cora seen her so agitated, and that scared her.

“I never meant to hurt you, Cora.” Mother’s back straightened. “My children mean everything to me. Something died inside me when little Abigail was taken from us.” Her voice broke. “I don’t think I can stand to lose another child.”

“Well, you pretty near did.” Father’s voice was so hard.

Cora turned quickly. He never spoke to Mother with anger.

“I know, and I deserve your contempt—all of you.” She glanced at the rest of the family before looking at Cora. “Especially you, Cora. I thought if you married Mr. Reid, you’d stay here where I could see you whenever I wanted to. But if you go with George, I may never see you again.”

Emotions surged through Cora. Anger, betrayal, rebellion, giving way to love and understanding. Mother was not unfeeling, as she’d thought. Instead, her love and fear had been the catalyst for her harsh actions.

Cora held her hand out to her mother, bringing a fresh release of tears down Mother’s cheeks. She clasped Cora’s hand, almost hurting in her intensity. “I would’ve never forced you against your will, had I known how strongly you felt.”

Cora nodded. “I know that now, Mother.

“I’ll not stand in your way again. If you and George want to be married, you have my blessing.”

Fresh pain twisted Cora’s heart, and she couldn’t speak. George didn’t want her.

Mother turned toward Vickie. “I won’t stand in your way either, Vickie. If you and John move away from here to your own land, I’ll understand. I will help you in any way I can.”

“Oh, Mother.” Vickie brushed her damp eyes. She shared a look with John.

John cleared his throat. “Vickie and I have talked about that. We’ve decided to wait two or three months before we make a decision. We want to settle close by even then, unless you mind having us in your way?”

Father nodded. “You’re welcome to stay right here as long as you want. Just let us know what we can do to help when you move.”

A brief smile touched John’s lips. “Thank you, sir. There’s some land up the creek a ways not far from here that looks pretty good. When Vickie’s able, we’re thinking about taking a good look at it. You might be stuck with us for neighbors yet.”

While the others talked, Cora sought Ben’s attention. He smiled and knelt before her. With one arm around her and another around their mother, he held them both close for several moments. His action seemed to free the others, and before long they were all hugging and talking at once.

Cora soaked up her family’s love. What had possessed her to do something so stupid? What if she hadn’t stopped when she did? If the bottle had been full, she might have died, and for what? Simply because she hadn’t waited to talk to Father?

She leaned back against the sofa and closed her eyes. She was so tired. Emptiness, like a yawning, dark hole seemed to stretch out before her. What would she do now? Without George, she had no purpose in life.