Chapter 19

 

Cora met Aaron at the edge of their yard. “Hi. Supper will be ready in a few minutes.”

He grinned and took her hand. “I can wait. Ain’t we goin’ to John and Vickie’s?”

They turned and walked toward the house. “No, she’s staying here for a few days. I hope you don’t mind if we eat here.”

He shook his head, his brows drawing together in the way Cora found endearing. “Is anything wrong?”

Cora shook her head. “I have a new baby sister. Vickie thinks she has to help since she’s the oldest.”

“Ah, I see.” His expression cleared.

“Would you like to meet her?” Cora stopped at the porch and stepped on the first step so she was eye level with him.

“I already met Vickie.” His eyes twinkled.

“No, my little sister, and I don’t mean Eliza.”

Aaron laughed. “I reckon I can take a look.”

Cora tugged on his hand as she backed up on the porch. “Come on then. You’ll love her just as soon as you see her.”

Aaron let her pull him across the porch. “If she’s anything like her big sister, I will.”

Cora’s heart skipped a beat. Had he admitted he loved her? He’d never said anything like that before. Someday soon, he’d say those important words to her. For now she laughed. “If you aren’t careful, you’ll make me jealous of my own baby sister.”

He grinned.

Inside, Cora released his hand and headed toward the rocking chair where Eliza sat holding the tiny baby. Cora took the infant, cuddling her close in her arms. She spoke softly to the little one and nuzzled her neck.

She looked up to find Aaron watching her, an intense look in his eyes. Warmth crept up her cheeks. “What are you thinking?”

He shook his head. “You look downright natural holding that little baby.”

She looked down at the bundle in her arms. “I’ve had some experience with Lenny and Nicholas.”

Aaron grinned. “Are you gonna introduce us?”

“Of course.” Cora lifted the infant toward him. “This is Nora Abigail Jackson. Nora, this tall, handsome fella here is Aaron Stark.”

His eyes met hers, and his eyebrows lifted. “Handsome?”

She laughed to cover the confusion his pleased expression caused then pushed the sleeping baby against his chest. “You’re supposed to hold her now that you’ve been introduced.”

“Hold her?” Aaron threw his hands out and stepped back. “I can’t do that.”

“Why not? She won’t hurt you.” Cora took a step forward.

“I’d break her. Or drop her.” He took another step back. His eyes darted to either side as if he looked for a way out.

Eliza giggled. Cora ignored her and moved closer to Aaron. “You’ve never held a baby before, have you? Here, I’ll keep hold of her. All you have to do is let her lie on your arm. Can’t you do that?”

Aaron glanced toward the door, but held his ground. He crooked his arm, and Cora placed her tiny sister against the bend of his elbow. He looked down at the bundle of blankets and infant on his arm, and the fear left his face. His expression softened while a faint smile tilted his lips.

Then he looked up. An expression so intense it took away her breath passed between them. He whispered two words. “Maybe someday . . .”

~*~

Aaron loved her. Cora skipped through the evening, and sleep eluded her that night. She hummed her happiness the next morning until she went in to check on her mother.

“Cora, would you tell Ben I need to see him?” Mother seemed so pale.

“Is something wrong?” Cora held her breath.

Mother smiled. “No, darling. Not at all. I’d just like a visit with Mrs. Newkirk. There’s something I want to talk over with her. In fact, I’m feeling much stronger this morning. Now isn’t that encouraging?”

Cora nodded and went in search of her brother. Still, her earlier happiness had dimmed.

Mrs. Newkirk arrived shortly after they ate their noon meal. She closed the door to Mother’s room and stayed for over an hour. What could the women be discussing? Even Eliza didn’t know. Finally, the door opened, and Mrs. Newkirk slipped through, closing it behind her. She blotted her eyes, yet a smile brightened her face.

“Mrs. Newkirk.” Cora caught her at the door. “Is Mother all right?”

“Oh, yes. Your mother is fine. She has assured me she’ll have a talk with you later.” Mrs. Newkirk laughed. “She’s just fine now. Just fine.”

Cora watched her go and didn’t ask any more questions. Mother would tell in her own time. But what could the women have said that would make Mrs. Newkirk cry and laugh at the same time? At least she said Mother was all right now.

That evening before bedtime, Cora joined her family around Mother’s bed. Mother sat with pillows against the headboard, cuddling Nora. Her face held a touch of color, and she seemed relaxed. Hope for her recovery blossomed within Cora.

Mother smiled around the circle, including each one. “I have something wonderful to tell you. Please get comfortable to listen.”

Father sat on the edge of the bed and patted Mother’s shoulder. “Of course, we’ll listen to whatever you have to say.”

They shared a loving look. Mother patted Nora’s back as she talked. “I’ve told you about my father, your grandfather Melville. He was a very strict, religious man. In fact, I grew up fearing to move about on Sunday lest I be switched for breaking the Sabbath. My father had many “thou shalt nots” that I resented and rebelled against.”

She smiled at Father. “I fell in love with your father because he was everything my father was not. He enjoys laughing and is kind to his wife and children. His razor strap is used to sharpen his razor, not a tool of punishment as my father’s was. I learned to fear both the strap and my father before I was Nicholas’s age.”

“Oh, Mother, how terrible.” Vickie’s soft cry voiced Cora’s feelings.

Mother nodded. “I always thought so, but the most damage was what I did to myself when I decided I wanted nothing to do with my father’s religion. I never turned my back on church. I just chose one that wouldn’t rule my life.”

An inner light shone from Mother’s eyes. “When Nora was born, we had a bit of trouble I hadn’t expected. I thought I might die and came to realize that surface religion isn’t enough. If I had died then, I’d have spent eternity without God.”

Cora understood more than she wanted to admit. Her own brush with death had frightened her. Because of it, she now questioned some of her beliefs. She wasn’t even sure anymore what being a Christian meant thanks to Ben’s talk after he made up with Esther. Mostly the subject confused her, and she preferred to avoid talking about it.

Mother turned toward Ben, who knelt beside her bed. She reached toward him, and he took her hand. “Ben, I know you’ve been born again. I understood when you tried to tell us right after it happened. I’m so proud of you.”

She looked toward the others. “That’s what I’m saying now. I asked Agnes Newkirk to pray with me. I’ve stopped rebelling.”

Ben brought her hand to his cheek. Tears ran down his face. “Oh, mother, I’m so glad. God is answering my prayers.”

Cora looked at her father. He watched his wife and son as if lost in the moment—or as if he didn’t understand the emotions they shared. Cora didn’t know which, and she didn’t care. She glanced toward the door. She’d heard enough for one evening. As soon as she could, she kissed her mother’s cheek and murmured a quick goodnight.

In her room, Cora snuggled under the covers in the dark with her back to Eliza and pretended to sleep. Talking to anyone about what had happened between her mother and Ben was the last thing she wanted to do. Still, Mother’s words haunted her thoughts until long after she should have slept.

Cora avoided any talk of Mother’s salvation, as she called it. There was nothing wrong with Mother to start with. Why did she think she needed to change? She should concentrate on getting better. And she did regain strength, but not as fast as Cora would have liked. Before she’d kept busy working about the house or in the garden, but now she often rested in her rocking chair. Most of the time, Mother balanced her Bible on one arm and cuddled Nora in the other.

Ben seemed closer to Mother than before. In many ways, he was the same big brother Cora had always looked up to, but something was different. He seemed more mature. That might be because of Esther. Cora couldn’t feel comfortable around her friend, although she wasn’t angry with her any more.

She turned her thoughts toward the unpleasant task of feeding the pigs. The Starks’ gift had multiplied and every one of them had a ravenous appetite.

Cora carried the slop bucket across the yard and poured its contents over the fence into the trough on the other side. The pigs squealed and came running. She laughed. “Go ahead and eat. You do know you’re being fattened up for a purpose, don’t you?”

“Is that any way to talk to your winter’s ham?” Ben called out, meeting her near the pen. He grinned and shook his head. “Have you no heart?”

She giggled. “Sorry, but I was actually thinking about bacon instead of ham.”

His eyebrows lifted. “And that makes a difference?”

“Probably not. So what are you doing?” He wore clean clothes, and his hair was slicked to the side.

“I’m heading over to see Esther.”

“Oh, I should’ve guessed. You seem to do a lot of that lately.” Cora looked down at the bucket in her hand. She needed to rinse it out.

“Maybe that’s because we’ve been making some important plans.” His face glowed with his wide smile. “We’ve set a date, Cora. It’s finally going to happen.”

“When?” Cora searched his face. He’d changed so much in the last year or so since they’d left St. Louis. A foreboding fell over her. Seemed like anymore nothing stayed the same. Would she lose her big brother?

“We hope to be married in the spring. Esther’s father started for Springfield yesterday to post a letter to her uncle. He’s a minister in Tennessee.”

“Tennessee!” Cora stared at her brother. “Esther’s father is making a trip that will take him at least a week just to post a letter? Isn’t there a preacher somewhere closer? What makes you think her uncle will come?”

“Esther’s mother says he’ll come.” Ben grinned. “She said it’s time for him to visit anyway.”

Cora sighed. “Then you’ll be getting married in a few months. Where will you live?”

Ben shrugged. “Father said if we don’t get our own house built, we could move Lenny downstairs. Esther and I can stay upstairs.”

That meant Esther would live in their house. Cora frowned. She and Eliza had to be quiet at night so Ben couldn’t hear. What would it be like with Esther in the next room too? Esther was so judgmental. Their relationship had never regained the closeness they’d shared at one time because she knew she’d never be as good as Esther expected. How could she manage seeing her every day as part of the family?

~*~

Christmas, the first day of 1835, and a week later, Cora’s twentieth birthday appeared on the calendar before warm weather returned. Aaron would be coming to visit more often now. Spring couldn’t be more welcome.

The sun was sinking low in the west when a knock on the door startled Cora. She opened the door to find Aaron and slipped outside without inviting him in. “Let’s take a walk. I’ve been cooped up inside all day.”

He grinned and took her hand. “Better get your bonnet. The sun’s still shinin’.”

She shook her head. “I’m glad it is. I love the warmth against my skin.”

A chuckle sounded from his throat. “That’s my Cora.”

Her heart warmed to the softness in his eyes that caressed her. He’d never come right out and said he loved her, but the truth shone from him like the rays of the sun. She could see it and hear it in his voice. His fingers wrapped around hers spoke of love. His gentleness with her and his faithfulness. He loved her, and she loved him. Maybe he’d ask her to marry him. They could be married the same time as Esther and Ben, while Esther’s uncle was here. Her heart danced at the thought.

Aaron led Cora toward the fruit trees Father had planted near the house. He stopped at the first apple tree and plucked a worm from a leaf. He threw it to the ground and stepped on it. “Ma’s failin’ fast.”

His comment burst through her happiness. What could she say? “I’m sorry.”

Aaron shrugged. “I reckon that’s the way of things. A body gets born, lives awhile, and then dies. Looks like there oughta be somethin’ more to life, don’t it?”

First Aaron’s father and now his mother. What of Cora’s mother? Nora was five months old, and Mother still hadn’t regained her strength. She wasn’t on her deathbed, but she wasn’t well, either. Cora didn’t want to talk about death and sickness. She’d rather talk of marriage and life.

“Ben and Esther’s wedding is just a couple of weeks away now.”

Aaron nodded. The hint of a smile curved his lips. He took her hand and started walking again. “Yeah, I know.”

“Esther’s preacher uncle and his family moved in with the Newkirks yesterday. Ben says there’s scarcely room to walk through their house now.”

Aaron’s smile widened. “What’ve they got? A whole passel of kids?”

“That depends on what a passel is.” Cora turned a saucy grin his way.

He chuckled. “I’d reckon eight like the Newkirks’ is a passel.”

“Then the answer’s no, because they only have four.” Cora slanted a glance toward him. “How many children do you think a couple should have?”

Aaron met her gaze with an intense look that reached deep inside and held her in place. He stopped and faced her. “Maybe half a dozen. How about you? What do you think?”

Her breath caught in her throat and her lashes lowered before she looked back into his eyes. She shouldn’t have asked such a question. Mother would say she’d been bold. Aaron didn’t act like he thought so. He waited for her answer. “Five or six would be fine.”

He grinned.

Her heart felt as if it could take off running at any moment, it beat so hard.

Aaron tugged her hand to resume walking. They left Father’s young orchard and crossed the open space toward a line of cedar trees growing by the creek. Aaron’s warm, callused hand caressed hers. The setting sun’s rays cast long shadows beside them. The pungent scent of cedar filled the air as they drew near the creek bank.

Aaron pointed toward a fallen log. “Let’s set here a spell.”

Cora adjusted her skirts and Aaron sat beside her on the log facing the moving water below them. “It’s quiet here ‘ceptin’ for the creek. I like the sound of water.”

“I do too.” Cora rested her head against his shoulder. “It reminds me of my spring.”

“Your spring?” Aaron leaned forward and grinned at her. His eyes danced. “Where’ve you got a spring?”

He knew. His amusement teased her. She’d never told anyone how she felt about the spring he’d showed her that day in the woods so long ago. She’d thought of it as hers ever since. He might not like her claiming it. “It really isn’t mine.”

“So, where’s it at?”

She folded her arms and scooted away. “Not far from the hollow tree. You probably don’t remember, but you showed it to Eliza and me one day. It’s the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen.”

Aaron slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her back toward him. “Oh, I remember, all right. I like it there too. Maybe someday I’ll build a cabin up on that high spot in the meadow. You can see the spring from there.”

He wasn’t looking at her now. Was she part of his dreams?

“Aaron?”

He brushed his cheek against hers. “Hmm?”

He wasn’t listening to her. What was he thinking? If he didn’t include her in his dreams, she’d be broken hearted. She’d never loved George like this. She loved Aaron more than anyone. With all her heart, she loved him.

When she didn’t speak, Aaron pulled away and turned her to face him. His bright blue eyes traveled over her face, finally resting on her lips. His head lowered and she met him halfway, responding with everything that burned within her heart. Aaron took his time with the sweet kiss he placed on her lips. His love for her spoke through his tenderness and care.

“I love you, Aaron Stark.” Cora’s whispered admission hung in the air between them as a tangible, fragile ornament.

An ornament that fell and broke into a dozen pieces in the silence that followed. Aaron seemed frozen in place. Finally, his hold on her slipped, and she jerked away. She jumped to her feet and took a step back, staring at him with her hands pressed to her lips. How could he sit there without a word and look at her as if she were a stranger? She’d just said she loved him.

Her hands landed on her hips. She trembled inside. He wouldn’t get away with treating her love as if it were repulsive. “Did you hear what I said, Aaron Stark? I said I love you.”

Aaron’s mouth hung open, his eyes grew wide, and he watched her as if she’d gone crazy. What did he think? That she’d attack him?

Tears welled in Cora’s eyes, spilling down her cheeks. Her heart pounded a dreadful, painful warning that all had gone wrong. She’d said too much. But why? How? She buried her face in her hands.

“Cora, don’t cry.” Aaron stood before her now. His strong arms surrounded her, pulling her close against his hard chest. “Please, darlin’, don’t. I can’t bear to see you hurtin’.”

A hiccupy sob escaped. “You don’t love me.” The words were muffled in his shirt.

He lay his cheek against the top of her head. “You know better’n that. You’re everything to me. You’re ever beat of my heart. I don’t know how I’ll ever live without you.”

Aaron’s heart drummed against Cora’s hand splayed on his chest. She froze in his arms. He said he loved her. No, he said more than that. She was the beat of his heart? She lifted her head and looked at him. The smile starting on her face faltered.

Her eyes met his. His brows were drawn together, his eyes filled with pain. Her heart leapt in fear.

“Aaron, what is it? We love each other. You said so. You did, didn’t you?” With each word, her voice rose. She couldn’t stop the fear. Something was terribly wrong.

Aaron shook his head. “I ain’t nothin’ but a backwoodsman. I’ll never amount to a hill of beans. You’re better’n me, Cora. You need a man who can give you all them pretty things like your ma has. You don’t want me.”

His words slapped her so she jerked away from him. “What have you been doing this last year, Aaron? You courted me. You held my hand. You kissed me!” Tears sprang anew to her eyes. “Why? If you don’t want to marry me, Aaron Stark, just say so.”

He reached out, but dropped his hand without touching her. “That ain’t it, Cora. You know it. Look at me. You need better. I can’t even read a newspaper.”

Anger flared within her. “I can’t help it that I grew up in a city where I could go to school. So what if you can’t read and write and I can? You’ve got more talent in your one little finger than all the city boys I ever met put together. You know more about nature than anyone I know. If it’s so important, you can learn to read. You’re plenty smart enough.”

She turned and ran from the creek bank, up the gentle slope toward the house. She flung the last of her hurt over her shoulder. “Besides that, who says I want a bunch of pretty things to dust? If you really loved me, you’d know better.”

He’d been trifling with her. Tears blinded her, and she swiped them away.

~*~

Stunned by Cora’s words, Aaron couldn’t move as she lifted her skirts to run away from him while his heart broke. All his life he’d felt inferior. Dare he believe education and fancy things weren’t important to Cora? Could she really love him? She’d yelled at him as if she meant what she said.

His heart pounded, urging him to stop her. He couldn’t let her run away crying. He hadn’t lied. She was the beat of his heart. His feet moved, carrying him up the hill before he realized. He overtook her, running ahead to catch her in his arms. His voice grew husky. “Cora, are you meanin’ you’d marry me?”

“Of course I’d marry you, Aaron, if you’d only ask.”

Aaron swallowed. He searched her face. Did she mean it? His voice shook. “Cora?”

She held his gaze, her eyes wet with tears.

His heart melted. “Oh, Cora. Honest, I love you. I just don’t—I mean, Cora, will you marry me?”

The tears that hovered in her eyes broke free and ran down her face. She nodded and laughed. He’d never seen a prettier sight.

“Yes, I’ll marry you, Aaron, if you promise to never doubt yourself or my love again.”

He tilted his head. “I’ll do my best. For you, I’ll do anything.”

He pulled the clean, folded handkerchief she’d made him from his pocket and touched it to her wet cheeks. She lifted her face while he blotted every tear and put them in his pocket. Then he kissed her and grinned. “Now you can’t back out. We’re gettin’ married, Cora. Wanna tell your folks?”

She nodded, and he kissed her again. When he lifted his head, he saw Ralph coming toward them.

“It’s Ma, Aaron. Right after you left, she took a turn for the worse.” Ralph’s eyes were rimmed with red. “Ivy’s sittin’ with her.”

“Sittin’ with her?” Aaron pulled Cora close. “What’s that mean?”

Ralph’s face twisted as if a pain passed through him. His voice held disbelief. “She went to sleep. We didn’t know she’d gone ’til Ivy saw she weren’t breathin’. Ivy sent me after ya.”