CHAPTER 15

Midmorning on Saturday, Cameron unclipped another nut from his rack, jammed it into the crack and clipped in with a carabineer. He wedged his chalk covered fingers into the crack and adjusted his foot so he could stick the hold.

He was seventy-five feet above the forest floor and trying to keep his fear in check. Another hundred feet or so and he'd crest the ridge of the cliff and have a look at the amber and green valley below without a cascade of adrenaline pumping through his veins.

Right now the adrenaline was a torrent because the fear he'd confronted when he and Jessie learned to climb together had never left him. Could he manage it? Yes. Conquer it? Not even close. Even looking out a window from more than three stories up filled his stomach with stampeding butterflies. But the price was worth it. When he climbed, he felt Jessie and nothing else. Every other extraneous thought vanished as his concentration narrowed. And he didn't have to remember anything except how to stay alive.

His next move was a micro hold about two feet above his head. With a shove off the edge with his foot, he should be able to reach it with his fingertips. He stiffened his left hand in the crack, bending his fingers to create a human anchor, then released the wall with his right hand. Cameron plunged his hand into his chalk bag then returned to his hold; trying to ignore the burn in his arms and calves.

He took a breath and focused on the wall a quarter-inch in front of his nose.

The climb was listed as a 5.9 in Spectacular Northwest Climbs, but it seemed closer to a 5.10. The difficulty of finding decent holds increased the higher he got. Always have three points of contact; it was a fundamental of beginning rock climbing, but this route wasn't for beginners. And while Cameron wasn't a beginner, no one would describe him as advanced.

Squinting into the sun he saw his next hold and stretched out for it. Short by at least five inches. He reached the crux. The hardest part of the climb; the spot where the 5.9 rating came from. The only way to reach it was to shove off with his foot. His anchors would hold.

He was taking too long deliberating the next move. Momentum. Climb with momentum, few pauses. Just go!

Cold sweat broke out on his forehead.

Should he descend? No. He was almost halfway up and down-climbing would be harder than moving up. As his options pinged through his mind, Cameron looked down. A tactical error. Sweat seeped through the white chalk on his palms and fingers. Not good.

To think people free climbed this route without ropes. Insane. His right leg started bouncing, the panic inside pushing its way out.

Closing his eyes he sucked in a deep breath, then let it out slow. He laid his cheek against the cliff face and took another breath. Then another.

You want to live without me? You want to live with your memories vanishing? You want to try to live without a mind?

The thoughts flashed through him like they were spoken.

"Jessie?" Her name escaped his lips before he could stop it.

Join me. It would be simple.

Yes. It would be so easy. He could unknot himself from the rope—his toes the only thing keeping him on the cliff—then slowly lean back till the wind whistled past his ears, faster, faster, eyes closed, not knowing the moment of impact until . . .

Progress on finding the book was moving like a glacier, and he still had no gut feeling one way or another if it would turn out to be the answer to all his hopes or an illusion that would leave his soul even emptier than it felt right now.

He couldn't live with his mind slowly melting away like early winter snow.

He looked down again and his stomach knotted tighter, then reached toward his harness to undo the rope.

No one would ever know. It would be declared an accident, case opened and closed before sunset. Brandon could find another partner.

Cameron blinked rapidly and waited for his panic to settle, for the voice that couldn't be Jessie's to stop whispering at him—for the rational part of himself to grow strong again. But it didn't. He tried to swallow, but his mouth was too dry and a cough rasped out.

He should join her. Why not? Before all memory of her vanished.

Join her.

He reached toward his harness to undo his rope. He watched his fingers, as if detached from them, start to undo the knot. His toe slipped and he instinctively reached up to grip the wall. Wait, what was that?

Cameron started as he spied a figure on top of the cliff looking down at him. He or she was silhouetted by the blazing sun behind her, the outline of a rope around her shoulders. Female? Looked like it. The figure turned and he caught the outline of shoulder-length hair and a slender, athletic figure. Definitely a woman.

A witness.

Thank you.

Whoever it was had just restored a spot of sanity to his brain. What was he thinking?

Cameron sucked in a breath, shoved himself upward, and snagged the next hold with his fingertips.

"I hope I'll see you again someday Jessie, but not yet. Not yet."

An hour later he reached the top and slumped to the rocky ground breathing hard. After catching his breath, he glanced around for his lone spectator.

No one.

He slid out of his climbing gear, settled down on a boulder, and grabbed his water bottle. After five gulps he dumped the rest on his head and studied the drops of water as they fell from the ends of his dark hair.

They trickled onto the ground, sending up little puffs of dust. He couldn't keep his legs from shaking. Not from fatigue—from the fear of his near embrace with death.

"Cameron?"

He twisted to see who it was.

Unbelievable. Ann. Maybe there was a God. And Cameron was the ant under the magnifying glass. Thanks for the torture, Book of Days Author.

He shook his head. "You never wanted anything to do with climbing. I never imagined you would get into it."

"That makes two of us." She walked toward him, auburn hair bouncing on her shoulders.

"But you did."

"I hated it at first. I think I still do. But it's a way to be close to Jessie. You know what I mean?"

Cameron nodded. He knew.

"I didn't know you were climbing again."

The fear from the climb still hung on him like a concrete robe; she had to see it in his eyes and notice his leg bouncing like a jackhammer. But if she did, Ann didn't let on.

"I only stopped for about six months." He shifted, stretching his legs out in front of him. "What about you?"

Ann folded her arms and tapped her foot. "I started a year and a half ago. I still have a ton to learn."

"Hey, I'm assuming you just scaled this peak solo since no one else is up here, and if you did, you've got a pretty fast download going."

"That climb was a bit outside my comfort zone. Actually a lot outside." Ann paced, five yards away. "It's interesting to see you up here."

Interesting? What, she didn't think he could handle the climb? "You too." Cameron gazed out over the valley spread out below them like a golden-brown silk river, splotches of green spread randomly throughout. She was probably waiting for him to say something, but what? The only noise was a light wind straining to get through the pine trees dotting the ridge just behind them.

"I watched you catch your breath for a few minutes about a third of the way up. How long did it take you to get up here?"

Cameron's face flushed. If she only knew. He rubbed his forehead and coughed. "About an hour."

"I wish I could climb with that speed. I've focused on the sport intensely for the past eighteen months, but I feel like I've plateaued." She pulled her hair into a ponytail and secured it. "I've heard of climbers with natural talent. I am not one of those fortunate souls."

Ann offered him a bottle of Powerade from her climbing pack and he accepted. After a few moments of silence, she got up, eased over to the edge of the cliff, and sat with her legs hanging over it.

After a few seconds' hesitation, he got up and joined her.

Ann peered at him out of the corner of her eye. "So, will we be able to get along for the next week or so?"

"You tell me, Banister. Our relationship has never been bathed in a great deal of warmth."

She shrugged. "I think we'll be fine."

"I hope so."

"I should let you know, I'm not here just to help you find out more about your dad's and Jessie's book."

"Really."

She folded her hands and looked at the sky.

"Are you going to tell me about it?"

"I want to try to find information on someone who lived here in the sixties and early seventies." She tapped the tips of her fingers together.

"Who?"

"My mom."

Interesting. "Okay."

"Jessie never told you my history?"

"Not much."

"I'm an only child and I have no idea who my dad was. He was gone before I was two. When I was seven, my mom hooked up with a loser from Shelton, Washington, and we lived there with him till I was eleven." Ann pulled at the thin band of silver in her right ear. "That's when my mom abandoned me for good."

"It was a drug overdose if I remember right."

Ann nodded. "I was so angry at her I refused to go to the funeral." She closed her eyes. "I'm still angry."

She shook her head. "Two months later I came home from school one day and found all my things on the front lawn. The guy was gone. Ten minutes later it started raining just like in some sappy movie.

"But for me it wasn't sappy. In that moment I realized I was alone in the world. I cried nonstop till Mrs. Carie next door came over and took me in for the night. The next day I was baptized into the foster-care system. As you probably remember, that's where I met Jessie. She's the only family I had."

Wow. She was an orphan.

Ann leaned forward, head down. "Once I was in college I never looked back. Until now. I don't know if I have any uncles or aunts or cousins, and at this stage of life—you know, turning thirty-two, thinking about having kids of my own—I'd really like to know something of my family history."

In that instant Ann became utterly human. It didn't matter that she'd never liked him. She knew pain, loneliness. The same pain he carried, the same loneliness. Cameron started to speak, then thought better of it. A disclosure of that nature needed a moment to settle.

Ann stood and brushed nonexistent dirt off her climbing shorts. She walked over to her pack and grabbed two PowerBars. She tossed one to Cameron and unwrapped the other in a swift motion.

"Both sets of my grandparents died before I was born. What are the odds of that? So I have no family. Period. Now you'd think someone in the media would be able to find the story of who my grandparents were and some history on my mom, but it didn't turn out that way. She wasn't exactly what you'd call a record keeper. But I've kept digging and finally a bit of luck led me here." She wiped her nose with a tissue. "I'm hoping to find someone who knew my mom before she left for Washington."

Cameron stole a quick look at her profile as she watched a white-throated swift flit about the ground, searching for anything the climbers might have dropped. Ann's lack of makeup allowed her freckles to stand out and it made her more beautiful than he'd ever seen her.

As Ann asked questions about the town, the sensation of knowing exactly what she looked like as a little girl immersed him. The innocence that growing up pushes out of most men and women still flitted behind her eyes and into her smile.

Cameron told her what he'd learned so far about the town and when he'd finished, she sat back and pulled one knee up to her chest and simply said, "Thank you."

"You're welcome. I hope you find what you're looking for."

Ann turned and leaned in toward him. "Now, it's your turn."

"Mine? For what?"

"To tell me about your plan for finding the book and what you've discovered already."

When he finished she said, "So you think Jason is the key?"

"No." Cameron rubbed his kneecaps and smiled. "Taylor is. With him it feels like I've made progress, and with you here I'm hoping we'll make even more."

"I used to read Taylor Stone's syndicated column in The Oregonian."

"He's a writer?"

"He ran the Three Peaks Post for years."

That's right. Cameron knew that.

"You don't really think there's anything to this Book of Days story, do you?"

"It depends on the moment you ask." Cameron sniffed a laugh. "Sometimes I can't believe I'm doing this; other times I think there actually might be something to the legend." Cameron whapped himself on the head with both hands. "Am I crazy? What do you think?"

Ann shrugged. "I believe what I said at the party last night. It's gotta be a legend."

"Even with Jessie saying she saw it?"

Ann stood and folded her arms across her chest. "You and I both know Jessie occasionally saw visions from God."

"But you believe all the God-things that Jessie and my dad believed."

"Jessie wasn't a full-out Christian mystic, but she liked reading them and that's the way her faith leaned. I've never gone down that path."

Cameron rubbed the ring finger on his left hand. "She was always asking me to go down that road with her."

"Why didn't you?"

"I've never had anything against God. It was great for Jessie, great for my dad, probably good for you too. I've just never seen how He could exist."

"What about now?"

It was an excellent question. "Maybe He's out there. But I wouldn't know where to start looking."

Ann cracked her knuckles and smiled. "I could offer some suggestions."

The fights they'd had over his marrying Jessie raced into his mind.

"You're a good guy, Cameron, but you don't follow Jesus so you shouldn't marry Jessie."

"All you're going to do is hurt her."

Cameron turned and raised his eyebrows. "Like the suggestions you used to give me all the time when Jessie and I were dating?"

Ann clasped her hands. "I see some of your memories from the past are still crystal clear."

Cameron rolled his eyes.

A few moments later Ann stuck out her hand. "Truce?"

Cameron looked into her riveting green eyes as he took her hand. "Sure."

He watched the late-morning sun play tag with the clouds as a breeze brought the perfume of ponderosa pine up from the valley.Cameron let his senses get swept away in it. It felt strange sitting next to Ann, alone, miles from anyone or anything. It also felt comforting.

And wonderful.

And wrong.

What if years ago Ann had invited him to a play before Jessie asked him to learn to rock climb? Would he be sitting here with a ring on his finger?

Stop it, Cameron.

He needed to keep his distance from her. Find out if the book was real as fast as possible, then get back to Seattle. He would never betray Jessie by having feelings for Ann. Never.